The Bet
by WhitRiddle22
Summary: James Potter absolutely HATES Lily Evans with an intensity greater than the sun. And although Lily isn't exactly fond of Potter, she never turns down a bet, especially not one that calls for her to seduce the Head Boy by Halloween. But what happens when things begin to feel, for the first time in her life...real? How will he react when he finds out? NOT your avg LE/JP fairytale FF!
1. Night of the Hunter

**A/N::: COMPLETELY different from most Lily/James stories, very different from my previous one. I wanted a break from the usual predictable, 'storybook,' fairy tale LJ story…give it a bit of a spin. **

**Lily is…well…you'll see. James isn't much different from his usual egotistical ways, but the biggest difference? **

**He hates Lily Evans…HATES her...**

**Reviews are REALLY REALLY appreciated! Let me know what you think of this polar-opposite fic! Constructive criticisms are GREATLY appreciated as well… **

**Enjoy! :-D**

* * *

><p>"Why do you even bother talking to her, Moony?" James asked.<p>

It was the end of September in their 7th year at Hogwarts.

"Because contrary to your belief, she is actually a pretty cool person," Remus replied.

"Yeah, whatever," James said simply, throwing a paper airplane across the common room to no one in particular.

"Just because she is a better chaser than you does not give you the right to hate her, Prongs," Sirius joked at him.

"Don't forget better at arithmancy," Peter piped in.

"And muggle studies," Remus said.

"And potions, definitely potions," Sirius said coolly, not looking up from his book.

"And she's been known to throw a better party than you once or twice in the past, Prongs," Remus added.

Sirius and Peter nodded in agreement.

"Wait, she's better than you in poker, too," Peter said thoughtfully.

"Yes, that she is. And let's not forget that she does look much better in a miniskirt than you, mate," Sirius said, finally looking up from the book he was reading.

"Alright, alright! I get it! She's cooler than me, got it," James said throwing his hands up in the air.

"Definitely," Remus said.

"Yes, and hotter," Sirius said swiftly taking off his new reading glasses.

"Yeah, she's like Tony Stark, and you're like Bruce Wayne. Both of you are really cool, but she's just so totally wayy cooler, and hotter, and richer, and-" Peter started saying.

"Are you calling Tony Stark hot, Wormtail?" Sirius said chuckling.

"What? No! I just mean that she's like more like Tony Stark with her coolness and everything, where, you know, James is kind of more like Bruce Wayne, because he's more like business and hiding, and he would want to conceal his true identity and everything, where Tony is just like 'hey everybody, I'm Ironman' and he's so totally awesome, and they're more-" Peter rambled.

"I think I got it Wormtail," James said loudly, sighing. He ran a hand through his hair and returned to the transfiguration essay he had been writing.

"Wormtail, I think you may have gotten it backwards, even though Stark is a lot cooler than Wayne, which would of course make him Evans, but then again she kind of hides behind a mask at times when Stark is all out in the open…" Sirius said thoughtfully, bringing a pen to his chin and tapping it lightly.

Peter thought for a slight moment. "Yeah, I guess I can see that. So if we take Stark's coolness and edge combined with Wayne's dual-personality and mask, we get Evans… and-"

"If we take Wayne's business-like manner and Stark's sarcastic humor as well as his openness about who he is then we get Prongsie!" Sirius said. He clapped his hands together as if he and Peter had just figured out a mystery.

Remus laughed a little, shook his head, and then turned to address James. "What's your problem with her? Besides the usual line of 'I just don't like her attitude'?" he asked.

James pondered his answer for a moment. "Well, I don't like her attitude. She thinks she's so much better than everyone else. She's an arrogant spoiled bitch. You guys are all right about the smart thing, though. She is smarter than me is some subjects, but I have to disagree about quidditch. I mean, I just think that she thinks she can get whatever she wants. Hey, it's a mutual hate-relationship, she hates me for the same reasons," James explained delicately.

"Prongs, if you would think about it a minute, observe her for a day or two, you would know that you have something she doesn't," Remus said putting away his paper and walking upstairs to the dorms.

James looked questioningly at Sirius. Sirius rolled his eyes and got up from the couch he was sitting on to sit at the desk in front of James.

"Look, mate, I know you loathe the girl, and I understand why. But, she doesn't have very many friends," Sirius explained.

"What? She has tons of friends, everyone loves her!" James said throwing his hands in the air in disbelief.

"Dude, are you really that blind?" Sirius asked leaning back in his chair.

James gave him a clueless look, cocking his head to the side.

Sirius shook his head. "Maybe we should switch spectacles in the morning, might give you a better view of what Evans's life is really like," he said.

"Padfoot, what is so hard about having everything you ever wanted handed to you at the drop of a dime no matter what the hell it was?" James asked, leaning his elbows onto the table.

"I guess it depends on what it is," Sirius said before pushing his chair under the table and retreating upstairs.

* * *

><p>Brii leaned her shoulder against the wall as she lazily brushed her teeth. It was 6:30am, entirely too early to be out of bed in her mind. After brushing for about 30 seconds, her roommate walked into the bathroom.<p>

Neither of them were morning people.

Lily immediately ignored Brii and splashed water on her sleepy face. Brii had been brushing her teeth for a while now and seemed to have little intention of stopping within the next few minutes.

"Geez, Riddle, how long are you going to brush your damn teeth?" Lily asked her, looking at her through the mirror.

"Until you choke on your toothpaste and die so that I don't have to brush my teeth in the toilet and can actually use the sink to spit in," Brii said after spitting in the toilet. She gave Lily her most sardonic sarcastic smile and continuing to brush.

Lily sighed. "Yeah, well, here's to hoping," she said as she squeezed toothpaste onto her own toothbrush and began the same routine.

Brii cocked an eyebrow at her and spit once again in the toilet, this time flushing it and then grabbing the mouthwash on the sink.

"So what's the deal with this new bone of yours? Looked pretty heavy last night" she said to Lily before taking a swig of mouthwash.

Lily spat into the sink. "A friend of Severus. And, I'm just helping him with his NEWT project in Herbology, thank you. What about you? Oh! Wait! You just have fuck-overs with all of your bones. Any good deals last night?" Lily said sarcastically.

"Nah, none of them have any meat on them anymore. It's like they're all dried out, decomposed, dead. I need a good bet. A wildcard would be great, too," Brii said, turning on the water in the shower.

"No kidding. Want to go hunting after breakfast?" Lily asked.

Brii shrugged her shoulders as she stepped into the shower. "Sure, why not."

Lily and Brii walked into breakfast that morning still half asleep, then went their separate ways as they reached the table. Lily had to keep her reputation up by sitting with the other rich and popular girls and listen to them as they talked about which guy was the cutest and complained countless times about homework that, to Lily, was as easy as 2+2.

Lily endured this torture because she felt she had to. She liked being the nice girl, the girl everyone liked.

But it wasn't who she was.

She and Brii loathed each other, but they were also best friends. Lily would have probably gone insane if it wasn't for Brii. She was her outlet.

The girls Lily hung around with in her classes and at dinner weren't her real friends, and she knew it. One little thing could go wrong and they would drop her, hate her, judge her.

As Lily approached the table, she took a deep breath and perked up. Her 'friends' were all motioning her quickly to them, eager to tell her some gossip they had heard.

"Lily! Come on! Sit! We saved you a place!" Judy said patting the seat between her and Ally.

"Omg, We have sooo much to tell you! You wont believe who was talking about you in the Common Room last night!" Carrie said to her, who was sitting directly in front of her.

"Oh really? Who?" Lily said, mildly interested in the conversation and more intrigued by the eggs she was putting onto her plate.

"James Potter!" Judy squealed, putting her hand over her mouth.

"Oh, well, that's good I guess. What did he say?" Lily really didn't care what he said, she knew he hated her and she hated him as well. But, she would amuse the girls by asking questions.

"Oh, I don't know, we just heard your name and then Remus and Peter AND Sirius started talking about you too! I heard Remus say you were pretty. Maybe… Oh! Lily maybe, Remus or James has a crush on you!" Ally exclaimed.

"Ha, I doubt it," Lily said sipping her juice. With this she zoned out, letting Ally and Judy talk about how cute her and Remus or James would be as a couple. She glanced down the table at Brii who happened to be sitting beside James.

'That's weird' Lily thought as she caught Brii's eye. Brii smirked at her and the other three girls as they loudly chatted away. Lily shook her head slightly, then brought herself back to reality as she noticed another set of eyes mocking her.

A shudder went down her spine. The cold, mocking gaze that she was receiving from James Potter was one she had never gotten before. Trying to breathe, her chest shook as she wavered in her chair. Never had she felt such hatred. Breaking the stare, she gulped down the rest of her orange juice and turned back to the chatting girls.

As Brii walked away from Lily, she saw James Potter sitting alone at the end of the Gryffindor table. She walked towards him, intending to sit with him, as there was no one else at the table worth sitting with. She didn't hate Potter, it's just, well, Brii never really had a non-sarcastic conversation with anyone.

James was picking at his food when she said down beside him. He looked up, expecting to see one of the Marauders, but instead surprisingly found Brii Riddle sitting beside him.

"Morning, Potter"

"Hullo, Riddle. You're up early"

"Yeah, well, when there are redheads that snore and talk in their sleep in your dorm, you really don't get much sleep at all in the first place. So, technically, I am up late," Brii stated.

James pondered this. "Hmm, I like the logic there" he said biting his toast.

"So where is the rest of your magnificent posse?" she asked as she began eating.

"Sleeping, sleep-walking, and sleep-talking. So I guess we have the same problem."

"I'm going to take a wild guess that Black is the one talking, Lupin is walking, and I have to say it is hard to believe that Pettigrew has no bad sleeping habit."

"He drools…. Really badly," James said thoughtfully.

"Ah, that would make sense."

After a minute of silence, James said, "I don't know how you do it."

Brii frowned. "Do what?"

"Put up with her. I mean, I know you hate her, but you put up with her. Like hang with her and everything. I just, I don't understand," James said about Lily.

"Have you ever heard one of our conversations?" Brii asked him.

"No."

"Then, you know that I don't just put up with her. This morning I told her to choke and die. We hate each other. Honestly, though, I think if she didn't have me to vent on, then she wouldn't be able to handle that much estrogen, I mean look at those girls. What. The. Fuck."

James chuckled as he looked at the scene before him. Lily looked like she was just hoping for an emergency to happen to get her out of the situation. Brii caught her eye and smirked at her. As Lily caught James's eye, he gave her the best death glare he could muster. He was not looking forward to the next year of working with her.

"I don't tell her what she wants to hear. We don't lie to each other. We tell it like it is. Blunt. Nothing held back. And we can do that because we don't expect any less from each other. We arent tied together and bound by a fake friendship. We fight atleast three times a day, and don't have to apologize. We don't have to worry about stepping over some fake boundary line. I mean, I hate her, I don't truly wish she would die because then I really wouldn't have anyone to be blunt with and argue with, but I still hate her. She's two people. One when she's with them and in the so-called public, and one when she's behind closed doors. And the only person that knows that girl is me. I don't put up with her. I don't hang with her. We arent buddy-buddy. We don't remember each others' birthday or buy Christmas presents. We're roommates," Brii explained.

James thought about this for a minute. "You guys are totally fucking weird."

"No shit Sherlock," Brii said sarcastically. Looking up she noticed three people walking towards the table.

"And that would be my que to leave," Brii said quietly, shoving two pieces of toast onto a cloth and standing up.

"Riddle," Remus said as he approached the table.

"Lupin,"

"Associating with scum this morning, Prongs?" Sirius said eyeing Brii. They hated each other almost as much as Lily and James hated each other.

"No idea what you're on about Sirius. I was just talking to Riddle."

"You know, I don't know how you can stand to talk to her when you hate Evans. They're basically one in the same," Sirius explained as he sat down.

He had hit a nerve in Brii. She went to grab the knife on the table when James grabbed her hand, holding her back.

"Let it go Riddle," James said softly, taking the knife from her hand slowly. "Let it go."

Brii grabbed her bag and threw it on her shoulder before shooting a death glare at Sirius. Briskly, she turned and left the Great Hall, heading outside.

James sat back down and shook his head. "Dude, when are you going to learn to shut your mouth? She could kill you."

"It's true. I heard she was the one that hung that 4th year Slytherin from the Astronomy Tower last year by his balls," Peter said in his usual gossipy mood.

"Eww, thanks, Pete. Didn't know if I had heard that one yet," Remus said wincing and hitting Peter on the back.

"Really? You haven't heard about it?" Peter slouched lower to the table to explain in a low tone, "The kid was smarting off at her about her family or something, saying that she was no better than her brother and was a disgrace to be in Gryffindor. She cursed him and then when she turned to leave he cursed her. Tried to use the Cruciatus curse on her, he did! But of course he was a dumb fourth year and didn't do anything but shock her a bit. So she turned and drug him up to the Astronomy tower. He hung there for almost 8 hours…"

"What? I was convinced Prongs here had done it as a prank and not let me in on the fun. Hmm, well, thanks for the lookin' out Pete, but I think I can handle a little competition," Sirius said leaning back in his chair.

"Whatever you say Padfoot. Your funeral," James said shaking his head.

"Ok, guys. I'll see you in Transfiguration," Sirius said getting up and leaving the Great Hall.

* * *

><p>"Hunting without me?" Lily said as she approached Brii who was already lying beside the lake, basking in the sun.<p>

"Thought I may could call the good ones first, leave you with the poor blokes that wouldn't know what to do if you, or any girl for that matter, approached them," Brii said.

"Of course, but then again all the good ones are my leftovers anyway. I'm sure you wont mind cleaning up after me," Lily said sitting down on the grass beside Brii.

Brii made a gagging noise, "Just let me know of any one-nighters you've had that I don't happen to know about before I go in for the kill, ok?"

"As long as you let me know about yours also."

"Deal."

The girls sat on the grass near the lake gazing at the various people that happened to be outside that morning. It was a beautiful day, so there were a lot more people on the lawn than usual, a great day for hunting.

"So I tried to kill Black a few minutes ago," Brii said.

Lily raised an eyebrow at her, but said nothing.

"Yea. Asked Potter why he got along with me and not you. Apparently we are the same person to him," Brii explained.

"Ah," Lily said with a nod. "And you didn't slit his throat because…"

"Potter took my knife. Bastard," Brii added under her breath.

"Bastard," Lily said.

At that time, the person they were both wishing to be dead walked out of the castle. He slowly walked, hand in pockets, out towards the lake, not responding to any of the 'hey''s and 'hello's' he was receiving. Instead he briskly walked straight to the waters edge and started undressing.

Both girls sat up from their present resting position to get a better look at the toned quidditch player. Upon seeing each other sit up, they each tried to play it off as if they were not looking at him.

Sirius loosened his tie while knocking his shoes to the edge of the lake, designating that spot as where he would put his pile of clothes. Taking the tie off, he started unbuttoning his shirt, revealing his toned arms and tank that he would soon also take off. Sirius was not thick with muscle, but instead was lean and toned. His stomach muscles clenched when he turned and stretched from side to side, making every girl that watched him anxious. The veins in his arms pulsed with energy as he dove into the lake for a swim. Coming up for air, he smoothed his long black hair back and then started a lap around the lake.

"Well, well, well. Looks like someone's all hot and bothered this morning," Brii said.

"Wouldn't have anything to do with a recent encounter with Death and It's evil siren would it?" Lily said dully, not taking her eyes off of the swimmer.

"I doubt even this evil siren could make him that anxious. Uncomfortable, maybe, but never to the point of disheveled incompetence," Brii exclaimed slowly in a monotonous, sarcastic tone.

Lily cocked an eyebrow and started grinning. Seeing Lily turn towards her, Brii slowly turned and looked at the now grinning-widely face of Lily.

Brii's face faltered. "Oh, no! I'm not doing it."

"Oh, I beg to differ. You are," Lily said still grinning widely at Brii.

"You are insane. There is absolutely no way you are getting me to seduce that, that, ugh! There isn't even a name for what he is!" Brii said sitting up.

"Look at him, Brii," Lily continued to lean back on her forearms, thinking of the best adjectives to describe Sirius, "He's sexy"

"He's delusional."

"Seductive without even meaning to be."

"Incompetent."

"Brilliant."

"Disgusting."

"A wild, shag-a-delic, unruly, scruffy, untamed beast that you know would be a magnificent fuck," Lily exclaimed with a glint of triumph in her eyes.

Brii had stood up by now. She turned and glanced back at the lake where the so-called 'beast' swam around the edge of the lake farthest from them, then glancing back at Lily, she allowed herself to fall backwards on the ground again.

"I hate you," Brii said, lying on her back looking at the blue sky.

"I'm pretty sure I knew this already. So, do we have a bet?" Lily asked smiling like a mad-woman.

"Terms?" Brii sat up asking.

"Seduce him without talking or touching. AND no other engagements until the bet has ended."

"I'm sorry, I have a hearing problem… What did you just say?" Brii asked, not believing what she had just heard Lily say.

"Well, obviously the two of you hate each other already, so talking to him randomly about sex is going to send him warnings that something is going on. He's pretty smart, and likely to catch on to you touching him when normally you would try to avoid him at all costs or heave at the thought of touching him. Therefore, the only way to approach and tame the beast is to use psychology and hormones. You would be surprised how many hormones fly during arguments," Lily said coolly.

Something caught Brii's eye as she started to respond, and at this, mischief danced in her eyes. Pulling her legs up into her chest and resting her arms out on her knees comfortably, Brii replied, "Oh really?"

Lily raised an eyebrow at Brii's new tone of voice.

"So you're saying that during arguments there is a very good chance of the two said people to anonymously become attracted to one another and then resolve the conflict by realizing their own innermost sexual desires and acting on them. Did I get that correct?" Brii asked.

"Yes, I'm pretty sure that's what I'm getting at. Do you disagree?"

"No, it makes logical sense that two people would have sex after an argument. I mean think about it: arguments usually happen over passionate issues and lead into heated debates. Passion and heat make people more attractive to each other, and attraction can lead to anything. What I am confused about is this: why the hell have you not hooked up with Potter when all you two ever do is argue?"

Lily looked at Brii, bewildered. "Are you insane? I think he would kill me before he thought about sleeping with me!"

"So you're saying that you have thought about it before while you were arguing."

"No! Why would I even think about doing anything remotely close to standing within four feet of Potter when we absolutely loathe each other?"

"Hm, I don't know. Maybe because he's a brilliant, sexy, filthy, unruly, disheveled, shag-a-delic beast in need of taming?" Brii suggested with a crooked smile.

"You bitch. You wouldn't!"

"Oh, I would. Same terms as me. No touching, No talking, No other engagements."

"And the time?" Lily asked, her head now buried in her hands.

"Halloween."

"One month…"

Brii nodded.

"You expect me to seduce Potter in ONE MONTH?" Lily nearly shouted in disbelief.

"Oh come on Evans! It's Potter! He cant be too hard to get in bed!"

Lily thought about this for a long minute as she stood up, "I guess we'll find out. I expect you'll have Black in bed by tonight."

"Well seeing as I'm not going to be getting any other action for the next month, I better have him in there by the end of the week," Brii said standing up as well.

"Touché. Do we have a deal then?" Lily extended her hand.

Triumphantly, Brii lit up with a look of arrogance that would have rivaled Potter's after a quidditch match, "We have a deal" she said shaking Lily's hand.

* * *

><p><strong>AN::: Let me know what you think guys! Reviews are GREATLY appreciated! Good, bad, or just plain ugly…lol**


	2. I'll Attack

Transfiguration was quite boring for the Marauders that day. Today's subject was anamigi, and the aspects of becoming one. Because 3 of the 4 marauders had already accomplished this feat, they were pretending to take notes, but instead were passing notes.

S: _Prongs, mate…. Have you been getting any…. Odd… looks?_

James looked down at a note that had appeared on his desk from Sirius. He pondered the question for a moment. The truth was, he had been getting odd looks lately, from a very odd person to be getting any kind of acknowledgement from.

J: Yeah, why? Have you been getting these looks too?

S: _Yes. I don't think were getting them from the same person though._

J: Whos are you getting them from?

S: _Riddle_

J: No way!

S_: Yeah, this is why its scaring me. I'm not sure if she wants to kill me or shag me..._

J: Maybe both. Atleast you would get a good shag out of it, seeing as you're not getting much action anywhere else so far.

S: _Don't insult my pride, Prongs!_

J: Sorry mate

_S: Anyway, the girl is a freak of nature. Name five GOOD qualities about her_

James thought about this a minute, putting his quill to his chin as if he was thinking hard. He didn't know much about Riddle, but he knew enough to know that she wasn't completely evil or trash like most people thought about her.

_S: Having trouble coming up with an answer?_

J: No, I was just deciding which five qualities I SHOULD share with you, or if I should only tell you hints about some of them and let you figure out the rest on your own.

S: _Are we talking about the same person here? Shorter girl, black, frizzy hair? Evil siren, tried to kill me the other day at lunch? Tries to hang out with Evans because she envies her and wants to be like her?_

J: Whoa, mate, you went to far on that last statement. I think you have that backwards. I'm pretty sure Riddle is who she is and doesn't try to hide it, Evans on the other hand is only herself when she's with Riddle. SHE is the fake one.

S: _I can't believe you still hate her._

J: And I can't believe you still hate Riddle.

_S: Everyone hates Riddle, its like a rule._

J: Right.

James glanced around the room before thinking of his next reply. He slouched back in his chair, popping and stretching his neck out from being stiff. McGonagall was talking about the art of anamigi. He chuckled. Art?

J: Did you realize we were artists?

_S: Artists?_

J: According to McGonagall, were artists because were anamigi.

_S: Sweet. So can I start getting paid for each transformation? Because that would be awesome. You going to tell me who's been giving you odd looks?_

J: Evans

_S: Evans? Wow, did not see that one coming._

J: Well, I honestly didn't see Riddle ever being remotely interested in you either.

_S: Maybe they aren't interested, maybe they're plotting how the best way would be to kill us._

J: It's possible. I don't know how either of them would ever even think about being interested in us, therefore, it has to be that they are plotting our death.

_S: We should avoid all advances_

J: How are we supposed to avoid them? I'm Head Boy! I have to work with Evans. Maybe I should go kill myself tonight, put myself out of misery so they wont think of some sick, twisted way to do it

_S: You should give her a chance, she's not all that bad. When is the first meeting?_

J: Tonight. And you aren't going to give Riddle a chance so why should I give Evans a chance?

_S: Good question. Well, good luck in the meeting tonight. Remember to watch for stray knives..._

J: I really don't think she would need the knife to torture me, Padfoot.

Before Sirius could respond, McGonagall dismissed the class. He grabbed his bag and walked towards the front of the class where James was gathering his things and stuffing them in his messenger bag. He was two desks away from him when he saw Lily walk by James's desk and accidentally knock his vial of ink back onto his desk and on the front of his pants.

James immediately tensed with anger. "Clumsy much, Evans?" he said through gritted teeth.

She looked terrified. Regaining her composure and purpose, she straightened up and pulled out her wand.

"Oh, Potter, don't be such a baby. It's nothing a vanishing spell won't clean up," she said before vanishing the remaining ink on the table. That's when she noticed the ink on his trousers.

A small smile crept up on her face. "Though, I do believe I will let you deal with that spillage."

James was fuming as the redhead walked out the door. He was startled when Sirius appeared beside him, laughing, and started patting him on the back.

"I feel for you, mate. Atleast the one that's trying to kill me has no sense of humor. You are going to go insane before this is all over with," Sirius said laughing.

James breathed in deeply before stuffing the remaining parchment into his bag and throwing it over his shoulder.

James walked to the headmaster's office in silence. After changing into muggle clothing, he felt more confident, but still not as confident as he wished he felt. He shoved his hands in the font pockets of his jeans as he walked down the long hallway. Upon approaching his destination, he saw Evans standing outside of the entrance, tapping her foot in frustration.

James walked up and stood beside Lily, where he looked down at her for a brief moment before saying, "Dum-Dums."

Lily stopped tapping her foot and looked at James. "What did u just call me?"

"I called you nothing, Evans. I was merely stating the password," James said as he strolled forward, stepping onto the moving staircase.

Lily stood dumbstruck for a moment, then realized that she could miss the stairs and ran forward.

"Ms. Evans, wonderful to see you as well, dear. I hope the school year has started off well for the both of you. Now! For the technicalities of why you are here in this stuffy office with me! It does seem a bit stuffy in here, does it not? Maybe I should open a window. Ah! Better! Thank you, Mr. Potter! Now I have no idea as to what you two have planned for the upcoming year, so! Let's hear some ideas!" Dumbledore said swiftly in his usual absentminded manner.

Lily stood confused for a moment until she heard James suggesting ideas on how to make the school year more enjoyable.

"Well, sir, I was thinking maybe an End of Term Ball in May, just to relieve some of the pressure before exams. And I also thought about getting the everyone more involved with quidditch, like holding House rallies to get everyone pumped for the game, or even theme days on weeks with the larger games. For instance, Slytherin vs. Gryffindor, we could do sort of a theme week leading up to the game." James said pausing when he saw the look on Lily's face. He took a double-take, "What?"

Lily blinked a couple of times, coming back to reality. "Sorry," she whispered.

After the meeting, Lily walked into the common room like a zombie, trying to wake herself from the nightmare that just took place in Dumbledore's office. She shook her head, muttering to herself, unaware of the people staring at her. Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped.

"Sorry Evans, didn't mean to scare you. You just looked a little lost," Remus said quietly.

She shook her head and looked at him, "Oh, sorry Remus. I'm just a little confused right now, nothing to worry about," she told him quietly.

She passed Brii as she walked up the stairs, but said nothing to her. Brii looked at Remus, who was standing at the bottom of the stairs, and gave him a puzzled look.

"What's up her ass?"

Remus glared at her, "I don't know, and I don't think that something is up her ass. I rather tend to believe that she is quite bothered by something."

Brii turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow, "Oh, I'm sorry Lupin. Did I strike a nerve by asking if the precious angel Evans has a dildo shoved up her arse?" she said sarcastically.

Remus pursed his lips. "Watch it Riddle," he warned.

"What are you going to do Lupin? Hunt me down in the moonlight?"

Remus lunged at her, throwing her against the wall with his hand at her throat. The few people in the common room stopped and stared at the two, as Remus showed a side of him no one had ever seen.

Brii wriggled her neck to loosen his grip so that she could breathe and stared at him, loathing and determination in her eyes.

"Do it," she whispered. Remus stared back at her, breathing heavily.

"Do it. You will have done a favor to the school, to your classmates," she took a deep breath.

"I could. It would only take a second to snap your neck in half."

"You won't though. Because you're too nice of a person, Lupin. And you know you won't do it."

"What the- Remus? What the hell are you doing?" James said walking into the common room with Sirius following him.

Lupin snapped out of his trance, dropping Brii to the floor. She landed with a thud, rubbing her neck and glaring at onlookers.

"What the fuck did you do this time Riddle?" Sirius asked glaring down at her.

"Why does it matter to you? I'm sure your life would have been much better if he had killed me anyway."

"Although you do have a point, it matters to me because Remus never gets mad, let alone to the point of murder. So what was it? You try to seduce him like you do all the Slytherins? Oh wait, they've been turning you down lately haven't they? Hmm… guess they finally grew brains, or balls for that matter. Which reminds me, if none of them have balls, how have you been pleasuring them all these years? I mean, do you use toys, or are they-"

He was unable to finish his sentence because of the girl that pounced on him just then, knocking him over the couch and onto the hardwood floor in front of the fireplace.

Brii immediately started hitting him, letting out all of her anger as she strattled his waist, tears streaming down her cheeks. Sirius tried to grasp what exactly was happening as she pounded his face and chest with her fists. He rolled her over, hitting her head on the table that was behind them, and grasped her neck, letting his anger build in him.

He hated her, everything about her, it would be easy to kill her now and end it all, but after taking one look at her glistening eyes, he found his grip lightening up.

She rolled him back over to take control once again. She continued to pound his chest over and over. She hated how he could do this to her, how he could break her with a single jab. -Though, of course, she would never admit it to anyone.

"RIDDLE!" someone suddenly shouted from the stairs.

Sirius watched Brii's face snap, her eyes blink as if she was just realizing what she was doing. She hit his face one last time and he grabbed her wrists. She froze above him, refusing to meet his eyes, but he couldn't look away.

He had never looked-truly looked- into her eyes before, and her vulnerability scared him. He didn't have long to ponder her though. Before he knew it, she was wriggling free of his grip and bounding up the stairs, leaving him to stare after her.

"What the fuck, Riddle?" Lily said as Brii reached her.

"It's nothing," Brii excused.

"Like hell it isn't. You two could have killed each other."

"Good thing your voice is like a shard of broken glass to the wrist."

Lily watched Brii go into their room and flop onto her bed. She'd never seen Brii this… exhausted after a fight. Normally she acted as if she were in tip-top shape, never better. But not this time.

"What was it this time anyway? I've never seen you hit him before," Lily asked.

Brii glared at her. "I asked Lupin what was stuck up your ass when you came in. He pinned me, Black interfered and called me a few things, it went from there. But, the original question still needs answering. So, Evans… what was stuck up your ass when you came in earlier?"

"Potter," Lily grumbled, remembering the meeting.

"Damn, Evans, that was quick," Brii said blinking a few times.

"No, not that. Far from that. He just thinks he knows everything, and that his ideas will just be the 'coolest,' and he thinks he can outdo me when it comes to planning events, like he wants to do 'pep rallies' like they have in muggle schools before games…how fucking stupid is that?" Lily spat out sarcastically.

"Sounds to me like someone is a bit jealous," Brii said under her breath.

"Jealous? Of WHAT? He's an egotistical twat!" Lily yelled.

"An egotistical twat in need of a good shagging. Keep working on it, Evans." Brii went to her closet then and took out a pair of running shoes. "I'm going for a run. Care to join, or are you going to sit up here and sulk over Potter?"

"I'll go with," Lily said, grabbing her own shoes from under the bed. The pair left down the stairs and were nearly out the common room when James's voice rang through the room.

"Evans!"

Lily paused and exchanged a glance with Brii. "Potter," she said without turning.

James pushed past them towards the portrait. "Rounds? Or are you too busy to fulfill your Head duties?"

She felt her fists clench. "Another time, Riddle. The King calls," she mumbled before following after James.

They walked in silence down the stairs to the Great Hall and out in to the courtyard. Lily fumbled with her robes as they walked, James's stride much larger than her own, she was almost in a jog trying to keep up with him.

"Can we please slow down? The faster you walk isn't going to get this over with any quicker!" she said to him.

"Fine, if you can't keep up," he said slowing his pace.

She pursed her lips, "Well some of us weren't born with abnormally long legs like you."

"Right, I forgot that you're a midget," he said sarcastically.

"I am not! Just vertically challenged."

"Oh of course, another excuse," he said, rolling his eyes.

They walked in silence for a few moments, walking along the edge of the castle. Lily glanced up at his strong face, lit up by the waning moon. His jaw clenched, the vein in his neck pulsing rapidly, his hazel eyes cold with hatred, staring straight ahead of him, apparently in deep thought.

"What?" he asked, feeling her eyes on him.

"Sorry," she whispered, turning her head to the ground, embarrassed that he'd caught her staring at him.

James breathed deeply, balling his fist up and letting it go, "I don't get you" he said.

"What's to get?"

"No, I mean, you. I don't get who you are."

"Well, you don't know me so how would you know who I am?"

"Evans, I don't even think you know who you are."

"Of course I know who I am. I'm Lily Marie Evans, Head Girl at Hogwarts School of-"

James's sardonic laugh cut her off. He shook his head at her simplistic notion of who she thought she was. "You think that is who you are?" he asked, looking down at her. "No, that's not who you are. Those are titles, not you."

She glared at him, "Don't tell me who I am or am not, Potter," she said, trying to keep her composure.

"You know, the guys keep telling me I should get to know you. That if I learn more about you, I might actually get along with you. But how the hell am I supposed to get to know someone who doesn't even know who they are? You're a fucking joke, Evans. You have them all fooled into thinking you're some sort of goddess or something."

She was taken aback, but wouldn't let him know it. "Look, Potter, you don't ask people to be envious of you. It just kind of happens," she said arrogantly.

James threw his hands in the air, then turned to her, hovering his hands around her neck as if he was going to choke her, then pulled them back behind his head, in frustration. His agitation was as apparent as the bright light of the moon looming overhead.

"Ugh! You are positively…you're such a fucking arrogant bitch!" he yelled at her suddenly.

"You're calling me arrogant? Coming from the person who boasts about how damn good of a quidditch player he is and how every girl in the school wants him and how damn perfect he is? You're filthier than swine, Potter!" she shouted.

James suddenly lunged at her. He slammed both his hands on the wall on either side of her face and hovered over her. For a moment, he said nothing. And just as she felt her body quiver, he punched the castle wall hard by her head, causing her to flinch.

"You aren't even worth it," he hissed, his breath tickling her cheek.

Lily stopped breathing. She was truly scared. She'd never seen him so angry. Finally he let go of the wall, walking away, leaving her standing there, frozen.

And she couldn't move.


	3. Break Me Down

Lily woke up the next morning when she felt the sun hit her face. She opened her eyes to see that she had fallen asleep outside last night. Groaning, she got up, walking to the entrance of the castle. Her clothes were covered in mud, the dew had made the ground beside the castle walls damp, making it stick to her.

Some people were already at breakfast, she cursed the day they all were born as she walked quickly by the entrance to the Great Hall and up the stairs. She heard people talking about her attire as she walked, and tried blocking them out of her mind.

Not watching where she was going, she ran in to someone, falling backwards down two stairs. Looking up she saw James standing at the top of the landing, glaring at her.

"Did you sleep outside, Evans?" he asked.

She attempted to get up, grabbing on to the railing, "That's none of your concern, Potter. If you'll excuse me" she said weakly, walking up the stairs and past him.

He stared after her, confused, then continued walking to breakfast. Lily walked quickly the rest of the way to her dorm, immediately jumping in the shower when she arrived.

"And where were you last night? Cheating on our bet?" Brii asked her, going into the bathroom.

"No I wasn't. And I don't need your shit this morning, Riddle. Get out," Lily said.

Brii raised an eyebrow, "Who's got your knickers in a twist?" she asked.

"No one, I just…just leave it, okay?" Lily said.

"Ok…see you after breakfast then," Brii said, leaving the bathroom. Brii walked to breakfast briskly, ignoring any glares she received on the way. Taking a seat at the end of the table, she opened up a copy of the Daily Prophet and started reading. There was a thump as someone sat in the seat across from her. Folding down the corner of her newspaper page, she saw James sitting across from her, his arms stretched out in front of him, looking serious.

"What is it, Potter?" she asked lazily, looking back at the paper.

"Did Evans say anything to you about last night?" he asked.

She looked at him quizzically, "No. Should she have?" she asked.

"No. I think I scared her. And I think she slept outside last night," he said.

She smirked, "Oh, is James Potter concerned about dear little, Lily Evans?" she asked.

"What? No. I just…I didn't mean to scare her last night, and I think I did," he said, fumbling with the fork in front of him.

Brii raised her eyebrows, "So apologize," she said simply.

"What? I'm not going to apologize!" he exclaimed.

"If you feel so bad about supposedly scaring her, then apologize, otherwise, suck it up and stop being such a pussy about it. You're supposed to be a man, Potter, not some 13-year old school girl with hormones," she told him, shaking her head.

"Right, right," he said running a hand through his hair and standing up.

Lily was walking by as he stood. She avoided looking at him, continuing to walk past him towards her friends at the other end of the table. Remus walked in after her, joining James as he walked towards Sirius and Peter. Sitting down, Remus helped himself to the waffles in front of him.

"What was that all about?" he asked James.

"Nothing, business," James replied.

"Yes, because Prongs frequently makes deals with Death," Sirius said.

"Um, Lupin?" someone said from behind James.

They all looked up to see Brii standing there.

"What do you want?" Sirius spat.

"I wasn't talking to you. Lupin, I wonder if I could have a word with you," she asked.

Lupin looked confused, but stood, following her out of the Great Hall.

"Don't fall for it, mate! It's a trap!" Sirius yelled after him.

Once they reached the hallway, Brii turned around to face him.

"What is it, Riddle? I don't have all day," Remus said, tapping his foot.

"I wanted to um…I wanted to apologize…about last night I mean," she said quietly.

"Sorry? I didn't catch that," Remus said, not believing his ears.

"I said I'm sorry about last night, okay? Don't make such a big deal out of it. I shouldn't have gotten you all riled up…given the…time of the month," she said, rubbing her neck.

Remus stood there, amazed at what he was hearing.

She looked up at him. "Great, the one time I apologize for anything I basically get laughed at, thanks Lupin," she said pursing her lips and turning to walk away.

Remus watched her walk away, then turned and went back inside, sitting beside James again, his face still in shock.

"Alright there, mate? She hex you or try to seduce you?" Sirius asked with a smirk.

"She apologized" he said, still in shock. J

ames choked on the grape he was eating, Sirius spewed his drink all over Peter.

"Sorry, mate, didn't catch that," Sirius asked.

"She apologized" Remus said again.

"Are you sure, Moony?" Peter asked.

"Yeah," he told them.

"What's she trying to pull?" Sirius asked, frustrated.

"No idea, mate," James said, finally regaining his voice after choking.

They finished up their breakfast, heading to Potions. James took his seat next to Peter, taking out his book and paper, leaning lazily in his chair as they waited for Slughorn to enter the classroom.

"Good morning class!" Slughorn said happily as he entered the room.

"Morning Professor Slughorn," they all mumbled.

"We'll be working on a very special brew today. Who can tell me what this little potion is?" he asked, holding up a vial of clear liquid.

Lily immediately raised her hand, "That's veriterserum" she told him.

"Very good, Miss Evans! This is the potion all of you will be attempting today! Now because it takes over a month for the potion to become fully viable, I'll be storing them on the back wall there so that they don't get mixed up. Now, on you work!" he told them.

The students all scurried to find the recipe for Veriterserum in their books before heading off to the stores to get their ingredients. Lily stayed back in her seat, waiting until most everyone had gotten their ingredients before she entered the stores. She didn't have the energy to fight the rest of them for the best ingredients.

She searched the stores for the things she needed, the last thing being on the very top shelf. Having forgotten her wand at her desk, she resorted to having to climb the bottom two shelves in order to barely reach it. A hand swooped over hers taking the one that she was reaching for. Pursing her lips, she turned, seeing James smirking at her.

"Oh did you want this?" he asked sarcastically.

"You know damn well that I was reaching for that, Potter!" she exclaimed.

"Guess that's what you get for being a midget," he said, turning around to gather the rest of his ingredients.

"Vertically challenged!" she told him.

"Right, right," he said.

Huffing, she stepped onto the third shelf, reaching back into the shelf, trying to find the ingredient she was looking for. The tips of her fingers finally found it, she reached a little higher grasping it with her hand, "Aha!" she said with excitement as she finally acquired it. As she went to step off of the third shelf, she slipped, falling slowly to the ground, hitting the back of James's knees with her head.

He turned around, looking at her fallen figure, "Alright there, Evans?" he asked.

"Fine. Thanks for the help, Potter," she said sarcastically, glaring at him as she stood.

"Anytime," he told her, tossing a vial in the air, catching it and walking out of the stores to his seat.

After class, James briskly put his book and parchment away, looking up to find Lily standing at his desk, "Can I help you, Evans?"

"Professor Dumbledore would like to see us. Now," she said, walking away from him. James watched as she walked away, her hips swaying more than usual. He shook his head, confused, then followed her to Dumbledore's office.

"Lemon drops" Lily was saying as James caught up with her.

They stepped on to the steps, letting it take them up to his office. Dumbledore was waiting on them at the top of the stairs.

"Oh! Professor!" Lily said, he had scared her.

"Hello, Miss Evans, Mr. Potter. Let's take a walk," he said, as the stairs descended. Walking with him down the hallway, James and Lily exchanged glances.

"Sir, if you don't mind me asking, where are we going?" James asked.

"All in good time, Mr. Potter, all in good time! How are your classes going?" Dumbledore asked.

"Very well, sir," Lily told him.

"Yes, very good, sir," James agreed.

"And you two, how are you getting along?" he asked, knowing their past.

"Not at all, Professor, not at all" Lily told him.

Dumbledore chuckled, "Well, maybe this will help the two of you get to know each other a little better" he said standing in front of a deserted portrait.

"Sir?" James asked.

"Now where is he? I told him he was needed in this painting! Sir Codogan! Where were you?" Dumbledore exclaimed, seeing the knight run through the paintings above his.

"Sorry about that professor, the girls on the 2nd floor, said they needed a knight to protect them! I'm always on the job!" the knight said proudly.

"Well, you'll be needed in this portrait from now on, don't go dallying off for too long," Dumbledore told him.

"Yes, sir. Password, sir?" the knight asked.

"Wolfsbane" Dumbledore said.

The portrait opened, revealing a small common room, resembling the common room in Gryffindor Tower. The long couch sat in front of the tall fireplace, two armchairs sat on either side of the couch, facing each other, a desk sat in the back of the room large enough for both of them to use it for studying. The staircase in the corner of the room lead up to a loft area, two bedrooms sitting on either side of the loft.

"Sir? What is this place?" Lily asked, staring around in awe.

"This, Miss Evans, is your new dorm," he said happily.

"New…dorm?" James asked.

"Yes. The Heads Dorm. I feel you two will be very comfortable here, away from the other students, able to focus on your studies more, get things done more quickly. I've already taken the liberty of having our house elves bring your things in here." Dumbledore said looking around the room.

The two of them stared around the room, not believing they were getting their own dorm.

"I must be off, much to do! I do hope you enjoy," Dumbledore said, turning to leave the room. He winked at them as he left the room.

James shook his head, "The man is mental" he said quietly.

Lily laughed, "Yeah, he is" she agreed.

The stood in silence for a moment. Lily took the awkward moment to walk up the steps to her room, labeled 'Head Girl' on the door. She opened the door, revealing the large room. All of her things were already set up just as she had them in Gryffindor tower. Smiling to herself, she walked around the room, the went into the bathroom that was at the back of the room. The first thing she noticed was another door on the other side of the room.

_'Oh no'_ she thought to herself.

James opened the other door at that moment.

"What the-you've got to be fucking kidding me," he said staring at her on the other side of the room.

She rolled her eyes, "Please, it's not as if I'm happy about this arrangement either" she said lazily, walking out of the bathroom and back in to her bedroom.

He followed her. "Well, you could just stay in Gryffindor Tower," he suggested.

"What? Why me? So could you!" she said turning back around to face him.

"I don't want to!" he said.

"Potter you sound like a child," she said shaking her head.

"So you'll go back to Gryffindor Tower then?" he asked.

"No. Who says I want to? Any chance to get away from those people," she said picking up one of her bags and throwing it on her bed.

"Fine, well, I'm not leaving either," he said leaning against the doorframe.

She glanced back at him, his messy hair falling lazily over his eyes as he stood against the frame of the door, his arms crossed. She felt her eyes leer at his strongly placed brows hovering over those hazel eyes a moment, having never really seen him alone like this before. With a shift of her weight, she broke from her stare and raised her eyebrows, getting back to the subject at hand.

"Somehow I get the impression that it bothers you more than it bothers me," she said.

"I can deal with it, Evans. Just don't get in my way," he told her.

"Your way? Your way of what exactly?" she asked.

"I don't know, I'm sure you'll find some way to screw with my life though," he said turning back around, heading back to his room.

"You think I just purposely try to make your life a living hell? You think I asked Dumbledore to make us Head Boy and Girl? You think I asked him to give us a dorm to share? NO! I didn't! I only fuck with your life because you let me get under your skin!" she yelled after him.

He stormed back through the bathroom, "You enjoy making my life hell! Admit it!" he yelled at her.

"What? Enjoy it? Why the hell would I enjoy loosing my voice every time I'm around you? Having to explain myself to you... Justifying why I act the way I do... You think I enjoy telling you over and over again that I think you're an arrogant twat? Or do you think I enjoy getting told each time by someone who doesn't know the slightest thing about me that I'm not even worth the mud on his shoes? You're worse than my sister!" Lily shouted at him. "Do not stand there and tell me, James Potter, that I enjoy making your life hell when clearly YOU are the one that enjoys making MY life hell!" she shouted, now pushing him over and over again in the frame of the bathroom door.

He stepped back as she pushed him, looking down at her furious face in confusion. He caught her arms tight in his hands at the last of her words, making her look up at him. Swallowing hard, he searched her face, seeing the glisten in her eyes. He'd never noticed how green they were until now. Nor had he ever noticed how her cheeks were covered in small freckles.

Suddenly he felt himself let her go, causing her to fall hard to the floor on her knees. Without another look, James walked backwards through the bathroom door, turning to go into his room.

"You coward! COWARD! You're a damn coward, James Potter!" she yelled at him from the floor.

He kept walking, slamming the door to his room as she threw something glass at his head. He slumped to the floor in front of his door, sitting his head back against the door. He took off his glasses, wiping his face, then rubbing his temples.

He didn't want to get up from the floor. She'd made him feel like trash. No one had ever made him feel quite like this. His stomach was in knots as he remembered the look on her face as she had yelled at him, then sank to the floor. The look on her face when he'd grabbed her arms. Her eyes pierced his mind as he ran a hand through his messy hair.

Standing, James took a deep breath, walking out of his door and down the stairs. He walked to lunch in deep thought, not noticing anyone as they passed him in the halls. Sitting down by himself at the end of the Gryffindor table, he merely stared at the plate in front of him. He suddenly felt two hands on his shoulders, shaking him vigorously. Looking around he saw Sirius stepping on to the bench beside him.

"Alright there, Prongs?" he asked.

"Yeah, just thinking. Why are you wearing your glasses?" James asked him curiously.

"Thought I needed to look smart today. Besides, we have charms later and I can't see the bloody blackboard," Sirius said shaking the hair from his eyes.

James snorted at him, "I always knew you wanted to be like me, Padfoot," he told him.

"Ah, on the contrary, you have always want to be like me," Sirius said as he grabbed a biscuit in front of him, shoving it in his mouth.

Remus came into the Hall then, with Peter, the two sat across from James and Sirius.

"Glasses today, Padfoot?" Remus asked.

"Yes, Moony, glasses. Do they really look that awkward on me?" Sirius asked them

"No, they fit the whole bad boy/smart thing you have going on. Works well," Peter observed. They looked curiously at him. "What?" he asked.

"I'm really starting to worry about you, Wormtail," James said, taking a sip of his water.

Peter shrugged, then leaned in closer to the table, "Did you guys hear about Riddle?" he asked them quietly.

"What about her?" Remus asked.

"Well, apparently, after she left potions this morning she went to the library, apparently Diggory tried something on her and she hexed him, sent him flying into the bookshelves, knocking all of them over. McGonagall's furious with her. Gave her a months worth of detentions," Peter told them quietly.

"And we should care about this because…why…" Sirius asked.

Peter shrugged, "Thought you might want to hear the latest gossip. Oh and rumor is, Evans's been up in her room crying for the past hour over a bad grade in potions, well, her new Heads' dorm room that is," he said smirking at James.

"Prongs! Why didn't you tell us!" Remus asked.

"Hadn't had a chance, I guess," James said shrugging.

"A dorm all to yourself, must be nice, mate!" Sirius said, clapping him on the back.

"So is it true, is Evans in her room crying her eyes out over a potions grade?" Peter asked.

"Wormtail. You are the gossip king. And I have no clue if she's up there, honestly I don't care. And no, Padfoot, it is not necessarily nice, I have to share it with Evans," James said taking another sip of his water.

"Again, doesn't sound that bad, Prongs," Sirius said shaking his head.

"Yeah, mate, it really doesn't. I still think you should give her a chance," Remus told him.

"How am I supposed to give her a chance if all she does is yell at me?" James asked them.

"Are you sure that you don't start yelling at her first?" Sirius asked.

James looked down at his plate, rubbing his neck, thinking back to what Lily had yelled at him earlier, "I might have," he mumbled.

"Well, there's the problem then. Just be you, mate, forget that you hate her," Sirius said as if it was the simplest thing ever.

James snorted, "Right, like that's going to happen. She just irks me," he said clenching his jaw.

"Prongs, Prongs, Prongs…when are you going to learn…she's a woman, it's like a rule or something," Sirius said, snacking on a carrot.

"Whatever you say, mate. I'm heading to Charms, you lot coming?" James asked them, standing up and putting his bag over his head.

They nodded, standing and joining him, walking to the charms classroom.

Lily wasn't in charms.

James slumped in his seat. He didn't know what he was going to do when he got back to his dorm that night. Someone sat beside him, throwing their bag on the table heavily. Looking beside him, he saw Brii taking her seat. Apparently late for class and not caring.

"Miss Riddle! Why are you late?" Professor Flitwick asked her

"Got caught up hexing a Slytherin, Professor, won't happen again, sir," she replied nonchalantly. Flitwick pursed his lips at her, turning back to the black board.

James raised his eyebrows at her, "You're on a roll aren't you? Two in one day?" he said as she pulled out a piece of parchment, copying what Flitwick had written on the board.

"Actually it's four, and no, I don't want to tell you about it," she said not looking at him.

James looked down to his blank parchment. The class was on Patronus charms. He had been able to do one since his fifth year. He was bored.

"You apologized to Remus then?" he asked her a few minutes later.

She sighed, pursing her lips and turning towards him, "I did. Damn hardest thing I've ever done in my life," she told him.

"Why'd you do it?" he asked, intrigued.

"Because I figured, that if I got on Lupin's good side, I might have a better chance of staying alive next full moon, what with three of the four marauders hating me and all," she said, not looking away from her parchment.

"Riddle, even if all four of us hated you, we wouldn't let Remus attack you. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he attacked someone," James explained.

"Mr. Potter, Miss Riddle, is there something the two of you would like to share with the class?" Flitwick asked them.

"No sir, actually I was just telling Potter how bored I was. Don't mind if I leave do you, Professor? No? Good. See you tomorrow, Professor," Brii said standing and gathering her parchment on her desk before turning to leave the class.

"Don't be late tomorrow, Miss Riddle!" Flitwick yelled after her, shaking his head before continuing with his lecture.

Sirius scooted his chair closer to James, "Psst…Prongs!" he whispered behind him.

James turned slightly in his chair, "What?" he answered.

"Why does she get to leave early? None of us could ever pull that off!" Sirius whispered angrily.

James snickered, "I think it's probably because Flitwick knows she'll curse the hell out of him if he tries to stop her" he told him. Sirius sighed heavily, continuing to copy down what Flitwick was saying.

The hours droned on, Flitwick told them they would be practicing the charms the next day and dismissed them finally.

"Ugh, finally. I swear if he'd said one more time how happy thoughts made a patronus charm last longer, I was going to give him a damn happy thought," Sirius said, gathering his parchment together.

"Well, we all know what your happy thought is, Padfoot. You have one every night before you go to sleep," Remus said.

James snorted. Sirius glared at Remus, "You're not supposed to broadcast that to the world, Moony," Sirius said through his teeth.

"Come on, before McGonagall turns us into pocket watches," James said, hurrying them out of the door and down the hall to McGonagall's classroom.

She was sitting on her desk in her animagi form when they entered, the last ones in the room as usual. James took his seat, glancing around. Lily still was not there. Again feeling depressed, he sank in his seat, taking out parchment and copying down the notes McGonagall was now telling them.

After Transfiguration, the four of them walked to dinner together, laughing about Peter's attempt at transfiguring himself into an armchair. "Wormtail, you did make a rather squishy armchair! I think the next time my ass hurts during a quidditch game, I'll just transfigure you!" Remus exclaimed.

"Sounds like a good idea, Moony!" Sirius told him as they walked into the Great Hall, sitting down for dinner.

James sat down quietly, trying to think of some way to head back to the dorm early.

"You're quiet, Prongs, what's wrong?" Remus asked.

"Nothing. Just tired I guess. I think I'm going to take my dinner and head back to the dorm. You guys going to drop by later?" James asked, rolling up a few dinner rolls, two sandwiches, an apple, and a couple of bananas in to a napkin and putting them in his bag.

"Yeah, which portrait is it?" Remus asked.

"Sir Codogan. Crazy ass knight," James said smirking.

"Right, See you later, mate," Sirius said.

"See you" James said walking away from the table, and out of the Great Hall.

He walked briskly to his dorm, telling the knight the password and entering the common room. Swallowing hard, he walked up the staircase pausing in front of Lily's door. He knocked quietly. No response.

Knocking a little louder again he said, "Evans, I know you're still in there. You haven't been in class all day," he said to her door. When she didn't respond, he rested his forehead on the door, sighing heavily again.

"Evans, open the door," he said quietly, knocking lightly.

He didn't want her to think he was just starting another fight with her. Suddenly, the door creaked open. James almost fell into her room as he was leaning on the door.

She stood in the doorway, her hair messy from where it looked like she'd taken a nap, her makeup smeared from the tears beneath the large, plastic, black-rimmed reading glasses she was wearing. She'd changed into jogging sweats and a white tank, which fitted her to a tee.

She crossed her arms, looking slightly cold. "What do you want?" she asked quietly, not looking at him.

He stared at her, unable to take his eyes from her down-dressed and vulnerable figure standing before him. "Um…right…well, I noticed you weren't at class or dinner so I brought you some food," he said, extending the napkin with the food in it to her, "and I was hoping we could talk." he said, looking at his feet.

She took in a deep breath, taking the food from his hand, "Whatever Potter" she said turning, going back into her room, leaving the door open for him to follow.

James followed cautiously, waiting for something to jump out and attack him. She turned towards him, looking at him quizzically before sitting on the bed, spreading out the napkin of food.

"Nothing's going to attack you, Potter. You can come in," she said, answering his silent question.

"Right, right. Oh, I hope you like turkey sandwiches and fruit. That's about all I could stash in a napkin without it being gross," he said.

"Yeah, that's great actually. Thank you," she said in a sincere voice, still avoiding his eyes as he sat down on the end of the bed across from her.

"You didn't have to do it, you know" she continued, picking up one of the sandwiches.

"I know, I just sort of hoped it would help make up for my being such an ass earlier," he said, rubbing his neck.

She snorted, "Just for earlier? How about the last 6 years of my life?"

"Well, you haven't exactly made it any easier to like you," he told her, matching the glare she was giving him.

She took a deep breath, "Right," she said taking another bite of her sandwich.

"Evans, I didn't come up here to fight with you," he said after a few seconds of silence.

"So what did you come up here for?" she asked.

"To apologize," he said automatically. "For being a complete ass earlier. I've never meant to hurt you. I just...I suppose I thought our arguments meant nothing to you. I always thought you shrugged them off, never took them seriously," he said.

"It's hard not to take someone seriously when they're voicing the exact words you tell yourself you are everyday," she said quietly.

James stared at her a few moments, scrutinizing the expression on her face. He didn't know how to respond.

"I brought you the notes from class today, incase you're interested" he said finally, digging through his bag.

"Oh, thank you. Again, you didn't have to," she said taking the papers from him.

"I know. I just thought maybe you mi-" James started to say.

_**knock**knock**knock**_

There was tapping on the frame of the door. The two of them looked up to see Brii leaning on the doorframe, watching them with amusement.

"Riddle! How'd you get in here?" James asked.

"Flash Codogan some boob and he'll do just about anything you ask. What's this all about?" she said pointing to the two of them.

"Nothing. Just brought my notes from class for Evans," James responded.

"Well aren't you just the chivalrous type? Get out, Potter," she said nodding towards the door.

"What?" he asked, taken aback.

"I said get out! Girl talk!" Brii said, shooshing him from the room.

"Riddle, I'm surprised you know the meaning behind the two words," he said standing.

She thought a minute, "I really don't. I suppose most girls talk about their nails and hair, and then boys, but mostly we just talk about sex and classes. Anything else you need to know, Potter?" she asked him.

"No, I suppose not. By the way, the guys are coming over, and Riddle, can you try not to attack Sirius this time?" James asked her as he strode to the doorway.

"I'll behave if he does, otherwise, no promises," she said holding the door.

"Right, so I'll have my wand out to stun one of you when you start fighting," James told her.

"Yes, that'd be a good idea. Out, Potter!" she said closing the door slowly.

"Alright, alright, I'm out!" he said stepping away from the door and descending down the stairs.

Brii closed the door tightly, turning towards Lily and leaning on the door, looking at her with her eyebrows raised, "So, I take it you've made much more progress than me," she said.

"I like to think so," Lily said, a smile creeping up on her face.

"I think you have this damsel in distress thing down-pat. You're worse than me," Brii said flopping on Lily's bed, taking a dinner roll from the napkin.

Lily smirked.

"So he brought you this food, did he?" Brii asked.

"He did," Lily told her.

"Damn woman, you're good. How'd you manage that?" she asked.

"We had an argument earlier, told him he treated me like my sister does, then called him a coward," Lily said simply, picking up one of the apples.

"So you're back on schedule then?" Brii asked.

"Oh yes, maybe even ahead of schedule, but it's too early to tell I think. I'll go with three days," Lily said smiling.

"Three days? You're achieving this in a total of two and a half weeks? Quite the feat. I may have to bow down to you if you do actually do it in the next three days though," Brii said laughing.

"Oh please, you know I'm going to win this bet. Atleast Potter has a heart, with Black, you're just stuck with a ravenous beast who'd like nothing more than to rip you apart with his bare hands," Lily told her.

"Ah, Potter may have a heart, a heart that's easily broken. Are you going to be able to live with yourself once you break his heart?" Brii asked, batting her eyes.

Lily snorted, "Yes, I do believe I'll be able to manage. It's not like he's never had a heart broken before, besides, it's just sex, who said anything about breaking hearts?" she asked.

"Because I think you may have to dig your way into his heart for that to happen. He hates you too much for you just to be a one night stand. I mean, it's like you said, he wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole," Brii said thoughtfully.

Lily thought for a moment, "You might be right. Oh well! Here's to hoping!" Lily said raising her apple to Brii's banana. The girls laughed.

They then heard the marauders come in, talking loudly about the common room.

Brii rolled her eyes, "You'd by now he would know how to use his damn inside voice," she said, talking about Sirius.

"I suppose," Lily said lightly, picking up the notes James had taken in class that day. "And you would think by now, Potter would have learned how to write legibly," she said holding up the papers.

"Let me see!" Brii said snatching the papers from her.

"Ow!" Lily said sticking her finger in her mouth, "You gave me a paper cut!" she said.

"Oh boo hoo, you'll get over it. Wow, you really can't read any of this," Brii said turning the paper different ways to see if she could read it.

"Maybe if your dumbass wasn't holding it upside down!" Lily told her, putting pressure on her finger.

"Maybe, but I think I can read it better like this," Brii said looking at it upside down.

"Let me hold that, you loon!" Lily said snatching the paper back from her, "You know you might be on to something," she said as she held it upside down.

"See, never assume I'm wrong" Brii said standing up, going to Lily's window and opening it, letting in the night air.

"So how's your end of the bet going? Tame the beast yet?" Lily asked her.

"Not even close. I've just been ignoring him since last night," Brii said staring out the window.

"I heard you apologized to Remus," Lily asked.

"I did. Damn word travels fast around this school! Oh and did you hear I now have a months' worth of detentions for hexing Diggory. Damn pig," Brii told her.

"What'd he do?" Lily asked.

"He started hitting on me in the library, kept saying he'd heard how much of a good fuck I was and he was in desperate need of my services. I told him I wasn't a damn whore and to go find someone who actually wanted to fuck him. Then he tried to feel me up, and my temper got the best of me. It was quite funny now that I think about it," Brii said, remembering the incident.

"And what about you walking out of Flitwick's class?" Lily asked.

"You didn't even go to class! How do you know all of this!" Brii asked, throwing her arms in the air.

"Judy sent me an owl, wanted to make sure I was ok, and also to fill me in on all the gossip. Especially the latest gossip on that, and I quote, filthy, disgusting, yet brilliant, whore, Riddle," Lily said quoting Judy's letter.

"Damn right I'm bloody brilliant," Brii said, folding her arms across her chest.

"So why won't you look at Black? Surely, you, of all people, can handle a few basic insults. What he said was nothing new. He's said it all before," Lily said leaning back on her pillow.

"He insulted my pride!" she yelled back at her.

"Ooo, your pride…Such a delicate thing. Maybe it did you good, knock you off that damn high horse a bit," Lily told her.

Brii snorted, "You're one to talk. Miss I-already-have-Potter-eating-out-of-my-hands," Brii said, rolling her eyes.

"Can't help it if its true," Lily said lazily.

Brii glared at her, sitting down on the bed, sulking at her failure.

Lily looked up from the notes James had given her and shook her head at Brii, "Oh stop moping and grow some damn balls. Go down there and make a point. Make a point that you aren't stepping down from this fight! Grow a set and stand up. I'm fucking tired of giving you pep talks, now get out!" Lily yelled at her.

Brii pursed her lips, breathing deeply, then stood, looking at the door, "I need to borrow something first," she said going to Lily's closet.

"What are you doing? Are you-are you taking my clothes?" Lily asked, watching her pull out clothes from the bottom of Lily's closet.

"I might be," Brii said pausing, then went back to looking through Lily's clothes. When she pulled out what she was looking for, Lily looked at her quizzically.

"It's September, not July, you know" she told her, raising her eyebrows.

"Yeah, so?" Brii said taking off her own jeans and putting on a pair of Lily's black pajama shorts. She left on the white tank she had been sporting all day and then went to walk out the door.

"You are such a slut," Lily said laughing.

"You told me to grow balls, I'm surprised they fit in these small ass shorts of yours," Brii joked.

"I did. But, you do know that as soon as you walk down the stairs he's going to have something to say," Lily told her.

"I do. But at least I know he's looking then," Brii said with a wink, then walked out the door.

Lily laughed to herself, then walked to the door, leaving it cracked open. She had to hear this.

Brii walked down the stairs quietly, her bag on her shoulder, trying not to draw too much attention to herself. She had every intention of simply sitting at the desk at the far end of the room once she made it downstairs. She could hear the marauders laughing loudly. She'd almost made it down the stairs when she heard him.

Sirius saw her when she'd opened the door from Lily's room. He'd watched her try to walk quietly down the stairs, without being noticed. It was when she reached the halfway of the spiral staircase that he saw how short her shorts were, and as much as he hated to admit it, she did have a damn good body. Shaking the thought out of his mind, he laughed at James's latest joke, then decided to make her uncomfortable as she reached the last steps,

"Oh look, mate, it's the elusive siren…better get a good look at her now, she tends to disappear when things get tough. Bloody cowards they are," he whispered loudly to the marauders.

Freezing on the bottom step of the stairs, she closed her eyes as he insulted her, breathing deeply, trying to calm herself. She opened her eyes a moment later and continued walking to the table, sitting down and throwing her bag on it.

"What'd I tell you? Damn coward," Sirius said happily, leaning back in his seat.

"Why don't you come say that to me, instead of about me?" she whispered loudly, not looking up from her book she'd just taken out of her bag.

Sirius stood, James stood also, giving him a warning look. Sirius glared at Brii, then turned to grab his bag, "Fine," he said snatching it off the floor.

Brii noticed that he was leaving, feeling bad for breaking up what was a happy marauder conversation, she stood, gathering her things. "No, Black, I'll leave. You stay," she told him, putting her bag over her shoulder, walking quickly towards the door.

"Riddle, you don't hav-" James started.

She stopped, turning towards him, "Yes I do, Potter," she said, glanced at Lupin who was staring at the fire, then at Sirius, who was giving her an incredulous look, then turned and walked out of the portrait hole.

James turned to Sirius, kicking him.

"Ow! Jeez!" Sirius said, sitting back on the couch.

"Why do you have to be such an ass?" James asked.

"She doesn't deserve any better!" Sirius said.

"It might be true, but she apologized to Moony today…that has to count for something," Peter told him.

"Shut it, Wormtail" Sirius said, throwing a pillow at him.

"Don't start, Padfoot, it's getting late," Remus told him.

Sirius huffed, closing his book, "Whatever, mates, I'm off. See you in the morning, Prongs," he told them, gathering his books and putting them in his bag, swinging it on his shoulder as he stood.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow, Prongs," Remus said, standing also.

"See you," Peter told him as the three marauders exited the Heads' Common Room.

James sat in the couch, rubbing his temples slowly, taking in a deep breath. He took his glasses off, sitting them beside him on the couch. The stair creaked behind him, even without his glasses, he knew it was Lily.

"What are you doing still up?" she asked.

"I should ask you the same," he said, putting his glasses back on, looking up as she came around the couch in her tank and shorts, James looked her up and down, the tank showing off her thin waist and curves perfectly.

"Couldn't sleep with the commotion going on down here, could I?" she said, sitting in the armchair across from him.

"I guess. Not my fault," he said.

"I know…I don't think they'll ever actually get along," Lily said, staring at the ceiling.

"I said the same thing about us this morning," James told her, raising an eyebrow.

"I wouldn't exactly call this getting along. I call this being polite," Lily told him, pursing her lips.

James shook his head at her constant need to be right. He ran a hand through his hair again, taking a deep breath. "Whatever you say, Evans" he told her, staring into the fireplace.

They sat in silence for over an hour, Lily finally fell asleep curled up in the armchair. Both of them sitting there, thinking about the other, for different reasons. Lily plotting her next move, James trying to simply figure her out. He found himself laying down in the couch, watching the fire flicker as his eyes drooped heavily, finally falling asleep.

They were awoke moments later by the sound of someone bursting into the portrait hole loudly. Lily looked up around the couch sleepily, finding Brii stumbling as she came through the portrait.

"Riddle?" she asked quietly.

"Evans, I can't do-what are you doing down here? And what's he doing down here?" she asked Lily.

"Fell asleep. What are you doing?" Lily asked her, sitting up in the chair.

"I need to talk to you," Brii told her, turning back towards the door. Lily stood slowly from her chair, following Brii out of the portrait and into the hall.

"What is it?" she asked, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

"Evans, I can't do this. This whole thing, it's going to drive me insane. I can't do it," Brii told her.

"Which part? Why? What happened?" Lily asked, barely comprehending what she was saying.

"It's too complicated," Brii said, staring at the floor, ashamed of herself.

"What happened?" Lily asked again.

"Hekissedme," Brii mumbled, still looking at the floor.

"He WHAT?" Lily asked, now fully away from her short nap, "What the-how the hell did that happen? Are you fucking kidding me, Riddle? And now you're saying you can't do this?" Lily yelled.

"It's complicated! In order for the bet to work…someone's going to get hurt, I don't know if I can handle it!" Brii told her. Lily stared at her, then stepped closer.

_*SMACK!*_

Lily slapped her hard across the face, "When the hell did you grow a fucking heart? Who cares? Grow some damn balls, Riddle!" she yelled at her, disgusted with her friend. Brii nodded. Lily started to pace in the empty, dark hall.

"I can't believe we're even having this conversation…This is ridiculous, I don't have time for it" Lily told her, shaking her head and rolling her eyes angrily.

"Yeah, no, you're right. Ridiculous," Brii said quietly.

Lily stared at her, "Good gods, Riddle, seriously, grow some damn balls, will you? I'm going to sleep" she said, her hands on her hips as she walked back into the Head's Common Room, fuming with anger.

James looked at her sleepily as she walked in, "Alright, Evans?" he asked.

"Fuck off, Potter," she told him, stomping up the stairs.

"Goodnight to you too, Evans," he said, laying his head back down and falling asleep almost immediately.

* * *

><p><strong>AN::: Please review! THANKS GUYS! :-D**


	4. You're Killing Me

**A/N::: hey guys! Thanks for the reviews, I'm glad atleast a few people are enjoying a break from the Lily/James 'fairy tale' fanfic...**

* * *

><p>Lily walked to breakfast the next morning, still angry about the night before. She didn't look at Brii when she sat down at the table with Judy and the other girls who were very worried about why Lily was so upset.<p>

"Lily, talk to us! What is the matter?" Judy pressured her as she sat next to her at the Gryffindor table.

Lily played in her food, not in the mood to hear any of their opinions.

"I heard Dumbledore showed you and James the Heads' dorm last night," Rachel said, intrigued.

"Your sour mood wouldn't have anything to do with that, would it? You know if you'd give him a chance. He isn't that bad," Judy told her.

"Not to mention he isn't that hard on the eyes, either," Rachel whispered, winking at her.

Lily snorted, shaking her head at the immature girls. "No, it has nothing to do with Potter. Just have a lot on my mind," she finally told them, still picking at her food. "I'll see you girls in class. I forgot one of my books at the dorm," she said, standing up and leaving the Great Hall.

She had no intention of going to class that day, she hadn't finished her Transfiguration or Charms homework, and she really didn't feel like answering questions about why she wasn't in class yesterday either. When she got back to the dorm, she wrote Professor McGonagall a note, sending it off with her owl to the professor's office. She laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling of her room, contemplating her thoughts until finally sitting up and opening her bag, taking out her homework.

James walked back to the dorm from dinner that night feeling a bit…odd. Sirius had been acting weird all day, staring off into space at random moments, Remus had yelled at the both of them for not doing their homework, and Peter, well there was nothing normal about Peter, so everyday was an odd day with him. The thing that was the most odd was not seeing Lily for a second day in classes. She'd never missed two days in a row of classes that he could remember. When he'd asked Brii about it, she shrugged it off, saying Lily had probably curled up in her bed and died, but that was just wishful thinking.

He heard the soft sound of music coming from Lily's room as he walked up the stairs, but couldn't place the band simply based upon the muffled track. When he reached her door, he knocked on it for the second night in a row, which another odd thing about today.

He never thought he would be concerned about Lily Evans, and yet, here he was, standing in front of her door, making sure she was okay. After he knocked twice, he heard something hit the door, like she'd thrown something. Puzzled, he knocked again. This time, the music inside stopped and was replaced by her stomps coming to the door.

She yanked it open angrily, "What?" she said.

James looked at her frazzled appearance, her usual sleek and perfectly curled hair was totally frizzed, her face without makeup ,and wearing the same overly-sized black reading glasses. Her cheeks grew pink as she stood there in only a pair of boy-cut underwear, tall white baseball socks, a thin white tank, and an oversized red plaid button-down.

It was her study clothes, she always felt smarter in them.

He felt his eyes squint in confusion at the sight of the spectacles on her nose for the second day in a row. "Do you really need those glasses?" he asked.

"No. Just when I'm studying," she said, then shook her head, not liking the fact that he had distracted her from what she meant to say next, "What do you want, Potter? Come to grill me about my study habits?" she asked.

"No. You weren't in class again today. McGonagall told me to check on you," he lied.

"I'm fine. Now bugger off," she said, trying to shut the door in his face.

He put his hand up forcefully on the door, keeping her from closing it.

She glared at him, pressing her lips together and clenching her jaw angrily, "Is there anything else, Potter?" she asked through her gritted teeth.

James shook his head, not really sure of what he was going to say, "Nothing," he said. He turned and walked away from her door to his own, slamming it behind him when he entered.

She watched him walk to his room, almost wishing he wasn't leaving. The concerned look on his face when he had said "Nothing," confused her. With a deep breath, she shrugged the feeling off and closed her own door quietly behind her before going back to her bed and continuing with her homework.

An hour later, she heard another knock at the door. She was tired of the interruptions. Huffing, she got up off of her bed and swung the door open.

"Where the fuck have you been all day?" Brii asked her angrily.

"Right here," Lily said, stepping away from her door, letting Brii walk in.

"Evans, I'm beginning to think you like skipping classes," Brii told her.

"Didn't much feel like being around people today. Besides, it's not like I missed anything I didn't already know," Lily said, sitting on her bed.

"Got that right. Any progress?" Brii asked, flopping down in the long-seated armchair in the corner of Lily's room.

"I think so. He came to check on me, wanted to know if I was okay," Lily said with a smug smile.

"Mmmm…Evans, I believe the two of you may become friends, yet," Brii said, clasping her hands together over her chest.

Lily laughed quietly, "Friendship isn't exactly what I'm after," she said, looking down at her homework.

"I'm glad to see you've accepted your fate," Brii told her.

"Not exactly like I can do anything about it, is there?" Lily said sighing.

"Not a chance," Brii said smirking.

"Speaking of chance, have you had a chance to tame that unruly beast of yours? Or are you still being a pussy about it?" Lily asked her, pushing her glasses up before they fell off her nose.

Brii gritted her teeth together, "I'll have you know that there won't be any taming of this beast," she told her.

"Oh really? Why? You get cold feet? That kiss scare you last night?" Lily asked her sarcastically.

"No. You can't tame him, it's not possible," Brii said.

"So what are you going to do?" Lily asked.

"I'm going to unleash him," Brii told her, cocking an eyebrow.

"Unleash him? That's the most hilarious thing I've ever heard from you, Riddle," Lily said laughing.

"Fine, you sit in this room, tame your monster while I enjoy the most animalistic sex of all time" Brii said smugly.

Lily smirked, "Mmm, yes, I haven't had that kind of sex since the summer of 5th year, the new neighbor was quite the ravishing man…Oh, how I miss him," Lily said, leaning back on the headboard as her thoughts dazed back to that summer.

"Too bad you won't be getting any of it. Seeing as Potter is becoming such a gentleman," Brii said sarcastically.

"Well, I had to soften him up a bit, didn't I?" Lily said, raising an eyebrow.

"I suppose. Anyway, I'm out. Just wanted to come check on you. Honestly, I thought perhaps you'd died…but I mustn't get my hopes up," Brii said as she stood, walking towards the door.

"Ah, Riddle, and here I was thinking you'd grown a heart," Lily said mocking her.

"Right. Go fuck yourself, Evans," Riddle said, smirking as she shook her head and reached for the door handle.

"Not quite that time yet," Lily told her.

Brii snorted as she opened the door, "See you" she told her, closing it behind her and leaving the dorm.

Lily sighed, leaning back in her bed. Looking at the bathroom door, she decided she could use a long, hot shower; time to clear her head. She got up, grabbed a towel from her closet, then opened the door slowly to the bathroom, making sure James wasn't in there.

As she opened the door, she felt the steam hit her face. The water wasn't on anymore. Assuming that he had already taken his shower and left, she opened it a little further, looking in the large mirror towards the shower.

A lump formed in her throat as she saw James step out of the shower, his body glistening from the hot water, steam rising off of it. His glasses laid on the sink. She could see his hazel eyes clearer than ever before, but she wasn't focused on them.

His wet raven hair stuck up in different places as he took towel-dried it with the towel from the bar beside the shower. Her eyes moved down his toned body, noticing every rip, flex, and indention in his elongated torso. It wasn't that he was buff, it was just that he was fit; raw; hard. Her eyes traveled up and down him in lost control. It had been a while since she'd seen a body so appealing to her every sense.

James felt eyes on him. Without his glasses he couldn't see much through the steam of the hot water. Cautiously, he looked towards his door, then to Lily's door.

She was staring at him!

"Evans?" he called out as he wrapped the towel around his waist.

Lily jumped, hitting herself in the head with the door, then hitting the back of her head in the doorframe. Losing her balance, she fell backwards into her room, the bathroom door flying wide open.

James stood in the door, shaking his head at her. He quirked an eyebrow at her, "Like what you see, Evans?"

She pressed her lips together, "Just because you have a body of the gods, Potter, does not mean I can't keep my eyes off of it," she told him sourly, getting up off of the floor, the button-down shirt she had on falling off of her shoulder.

"Evans, are you giving me a compliment?" he asked, crossing his arms, leaning on the frame.

"No. But just like the gods, you use your body to get what you want," she told him.

"Mmm…right, well that settles it then. You must be a goddess then, as much as you whore out your body," he said, glaring at her as he turned and walked to his own door.

She couldn't get mad at his statement. He had called her a goddess.

Quirking an eyebrow, she smirked at him as she straightened up. "Nice ass, Potter," she said, noticing that his towel hadn't fully covered his body.

"Buns of steel," he said back to her as he closed his door behind him.

She shook her head, "Smug bastard," she whispered to herself, going into the bathroom and cutting on the hot water for her own stripped off her clothes, turning the shower head on and stepping in just as James's door opened.

He caught a glimpse of her bare back and long toned leg as she stepped into the shower, pulling the frosted glass door closed. He could see her silhouette moving in the mirror as he entered the bathroom.

"Come to examine me, Potter?" she asked, a smiled playing on her lips as she wet her hair.

"Oh yes, I'd love to. It'll be the highlight of my day," he said sarcastically.

"You'd enjoy it," she said smugly.

He looked in the mirror again at her silhouette, watching her back arch as she ran her fingers through her hair, he licked his lips instinctively.

"You wish, Evans," he told her, his eyes still watching her in the mirror as he squeezed toothpaste out onto his toothbrush.

Lily didn't mind James being in the bathroom as she took her shower. She was comfortable with her naked body, feeling that it was only anatomy, nothing to be startled or ashamed of. She never understood why sex was such a touchy subject for some people, she thought it was beautiful.

When she opened the glass door a little to get her body wash from beside the bath, James's eyes cut slightly her way, seeing the door open.

She smiled to herself, closing the door and grabbing her loofa, squeezing a small amount of body wash onto it. James spit into the sink, turning on the water to rinse his toothbrush off.

"Ah! Fuck Potter!" Lily screamed as the water turned from piping hot to ice cold.

James laughed to himself, "Something wrong, Evans?" he asked.

"You know bloody well what the hell's wrong, you fuck!" she yelled, peering out of the shower and throwing a towel at him.

He caught it as soon as it came within reach of his hand, staring at her wet face. He leaned back on the sink, his arms folded across his chest as she realized she had thrown her own towel at him.

"Well, I think I'll just take this, then. You don't need it do you? It's very soft," he said smugly, holding it up to his cheek.

"Give it back, Potter," she told him.

"No. You threw it at me, it's mine now," he told her, watching her squirm.

She looked back inside at the shower, cut off the water, and took a deep breath. "Fine. Fine. Keep it. The purple color looks good on you, Potter" she said, swinging the glass door wide open, walking out of the shower nonchalantly.

James definitely did not expect her to do this. He stared at her naked, steaming body for a moment before turning away quickly, looking at the ceiling as he felt his hormones kicking in.

"Boys. Can't keep your damn hormones under control," Lily said under her breath, "It's been nice, Potter, we should do this again," she said, smirking at his still body leaning against the sink.

He turned his head back towards her, staring at her again. He licked his lips again, watching a drop of water trickle from her hair down her collarbone, continuing over her breast and to her stomach. She rolled her eyes, turning around and walking to her door, opening it.

James finally felt his voice back in his throat, "Hey Evans" he said as she stepped into her room. She paused, turning back around, sticking her head around the door as she started to close it slowly.

"Nice ass" he told her, straightening up and tossing her towel over his shoulder.

She smiled smugly, winking at him before closing the door tightly. As she leaned against the door, her naked body still dripping on to the floor, she smiled widely to herself. This was going to be easy.

* * *

><p>James couldn't concentrate in Charms.<p>

Lily sat in front of him, moving her body in a wicked manner. She arched her back, sitting up on the edge of her seat as she took notes, running a hand through her hair, flipping it to one side, exposing her neck. Lily knew he was staring at her, and she was enjoying playing with his boyish hormones.

Brii stared at her, curious as to what she kept moving for. When class was called, she stood, walking quickly to catch up with Lily in the hall.

"You dirty whore," Brii said quietly.

Lily raised an eyebrow to her, "It's too easy," she told her smugly.

Brii pulled her bag closer on her shoulder, "Easy? Are his hormones that strong?"

"You have no idea. I walked around naked last night and I thought he was going to pounce me," Lily told her.

"That's cheating! You can't walk around naked!" Brii told her.

"No, it's not. We said no touching or talking used to seduce. Walking around naked does not fall under either category," Lily said smugly.

"Fine. You're still a dirty whore" Brii told her as they reached the Great Hall for dinner.

Lily smirked at her, "You're just jealous, Riddle. You wish your beast was this easy," she whispered as they parted ways. Lily sat towards the middle of the table, listening to Judy complain about the Potions homework they were given. She found herself daydreaming, looking up at the setting sky in the transparent ceiling.

"Lily, are you even listening to me?" Judy asked her.

"No. No, I'm not Judy," Lily told her.

Judy was taken aback, "You know, you've been acting very strange the past few weeks," she said.

"Have I? Hadn't noticed. I'm going out for a bit. See you girls in the morning," Lily told them, throwing her bag over her shoulder and heading outside onto the grounds. She sat down beside the lake under the tree, laying back and staring up at the purple sky. It was good to get fresh air.

"Come out here often, Evans?" someone said behind her, she could hear their footsteps approaching slowly.

"Yes, Lupin, I do. Why do you ask?" she said, recognizing his voice, still staring at the sky. He leaned over her, blocking her view.

"Just wondering. It's full moon, you know," he told her as he sat down on the dewy grass beside her.

She sat up on her elbows, "Yes. I noticed the waxing moon last night. Are you feeling well?" she asked him, knowing his condition.

"Alright, I guess. I'll feel better in a few days though," he told her, staring out at the lake. She watched his hurt expression as he talked about the night ahead of him.

"I'm sorry, Remus. It must be hard for you, going through these nights alone," she said quietly.

"I'm never alone, Evans. Besides, you shouldn't worry about me. I'll be fine," he told her reassuringly.

"Consorting with the enemy, Moony?" someone said behind them. The both of them turned slightly, seeing the rest of the marauders walking down the small slope towards them.

"Just enjoying the sunset, Prongs" he told him, giving Lily an apologetic expression.

"Evans, I won't be making patrol tonight. I'm sure you can handle it on your own. You almost ready, Moony? It's about that time, mate," James said, the last part a little more apologetic than the first.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll see you tomorrow, Evans," Remus said as he stood up slowly.

"Of course. Stay safe" she told him, a sorrow expression on her face.

James stared at her as Remus stood, joining them. They walked away, up the hill and back into the castle. Lily looked back out at the almost completely set sun before taking herself inside and to her dorm. Just as she walked inside, James ran into her, pushing past her quickly.

"Where are you going? And why can't you make rounds tonight?" she asked him quickly.

He paused, "It's complicated, Evans. I don't need a do-gooder like you telling me otherwise, okay? You can do them yourself, you're a big girl," he told her smartly before continuing out of the portrait hole.

Lily threw her bag on the couch, wondering where the hell James was going. After pacing for a few minutes, she gave up thinking, running up the stairs and changing her skirt. She put on a pair of shorts, leaving on the button down shirt that went with her school uniform. She grabbed a book off of the shelf to read, not wanting to do homework. Walking back downstairs, she cuddled up in the couch with the book Wuthering Heights, falling asleep almost as soon as she sat down.

* * *

><p>James walked back to the dorm after a long night with the marauders. He was beat, tired from running around with his best friends. He loved doing it every month, but it tired him for days, making him even more cranky than before. The last thing he needed was the accusing redhead sitting in the couch just waiting for a fight. He tried sneaking by her sleeping figure as he entered the common room, failing almost immediately.<p>

"Potter?" she said sleepily.

He cursed himself for having such loud footsteps, "Evans" he said.

He looked towards her sitting figure on the couch, her button-down shirt falling off of her, revealing her pale, smooth shoulder. Her hair flopped to one side, frizzed from her tossing and turning on the couch. The memory of her naked body came to mind as she sat there, vulnerable.

"What time is it? Where have you been?" she asked, waking up little by little.

"It's none of your business where I've been, and it's 3am," he told her, running a hand through his hair.

"Oh fuck! I didn't do rounds," she said, more to herself than to James.

He snorted, shaking his head, "And people say I'm a bad example of Head Boy. You're absolutely terrible as Head Girl, Evans," he told her, his hands resting on his hips as he watched her frustrated expression.

"Oh shut up. I fell asleep," she told him, sitting up in the couch.

"Another excuse," he said quietly, still shaking his head.

"Fuck off, Potter, don't tell me you haven't forgotten to do rounds before," she said, glaring at him.

"No. I haven't. Now, if you'll excuse me, your highness, I'm going to sleep," he said, trying to head towards the staircase. He took another glance towards her sitting body on the couch, the once vulnerable being that had been sitting there, now gone.

"No! I demand to know where you've been!" she said, standing.

"Why?" he asked her.

"Because…well, because, I need to know where the Head Boy is incase someone comes looking for you," she said, trying to make an excuse.

"You baffle me, Evans. No one is going to come look for me at 3am," he said, shaking his head, stepping up onto the staircase.

"Do not walk away from me, Potter! This conversation is not over!" she yelled at him.

"It is over, Evans. Go fuck yourself," he told her as he continued to walk up the stairs, opening the door of his room.

She grabbed the nearest object she could find, hurling it at his head. James heard the book fly through the air, quickly turning and catching it clumsily. His nostrils flared as he looked down at her figure standing in front of the crackling fireplace.

"You stupid bitch! What the hell, Evans? Are you trying to kill me? What's this all about? Why do you care where I've been? It's none of your damned business!" he screamed at her, throwing his hands in the air as he turned in a circle on the spot, looking up at the ceiling.

He didn't understand why she would want to know where he'd been, she'd never been remotely interested before. Her eyes were a dark green as she stared at him. He looked her up and down as he walked towards the staircase, his hormones raging with his frustration.

Every time he looked at her, all he saw was her naked figure.

She pressed her lips together, walking up the staircase, "Why? WHY? You think you're so special, that you can just walk around the castle after hours without consequence just because you're a marauder or because you're Head Boy now! Rules don't fucking apply to you! You're not high and mighty, James Potter! You can't just do what you want!" she yelled as she walked up the stairs, finally standing in front of him.

"Oh really? I walk around this castle like I own it? How about you? When's the last time YOU looked in the mirror? You're worse than you think I am! Not attending class because you think you know everything already, sucking up to the professors like the right whore you are. How many of them have you slept with, huh? Is that how you get away with missing your classes?" he asked her angrily, stepping towards her.

"You want to talk about my missing classes? I've only missed two days this year! Let's count how many classes you've skipped to work out a prank with your friends in the past six years!" she yelled.

"Yeah, well, atleast I have friends!" he yelled, now inches from her face.

He could smell the strawberry scent of her shampoo as she stared in his face. Lily was taken aback, staring at him. For the second time that week, he'd told her what she already knew, what no one else would dare say to her. He wasn't scared of her, wasn't scared to tell her what he really thought.

She'd never felt more turned on and yet absolutely terrified in her life.

As she stared at him, he ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath and placing his hands on his hips, then turned to look back at her.

"Don't expect me to apologize" he whispered angrily.

"I never did" she told him, turning and walking into her room.

James stared after her, watching her close her door. He thought he would feel better having told her off, but for some reason, he felt worse than he'd ever felt before. He walked in his room closing his door behind him. He fought the small voice in the back of his head, telling him to go to her. It was then that he heard a knock on the bathroom door.

Opening it, he found Lily standing in the dark bathroom doorway with her arms crossed, staring at him.

"What now, Evans?" he asked, looking at her silhouette reflecting in the moonlight coming through his window. Her face was dark, the highlights of her body showing.

"You didn't tell me where you were," she said, being more annoying.

"Evans. I'm not going to tell you where I was. Perhaps if you'd done your rounds, you would have found me," he told her, turning around in his room to go to his dresser. Anything to get his mind off of her body.

"Oh really? Out with another 5th year?" she asked, stepping into his room.

"You never give up do you?" he asked, huffing sarcastically as he shook his head and pressed his lips together, looking back at her face.

"Not usually," she told him proudly.

"No, I was not out with a girl, it's more complicated than that," he told her, sighing heavily.

"Out with a guy?" she asked, smirking at him.

"What? No! Gods…why would you…Fuck, Evans!" he said walking up to her, placing his hands inches away from either side of her face as he pretended to squeeze her head. "Why can't you just...UGH!" He walked away from her, turning his back an running a hand through his hair, extremely frustrated.

"Someone's got their knickers in a twist," she told him, quirking an eyebrow.

"You just don't get it do you? I was with Remus! You know about his condition! Fuck!" he yelled as he turned back around to her.

"Potter, are you out of your mind? What are you thinking going out on the grounds with him on a night like tonight?" she asked, not sure if she was hearing what he said.

"You wouldn't understand, Evans. It's not like you can relate to having best friends," he said glaring at her.

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I can't relate," she said, staring at the crème carpet under her feet.

He stared at her, confused, "I don't pity you, I never will. So if pity is what you want, go take your bandwagon to the people who follow you around all day like damn dogs," he told her.

"Oh fuck you, James Potter," she spat at him, turning to leave his room.

"You'd enjoy it, Evans" he yelled after her as she entered the bathroom.

She stopped just in front of her own door, her heart jumping madly in her chest. She turned slightly, looking over her shoulder, finding James standing in the doorframe of the bathroom, his hand on the back of his door. Before she could say anything else, he slammed the door in her face, leaving Lily standing in the bathroom with the answers she needed to win the bet, but not the actions.

Maybe it was going to be harder than she first thought it would be…

* * *

><p><strong>AN:: Please review! it really means a lot and keeps me going! Thanks :-)**


	5. Look In My Eyes

Lily couldn't sleep for the third night in a row.

This bet was going to be the death of her. It'd been too long since her last shag, and her body was feigning. She thought once or twice about sneaking into James's room, saying to hell with the bet and simply shagging him senseless, but she never gave in to a bet's temptations.

Never.

James stood next to his window, looking out of it, trying to devise a way to be able to sit on the roof that was just outside of it. He opened the window, looking at the slanted stone, then performed an extension spell on it before performing another spell that made the slanted stone sit flat at a 90 degree angle with the building.

He smiled to himself, proud of his handiwork. Stepping out of his window, he felt the cold wind hit his face, the sun just beginning to rise in the distance just past the trees. He could see the tops of the shops in Hogsmeade from here. Sitting down, he leaned his back against the stone wall, closing his eyes as he thought about the pain Remus had went through that night. A howl sounded in the distance. James winced, thinking about Remus's transformation back to humanity. Resting his head against the cold stone, he thought he heard a noise coming from inside his room, but shrugged it off. He closed his eyes, finally getting the peace he longed for.

Until he heard her voice.

"Little late in the year for sunbathing, isn't it?" Lily said, leaning against his open window.

"What do you want, Evans?" he asked, not moving.

"Dumbledore wants us. Now," she told him, throwing a note in his lap.

James stood reluctantly, stretching his arms and his back before stepping through the window. He tossed on a dark blue hoodie before heading down to the Headmaster's Office, following behind Lily. As they reached his office, Lily mumbled the password. James picked up speed, catching the moving staircase as before it disappeared, he didn't know the password.

"Ah, my favorite two students!" Dumbledore said as they walked in his office.

They looked at him awkwardly, not sure if he was joking.

"Hello, sir. You wanted to see us?" Lily said cautiously.

"Yes, more Mr. Potter than you, Miss Evans. Mr. Potter, you remember at our last meeting you mentioned doing muggle pep rallies and such before the quidditch games," Dumbledore said.

"Yes sir," James said.

"Well, as this week is the most important quidditch game of the year, I would like for you to organize one for next Friday," Dumbledore said, peering over his spectacles as he moved some things around on his desk.

"For the Gryffindor/Slytherin game, sir?" James asked incredulously.

"Yes, yes, I believe that is the one I am talking about," he said smiling.

James inhaled deeply at the news. It was probably the biggest game of his Hogwarts life and he wanted him to organize a pep rally instead of prepare for it?

"Right. Yes, sir. Anything special you'd like?" James asked, a plan formulating in his head.

"No. No. Just a healthy school rivalry," he told James, smiling.

"Right," James said under his breath, running a hand through his hair.

Lily was becoming frustrated, feeling left out. After all, she was the muggle-born in the room.

"Sir, is there anything you'd like me to do?" she asked impatiently.

"Oh, Miss Evans, whatever Mr. Potter needs you to do. I'm sure the two of you can work together on this. That is all," Dumbledore said, rushing them out of his office.

James stared at the floor as they exited into the hall, the both of them heading back to their dorm.

Lily stared at the back of James's head the whole way to the dorm, trying to figure out what he was so frustrated about. He'd just been handed a party to plan, why wasn't he gloating?

"So what do you need me to do for the pep rally, your highness?" Lily said, rolling her eyes.

Abruptly, just outside of the portrait, James turned around, facing her. "The whole thing."

Lily stared at him, unsure of if she'd heard him right. She heard him mutter the password to Sir Codogan then and then watched as he held the door open for her to go in first. Again, she found herself confused.

"What? The whole thing?" she managed as they entered the common room.

"Yeah. That's the biggest game of the year next week and I've got practice. I'm the captain, I can't just put aside my duties to plan some pep rally last minute," James said, frustrated with himself.

"And it's your duty as Head Boy to do what they Headmaster tells you to do. I can't believe you're passing this up! The pep rallies were your idea in the first place!" she said, her hands on her hips.

James rounded on her, his lips pressed together, "You don't get it. This isn't just another quidditch game. It's the last chance I'll have to beat Slytherin's ass. It's one of the last quidditch games I'll play in. I don't need my attention somewhere else next week. It needs to be on that field," he told her, shaking his head.

She quirked an eyebrow, "Oh right, I forget how much a silly little game means to you."

His fists clenched, making his arm muscles contract in frustration, "It's not just a game! And why don't you want to do this anyway? I thought you'd be thrilled," he said.

She pressed her lips together, "Fine. I'll do it. But not for you," she said softly, looking away from him.

James stood proudly, a feeling of triumph taking over his body. He turned, heading up the stairs to take a shower.

Lily watched him walk up the stairs, feeling a bit frustrated and torn. She'd never felt like this before. It bothered her. Shaking it off, she stepped up the stairs slowly, heading into her own room. James was in the shower, so she couldn't take one herself. So instead, she opened the door to the bathroom, grabbed her toothbrush and squirted toothpaste on it, standing in front of the sink as she brushed.

James heard Lily enter the bathroom as he washed his body. "Come to admire the goods again, Evans?" he asked smugly.

"Don't flatter yourself, Potter. There wasn't that much to admire," she lied. She finished brushing her teeth, spitting into the sink and wiping her mouth.

"Whatever you say Evans," he told her, smiling.

The door from James's end burst open, revealing Sirius. He looked at Lily skeptically, her presence in the bathroom puzzling him.

"Fuck, Black, say something," she told him.

"Sorry. Am I interrupting something?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lily pressed her lips together, "Yes, you are. I was just about to get in the shower and shag Potter senseless," she said sarcastically, folding her arms across her chest. Sirius stared at her, confused. Lily shook her head, "Damn, Black. I'm brushing my teeth, you fuck-tard," she said, rolling her eyes. She opened her own door behind her, exiting the bathroom and slamming the door behind her.

"Smart move, Padfoot. What was that you said about her being nice?" James asked him.

"Fuck off, mate. You probably put her in that sour mood, didn't you?" Sirius said.

"I like to think I did," James said proudly, shutting the water off in his shower.

Sirius laughed, "You're proud of that?" he asked him.

James reached out of the shower, putting the towel around his waist, "Yeah. Yeah I am. She's quite feisty. A complete bitch most of the time, but I suppose she has her moments," James said smiling.

"A-ha! She's growing on you. Admit it," Sirius said, crossing his arms across his chest.

"A bit," James told him. He exited the bathroom, going into this room and getting boxers out of his dresser.

"This time next week you'll be telling me you're in love with her," Sirius said, picking up some of the picture frames on James's desk and sitting them back down.

"That's never going to happen," James said, throwing a pair of dirty socks at Sirius's face.

"Whatever you say, mate. So, quidditch practice today?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, yeah definitely. And mate, no fights with Riddle today, please," James begged him as he put on a burgundy tight fitting tee with a Gryffindor lion on the front.

"Right. I'll behave if she does," Sirius told him, shaking the hair out of his eyes.

James pulled on his jeans, shaking his head at his best friend, "That's not possible," he said, knowing it was going to be a long Saturday afternoon.

The two of them walked down to breakfast, sitting with Remus and Peter at the end of the Gryffindor table.

"Feeling ok this morning, Moony?" James asked him.

"A bit peaky. No worse than before," Remus told him weakly.

"Right. Still on for tonight, then?" Sirius asked him.

"Yeah. I hate you guys going out there though, one of you could get hurt. What if I lost control?" Remus said, pushing his plate away from him.

"Hey, don't worry about that. We're not going to leave you to go through that by yourself. We're your friends," James told him seriously.

"Besides, when else can we run around the grounds after hours and not get caught?" Peter said while chewing his pancakes.

"Pete, you're an idiot, mate, you really are," Sirius said while laughing.

"Come on, mate, let's go to practice," James said standing up from the table.

* * *

><p>"You stay OUT of my way, Riddle! What the hell were you doing out there?" Sirius yelled at her as they landed their brooms on the quidditch field.<p>

"I was TRYING to pass the damn quaffle! Why don't YOU stay out of MY fucking way?" she yelled back to him, getting off of her broom and rounding on him.

"You stupid bitch, you don't know anything!" he yelled in her face.

"What? I don't know anything? You couldn't find your head if it wasn't attached to your fucking neck, Black!" she yelled, pointing her finger in his face. His dark eyes stared into hers, their faces inches away from each other. She could feel his breath on her cheek.

"You…UGH!" Sirius yelled, his hands centimeters from her face.

The onlookers from the crowd stared at them as they yelled at each other, their tempers rising.

"WHAT?" she yelled at him, pushing him backwards. He stumbled a little, taken aback by her pushing. She pushed him again, harder. Sirius grabbed her arms as she fought him.

The rest of the team was landing their brooms by now, watching the two of them.

She wrenched an arm free of his grasp, slapping his face harshly. He didn't waver from the spot, holding his ground as she slapped him again and again. Finally, Sirius was able to grab her hand again, pulling her closer to him so that she couldn't move her arms.

"Will… you…fucking let…GO OF ME!" she yelled in his face, "You ignorant coward! LET ME GO!" She continued to try and wrench free of his grasp, pushing him as hard as she could.

As she continued to move, Sirius stared at her angered face, the determination in her eyes sending a feeling down his spine that he'd never experienced. Letting go of her arm, he grabbed her hair, pulling her face towards his, forgetting that they were on the quidditch field.

He kissed her for the third time that week.

Brii stopped flailing as soon as his lips touched hers, the feeling that she'd gotten the past two times returning, jolting down her spine and to her stomach. Remembering that they were still on the quidditch field, she came quickly to her senses. Taking her free arm, she pushed him away from her.

He stumbled back, still staring at her. The both of their lips bruised with passion. Her eyes reflected anger as she stared at him.

James stopped abruptly in his tracks as he watched his best friend kiss the girl he'd sworn to hate for all eternity. He stared at the pair of them, wondering if he'd missed something since moving into the Head Dorm.

After pushing Sirius away from her, Brii turned, walking off of the field, pushing down anyone in her path. Sirius blinked a few times, looking around at the people staring at him, then doing a double-take at James.

James raised his eyebrows at him.

"What are you lot looking at?" Sirius spat. The crowd dispersed. James walked slowly towards his best friend, running a hand through his own hair.

"Care to explain what that was all about?" James asked him.

"Not really, no," Sirius said, unable to look at James.

"Right. Well, do me a favor and go get her to come back," James told him.

"What?" Sirius asked, his hands on his hips.

"Practice isn't over. I need her to come back. You ran her off, you go get her," he told him.

Sirius groaned, sulking as he walked away from James.

"Oh, Padfoot!" James yelled after him. Sirius turned.

"No stops on the way back," James said, smirking at him.

Sirius flipped him off as he ran to catch up with Brii.

"Riddle! Riddle!" Sirius yelled after her.

She kept walking. Catching up with her, he cut her off, standing in front of her.

"What, Black?" she asked him.

"James. He said…He said for you to come back. Practice isn't over," he told her between breaths, his hands resting on his knees.

"Well, you can tell Potter-" she started to say.

"I'm not a fucking owl, Riddle. You want to tell him something, you tell him yourself," he told her.

She pressed her lips together, turning around and heading back towards the pitch. Sirius followed her, watching her walk.

"If you're going to stare at my ass, Black, you could at least make it look less obvious," she told him as she walked down the hill.

"Don't flatter yourself, Riddle," he told her, now looking at the back of her head.

Finally, they reached the pitch, the rest of the team waiting on them.

"Practice isn't over, Riddle. Can't have you walking off the field. Pretty important game next week," James told her.

"Potter, we've been practicing for four fucking hours. Some of us aren't superhuman like you. If you don't let us break, more fights like the one Black and I just had are going to break out," Brii told him as calmly as she could.

"More fights ending in snogging?" one of the other teammates mumbled.

"What was that Longbottom?" Brii said, pulling her wand from her back pocket.

"Hey, hey, Riddle, Longbottom, enough. We can't have fighting within the team. Everyone just go. Practice tomorrow at 2. Good job today, guys," James said, running a hand through his hair, letting his team go for the afternoon.

"Riddle. I need to talk to you" he said as she turned to leave the field.

"Yes, your majesty?" she said sarcastically.

"Shut it and listen, Riddle. I know you've always had a stick up your ass, and you've always been a bitch, but you're a damn good chaser. It's why I keep you on the team. If you weren't so good, you're ass would've been out of here two years ago. Don't make me regret keeping you on here," he told her quietly.

She pressed her lips together firmly, "Whatever you say, Potter," she told him, then turned to leave the pitch.

James sighed heavily and ran his hand through his hair. He needed to think. This month was getting to be a confusing one.

"Oi, mate, aren't you going in?" Sirius yelled upon seeing James mount his broom once more.

"Nah, going to stay out here for a bit longer. You go on. Do your homework. We've got a long night tonight," James told him.

"Right, thanks for reminding me. See you," Sirius said, turning away from him, jogging to catch up with Brii.

"Hey Riddle," he yelled after her.

"Yes, Black?" she asked him.

"Plan on playing nice with the other kids?" he said sarcastically.

"Oh fuck you, Black," she said, not even giving him a sideways glance.

"Wouldn't you love to?" he told her, winking at her as he cut across the grass behind her towards the greenhouses.

Brii slowed her pace, smiling inside. Everyday the bet was coming closer and closer to a close.

* * *

><p>James walked into the Head Common Room later that day absolutely drenched from the sudden downpour and exhausted from being on the pitch all afternoon. He'd stayed out there for another five hours, circling the hoops, diving, beating, charming the quaffle to come towards him so that he could block it. Anything to get his mind off of life.<p>

He walked slowly up to his room, immediately stripping the wet clothes from his body. Grabbing a towel, he headed into the bathroom, not paying attention to the open door across from him leading into Lily's room.

Lily saw movement in her peripheral vision. She looked up from her book, seeing James's naked body walking into the bathroom, not bothering to shut her door. She couldn't help but stare at the sweat dripping down his neck, the grass stains on his strong forearms, the glisten of perspiration just gleaming in the light of the bathroom. The way his abs constricted and tightened with his skin when he leaned down to turn on the water in the shower caused her to draw a sharp breath. And then he turned around.

_Oh, that back..._

His shoulder blades were like wings. Sweat fell slowly from the small of his neck down his spine. She felt herself becoming hotter and hotter as she stared at him, her insides squirming. Almost as sudden as he appeared, he disappeared into the shower.

Lily sighed and let her head hit the pillow carelessly, closing her eyes tight as she thought about him. _Why does he have to be so damn hot? _she asked herself, cursing the fact that she was fantasizing about him.

James leaned his head against the wall of the shower, letting the water run down his back and face. He was dead tired, and probably could have fallen asleep standing. Quickly, he washed his body, knowing that the quicker he washed, the quicker he could fall into his bed and go to sleep. Upon finishing, he grabbed his towel, wrapping it around his waist and stepping out of the shower. He stood in front of the sink, taking a small towel and towel-drying his hair.

As he looked in the mirror, he then noticed Lily's open door. Slowly he turned towards her room, finding her laying back on her bed, her knees bent awkwardly in the air, her face turned down towards him, her green eyes staring at him.

"How long have you been watching?" he asked her, the towel still resting between his hands.

"Watching? I wasn't watching you, Potter," she said quickly, sitting up on the bed.

"Like hell you weren't, Evans. I could feel your eyes on me," he told her, drying his hair again with the towel as he stepped into her room.

"That's not all you'd feel," she mumbled, picking her book back up.

"What was that?" James asked, a smirk playing on his face.

She looked up at him over her book, her eyes gleaming. "What?" she asked, pretending she didn't know what he was talking about.

James shook his head, "Coward," he muttered, turning back around and heading into his room.

Every nerve in her body told her to run after him, throw him on the bed and shag him until she was numb, but abiding by the bet, she couldn't.

So, instead, she yelled at him. It wasn't like she had much of another choice...

"I'm a coward? Who's the one talking shit about how much I'd enjoy it and walking around here naked like he's the only damn person in the dorm! You just as much of a coward as I am!" she shouted, standing up beside her bed.

"You...are calling me a coward?" he asked her, turning around and walking slowly back into her room.

She nodded.

"Me?" he asked again, still walking towards her.

She nodded again, crossing her arms across her chest.

He threw the towel down he'd had in his hand as he crossed the room, running a hand through his hair. He chuckled evilly as he closed the gap between them.

And suddenly, before she could truly comprehend what was happening, he had grabbed her hair in his hands and pulled her face to his.

Lily was sure she would be prepared for this when it happened. As many guys as she'd kissed, why would James Potter be any different?

But it was.

As soon as his lips touched hers, butterflies knotted her stomach, she could feel electricity in her toes. It was like a bad muscle cramp that she couldn't get out, her body in spasms. She was grateful for the grip he had on her hair, otherwise she was sure she would have fell straight to her knees.

James didn't realize parting from her lips was going to be difficult. He thought he would be able to kiss her and let her go immediately. Somehow, he found himself pulling her closer to him, his fingers entwining in her hair as he deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue in her mouth. His stomach curled in knots when she placed her hand on his still wet abs.

Abruptly, he pulled away from her, yanking her hair. She winced in pain.

"I'm not a fucking coward," he whispered to her, his face still inches from hers.

She swallowed hard, looking into this hazel eyes, searching them for any sign that he felt what she had. She couldn't read his face. James turned, walking out of her room and slamming the door behind him. Lily fell hard on her bed.

It was going to be hard to shake this from her memory.

As James walked into his room, he wanted to throw something. How could he have been so stupid to fall for her trap? She obviously had wanted him to kiss her! Why did he fall for it? And why did he feel like this? Like he'd just been to the moon, or on another planet far away from here. Looking down, he again was confused. Had that kiss really turned him on enough to give him a boner? He was going to need another shower.

Lily took her book downstairs, hoping getting out of the room would help her mind focus. When that didn't help, she left the dorm, walking to the Astronomy Tower. She needed fresh air.

Upon reaching the tallest tower, she took a seat on the banister, her legs swinging over the railing freely. She watched the moon rising high above her. Swallowing hard, she thought of Remus, and how difficult it must be for him to have to endure the pain of becoming a werewolf once a month. As she looked back down towards the ground, she saw a shadow move across the grass, heading straight for the Whomping Willow. _That's odd_, she thought, watching the figure run.

"Enjoying the moonlight?" someone asked behind her.

Lily turned around quickly. The person moved out of the shadows, the moon reflecting his pale face.

"Severus," she said icily.

"It's been too long, Lily. How have you been?" he asked, walking closer to the railing.

"Just fine. Yourself?" she asked, turning back around towards the moon.

"A bit lonely. I've missed you," he told her, picking up a strand of her hair and bringing it to his face, breathing in her scent.

Lily clenched her jaw, her body tensing uncomfortably with his touch. Normally, it didn't bother her, but somehow tonight, it made her feel dirty. "Too bad. I assumed you would have replaced me by now," she told him.

"Replace you? I could never replace you, Lily," he said, placing a hand on her waist, attempting to snuggle her neck with his face.

"Sev, stop," she said, trying to wriggle away from him. His hand clenched her waist tighter, the other hand gripping her arm.

Lily wrenched her arm away from him, slapping his face. She could feel her balance on the railing wavering as he tugged on her.

Severus's eyes flared with anger when she slapped him. He tried pulling her over the rail towards him. She pulled away, finally breaking free from his grasp. She didn't realize that as soon as she let go of him, she would fall from the tower.

Lily reached for the stone wall, grasping nothing except air as she fell from the tallest tower. Severus leaned as far as he could over the rail for her, unable to catch her.

"LILY!" he yelled as she fell off of the rail.

Lily watched Severus's face fade from her vision in the fog surrounding the Astronomy Tower as she fell. Her arms flailing, legs kicking, but her mind calm. She didn't want to have a million thoughts running through her mind during her last moments on earth. She seemed to fall in slow motion. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, her breathing steadied as she reached the ground. Scenes flashed through her head. What puzzled her though, was the one that her mind kept flashing to...

Her and James kissing.

A sudden jolt in her abdomen startled her. She thought she'd be dead by now. She'd been suspended mid-air, inches from the ground. Slowly, she landed on the dewy grass. The last thing she remembered was a shadow hovering above her, asking if she was okay, then she blacked out.

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><p>Lily's head was throbbing. She felt the heat of the fire on her face as she opened her eyes slightly, bringing her hand up to her head. She moaned groggily. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw someone move slightly. She could feel their eyes on her.<p>

"You're going to be sore. Don't try to sit up," the person told her.

She turned her neck quickly, hearing James's voice in the chair. A searing pain was sent through her neck as she turned. "Ah. Damn," she whispered hoarsely.

James shook his head at her, "I told you not to move," he told her.

"Oh shut up. I'm fine," she told him, attempting to sit up. Her head throbbed again.

"Merlin, Evans. Why can you not just listen?" he said, rushing over to her. "For once in your life!" He shook his head as he sat down on the edge of the couch and helped her sit up. "Have you always been this stubborn?" he asked, his eyes searching her face.

She smiled weakly at him as one of his hands moved a stray curl from the side of her face.

"Why'd you do it?" she whispered, looking up at him, her cheeks turning a bright pink color.

"Do what?" he asked, his hand still on her cheek.

"Save me," she said.

James looked away from her for a moment, pondering his answer. "I don't know. Two weeks ago I would have let your body crush onto the grass, and probably celebrated at your funeral, if I even attended. But now, I don't know. I couldn't stand by and watch you die in front of me," he said quietly, his cheeks now a rosy color.

"Thank you," she told him, her voice barely audible.

James looked back to her, her eyes avoiding his.

"Don't thank me. I did it for my benefit, not yours. Who else would I fight with and shove my Head Boy duties on?" he told her, a smirk forming on his face.

Lily's face broke into a smile, "Selfish bastard," she said smiling, hitting his arm playfully.

James grabbed his arm, wincing in pain. "Ow, woman!"

"Oh, excuse me, does the poor baby have a bruise from his long day on the pitch?" she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Actually yes, yes I do have a bruise there," he told her.

"You're such a pussy, Potter," she said, attempting to get up from the couch.

"Didn't we have this conversation earlier today?" he asked her, cocking his head to the side.

Lily's stomach fluttered a bit as she thought about it, "We might have. I have a slight concussion, my memory is a little fuzzy," she told him, biting back a smile.

James stood, his face hovering over hers, only inches separating them. Lily found herself drawn to him, her body leaning in closer to his. James stared into her deep green eyes as he leaned down towards her. Lily closed her eyes, her chest heaving in anticipation. He reached a hand up to her cheek, the other to her neck. Suddenly, she felt him tense.

James smirked, "Go fuck yourself, Evans," he whispered harshly to her, softly slapping her cheek twice before stepping away from her.

Her eyes shot open. Slowly, he backed away from her, a smug smile on his face. He laughed evilly as he turned around, heading up the staircase to his room where he took one last glance at her before shutting his door.

Lily sighed, falling back into the couch. Grabbing the pillow next to her, she buried her head in it, screaming to the top of her lungs.

This was going to drive her to madness.


	6. Come Break Me Down

**A/N::: Thank you soooo much for the reviews guys! :-) :-) **

**They make me want to update quicker, i hate putting readers through such agony! **

**We're getting to the breaking point...so I hope you enjoy!**

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><p>Lily didn't shower before heading down to breakfast the next morning, her hair frizzy from tossing and turning on the couch. She sat down at the end of the table beside Brii, not even looking further up the table where Judy and Samantha were signaling her to sit with them.<p>

Brii did a double-take as Lily sat beside her, shoving toast and sausage onto her plate. "Everything ok in Lily-land?" Brii asked her.

Lily huffed, "Yes, everything is absolutely fucking perfect. Why do you ask?" she hissed, cutting her sausage fiercely with her knife and fork.

Brii stared at her, "Evans…Evans! You're cutting the plate in half…" she said, grabbing Lily's hands.

Lily looked down at her plate. Brii was right, there was a line in the plate where she'd been sawing into it. She dropped the utensils on to the plate with a clang, breathing heavily.

"I don't know what's happening to me," Lily whispered, her expression full of fear.

"What are you talking about?" Brii asked.

"Riddle…I…" Lily looked around the room, then stood, rushing out of the Great Hall in a fury. She knocked into someone on her way out, almost falling to the ground. His arms caught her, pulling her back up. Lily glanced up to his face, already recognizing the strong hands wrapped around her.

"Alright, Evans?" James asked.

Lily pushed him away, practically running out of the Hall and out onto the grounds. The sun hit her face warmly as she ran all the way down to the water's edge, stopping only when it hit her ankles.

"What are you doing?" Brii asked her. She'd followed Lily out of the Hall.

"I don't know," Lily told her.

"Well…what are you running from?" Brii asked.

"I don't know! I don't know what's happening to me!" Lily yelled.

"What…what's happening to you…Evans, does this have anything to do with Potter?" Brii asked.

Lily looked at the ground, "It might."

Brii raised her eyebrows, "Come on," she told her, nudging towards the castle.

"What? Where are we going?" Lily asked her.

"Hog's Head. You need a drink," Brii told her.

Lily reluctantly agreed, heading back to the castle with Brii where they snuck through the one-eyed witch passage to Hogsmeade. As they entered the Hog's Head, they found Aberforth wiping out a couple of dingy beer mugs.

"Hullo, Ab. Can we get a couple of fire whiskeys? Evans's had a long weekend," Brii told him, setting down at the table in the corner.

"Course, Riddle," he told her, heading to the back and getting their drinks.

Brii turned to Lily who was staring at her hands in her lap, "Spill," she said. Aberforth brought them their drinks, setting them down harshly in front of them.

"I brought the whole bottle over here, looks like the two of ye'll be here a while," he said, raising an eyebrow and leaving the table.

Lily took a sip of her drink, still not saying anything.

"Are you going to talk or do I need to go get veriterserum from Slughorn?" Brii asked her.

"He kissed me," Lily told her, now looking up.

"Okay…isn't that the plan?" Brii asked.

"Well, yes, but…" Lily started saying.

"But it was like nothing you'd ever experienced before," Brii said, pouring herself another shot of whiskey.

Lily scrunched her face up in confusion, "How'd you know that?" she asked.

"Because I tried to tell you the same thing when Black kissed me…and you told me to grow some balls and get over myself," Brii said.

"Why are we doing this, Riddle?" Lily asked quietly.

"Because we're tired of the same shit from every other guy in this damn school. Because we're bored. Because we want a challenge. And for once, it's not just another fuck. For once in our lives, something feels real," Brii told her.

Lily grabbed the whiskey, drinking straight from the bottle, "It's too real," she whispered.

Brii smirked, "Not scared, are you Evans?" she asked.

"Absolutely terrified actually," Lily confessed.

"What are you saying? Are you saying if he comes at you like a ravenous beast, you're going to back down because you're scared?" Brii asked.

"What? No! I'm just saying, what if it is real?" Lily whispered.

A sad expression washed over Brii's face, "It's just a bet, Lily," she told her, "It's all in our heads," she almost whispered.

"Right. In our heads," Lily whispered, staring at the table.

"It's next Friday, you know?" Brii said.

Lily took another shot of whiskey, "This coming Friday?" she asked, "The same night as the Slytherin/Gryffindor match?"

"Yeah. Why do you care about that?" Brii asked.

"I have to organize a pep rally. I didn't realize it was on the same night as Halloween," Lily said quietly.

"Right. Yeah. What's a pep rally?" Brii asked.

"Stupid really, Potter's idea. It's just a big party where you get everyone pumped up for the game," Lily explained.

"Sounds ridiculous. Why isn't he planning it?" Brii said.

"Said he'd be too busy with practice, wants me to do it instead. I have nothing else to do I suppose. And I guess I can get his advice on things, maybe it'll help with the bet," Lily said.

"I suppose," Brii said.

"We should probably be getting back. Five and a half days…sounds impossible," Lily said, taking her shot of whiskey.

"Here's to nothing," Brii told her, raising her last shot to Lily.

The both of them clanked their glasses together, downing them, then headed back to the castle.

Lily walked up to her dorm in a daze. She slumped down in the chair beside the desk, getting out a quill and sheet of parchment to begin writing ideas down for the pep rally. She knew James was at the pitch, probably practicing hard for the match that week.

She became bored quickly with the duty of organizing something she had no interest in leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes. The first thing to come to her mind was James, and their kiss. It made her hot.

A loud noise broke her daze, someone fell through the portrait hole with a loud thud. Lily looked up from the table, seeing two shadows falling into the room.

"Bloody hell, Padfoot! It was a joke!" James said laughing.

"That's not funny, mate!" Sirius told him, pushing James again.

James continued to laugh, "You were the one snogging her! I find it hilarious that you like snogging the woman that you also call an evil siren," he told Sirius.

Lily snorted, unable to contain her delight. The two of them looked toward the corner of the room where she sat.

"What are you on about?" Sirius asked her.

"You…you've been snogging Riddle? In front of everyone?" she asked him, practically laughing as madly as James now. "No wonder she's been all hot and bothered lately," she said under her breath.

"Why, what did she say?" he asked immediately, then straightened up when he saw James's eyebrows become raised, "I mean, has she mentioned anything to you? Said she was going to murder me?" he asked.

Lily smirked, "She might have mentioned you. Are you interested?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sirius looked at James, his head hanging low as he shook the hair from his face. "I…I have to go. I'll see you later, James," he said nervously, walking out of the portrait hole.

James watched him leave, then turned his attention to Lily, "Well, you certainly know how to make someone uncomfortable," he said, walking towards her.

"Just all hot and bothered," she said smirking at him as he sat in the chair across from her.

He looked at the parchment in front of her, reaching for it and swinging it around so that he could read it. "Chants? Streamers? Evans…I thought you were more clever than this," he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I am when it's something I'm remotely interested in," she told him, moving her quill on a scrap piece of paper, doodling.

"Like what?" he asked her.

She took a deep breath, looking up at his hazel eyes across the table, "Well…like music, potions, art, you know, not jock-cheerleader-type things," she told him.

"What's a cheerleader?" he asked.

"You know, people that lead chants and cheers during a game? Usually girls with short skirts jumping up and down and acting like complete bimbos?" Lily said, her eyebrows raised.

"I like the sound of these cheerleaders. Perhaps we should have some at the rally," he told her, leaning back in his chair with a smug smile on his face.

She laughed, throwing a balled up piece of parchment at him. "Over my dead body. You said I would be organizing this, not you," she told him.

"Well yes, but I get an input I think," he said.

"Or maybe you don't," she said, cocking her head to the side as she leaned back in her chair.

James smirked, fumbling with the pages of parchment in between his fingers. "What do you want, Evans?" he asked her, sitting up in his chair, leaning forward.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Every day I watch you try to please those around you. Your friends, the professors, sometimes even Riddle. I know that the girls you call your friends, aren't really your friends, the professors, well, you only talk to them for good grades, and Riddle. I think you are yourself with her, but you also put on a strong face, one that you aren't strong enough to uphold. But I rarely see you do anything you want. So, what do you want?" he asked her.

Lily had never really thought about it before. Right now she could only think of one thing she wanted, and he was sitting right in front of her. The problem was, she couldn't do anything about it.

"I'm not sure," she told him quietly.

He searched her face for a moment before standing, "Somehow, I get the feeling you know exactly what you want. But you just don't know how to get it," he said quietly. He walked around her, his hand grazing her neck for a moment before walking towards the stairs.

Lily blinked a couple of times. He'd been nice to her. Abnormally nice. They'd laughed together. What was he playing at?

She stood, "Potter, what the hell are you on about? You think you've got me all figured out now or something? You've been around me for less than a week and all of a sudden I read like an open book? Is that what you think?" she said in a demanding, yet high-pitched voice.

James stopped on the third stair, blinking at her sudden outburst. "And we were getting along so nicely," he said in a sing-song voice, rolling his eyes and continuing up the stairs.

"Potter! We-"

"It's always the same thing with you. You say you don't want to fight, and yet here you are picking a fight with me. Fuck, Evans! What do you want from me?" he yelled back to her from the top of the stairs.

Lily looked down at the ground, unable to find an answer.

James ran a hand through his hair, frustrated with the redhead. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" he yelled again.

She shook her head voraciously, avoiding his eyes.

"How can you walk around this castle with your head held high if you don't even know what you want, Evans? You could have everything. Every guy in this castle would eat from the palm of your hand, kiss your damn feet, and yet you just take everything when you don't want any of it. I can't figure you out because you won't let me! You can't read like an open book if you're locked tight like a fucking journal! You're shut off from everyone, Evans! You can't keep this up! You have to let it go! You can't keep being this person everyone else wants you to be. Who do you want to be, Evans? What is it YOU want?" he shouted, reaching the bottom step.

She was trembling now. She refused to let him see her like this. She turned, wiping the one tear that had made it down her cheek and fully intending on leaving the dorm, until she felt his hand on her arm. She slapped him away.

"Get away from me," she whispered.

He reached for her again, but she pushed him once more. He didn't give up.

"Evans, stop," he said as she continued to struggle against his hands.

"No! You smug bastard, don't touch me!" she said, wriggling against him.

James clenched on to her wrists and brought her closer to him, watching the struggle her face was putting up not to let the tears in her eyes fall.

"Evans!"

She tried hitting him again.

"Evans, stop!"

She jerked back with her lower body, pushing him away, but he wouldn't let her. He refused to let her go.

"Lily!" he said finally.

She stopped writhing when he used her first name, looking up in his hazel eyes through her strangled red waves.

He searched her tear-stained face. "Stop pushing me away," he whispered, his hands gripping her wrists in front of his chest.

Never had he seen her more vulnerable than she was now. She was beautiful. Not that she wasn't beautiful before, but now...there was no stoney persona shielding her eyes or shadowing her face. It was her.

Without thinking, he found himself loosening the grip on her wrists and capturing her mouth with his.

It was intense. The both of them longing for the other, and yet absolutely terrified at the same time.

The moment she felt his lips, she felt her heart constrict, her breaths become jagged. She'd never been so sure of something she wanted in her entire life. She grasped his hair hard between her fingers with one hand, the back of his neck with the other, bringing him closer to her.

He kissed her with a passion he'd never known could exist before now. He didn't want to take a breath, for taking a breath meant parting from her lips. His hand pushed itself beneath the bottom of the tank she was wearing, his fingers digging into her soft skin. The quiet moan that emitted from the back of her throat upon his grasping of her breast made him grin inside. He felt her arms tighten around his neck, her body bringing itself closer and pressing against him.

A sudden noise coming from the portrait hole startle the pair, breaking them apart suddenly.

Lily jumped back, not even looking towards the portrait. She could hear who it was.

The other three marauders walked into their common room laughing. Thankfully, they were so caught up in the joke Remus had just told that they didn't even notice the disheveled couple standing at the back of the room making out. Sirius was the first to notice where James and Lily were.

"What's going on here?" he asked, still somewhat laughing. He looked between the two.

Lily was pacing, her back to them as she wiped her face. James took a deep breath, rubbed his face with his hands, then ran them through his hair. The abrupt interruption had startled the both of them to the point that they didn't have a clue how to respond or react to their intruders.

"Awkward," Peter said in a high pitched voice.

Lily inhaled deeply and glanced over her shoulder in James's direction. He caught her eye, turning a slight shade of pink. She walked towards him, pushing past him as she started up the stairs.

"James," she whispered.

"Lily," he said quietly, clearing his throat as he moved out of her way. He looked at the floor, biting his lip before glancing up at her walking up the stairs.

Turning towards the marauders, he looked at their curious faces and tried to pretend as if nothing had happened. "So! What's going on? What did I miss?" he asked them enthusiastically, referring to the joke they were laughing at when they came in.

"Nope, not getting off that easy, mate. What did we miss?" Sirius asked him, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Padfoot," he said as he joined them near the door.

"Right, well, while he tries to get your dirty little secret out of you, I need to sit. I've never been so tired in my life," Remus told them.

"Really, Moony? What made this cycle so different?" James asked.

"Oh no you don't. You haven't answered my question," Sirius told James.

James ran a hand through his hair, swallowing hard. "It's nothing. Just another fight," he lied.

Remus and Sirius exchanged glances, knowing there was something that James wasn't telling them, but decided to let it go. "Whatever you say, mate," Remus said, sighing.

"Anyway, we have to be getting to the pitch," Sirius told James.

James nodded silently as they all headed towards the portrait hole. He took one more glance at Lily's bedroom door before leaving the room, the feeling of her lips still lingering on his.

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><p>Lily curled up in the couch later that day, still unable to concentrate fully on her assignment. Every time she looked down at the paper and began writing, the thought of having a pep rally for a quidditch game brought her thoughts to James. And every time she thought of James, she could feel his hands on her soft skin, gripping it tightly as he'd done earlier that day, their mouths fighting each other, bodies aching to be closer together.<p>

She couldn't look anywhere around the room without seeing something of his, whether it be a book or random piece of clothing. He was every where.

She had to get out.

She got up from the couch, put on her tennis shoes that laid beside the door and walked out of the room, all the way down to the bridge where she began to run.

The wind flew through her hair as she ran down the hills, past the owlery and into the forest. There was a path through the forest that went around cliffs at the edge of the lake, she loved running on it. When she ran, she was free, free from her problems, free from the world she'd surrounded herself with. She wasn't in the deep hole she'd dug for herself, she was above it, looking down on her own frail body.

Today was different, she couldn't get her head clear. Her feet stumbled on the rocks beneath them. She couldn't grip the ground, couldn't concentrate or react quickly when she saw the tree branches coming towards her. A couple of times she hit small twigs, scratching her face and getting leaves in her hair.

When she reached edge of the tallest cliff, she stopped abruptly, inches from the edge. Her breathing was fast as she placed her hands on her hips, looking up at the darkening sky.

"Lily, what are you doing?" she asked herself.

She looked over towards the bridge, seeing figures moving across it. Her mood became a mixture of severe frustration and anxiety as she saw James and Peter emerge from the bridge.

She gritted her teeth together, walking towards them. "What the fuck, Potter? Can't you just…can't you just leave me alone for one damned minute?" she yelled, letting her frustration get the best of her.

James stared, puzzled at her behavior, "What…" he started to say.

"Why the hell are you everywhere I turn? Can't I be free from you or do you enjoy torturing me? I'm tired of looking at your fucking face! Gods!" she yelled, pushing past them and walking to the bridge, back to the dorm.

Peter looked up at James, "What was that all about?" he asked him.

James swallowed, running a hand through his hair, "I have no….idea," he told Peter, shaking his head.

James walked to the common room later in the evening, his endorphins still on high from the long workout he and Sirius had just finished. He felt he could handle anything right then. Well, until he walked into his room, finding Lily out on the balcony he'd made, leaning over against the short stone wall.

"You know…for someone that's apparently tired of seeing me, you do put yourself in my way quite often," he said to her, leaning against the frame of the window.

She glared up at him, continuing to lean against the wall. "I wanted to talk to you," she said.

"I thought you didn't want to see me? Or as I recall, look at my face?" he said to her, now leaning against the wall beside her. He looked at her profile, studying her stone face.

Lily sighed, turning towards him. It was now or never.

"I only said that because I can't get you out of my head. And its frustrating, its killing me. You're killing me. I've never felt so helpless in my life. I don't know how much more I can take," she told him, her fists clenching together as every muscle in her body tensed.

"What are you saying, Lily?" he asked her, using her first name.

She caught his eyes at the use of her name. "I'm saying…I'm saying," she shook her head and took another deep breath, "I'm saying I'm tired of running…I'm tired of pretending," she told him, her face hot with embarrassment. She'd never opened herself up to anyone this much before.

"Congratulations, James Potter, you have successfully torn down my wall," she said, walking towards the window, pushing past him as she did so.

James stared after her, confused at this sudden gush of honesty.

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><p><strong>AN::: Please review! What did you think?**


	7. All I Wanted Was You

**A/N::: Thanks for the reviews! **

**You guys really make me write faster, wanting to get an update to you as quickly as i can (without compromising story of course) **

**Enjoy! **

**Please review!**

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><p>Lily sat by herself at breakfast, pushing the eggs around her plate.<p>

She hadn't slept much.

"Lily! Are you ok? Do you need me to take you to the infirmary? You know, there's a virus going around the school, perhaps you've caught that. Oh! Did you know that James is doing a-" Judy said as she sat down beside Lily at the table in her usual gossiping fashion.

Lily cut her off abruptly.

"Judy, I don't care. I don't care if James is doing a fashion contest or if Peter is sleeping with the most beautiful girl here or if…if someone fell from the astronomy tower or go food poisoning from eating a damn piece of bread. I. Don't. Care," Lily told her suddenly.

Judy was clearly taken aback.

"And I'm not sick, okay? I have a lot on my fucking mind. You know there's a lot more to life than this damned school, these fucking people and the gossip that you and everyone else cling to. Grow up and get a life! Stop caring about everyone else's and worry about your own! Now, please, leave me the hell alone!" Lily yelled.

Judy was hurt, her eyes welling up in tears as she walked away from Lily to the far end of the table. Lily shook her head, taking a deep breath and burying her head in her hands. Someone sat in front of her. Lily looked up, finding a smiling Brii sitting in front of her.

"Well done," Brii said smugly, her arms folded across her chest.

"Oh shut up," Lily told her.

"I think someone's feigning for a shagging. All that frustration and anxiety just keeps building, doesn't it?" Brii said.

"You look pleased with yourself this morning," Lily observed, ignoring her comments.

Bri sighed, "I am. You know what I did last night?"

Lily raised an eyebrow, "Black?" she asked her.

Bri laughed, "No. No. No, last night, I actually had a normal conversation with him," she boasted.

Lily almost spit her juice out, "You what?"

"Me and Black. We actually talked without fighting, Well…atleast for a small while," Brii told her.

Lily snorted, "How long is a small while?"

Brii thought a minute, "5 minutes?" she said, shrugging her shoulders.

Lily laughed at her, shaking her head. "I have to say, I'm proud of you Riddle. It's a step for you. Cheers" Lily said, raising her orange juice cup to her. She caught a pair of hazel eyes staring at her as she put her cup up to her mouth.

"Quite a show you gave, Evans," James said as he and the other marauders approached the table.

Lily broke her stare from James as she watched Sirius do something odd. He sat down beside Brii, their arms touching. Lily cocked her head to the side, narrowing her eyes in confusion. She blinked a couple of times, breaking out of her daze as she turned back to James who had sat beside her.

She looked between the two, "Are you two sick or something?" she asked them.

"You know, I was just wondering the same thing," Remus said from across the table.

"You didn't answer my question, Evans," James said to her.

"What question? You didn't ask me any damn question," she said, shaking her head at him.

He thought a second, "Oh right. I didn't. So, what was that with Judy all about?" he asked.

"Since when are you interested in my life, Potter?" she asked, pressing her lips together.

"Since Wormtail here is biting at the bits to know the dirt. He's quite the gossiper you know," James said, biting a piece of toast.

"Potter, why the hell are you so cheery this morning? You end your dry spell last night or something?" Brii asked him.

Sirius snorted, his drink coming up through his nose as he laughed. James glared at them.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Riddle. And since when is it a crime to be in a good mood? You should try it some time," James told her.

"Please, people in good moods think their lives are perfect. It's unrealistic," she told him.

"Or they're just in a good place in their lives and want to celebrate it," Remus proposed, taking a bite out of an apple.

"If you say so, Lupin," Riddle said.

After breakfast, they all went to their classes, Lily, Remus and Brii going to arithmancy, while Peter, Sirius, and James went to Herbology.

Lily stared at the blackboard during arithmancy, hardly paying attention to the professor. Her hand moving subconsciously, copying down the words he said. She was bored. She couldn't believe she'd snapped on Judy that morning, what was she thinking? Had James really gotten to her?

She went through her morning classes like a machine, walking into the Great Hall for lunch late. There were few students in there, most of them had their books out on the tables as they ate. She sat down by herself, grabbing an apple to eat as she looked around the large room.

"Evans. We need to talk," James said walking by her briskly.

She hadn't seen him further down the table, it was like he'd appeared from no where. She watched him walk to the door of the Great Hall before fully comprehending what he'd said. Quickly gathering her things, she got up from the table, running after him.

He was already on the stairs, she had to run to keep up with his bounding steps on the stairs.

"Potter! Potter!" she yelled as she ran after him. "James! What's going on?" she yelled.

He continued silently up the stairs, a determined expression on his face as they finally approached their dorm.

"Potter! What's…" she said, standing in the doorway, catching her breath, "what's going on? What do we need to talk about? Where is this coming from? You were fine this morning!" she yelled at him.

James rounded on her, swallowing hard. He looked completely distracted in his thoughts as he stood before her in silence, his hands resting on his hips.

"Potter…" she started to say.

"We need to talk about yesterday," he said, finally getting his mouth to work.

She blinked a couple of times, "What about yesterday?" she asked quietly.

"Oh don't play games with me, Evans."

"Fine. You want to talk about yesterday? What do you want to know?" she asked him, glaring.

"I want to know why it happened," he said.

"Why…why it happened? Potter you kissed me! I should be asking YOU why it happened!" she yelled.

"Then why aren't you?" he said, raising an eyebrow at her, his hands now shoved in his pockets.

She looked frantically around the room, as if searching for an answer, "What…I…why…what does it matter? It happened! Why does it need bringing up?" she said, avoiding the question.

"You enjoyed it," he said as if a light bulb had went off in his head.

"What?" she screeched, "I…I enjoyed it? Who was the one with their hands under my shirt?" she yelled.

He narrowed his eyes at her, "I didn't hear any protests…" he said, taking a step towards her.

"Well…I'm not the only one who enjoyed it…YOU enjoyed it!" she said, trying to turn the tables on him.

"Me? Me enjoy kissing Lily Evans?" he said as if the notion was ridiculous. "Why would I enjoy kissing the woman that I've spent half of my life trying to stay as far away from as possible? Why would I enjoy kissing someone so damned stubborn, ill-tempered, and bull-headed? Why would I enjoy kissing the person that I hate more than anyone else in this world?" he asked, the sarcastic smile he had had on his face now gone.

"I don't know, James Potter. Why would you?" she said softly, glaring up at him as he towered over her, her arms crossed over her chest.

"I was hoping you could tell me," he said, cocking his head to the side as he stared in her green eyes.

She took a deep breath, "Well," she turned away from him and started pacing, pondering the question, "if you think about it, we've actually had a few conversations that didn't end in arguments, we've talked about why we hate each other so it's not like it a secret anymore. We have to work together for Head duties so as much as you want to hate me, there's no possible way you could hate me and work with me. And-"

"Evans," he said plainly.

"What?" she asked, raising her eyebrows as she turned towards him, stopping her pacing.

"Shut up," he took two steps, closing the gap between them and captured her mouth with his.

She immediately melted in his arms. She'd been waiting on this all day, wondering if it would ever happen again. His tongue licked at her lips, she immediately obeyed, granting him entrance to her whole mouth. She grabbed the back of his head, entangling her hands in his hair and pulling him closer to her.

"Ahem…" someone said from the portrait hole, clearing their throat.

Immediately, they stopped kissing, letting go of one another and looking towards the door. They blushed when they saw their three admirers.

Remus was leaning on the wall, Sirius standing behind him sniggering while Peter stood there wide-eyed. Remus had a smug smile on his face.

"I told you you'd like her," Remus said to him.

James looked at the floor, trying not to smile as he ran a hand through his dark hair. He grabbed a pillow from the couch beside him, throwing it at him. "Shut up Moony," he said through his gritted teeth.

Lily was thoroughly embarrassed. It would be all over the school by supper that the two of them were making out in their dorm. That the closet whore Lily Evans was just trying to get another helpless Gryffindor into bed. Maybe even before then with the way Peter gossiped. She didn't know if she could handle this.

"I have to go work on this pep rally thing. I'll see you guys later," Lily said quietly, going up the stairs quickly.

James didn't see Lily the rest of the day. She didn't go to breakfast or classes the next day either. After supper, James walked up to her room, knocking on her door quietly.

"Evans? Evans, are you okay?" he asked loudly.

She opened the door in her usual attire, shorts and a oversized red and black plaid button down shirt. She had her glasses on today also, which worried James a little.

"Studying?" he asked.

"What do you think?" she said, stepping away from the door and going back to her bed where she had all of her books spread across it.

James walked in, watching her sit back down on her bed, crossing her legs in front of her. She looked up at him with a solemn expression.

"So, what do you want?" she asked.

"Why haven't you been to class?" he asked.

"Don't you have more important things to worry about? Like the quidditch game Friday?" she said.

"I already went to the pitch. It was very awkward. Riddle and Sirius didn't fight, they actually worked together…" he said. Abruptly, he shook his head, realizing what she'd done. "Stop changing the subject! Why didn't you go to class?" he asked her quickly.

She sighed, "My official excuse is that I'm sick" she told him.

"And your real reason?" he asked.

She looked up at him nervously, "I'm scared," she said quietly, quickly looking back down at the pep rally event schedule she'd been working on.

He walked to the side of her bed, sitting down on it beside her. "What the hell are you scared of?"

"Look, I know by now Peter has went and told everyone that he caught us yesterday. I just don't know if I can handle all of those stupid people staring at me, expecting me to be all loveable and warm and…that's just not…I can't do it. I'm tired of pretending to be someone I'm not," she told him.

"Then don't be someone you're not. Fuck everybody else," he told her, pushing a strand of hair from her face.

"Potter, stop," she said quietly, angry with herself.

He searched her face, "I thought we talked about this yesterday?" he said.

"You don't know who I am, you don't know what I've done," she told him, shaking her head.

"Evans, two weeks ago you didn't know who you were," he told her.

"That's not the point!" she yelled.

"Then what is the point? Why do you keep running from me? Why are you trying to push me away?" he asked, gripping her face in his hands.

She could hear her heart beating madly in her chest as she stared in his eyes. She wanted nothing more than to kiss him.

"I don't want to hurt you, James," she whispered.

Suddenly she felt his desperate lips on hers again, but the bliss was short-lived.

"I love hearing my name from your lips...and I don't know why. There's just...Evans, something about you..." He shook his head and released her face from his hands, then rose to a standing position beside the bed. "I can't explain what's happening here anymore than you can. It's driving me fucking insane to even think that I want to be with someone I loathe so much. I can't even begin to fathom when things changed, when things between us went from total hatred to…to me wanting to move your hair from your eyes, and...and wanting to hear my name from your lips." He paused, shifting his weight uncomfortably.

"Lily...I...yesterday I didn't want to breathe. I didn't want to breathe because I knew taking a breath would mean parting from your lips. Two weeks ago if someone had told me I would feel like this, I would have told them to go straight to hell. I'm going mad, Evans! Mad!" he said to her.

Lily sat on the bed as she listened to him spill his heart to her. Her stomach knotted upon his using her first name. It quite literally sounded like a blooming flower coming from his lips. A tear fell from her eye. How could she say no when she wanted it as bad as he did?

James looked up at the ceiling, waiting for a response from her. When none came, he shook his head, leaving her room and going into his own, heading straight for his balcony.

Lily got up from her bed, heading to James's room. She was stopped, however, when she found Sirius walking up the stairs also. Quickly, she diverted her path, walking down the stairs.

"Have you seen Riddle?" she asked him.

"Yeah, Astronomy tower," he said nonchalantly. She turned abruptly, staring wide-eyed at him. Sirius shrugged, "What? That's where I left her" he said. She stared harder now, thoroughly confused.

Then Sirius understood.

"Oh! It's…No! Seriously, Evans? You think…you've got to be kidding me! Come on! I…" Sirius studdered, trying to explain why he'd left Brii in the Astronomy tower.

Lily laughed, leaving him on the stairs, walking past him and out of the portrait hole to the Astronomy tower.

Brii was standing at the rail, looking out at the dark sky, her black curly hair falling over her face. Lily walked to the rail, standing beside her.

"So. I hear Black just left from here," Lily said, smiling slightly.

"He did," Brii said.

"And…." Lily said, wanting the full story.

"What?" Brii asked.

"What happened? You nail your beast?" Lily asked her, a smug smile on her face.

Brii smiled softly as if remembering what had happened, "No. No, I didn't. We just…I don't know it was like we were friends, like we'd been friends forever." Brii laughed, looking out at the forest, "Evans, I don't know what's happening to me."

Lily laughed. She reached out and touched Brii's forehead, then felt her neck for a pulse, "Well, you're not a zombie, and….you won't believe this Riddle, but…I think you may have grown a heart," she told her.

Brii laughed, "Whatever you say, Evans."

"You still haven't told me what you two did," Lily said.

"Homework," Brii told her.

Lily nodded her head, not sure if she should believe her or not. "So. Friday."

"Friday," Brii said, pressing her lips together.

"What happens if we don't do it by Friday," Lily asked slowly.

Brii thought a minute, "You have to break his heart, and tell him everything."

Lily's heart sank. She closed her eyes in frustration, "You would do that?" she asked.

Brii swallowed, "It's why it's called a bet, Evans. Even if we, ourselves, get hurt in the process," she told her sadly.

Lily took a deep breath, swallowing hard, "What were we thinking?" she asked quietly.

"We were thinking that we were tired of the same old routine. Day in and day out. There was no challenge left in the game," Brii said.

"Tired of not knowing what was real and what wasn't," Lily added.

Brii laughed suddenly, "A bet to get the two sexiest guys in this castle in bed by Halloween…Did we really think it'd be so easy?" she said, chuckling softly.

Lily shook her own head, smiling, "At the time…yeah. Now? Yeah. A week ago, hell no," she said.

There was a noise behind them, a clanking sound like something had fallen. The two of them turned around quickly. They thought they'd been alone. A piece of metal had fallen on the floor not 10 feet behind them. Lily looked quickly towards the staircase, seeing a flash of long brown hair running down the stairs.

"Judy," Lily whispered, clenching her teeth.

"WHAT?" Brii yelled. "Are you fucking kidding me? How much did she hear?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know? I didn't know she was in here!" Lily shouted.

"FUCK! What the hell are we going to do now? The bitch is the biggest gossiper in this damn castle!" Brii said, throwing her hands in the air.

"I don't know. Riddle, I DON'T KNOW!" Lily's heart was pounding so hard in her ears, she was sure they were bleeding.

Brii looked around the room, then headed towards the stairs, "I know. I'm going to kill that bitch," she said.

Lily grabbed her arm, "No! You can't just kill someone! I know you're capable of it, but you cant just kill someone!"

"You have a better idea?" Brii yelled.

"Maybe she won't tell anyone tonight. It's late. It wouldn't get around the school very quickly," Lily said.

"Evans…It's Wednesday! WEDNESDAY! Tomorrow is Thursday! The game is Friday! Potter will kick me off of the team if he finds out! We'll loose the game! Do you think that dumbass is thinking about that?" Brii yelled, pacing around the room in frustration.

Lily's entire body was trembling, "We have to tell them," she said quietly.

"WHAT? No…no…no, Evans, I can't. I can't lose him. You don't understand," Brii said, shaking her head frantically.

"You think I don't understand? What the hell do you think I don't understand? You think I WANT James to find out that the only reason I started out being interested in him was because of a bet?" Lily yelled.

"Well…no! But…Evans, we can't!" Brii begged.

"You have a better solution?" Lily yelled at her, running a hand through her long red hair.

"We do it tonight. It ends tonight," Brii said, nodding her head.

Lily laughed sarcastically, "Oh, so you want to hurt them more by sleeping with them before they find out that we've been trying to seduce them all this time. Ha. Yes, brilliant plan…_What_ _are you_ _OUT OF YOUR MIND?"_

"I'm dead fucking serious, Evans," Brii said, suddenly serious.

"This is the dumbest plan I've ever heard," Lily said.

"You won't let me do the best plan, this is the only other option!" Brii said.

"I'm not going to let you kill Judy! Even if she is an ignorant bitch!" Lily said, looking at the floor, "There has to be another way," she whispered.

Brii slapped Lily hard across the face. She grabbed Lily's shoulders, "Evans. You listen to me! We can do this!" Brii yelled at her.

Lily nodded, pressing her lips together in determination, small tears growing in the corners of her eyes, "You're right. We can do this…" she clenched her jaw, taking a deep breath. "We can do this. This is just a bet. Nothing more," she told herself.

"Nothing more. It isn't real," Brii whispered. She straightened up, her face emotionless as she looked at Lily.

A tear fell down Lily's face. Quickly, she wiped it away, straightening up also. "Tonight?"

Brii swallowed hard, "Tonight. Tonight we finish this. Forget the rules."

"Forget everything," Lily whispered. She stuck out her hand to Brii for her to shake.

Brii looked at it. Instead of shaking her hand, she hugged her, feeling a tear fall down her cheek.

They let go of each other, both of them taking deep breaths. "Are you ready?" Brii asked her.

Lily sniffed back a tear, "Ready," she said.

Together, the two of them walked down the stairs slowly, as if they were walking to their death. Both of them numb from the pain of what they were about to do. They parted ways as they approached Gryffindor Tower. Lily and Brii exchanged sorrow glances as they Brii walked into the tower.

Lily continued walking to the Head Dorm, taking long deep breaths as she approached it. When she reached the portrait of Sir Codogan, she swallowed hard, giving the password and stepping through the open door.

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><p><strong>AN::: :-) Please review!**


	8. What if I Wanted To Break

Lily walked in nervously, looking around the dimly lit room. The air seemed thick as she stepped through it slowly, her confidence waning. She had to take a moment to collect herself.

She felt as if she might vomit.

Leaning on the back of the armchair, she stared at the floor. Her stomach was queasy, tied in the type of knots only sailors could untangle. She took a deep breath, looking up at the dusty window across the room.

The waning moon loomed right outside the window, like it was staring at her. She stared back at it, as if she were trying to receive its energy, its confidence. She needed that more than anything.

She felt her entire body tremble with a nervousness she barely thought was plausible. Her muscles were tense, so tense she thought surely she would strain herself by simply lifting a finger. Rage filled her with the thought of what Judy would do tomorrow morning.

She would ruin her life. She would ruin the life Lily Evans never thought she would want.

A life with James Potter.

She had to know if it was real or a dream.

With that thought in mind, she took one last glance up at the moon, then turned abruptly, bounding up the stairs. James's door was cracked open. She peered through the small gap into the dark room. Opening it further, she crept in, trying to hold on to the confidence she'd had not thirty seconds earlier.

James was sitting out on his balcony, staring up at the stars. He looked lost as he sat on the cold stone. Lily swallowed hard, clenching her jaw. She hated this.

He turned at the sound of her foot stepping out onto the balcony. It was barely audible, but with the cold, still night, he could hear every whisper.

Immediately he stood up to face her. Her eyes were puffy, her cheeks red, but her eyes had a determination in them he'd never seen before. It scared him.

"Evans…Are you-" he started to say. He didn't finish his sentence, startled and cut off by the feeling of her lips on his.

Lily crossed the space between them and cut him off mid-sentence, grabbing the back of his head and bringing him down to her mouth. She felt like she was going to lose him at any moment, and it scared the shit out of her. She'd never wanted someone so much, never needed someone so much in her life.

James was barely able to catch his breath, breaking apart from her for a small second. He studied her face; her desperate face. Her terrified face.

"Lily, are you okay?" he asked, his thumb caressing her cheek

She closed her eyes and felt herself leaning into his touch as she so desperately wished he would shut up. "James. You asked me what I wanted. I want you. I want this. And I know you want it too," she told him in a hoarse voice, feeling a lump form in her throat.

What. Was. She. Doing?

James felt her hands trembling against his neck, see her bottom lip quivering as she waited for his answer.

"More than you know" he whispered.

He took her lips in one fluid motion, feeling the intensity behind her passionate force. She gripped his hair tightly, his unruly locks entwining in her fingers as she felt herself fall into the oblivion of their heat.

He helped her get the button-down shirt she had on off, then ripped her tank in half, revealing a black lace bra. His hands raked her back, his fingertips digging into her skin, pulling her hips closer to him and closing the inch gap between them. She felt a shiver go down her spine as she arched her body into his touch.

She could feel him growing against her stomach the closer he pulled her. His fingers spread out and gripped the skin of her back. She hardly noticed herself arching her neck back to give him access to her neck until she opened her eyes and saw the stars above her head. She could barely keep her eyes from rolling in the back of her head. His lips were magic, of that she was sure.

The fabric of his shirt suddenly caught her attention. She tugged at the bottom of his shirt, lifting it above his head with force.

Her hands couldn't help themselves of his hair as he sucked at her arching neck. She heard herself gasp as he nibbled at her collarbone. Suddenly, he pulled back and gazed up at her breathless expression.

She didn't want him to stop.

She looked at him pleadingly, her chest heaving from the desperation she felt in his absence. Then she felt his hands grasping the clasps on the back of her bra, undoing it and freeing her from the lacy cage. She grabbed his neck again and pull him to her lips, needing the warmth of his body on hers once more.

When his hand moved up her abdomen and over her ribcage to her breasts, she involuntarily let a low moan out from the back of her throat. His thumb teased her erect nipple as he moved his lips to her throat once more. Suddenly, she was being lifted off the ground.

She'd hardly noticed the movement of his hands to beneath her thighs. When the cold stone hit her bare back and he buried his head between her breasts, she suddenly felt like she was on another planet.

"James, please," she begged him, feeling her insides squirm.

His grip on her backside was apparent this time. They were moving.

He led her through the window and into the bedroom swiftly, and threw her onto his bed.

For a few seconds, he didn't move from the end of the bed. He simply stood there, looking down at her half naked body. He had already memorized every curve of it, but seeing it now, lying on his bed, as she lay there vulnerably, turned him on more than she had stepping out of a steaming shower.

He took his pants off, leaving them in a pile on the floor, revealing his erection. She eyed its length and sat up, taking it in her hands. His stifled groan made her smirk. Before she could begin moving her hands up and down the shaft, she felt his lips take hers.

He pushed her back onto the bed, making her wait for him. He placed slow kisses down her neck to her collarbone, not stopping until he reached her breasts. He nibbled on her erect nipple slowly before sucking at it. She moaned beneath him, arching her back up, entangling her hands in his hair.

"Oh gods…James…please," she begged, her bottom lip quivering.

Swiftly, he removed the remainder of her clothing. A cool breeze swept her lower half from the window. But she hardly paid it any attention as his hand had just grazed her sex.

His middle finger slid its way between her wet folds, making her eyes roll back in her head.

He brought his lips back to hers, kissing her intensely. She could feel the tip of his erection tickling her stomach with precum. She removed her hand from his hair, reaching down and grabbing him gently. She stroked him slowly. He moaned, kissing her harder and stroked her clit teasingly.

She let out a pleading gasp at his teasing fingers. The grin he gave in response she felt on her lips.

Without warning, he took her hand off of him and quickly thrust into her. She gasped and felt her eyes widen, not expecting him to fill her up as he did.

She arched her pelvis into him, assisting with the movement of his quick thrusts. Again and again he slammed into her, each time she gripped his back tighter, digging her nails into him.

"Fuck, Lily," he whispered, thrusting into her again, picking up his pace.

She felt sweat beading on her forehead, she closed her eyes, her mouth open as she moaned with each thrust. She could barely catch her breath.

It was amazing.

Lily felt her muscles tighten in an almost seize-like way as she reached her climax. She couldn't see straight. She gripped his back tighter. She knew she was probably drawing blood by now. Her breath had ceased. Her body was trembling.

James watched her face as he moved in and out of her quickly, increasing his pace more when he felt her tighten. He knew he would reach his climax soon also, feeling his body start to tense, his muscles spasing. Her nails dug hard into his back, he felt them penetrate his skin, but he didn't care.

Lily's eyes rolled into the back of her head, she let out one final scream before letting herself go, unable to control it any longer. He felt himself cum before her, his entire body shuddering as he did so.

Immediately, he became weak, his arm muscles giving out on him. He rolled over, off of her, the both of them attempting to catch their breath. He stared at the ceiling, feeling the sweat drip off of his forehead and onto the pillow.

She stared at the ceiling, reminding herself to thank Brii in the morning for the bet. Even if her life was over, at least she would know what it felt like to be loved.

James glanced over at Lily's ragged body, her eyes fixated on the ceiling above her. He thought he saw a tear welling up in her eye, but as soon as she turned, looking at him, he knew he was wrong.

She was smiling at him.

He turned over also towards her, staring into her eyes. "Lily Evans," he said quietly.

"James Potter," she said, a smile on her face.

"I don't think I've ever seen you smile," he said, reaching a hand to her face, moving a strand of hair.

"I don't think I've ever been happy," she whispered back to him.

He smiled weakly at her, kissing her hard again.

Lily closed her eyes as she snuggled closer, laying her head on his chest, her red hair cascading down her back and on his stomach. He ran his hands along her hair gently, caressing her into a deep sleep.

She was telling the truth. She really couldn't think of a time when she'd truly been this happy.

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><p><strong>AN::: Please don't hate me... :-/**

**I know, it was short, but I thought it deserved its own individual chapter**

**Next chapter will be up very soon! **

**What will happen in the morning? Will their lives be over? **

**Do you want a chapter with Brii/Sirius? **

**PLEASE REVIEW! :-D**

**THANK YOU!**


	9. Bury Me Bury Me

Lily woke up the next day, finding herself in an unfamiliar place. Her head was laying on the edge of a dark red soft pillow, a delicate black sheet cascaded over her naked body. She lifted her head, looking around the brightly lit room.

The curtains on the window were billowing in the wind from where they'd left it open. It was quiet. The only sounds were of the birds chirping happily outside. The memory of the night before flooded her mind as she laid her head back on the pillow, James's cologne lingering on the pillow.

She groaned, her stomach becoming queasy as she buried her head into the pillow.

The sudden sound of the bathroom door opening made her jump. She looked up at the door through the hair that had fallen over her face, barely able to see James walking out in his towel. A lump formed in her throat.

"Morning" he said plainly, taking another towel and drying his hair with it. "Do you always look like this in the mornings?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Look like what?" she said hoarsely, sitting up on the bed, pulling the black sheet up over her.

"Like a wild fox" he told her, smirking. He took off the towel from around his waist, pulling a pair of boxers out of his dressers and slipping them on.

She smiled slightly, "I suppose. What time is it?" she asked him, running a hand through her hair, pushing it back out of her face.

"8:30" he told her.

She groaned, falling back over on his bed. She didn't want to get up. If she got up, it meant she'd have to go to breakfast. When she went to breakfast, her life would be over. Judy would have told everyone by now.

James smiled, watching her groan and fall on the bed. He put on his jeans and grabbed a sweater from his closet. He then turned to the bed, sitting on it lightly, on his knees in front of her.

"Evans, you have to get up. You didn't go to classes yesterday" he told her.

"I don't want to go today either!" she complained.

He shook his head, "How you became Head Girl baffles me. You're so damned lazy" he said to her bluntly.

She sat up, slapping his arm. "I am not lazy!" she said in a high-pitched voice.

"Oh so it's just this year that you decided you didn't need classes anymore?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"No. That's not it. I just…" she started saying, the queasy feeling in her stomach coming back. He laughed at her pitiful voice.

He reached up to her neck, caressing it with his thumb, "Lily, I'm joking. Just get up, take a shower, come down to breakfast. You smell of sex" he told her. Quickly he leaned in, kissing her hard. She melted into him immediately, relishing the feeling of his lips.

She didn't know if she'd ever feel them again.

He pulled away from her, hopping off of the bed and putting his sweater on, heading towards the door. She shook her head, breaking out of her daze.

"James, James, wait" she said to him.

"Lily, just take a shower! I'll see you down at breakfast" he told her, glancing back at her, flashing her a smile.

She felt her body becoming weak as she stared at the soft sheets ontop of her. She could feel her eyes welling up with tears as his hazel eyes stared back at her feeble body slumped over in the middle of the bed. "James, no…James…I have…I have to tell you something" she said slowly as he opened the door.

"You can tell me at breakfast. I have to go. I told Sirius we'd go over strategy for the match" he said to her. He studied her suddenly solemn face, walking back over to the side of her bed, picking up her chin and staring into her eyes.

"I know you're scared" he said seriously, "but you can't run forever. It isn't a dream, Evans" he said softly, kissing her lips once more. He turned away from her, heading out of the door and into the hall. Her heart sank, a feeling of emptiness taking over her as she watched him walk out of the door. What if she felt his touch again? What if she never looked into his hazel eyes again? What if she never heard his voice again?

James stopped abruptly in the hall, seeing Brii leaning her head against Lily's door. Brii turned, finding a cheery James bounding out of his room.

"You're wasting your time" he told her, stepping onto the stairs.

"What are you talking about, Potter?" she asked him.

"She's not in there" he said without hesitation. "Oh and Riddle, don't be late for practice. Right after lunch" he yelled back at her.

Brii did a double-take, looking at James's open door, practically running to it. As she looked in, she found Lily sitting in the middle of the grand bed, the black sheet covering her as she buried her head in her hands.

Lily looked up at the door at the sound of footsteps. She thought perhaps James had come back. She noticed Brii's puffy eyes, her red cheeks, and her trembling lip as she stood in the door. The tears that had been building in her eyes fell down her cheek, unable to be contained any longer. Brii sat on the bed with her, pulling out her handkerchief and giving it to Lily.

Neither of them knew what to say. They knew what breakfast held for them, their doom.

"Evans, get yourself together, we have to face the music. We can't pretend any longer" Brii told her.

"Yeah. Right. I have to take a shower" Lily said hoarsely. She got up from the bed, going into the bathroom and turning on the water.

After showering, she opened the door to the bathroom, walking out of it and finding Brii leaning against James's headboard in a daydream. She didn't even hear Lily come out of the bathroom or start yelling at her.

"Riddle…Riddle….Brii!" Lily yelled at her. Brii shook her head, breaking herself out of her flashback.

"Sorry" Brii whispered. She rubbed her face hard, trying to break herself completely from the daze.

"Must have been pretty amazing for you to be dreaming about it at 9am" Lily said, pulling a shirt from her closet.

"And yours wasn't?" Brii said, raising an eyebrow.

Lily paused, glancing back at her, "It was more than amazing" she said quietly. Lily put on her jeans and shirt, grabbing a thin black sweatshirt coat from her closet and putting it on also. She turned to Brii.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Ready as I'll ever be" Brii said, getting up off of James's bed.

They walked to breakfast together at a slow pace. Neither of them looked at the staring faces in the halls. People whispered as they walked by them. It was already all over the school. Everyone knew.

Lily glanced around them the closer they reached the Hall, "I feel like I'm walking to my own funeral" she said under her breath.

"I thought we were" Brii said back.

They stopped at the doors to the Great Hall, staring at the large doors.

Lily felt sick again. A cold sweat broke out on her forehead. Her stomach in knots. It was coming up from her toes, every muscle in her body felt like jell-o. Her vision became clouded by splotching white lights, she felt as if she was going to faint. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest, making the noises around her barely audible. She couldn't breathe. Just before she thought she was going to pass out, she felt a sweatly hand grip hers tightly. She looked over at Brii.

"We do not forget" Brii said.

"We never regret" Lily whispered back to her.

"Fuck the rest" they said together. Holding their heads high, the two of them let go, reaching up to the door handles and pulling the large doors towards them, opening the doors widely. They both took a deep breath, swallowing hard as they realized everyone in the room had turned to the opening doors.

The students in the room started talking in hushed whispers as they walked by the tables, everyone staring at the two. It felt like they were walking in slow motion. Lily thought the room might have been spinning, she couldn't distinguish one face from the other. All she could do was step one foot in front of the other, like a robot. They held their heads high, looking to the far end of the room where the marauders were standing.

James's back was towards them. Someone at the Ravenclaw table stood up, whispering something in someone's ear that stood in front of James. Judy's head peaked from around his shoulder, watching the two of them walk into the Great Hall between the tables.. Remus was standing beside Sirius on the other side of James. He looked up, his expression a mixture of sadness and fear.

Lily watched James clench his fists tightly, his arm muscles become tense. Even from across the room, she could tell how angry he was. Sirius turned to see what everyone was looking at. His eyes were black. Lily was startled at his expression. She saw Brii suddenly stop beside her, frozen in fear.

Brii's entire body shook as he stared at her. She froze in the middle of the room, unable to step any further towards him. Her eyes became wide with fear. He started walking towards her determinedly. Lily had to step aside, getting out of his war path.

"YOU FUCKING EVIL BITCH!" Sirius yelled at Brii in the middle of the room.

"Sirius…Sirius, listen to me" she tried saying, holding her hands in front of her.

"Listen? LISTEN TO YOU? WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU?" he screamed. Brii looked down at the floor away from him.

"DON'T LOOK AWAY FROM ME! LOOK AT ME! TELL ME THE TRUTH BITCH!" he yelled at her.

Her eyes shot up to his. She couldn't breathe. "Sirius, please" she begged, a tear falling down her face now.

He stepped closer to her, "Are those…are those tears? FUCK your tears! FUCK your words, FUCK everything we ever said to each other, FUCK you, you evil…twisted…FREAK!" he yelled, throwing his hands in the air.

Without hesitation, Brii reached to the nearest table, grabbing a cup and hurling at his head. "FREAK? A FUCKING FREAK? Is that all you can come up with? Ignorant CUNT!" she yelled, throwing a spoon at him.

He lunged towards her, knocking her backwards on the ground, his hands around her neck. She managed to get her hand on the cup that had fallen to the ground, hitting him in the head with it again. Before he could recover, she flipped him, now strattling his waist. His body was shaking with anger as he stared at her hurt face. He shoved her backwards off of him, now sitting up on his knees.

"You've never been anything but a worthless, sadistic, evil whore. You're not even worth my time" he said hoarsely. He spat at the floor in front of her as he got up from his knees, walking out of the Great Hall briskly, leaving Brii sitting in the middle of the room.

Lily and James had been staring at each other for the last thirty seconds as Brii and Sirius were fighting on the floor. Lily could feel his hatred penetrate her skin, burning into her skull. Her hands trembled, her heart beat loudly…she'd never been more terrified in her life. Swallowing hard, she started to walk towards him.

He glared at her, "Well, congratulations are in order" he hissed at her.

She was taken aback by the tone in his voice. Swallowing hard, she asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Your bet. You got me into bed didn't you? That's what the bet was...sleep with me before Halloween?" he said. His eyes were narrowed as he spoke, the vein in his neck pulsating quickly.

"Yes, but..." she admitted, "James, please, let me explain!" she begged.

James threw his hands up in the air away from her. "Don't, Evans" he said quietly.

"Please! I-" she whispered, reaching out for him again.

James's body shook, "No. I don't want to hear your excuses. You got what you wanted" he told her. He walked past her, heading towards the exit.

She wanted him to yell, to scream, to hit her, anything but this.

"It isn't what you think…" she started to say.

"THEN WHAT IS IT THEN?" he yelled finally, turning back around. He ran a hand through his hair, "Lily, I…did any of it matter to you? Was any of it real? I don't know who you are! I don't know if the girl I've learned to love is the girl in front of me or if she's all a lie. What about last night? What happened, did…did you just decided to lie to me to get me in bed? Was it really that easy?" he asked her in a soft voice.

Tears were streaming down her face as she shook her head, "No! James! Please, let me explain! It was real! I swear!" she told him, grabbing his arm as he turned again to leave the hall.

He pushed her arm off of him as if it had burned him. "How do I know if this is real? This thing you're doing right now? How do I know that this isn't some bet to see who can get us to forgive first?" he asked her, searching her face. They were less than a foot apart from each other. "Do you feel anything for me at all? Or was everything between us a lie just to get me into bed?" he asked her.

"It's not a lie" she whispered, staring at the floor.

He shook his head, "All this time…every word that came out of your mouth…every gesture, every moment we were together…none of it was real. How could you do this?" he asked her, his voice barely more audible than a whisper.

She looked up from the floor, for the first time hearing something other than hatred in his voice. His voice was choking, spilling out his real emotion within it.

He stared at her again. She could see his eyes glazing over as he spoke. "I can't do this, Evans. I'm done" he told her, turning around and walking between the tables towards the doors.

"James…James…JAMES!" Lily yelled after him. A tear fell down her face. She was sure she was going to pass out. There was ringing in her ears, everything around her had become mute as she stared at the double doors. Her body was numb, she didn't know if she'd ever feel again.

Lily blinked a couple of times, trying to regain her composure, even out her breathing. The noises in the hall flooded her ears, in particular a high-pitched laugh coming from behind her.

Brii had stood by now, watching James yell silently at Lily. She watched him leave the hall, then turned back to Lily.

Her expression had changed. Brii had never seen Lily so angry. Lily was clenching her fists, her nostrils began to flare, her muscles tensing up. Slowly, Lily began to turn around towards the high-pitched laughter.

Brii walked up behind Lily as she turned, now looking at Judy. The expression on Judy's face was smug. She was proud of what she'd done.

"It's about time people learned who you are, Lily… A disgusting, arrogant, whore" Judy said smugly, her arms crossed around her chest.

Lily didn't think twice, she walked straight up to her and hit her, knocking Judy backwards, off of her feet and onto the floor. Everyone around them gasped, not sure they believed if Lily had actually done that. Carrie and Ally ran to Judy's side, checking on her, terrified looks on their faces.

Brii looked down at Judy's motionless body on the floor, "I thought you said I wasn't allowed to kill her" she said quietly.

Lily held her hand up to her face, extending her fingers out and shaking her hand. "Things change" she told her. Her knuckles were already bruising.

"Why do you get to have all the fun? Fucking cunt" Brii asked her, pouting.

"What, is that your new word now?" Lily asked her.

"Might be. Has a good ring to it. Come on, let's get you to the hospital wing before you turn purple" Brii told her quietly, glaring at the others.

"You stupid bitch! Judy was right! You're just a poser! You wish you were like all of us! But you're nothing but a worthless whore! No better than that filthy disgusting, evil, slut standing beside you!" Carrie yelled at Lily.

*SMACK*

Brii stood where Carrie had just stood, now shaking her own hand. "You people should really learn some new insults. These are getting old" Brii said, looking around the room at the still shocked faces.

"Nice punch" someone from her left said quietly. Lily and Brii both did a double-take at the voice, finding Remus there still watching the scene.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE! I LEAVE THIS HALL FOR FIVE MINUTES AND YOU STUDENTS BECOME ANIMALS!" Professor McGonagall said as she came in through the large doors.

"Oh shit" Brii said under her breath.

"Time to go" Lily said quickly, raising her eyebrows and ducking her head, trying to sneak out of the hall as the students scrambled to their seats.

"MISS EVANS! MISS RIDDLE! Do not try sneaking away! There are two unconscious girls lying the middle of this Hall and I would like an explanation!" McGonagall said to them as they tried sneaking past her.

They groaned. "Why would we have anything to do with that, Professor?" Lily asked, pulling out her Head Girl card.

"Miss Evans, you are Head Girl, I expect you to know everything. And Miss Riddle, I apologize but usually when I have anyone unconscious the culprit behind it is you" McGonagall said, peering at them over her spectacles.

Brii pressed her lips together, "Point taken, Professor. I hit both of them. They were saying rude things about Evans. Untrue things, you see. However, Evans isn't feeling well, I'm going to take her up to the hospital wing, if you'll excuse us" Brii said quickly, grabbing Lily's arm and ushering her out of the Hall before she could stop them.

Lily caught Remus's eye as they turned. He nodded to her, as if he understood. That couldn't be right, could it?

"That really fucking hurt" Lily whispered as they walked quickly.

Brii snorted, "You've never hit anyone have you?"

"Of course not!" Lily told her.

"Too fucking nice, Evans. Too fucking nice" she whispered back to her, a smiled growing on her face. She looked around at the silent staring faces as they walked out of the Hall. They reached the infirmary quickly, ignoring the whispers along the way.

Madame Pomfrey was in a tisy that morning, impatient with everyone. "What do you girls need? Another note, Evans?" she said smartly, her hands on her hips.

"No. I think I broke a couple of fingers. Forgive me for coming to you if it is an inconvenience" Lily said, her lips pressed together in anger.

Pomfrey looked at her outstretched hand, "Yes. I think so. Alright then, go sit down over there. I need to tend to these two first" she said. They walked to the bed at the far end, waiting on Pomfrey to get to them.

"Why'd you say you hit them?" Lily asked Brii suddenly.

Brii sighed, "Well. It's quite simple. She was going to think I did it anyway, and…you're Head Girl" Brii said, leaning back in the chair she was sitting in.

Lily shrugged, "So…"

"You need to be Head Girl. You need to be close to Potter. If you weren't, how would you get him to realize it wasn't an act?" Brii said simply.

Madame Pomfrey came over then, performing a spell on Lily's hand and bandaging it. She gave her a bag of ice and sent the two away.

They walked into Potions, late, heading straight to the front of the classroom, Lily handing Slug horn a note from Madame Pomfrey. She hadn't given Brii one. Everyone in the classroom whispered around them, stealing glances and passing notes to each other as they walked by.

"Ah, I was wondering where you two were" Slughorn said, taking the note from Lily's hand. "Broke your hand, I see. Feeling better, I hope" he said, his usual blank smile on his face.

"Not really, Professor" Lily told him.

"I see. And you, Miss Riddle, where's your note" he asked her.

"Don't have one Professor. Apparently, Madame Pomfrey doesn't give late notes to friends" she told him.

"Of course, well, I'll excuse you this time. You're both too late to start the potion for today. I'll expect a full essay by tomorrow on it" he told them.

They nodded. "Yes Professor. What would you like for us to do for the remainder of class?" Lily asked him.

He looked around the room, "I suppose with a half hour left, you can start your essays at the empty desks at the back there. Don't want any of these ingredients getting on your parchment, do we?" he said, laughing at himself.

Lily smiled weakly at his feeble joke, Brii rolled her eyes, the both of them walking to the back of the classroom and sitting at the long desks, looking around the busy room.

The other students kept looking back at them. Every student except James and Sirius. Lily watched James make his potion, he seemed flustered. She didn't get her parchment out to start on the essay, she knew she wouldn't be able to concentrate. She simply watched James as he worked, watching his every movement, memorizing it.

James felt her eyes on him, but refused to look back. He'd heard that she was the one who hit Judy. He wanted to believe that it was real, wanted to believe that everything between them wasn't a lie, that she really did care about him, that last night had been as special for her as it was for him. But how could he?

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><p><strong>AN::: Thanks for the reviews! I'm so glad you guys are letting me know your opinions, it's really appreciated! **

**I may do a Brii/Sirius short story sometime, following their relationship from Brii's point of view, but for this one, I think i'll stick with the J/L POV... **

**Next chapter coming soon! **

**Please review! :-) :-)**


	10. Fighting For a Chance

**A/N::: Thanks for the reviews! **

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><p>"YOU CANT DO THIS, POTTER! YOU DON'T HAVE ANOTHER CHASER!" Brii yelled at him on the pitch after lunch.<p>

"I CAN do this, and I WILL! What I don't need is you and Sirius fighting all the time! And that's all that's happened today! The two of you can't work together! Not after this morning!" James yelled back at her.

"It's not me that is unable to work! It's him! I can do this! I can play on the same field as him! Kick him off, not me!" Brii pleaded with him.

"I'm not kicking him off the team, he's the best beater I have!" he yelled.

"Dammit, Potter! I'm the best chaser you have! Doesn't that count for anything?" she yelled, pleading with him to keep her on the team.

James ran a hand through his hair, looking up at her panic-stricken face. "Fine. But only because I have no other option. You're off of the team after tomorrow's game though"

"Potter, you can't be serious…" she said slowly.

"I'm dead fucking serious, Riddle. Be glad I'm letting you play tomorrow" James spat at her, leaving her alone on the pitch as he headed to the locker room.

Lily sat by her open window, feeling the cold wind breeze through her hair. A storm was approaching in the distance. She could see the clouds being lit up from the lightning miles away. Her head leaned against the glass panes as she thought about the eventful morning. Her heart ached still.

Upon hearing the booming sound of footsteps, Lily turned towards her door, watching Brii throw open her door.

"HE'S KICKING ME OFF OF THE FUCKING QUIDDITCH TEAM!" she yelled hoarsely.

"I thought you said you knew he would do this" Lily said, scrunching her eyebrows together.

"But…but I didn't think he'd actually do it! Tomorrow's my last game" Brii stated plainly.

"Atleast he's letting you play then" Lily said.

"No he's not exactly just letting me play. He doesn't have a damned choice in the matter. There's no way he'd find another chaser by tomorrow afternoon" Brii told her.

Lily nodded in understanding, "Right."

Brii fell down on the floor beside her, laying down and staring at the ceiling. "Has he spoken to you?" she asked Lily.

Lily picked up a random sheet of paper from beside her, "No. I don't expect him to. I haven't seen him either" she admitted.

Brii swallowed hard, sitting up and glancing at Lily. Thunder sounded in the distance. "Yeah, well, good luck with that one Evans. You're going to need it with the mood he's in right now. See you in the morning?" Brii asked, standing.

"See you" Lily told her quietly as Brii exited the room.

Lily sat the paper down she'd had in her hand, then picked up the pep rally paper. She needed to get this done. Immediately, she stood, grabbing her coat and going down the stairs and into the halls. She didn't know if the prefects would even listen to her, but she had no choice. Remus was the first person she spotted in the halls.

"Lupin! Lupin!" she yelled after him, running to catch up.

Remus turned around, seeing Lily run up to him, "What is it, Evans?" he asked her.

"I was wondering if you would help me, if you have time that is. I need to have a prefect meeting, go over the pep rally stuff tomorrow. I'd really like Alice to do most of the speaking, she's rather peppy, you know. And, I'll do the décor in the morning. I have to go talk to Professor Flitwick about getting the chorus to do a few songs, and…" she started saying quickly.

"Evans, shouldn't you have thought about this before now?" he asked her.

"Well, yes! But I didn't, I thought I would have James to help me out and now…well you know how that's going. I'm sure you think I'm the biggest joke in the school, and I would fully understand if you didn't want to help me" she told him.

He shook his head, "Evans, I don't for the life of me understand why you started the bet, but I think you never meant for him to find out about it. I think you actually learned to care for him, otherwise you wouldn't be as upset as you are about it. But that's just my opinion" he told her, a small smile on his face.

"And I'll help you. I'll try and get the others together. Give me an hour or so. Where do you want us?" he asked.

"Thank you, Lupin! Um, Flitwick's classroom? Since I have to go there anyway" she stated. He nodded, running off in the opposite direction from her. She walked quickly to Flitwick's office, running through her plans in her mind.

He was sitting at his desk reading essays when she walked in. She knocked lightly on the door.

"Oh, Miss Evans! Come in" Flitwick said as he looked up from the papers.

She walked in, standing silently in front of his desk.

"Well, what do you need?" he asked.

"Oh right, well, I'm organizing a pep rally for the quidditch game tomorrow. And I was wondering if you'd like to ask your chorus if they want to do a few uplifting songs for it? Get everyone in the spirit?" she asked nervously.

"I'd be happy to ask them, Miss Evans. Of course" he told her.

"Oh, good. Great. Thank you, Professor" she said quickly, leaving his office and going into his classroom.

She'd brought pieces of parchment with her, laying them out on the desks. She'd made one flyer for the rally, doing a copy spell and dispersing it onto the other pieces of parchment. She made around 200 copies, hoping to give them to the prefects when they came in.

This was going to be interesting.

They filed in one by one. Each one avoiding her eyes until Remus finally came in. He hurried quickly to the front of the room where she was.

"All of them said they would only do it because it sounded fun. They won't listen to you though, they want James" he whispered.

She pressed her lips together, "Well, I don't know where James is! He told me to organize this! He has nothing to do with it! Don't they fucking realize that?" she whispered angrily.

"I tried telling them that. Look, just, just let me talk to them. What are we doing?" he asked her.

She shook her head, "No. No, I'm the damned Head Girl" she said, pushing Remus to the side.

"Look, I know none of you want to listen to anything I have to say, or do anything I want you to do but-" Lily started saying.

"No shit" someone said from the back.

She glared at them, "But…I'm fucking Head Girl. You're going to listen to me. We're having a pep rally tomorrow for the game. You're not doing this for me, you're doing this for the school and for your houses. So, Alice, I would like for you to lead the whole thing because you've got a peppy voice and you know how to get people excited and revved up. Ravenclaws, I'd like for you to handle the face painting and giveaways. Hufflepuffs, you guys are handling the chants, and Slytherins, you're going to be helping with décor" Lily told them.

"What about us?" Remus asked.

"Security" she said plainly.

"Security?" he asked.

"Yes. It's a pep rally, I don't want anything getting out of control or any of the players getting hurt" she told them.

"Who else is speaking? Team captains?" one of the Hufflepuffs asked.

"That's an excellent idea, why don't you ask them?" she told him.

"Why don't you?" the hufflepuff asked.

She glared at him, "Are you immune to gossip or are you deaf? Have you not heard that the captain of Gryffindor's team and I aren't exactly getting on at the moment? Or do you people just like bringing it up?" she said to them.

They stared at her in silence as she glared at them. She picked up some of the flyers on the desk, slamming them down on the desk a Ravenclaw was sitting on.

"Pass these out in the halls. Yell, scream, dance, sing, I don't care what you do to excite people about it. I'll do the damned decorations myself, just get people in there. Get them pumped up" she said quietly to them, turning back towards the desk.

She glanced back around at them, "What are you still doing here? Go!" she said, shooing them out of the room. Quickly, they all gathered their things, taking flyers and going out into the halls, leaving Lily alone in the empty classroom.

She turned to the desk, hunching over it, the palms of her hands holding her up. She felt weak, nauseous, light-headed. This could have been the worst day of her life.

"Am I late-Oh…oh" someone said as they burst into the classroom door. Lily didn't turn around, recognizing the voice immediately.

James ran a hand through his hair as he saw Lily standing at the front of the room, her back to him. "Waiting on another one of your preys, Evans?" he said angrily to her.

She closed her eyes, taking in his insults. She deserved them.

He strode into the room. "You know what I've been wondering, Evans?" he asked her, striding slowly across the classroom. "I've been wondering why exactly you chose me. Me, of all the guys in Hogwarts. You chose me to mock, to make fun of, to humiliate, to use as a damn rag doll! Why me, Evans?" he asked, his voice a little louder than it had been.

He was standing behind her now, staring at the back of her head, When she didn't respond, he grabbed her arm, turning her around to face him. Her face was cold, blank, her eyes seemed lifeless. She looked up at him, her stomach twisting as she looked in his hazel eyes. Her eyes had no tears left in them to produce, she was numb.

"Answer me!" he yelled.

"Because you were the one guy I thought would never give in. Never give me a chance. Never think twice about loving me. I never thought you'd turn out to be the only one I wanted to love" she said quietly.

James pressed his lips together, glaring at her, "Lies" he whispered. He let go of her arm, turning and walking away from her. Lily watched him walk away out of the classroom. She'd never felt so empty in her life.

Grabbing her bag, she left the room, slowly heading up the stairs towards the dorm. She needed to sleep, but she knew she wouldn't be able to. Not after today.

Lily didn't sleep the entire night. She sat, in a daze, in front of her window, watching the sun rise in the distance. It was beautiful, but she couldn't fully appreciate it with the mood she was in. She decided to get up, go ahead and take her shower before James woke, hoping she wouldn't have to face him so early in the morning.

Apparently he'd had the same idea.

She turned the handle on the bathroom door, opening the door widely.

"Merlin, fuck, Evans! Don't you knock?" James exclaimed as he stood in front of the toilet naked, peeing.

She shook her head, "I would say I'm sorry, but it's not like I've never seen you naked before" she said, glaring at him as she closed the door a little, waiting on him to finish.

"Yeah, well, maybe you should apologize" he said to her.

"For this or for something else?" she asked from the other side of the bathroom door.

"You know what I mean, Evans. I'm not up for games this morning" he told her.

"Oh right, I forgot. There's only room for one finicky bitch in your life that plays games. You're seeing her this afternoon, aren't you?" she said, her voice expressionless.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he asked her, shaking his head.

"Oh never mind. Are you almost done?" she asked impatiently.

She heard him flush the toilet and open his own door. She pushed her door open, watching him clothe himself in his room.

She stood there a moment, her arms folded across her chest. "I'm not going to apologize" she said suddenly.

He paused what he was doing. "What?"

"I'm not going to apologize. I'm not going to say I'm sorry. I don't regret it" she told him.

He shook his head, "Right. I forgot, you enjoy hurting people" he said.

"I don't regret giving myself the motivation to want to love you. What would have happened if we hadn't made that bet? Do you think you and I would have ever started getting along in the least?" she asked him.

"Sometime. Sometime we would have had to learn to get along" he said to her, trying to convince himself more than her.

"And when would that have been? Now? Christmas? Next year? I never planned on telling you about the bet" she admitted.

"Oh really? Why's that?" he asked.

"Because I'd finally found something in my life that was real! That meant something! Dammit, it scared the fuck out of me! That's why I kept running from you! I didn't want to admit that underneath my scheming, my so-called careful planning, and everything else…that I was beginning to care for you! That I was beginning to want you more than I thought you wanted me!" she said breathlessly to him, pulling at her hair as she stood in the middle of her bathroom.

"So why didn't you just call off the bet?" he asked.

"Because I never give up on a bet. I tried to convince myself it wasn't real, that what I was feeling was hormones, nothing more" she admitted.

"Yeah? How'd that go for you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Fucking terrible, actually" she said, now looking at the floor.

He stood in silence for a moment, looking down at the floor. Running a hand through his hair, he looked up at her, "You knew Judy was going to tell us" he said flatly.

"Yes" she whispered.

"You knew this the night before she told us" he said.

"Yes" she whispered, her voice barely audible.

"And you knew it would hurt more in the morning if we'd made love that night…and yet, you still did it" he said, anger building up in his body.

"Yes" she said.

"WHY?" he yelled.

"Because I knew I'd never feel what it was like to be loved again. And I was selfish. I'm sorry for hurting you, James, but I don't regret anything I ever said to you…anything we ever did" she told him, looking up at his face.

"I meant everything. It was all real" she whispered.

"No. No, it wasn't. It was all a lie" he told her, slipping on his shirt and walking out of his room. She wanted to run after him, but she didn't have the energy.

After showering, she walked down to the Great Hall, her hood from her sweatshirt pulled high over her head. She sat down at the end of the table, simply staring at her plate.

"Perk up, Evans. Don't you have some kind of rally thing today?" Brii asked as she sat in front of her.

"Why are you so chipper?" Lily asked.

"What makes you think I'm 'chipper'" Brii asked.

"You're asking about my day" Lily said.

"Oh, right. I'll just…I'll just go then" Brii said, getting up from the table and leaving the Great Hall.

Lily stared after her, shaking her head. She sat there in silence, reading her book and waiting on the other students to leave the Great Hall so that she could start decorating for the pep rally.

As soon as all the students were out of the Hall, Lily stood, looking around her at the large room. She took her wand out as she walked to the front of the room. She turned, pointing it at the long tables and moving them to the sides. Using an extending charm, she transformed the long benches and tables into bleechers, giving the Great Hall a 'gym-like' feel.

After transforming the candles into streamers, the banners on one side to red and gold and the banners on the other to green and silver, she stood back, admiring her work.

"Nice job, Evans" someone said from behind her.

She turned to see Remus standing behind her, "Thanks. Could you tell me what time it is?" she asked him.

"Almost twelve. Didn't realize it would take you so long to do this, did you?" he said quirking an eyebrow.

"No. No. I suppose not. The other prefects coming?" she asked him.

"Yeah. Everything's in order, just as you asked" he told her.

She looked at the floor, nodding her head, "Good. Good. Well, I guess you all don't need me then" she said, turning to walk away from him.

"You're not staying?" he asked.

"No. I can't handle being around all of this. Not after yesterday" she said quietly.

"Evans?" he said loudly after her.

She turned once again, "What?"

"You really care for him, don't you?" he asked.

She sighed, "More than I think I realize" she told him silently, glancing up at his face. "I'll see you later, Lupin" she told him quietly, turning again and heading completely out of the doors this time.

Students were all over the halls, in an excited fury over the pep rally. All of them had flyers in their hands, reading them aloud, studying them. The smiles on their faces made Lily want to hurl. Feeling dizzy, she stopped abruptly, holding onto the stair railing tightly. She closed her eyes, trying to regain her balance and composure.

James sat at the pep rally later that day with the marauders. He knew Lily was supposed to be there, organizing the entire thing, but he didn't see her red hair anywhere.

"She's not here, mate" Remus told him, seeing his friend look around the Hall.

"Who?" James asked innocently.

"Evans. Don't pretend with me, mate. I know you're looking for her" Remus said.

James pressed his lips together, cursing his best friend for being so intuitive. "So where is she?" he asked quietly.

"Not sure. Said she couldn't be around all of this" Remus told him.

"Is she going to the game?" James asked.

"Doubt it. Didn't sound like she much wanted to be around people, mate" Remus said, watching the sad expression grow on James's face.

Remus leaned closer to James, not wanting the others to hear, "I know you want to be pissed at her. And you should be. But, I think she really does care about you, mate. Maybe you should talk to her" he said quietly.

"How am I supposed to trust her, Moony? After this…I don't know if I ever can" James told him.

Remus sighed, "I don't have the answers to everything, mate. You'll have to figure out that one yourself. She's changed, you know that. How do you know her old ways didn't change with her?" Remus asked.

"Because she never called off the bet" James said matter-of-factly.

Remus clapped him on the shoulders, "You'll figure it out, Prongs. You just have to…forgive the expression…*a-hem* follow your heart" he told him, batting his lashes at James as Alice walked up to the podium and started her speech.

James smiled, laughing silently at Remus. "You're such a romantic, Moony" he said, shaking his head.

"I try, Prongs" Remus said, puffing his chest out with pride. The two of them laughed together a moment, only to be brought back to reality a moment later by Sirius hitting James's leg below him.

"Oi! Mate! Did you not hear Alice call your name?" Sirius said in a hushed whisper.

"What? What does she want me to do?" James said, looking up and seeing every eye in the room on him, most of the Gryffindors standing up and clapping madly, swinging their flags wildly over their heads.

"James? Want to come up here and give us a speech mate?" Alice said behind the podium.

James swallowed hard, standing up from his seat and making his way down to the podium where she stood. He could hardly hear anything over the yelling, chanting, and clapping of the students as he walked up there. Perhaps this pep rally was a good idea.

He couldn't help smiling as people started chanting 'POTTER! POTTER!' when he reached the podium, his ego growing. However there was something tugging at the back of his stomach when he looked up at the crowd. The person he never thought he would want to be there, by his side, wasn't even in the room. An emptiness filled his chest.

James put on a brave face, smiling at the faces who were counting on him to lead the Gryffindor team to victory that day. He put his hands in the air, waving at them, requesting them to settle down. In an instant, they became quiet.

"Thank you, Alice for that amazing introduction. I think these people are ready for some quidditch, what do you think?" he said into the muggle microphone Lily had set up earlier, looking back at Alice. A cheer sounded from the crowd.

He looked back at the students, "I've never been any good at writing speeches. I sort of wish I'd known I was going to be giving one, if I'm being honest" he added quietly. "But! How I give my speeches has no relevance to my skills on the pitch!" he said quickly. A roar of cheers sounded again.

"And it has no effect on my team's skills on the pitch!" he said loudly. "And! If there's one thing…"

Lily found herself walking slowly down the hall towards the Great Hall, hearing the cheers and clapping going on at the pep rally. She'd had no intention of attending, but she didn't want to stay in her room the whole afternoon. She'd went for a jog, and now, her feet were leading her there on their own.

She approached the open doors, hoping to simply blend into the walls behind the jeering crowd. She leaned against the large door, listening to Alice as she introduced James. She pushed herself further against the door, into the shadows.

Lily watched him happily address the crowd, his ego growing bigger by the minute. She smiled to herself, crossing her arms against her chest as she listened.

"Our team this year is the strongest its ever been!" James said loudly. He hated giving speeches, he thought he always sounded so stupid. "We are lions! We will not be taken!" he said encouragingly, looking around the room.

As he looked to the back of the room, he swore he saw red hair in the shadow of the door. He squinted further, staring, finding a pair of green eyes staring back at him. He swallowed hard, finding himself suddenly nervous.

"Who's ready for the best game of the year? Of your lives? Who's ready to watch the lions rip the heads off of those cowardly snakes? You?" James said, pointing to random people. "You? How about you? Who's with me?" he yelled.

A cheer sounded from the crowd, excited from James's words. Lily shook her head, laughing at him. She thought it was sad that such a sad speech could get this crowd revved up so much.

James looked back to Alice, "Alice, I'll let you take it from here" he said quietly to her. He walked back to the bleechers where the marauders sat.

"I'm going to go on to the pitch. Do some warm-ups. See you guys out there?" James said quietly to them.

Sirius nodded, "Yeah, see you mate" he told him. Remus nodded.

Lily turned away from the room after James's speech, feeling she'd had enough of that for one day. She tucked her hands inside her pockets, heading outside towards the lake, hoping the silence would make her feel better. As she sat down beneath the tree, she saw James walk outside also. He seemed to be looking for something as he walked down to the lake, his hands on his hips, looking around in frustration. He picked up a random rock from the water's edge, throwing it across the lake, making it skim the surface.

Lily watched him for a minute or two before getting the courage to say anything.

"Quite a speech you gave" she said loudly.

James jumped at the sound of her voice, dropping the rock he'd been holding straight into the water.

"You think so?" he asked.

"Not really, no. I think it's quite sad they got so excited over such a poor speech" she told him honestly.

"Thanks for the confidence booster, Evans" he said, his lips pressed together in frustration.

She snorted, "I thought you would have gotten enough of a booster in there" she told him, smiling.

"Maybe if I'd been warned I was going to be giving a speech" he said, cocking his head to the side as he looked at her.

"You're the captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team. It's a pep rally. You should have known you were" she told him.

"Oh, so it was implied?" he said.

"Yes. It was" she said.

He shook his head, "You're such a bitch, Evans" he told her.

"You knew this already, James" she said sadly.

"Yeah? Maybe I didn't know how much of a bitch you were. That you were so much of one that you got thrills from hurting people" he spat at her.

She stood up then, turning towards him. "I didn't get any thrill from hurting you. It's killing me. James…I….I don't know what else you want from me. Do you realize what you've done for me? How much being with you has changed me? Made me understand who I am?" she asked him beggingly.

"No. No, I don't, Lily. Because I'm not sure you have changed" he said quickly, hearing the students exit the castle from the pep rally.

She glanced quickly at the students and then back to him. "This isn't over."

"It's not?" he asked sarcastically.

"No. You wouldn't have been out here looking for me if it was. You wouldn't be looking at me as you are now if it was. You wouldn't be looking for a way to forgive me. If. It. Was." she added slowly, pointing at him.

"I don't know how I can, Lily. I don't know how I can trust you again" he said quietly.

She almost laughed, "I never thought you trusted me to begin with" she said, narrowing her eyes. The students were approaching them, some watching, some walking down to the pitch. Either way, they were getting closer.

He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated with himself as he saw her pick her bag up. Lily looked at his frustrated expression as she picked her bag up. Without thinking, she walked over to him. James didn't realize how close she'd gotten to him as he looked at the grass. The next thing he knew, he felt her hand hitting him across his head.

*SMACK*

James gripped the side of his head, "Ow, woman!" he said, glaring at her.

She pressed her lips together, rolling her eyes. "Why are you even talking to me? Get your head on straight. You've got a game to win" she said, walking away from him as soon as she said it.

James felt himself fighting a smile as he watched her walk away, her hips swaying. He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. He had a game to win.

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><p><strong>AN::: Ok guys, I know this one was a little dry in some areas...**

**next chapter will be better, I promise! :-) **

**Please review!**


	11. This Is Who I Really Am

Lily walked around the outside edge of the quidditch pitch during the game, not wanting to sit down in the stands, but also not wanting to miss a moment of the action. She paced nervously, sneaking glances through the wooden rafters every now and then.

After about two hours into the game, she heard Lovegood start to scream excitedly over the announcer speakers. Lily ran to the open area leading onto the field and stairways, looking out onto the field. The Slytherin players were coming down, dismounting their brooms angrily, while the Gryffindor players were circling excitedly through the air.

Gryffindor had won.

Lily didn't know whether to smile for her house or cry for her best friend. Brii was already walking off of the field, broom in her hand, heading straight for the castle. Lily did a double-take, then ran to catch up with her.

"Riddle! Riddle!" she yelled after her.

"What, Evans?" Brii asked angrily.

"He's still kicking you off the team?" she asked.

"Yep. Told the team they were having try-outs on Monday for a new chaser. Damn git" Brii said, suddenly turning around and facing Lily. "You know…he thinks he can just throw me off of the team because of that fucking bet. Like what I did hurt my game in some way…" Brii said, fuming. "I just played that entire fucking game without saying a damned word! While I had to listen to Sirius bitching and…and…all the damned Slytherins sneering at me, yelling their obnoxious quips and shit! I DIDN'T SAY A FUCKING WORD! And he says I'm the problem? UGH!" she screamed. Brii turned back to Lily, pointing at her, "If you weren't in love with him, I'd cut off his fucking balls and hang them in the clock tower…" she said, turning back around and leaving Lily standing on the hillside.

Lily watched her walk up the hill, then turned and looked back towards the pitch. As soon as she turned, she found a pair of hazel eyes staring at her as he was carried off of the pitch high in the air by the Gryffindor crowd. She shook her head at him, turning and walking up the hill to the castle.

Lily knew they would be having a party in Gryffindor Tower that would probably last atleast until midnight. She walked up to the Heads Dorm, curling up on the couch with her book, taking the time so that she could read in silence.

Gryffindor Tower wasn't far from the Heads Dorm, she could hear the celebration going on through the open window. Finally, she gave up on reading, deciding she would do her rounds by herself since she knew James would be preoccupied.

She walked down the hall towards the Tower, following the loud music flowing through the hall. On the way there, she remembered telling at least three couples (one couple dressed in costume) to go find an empty classroom, and that they'd better not be making out in the hall when she came back. Didn't these kids have more respect for themselves?

She kept walking, stopping in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady. She shook her head, then continued walking past it, deciding she didn't need to be in there with the mood she was in.

After walking around the castle for two hours, she finally started back up the stairs towards the Head Dorm, passing the fading music of Gryffindor Tower and continuing down the halls.

As she ascended the stairs, she heard the sound of giggling behind her. She turned, expecting to see fourth years tripping up the stairs. Instead, she turned to find James, falling up the stairs, a girl dressed as an angel hanging on his arm, giggling madly. Lily was fuming inside.

"Ending that dry spell, I see, Potter" she said, raising an eyebrow at the top of the stairs.

"Oooo…are we in trouble? What are you going to do, whore?" the girl said, giggling.

"I'll punch your fucking face in, that's what I'll do" Lily said, gritting her teeth and walking down a couple of stairs towards them.

James stepped between them, loosing his balance and tripping on one of the stairs. He grabbed Lily's arm to steady himself.

Lily glared at his off-balance figure. "I don't have time for this. Enjoy your evening, Potter" she said, walking up the stairs quickly to their dorm. James stared after her, letting her walk away for a moment before bounding clumsily up the stairs after her.

She gave the password, walking into the common room angrily, picking up the first thing she could find and hurling it across the room. The vase shattered on the stone wall as James stepped into the room.

"Alright there, Evans?" he said, tripping over his own feet as he tried to lean against the wall.

"No. No I am not alright" she said angrily.

"So now you're angry with me?" he asked.

"Am I not allowed to be angry?" she asked him, her hands resting on her hips.

"What the hell are you angry about?" he said loudly.

"I don't know, Potter, maybe the fact that you're drunk and you were just out there snogging a 4th year! That's disgusting! Don't you have any pride for yourself?" she asked him quickly.

"I did. Until a couple of days ago when someone ripped my heart from my chest, threw it on the ground and did a fucking rain dance on it!" he yelled.

"Oh don't even blame your sorrows on me, Potter!" she said hoarsely. "You won the damned quidditch game today, have had all those people eating out of your hands, screaming your name! You've had a damned good day today! There is no reason for you to be making out with fourth years in a drunken stupor! No excuse, James!" she yelled.

He strode across the room quickly, standing less than a foot from her body, "Oh really? It's Halloween, Evans! What do you suggest I should be doing?" he asked her angrily.

She could smell the whiskey on his breath as he stood so closely to her. She didn't want to take advantage of how drunk he was, knowing he could probably fall into anything. She wouldn't take advantage of this, she cared too much about him to do it.

"You should be in bed. You're drunk. You don't know what you're doing" she told him quickly.

"I don't?" he asked.

"No. No, you don't" she said again. She felt his breath on her face, enticing her. Her lips were quivering as it took every bone in her body to resist him.

"I know that I'm about to kiss the bitch that broke my heart and paraded it around this castle like a fucking first place trophy" he whispered, leaning down and capturing her lips with his. Her heart skipped a beat. She didn't realize how much she'd missed his lips, how much she'd missed his touch. Wait…what was she doing…he's drunk!

She pushed him away quickly, wishing she didn't have to. Why did he have to be so damned irresistible? He stared back at her, taken aback by her refusal of him.

"I guess you really did only want me for one night" he said quietly, turning his back on her and walking towards the stairs.

Lily felt the tears rolling down her face. He wouldn't understand tonight, there was no sense in arguing.

James awoke the next morning with a massive headache. Looking around him, he realized he'd slept outside on his balcony, naked. What the hell happened last night?

The last thing he remembered completely was talking to Remus at the party in Gryffindor tower. After that, things became fuzzy, only getting small flashes in his mind. He got up, stepping into his room and walking into the bathroom. He needed a long, hot shower to clear his head.

After his shower, he put on a pair of jogging pants and a sweatshirt, intent on going for a run that morning. As he walked down the stairs, he saw red hair lying on the couch. Had he said anything to her last night? Why was she on the couch?

As much as he wanted to ignore her, continue out the door on his run, he couldn't. He needed to know what happened last night.

"Evans…Evans…" he said, quietly. "Lily!" he exclaimed, standing in front of the fireplace.

Her head shot up, startled by his voice. She fell off of the couch as she tried to sit up. James couldn't help but laugh. He tried covering his face, hiding his smile.

She looked up at him through her wild hair, seeing the smirk on his face. "Amused, Potter?" she asked, picking up a pillow and chucking it at his feet. "What do you want?" she asked, unsure of why he was waking her up when he had been avoiding starting any kind of conversation with her.

He ran a hand through his hair nervously, sitting down in the armchair behind him. "I was..umm…I was wondering if you could tell me…" he rubbed his neck, taking a deep breath. "I was wondering if you could tell me what I did last night" he added quickly.

She raised her eyebrows, running a hand through her hair, pushing it away from her face. "Which bit? The bit where you almost fucked a 4th year or…" she started to say.

"A fourth year?" he exclaimed.

She held a hand up, "Or…or the part where you kissed me?" she said, pressing her lips together as she glared at him.

James laid his head in his hands, "I kissed you?" he asked quietly.

"Mm…yes…and rather forcefully I might add" she told him.

He shook his head. "How drunk was I?"

"Are you asking how drunk you were because you would never kiss me sober or because you can't remember?" she asked, somewhat offended.

He swallowed hard, looking up at her green eyes. A sadness lingered in them. "Nothing else happened?" he asked softly.

She glared at him as she stood up from the floor, "No. Nothing. Don't worry, James. I didn't take advantage of your vulnerability a second time" she told him.

"So you're admitting that's what you did the first time?" he asked her.

"No. Simply stating what you think I did" she said, her voice barely audible.

"It's kind of hard not to think that when you learn it was all a lie" he told her.

She turned around, her fists clenched tightly as she addressed him. "It. Was. Not. A. Lie! If it had been a lie, you would have woken up in my bed this morning. You know why? Because that would have shown that you were nothing but a damn good fuck to me!" she yelled, throwing her hands in the air.

"But you're more than that! You're more than just another fuck to me! Don't you understand that?" she yelled helplessly.

"You always asked what I wanted, who I was…I tried to be someone else. For six years, I was someone else. But after being with you, I know who I am, I know what I want!" she said to him, her eyes pleading with him.

He shook his head silently, not wanting to give in.

She almost laughed at him, "What is it? Your pride? I didn't think you had any left…" she told him, stepping onto the stairs, walking up to her room.

James stood, picking up her book and hurling across the room. He hadn't been aiming for the window, but it flew through it, shattering the glass.

Lily stopped halfway up the spiral staircase, turning back to him, her eyes wide. "YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH!" she screamed, running down the stairs and to the window.

"That's just fucking great, Potter! Hurl my book out the window like a damn child!" she screamed at him.

"Oh grow up, Evans. You are a witch, why don't you try a summoning spell" he told her, turning his back and heading towards the portrait hole.

Lily grabbed her Charms book from the floor, lunging at James and hitting his back repeatedly with it, "That. Is. NOT. THE. POINT!" she screamed.

James went to turn around, feeling her hit his back with the large, hardcover book. But he wasn't quick enough, she jumped on his back, pulling at his hair.

"Fuck! Evans! What the hell! Get off of me!" James yelled, trying to pull her legs from around him. She grabbed the hood of his sweatshirt, pulling it backwards. James couldn't breathe. She was choking him. He grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling it forward.

The more she pulled backwards on his hood, the more off-balance James became. Finally he stumbled backwards on to the floor, Lily's back hitting it hard as James landed with his back on top of her.

She hit the back of her head on the bookshelf below the window, immediately she let go of his sweatshirt, her hand reaching to the place, feeling blood starting to mat in her hair. She groaned.

James didn't sit up immediately, trying to get a feel of his body to see if he'd hurt anything. He heard her groan beneath him. Sitting up, he twisted his torso around, looking at Lily's agonized expression.

She looked at her bloody hand, "Ugh, damn you James Potter" she groaned as she stared up at his face.

Suddenly, she felt stupid for what she'd just done, her face growing into a silly smile. She laughed, looking up in his hazel eyes. "Gods, I can't believe I just did that" she whispered.

He shook his head, grabbing her hand and pulling her up to a sitting position. She took her other hand, pushing the hair away from her face, looking at his neck, which was quickly bruising. She reached out to him cautiously, touching his bruising neck.

"I didn't mean to…" she whispered, touching it gently.

His skin burned beneath her touch, relishing what he'd been missing his whole life. He looked down at her bloody hand and back to her face. "We should get you to the hospital wing" he told her quietly.

She shook her head vigorously, "No, no. I'll be fine. It's just a scratch" she told him, her head throbbing with pain.

She felt his hand graze her neck, his fingertips delicately touching her. Her body trembled at his touch. She opened her eyes, staring in to his hazel ones, "What are you doing, James?" she whispered, her head leaning into his touch.

"Judging by the gash on the back of your head? I'd say I'm tormenting you" he said, a small smile growing on his face.

She groaned, her body limping in his arms. "Fuck you, James Potter" she told him weakly, her eyes fluttering as he caressed the small of her neck with his thumb.

He laughed quietly, studying her face. As his hand touched her neck, he felt a drop of blood hit his fingers. "Lily, we have to get you to the hospital wing" he urged her.

Lily opened her eyes, staring at him, "I don't want to move" she whispered, her hand covering his as it reached up, cupping her cheek softly.

James leaned in, nuzzling her nose softly. She could smell his freshly shampooed hair, his smell intoxicating her. She didn't know how much more of this she could take. She couldn't think straight, her heart beating madly in her chest. She was lightheaded, and she wasn't sure if it was from the gash on her head or from the way he was touching her so delicately.

He swallowed hard, not sure of what he was doing anymore. Without thinking, he closed the small gap between their lips, kissing her softly. She didn't have much energy left in her, feeling it waning as the blood matted in her hair. But she had enough energy in her to kiss him back, matching his intensity, his longing for her.

Suddenly, Lily felt her mind go blank, flashes of white light flashing in front of her eyes. James pulled away from her, feeling her grow tense beneath him. As he stared at her, he saw her eyes start to flutter, her body shake vigorously. In a split second she stopped shaking, her body going limp in his arms.

James shook her, "Lily…Lily!" he yelled at her. He shook his head, "Damn stubborn, bull-headed…ugh!" he muttered. Quickly he picked her up in his arms, carrying her up to the hospital wing.

He ignored the glances he received in the hall. Few students were awake, but he knew the rumor would be all over the school by lunch that he'd tried to kill her.

Upon reaching the hospital wing, he had to explain why she had a large gash on her head, and why it'd taken him so long to bring her to the infirmary, which was a little harder to explain.

"Sorry, Madame Pomfrey, she's just so damned stubborn" he told her, which wasn't a complete lie.

"Very well. It shouldn't take long to patch her up. Give me a few minutes. I suppose you'll be staying?" Pomfrey asked.

"Oh. Well, I really should be…" James said quickly. "Yeah, I should be going. Tell her I'll stop by later" he added.

Pomfrey gave him a expectant look before turning around and leaving James standing in the middle of the room by himself. He glanced over at Lily, lying on the bed beside him. He didn't know what was going on with him, he was supposed to be furious with her, wasn't he?

James went through his normal routine the rest of the day, going for his jog, having lunch with the marauders, doing some studying after lunch and then sitting in the Gryffindor common room with the guys after supper.

He couldn't concentrate much during the day, his mind wandering back to Lily, wondering how she was. It was only when Brii came up to him after supper that he realized where he'd needed to be all day.

"Potter!" Brii yelled at him as she went into the common room.

"Riddle" he said, addressing her.

"Why the fuck is Evans in the hospital wing? What did you do to her? Why didn't you tell me?" she yelled.

"She's the one that knocked me over, sending herself backwards onto the bookshelf, gashing her head open! I didn't do anything!" he yelled back at her.

"She jumped you, Prongs?" Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Sounds pretty serious, is she ok?" Remus said, more concerned about Lily's well-being than her sex drive.

"What happened?" Peter asked, fully interested now.

James shook his head, "It was nothing, just another fight" he said quietly.

"You're such a bastard, Potter. I thought you were better than this, thinking that you of all the Marauders actually had a heart" Brii told him, walking away quickly.

James stared at his hands a minute, fumbling with his fingers. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, "I'd better go check on her" he said softly.

"Are you serious, mate?" Sirius asked him as James stood, his face scrunched up in confusion.

"Yeah. Yeah I am" James told him.

"After everything she did, you're concerned about her?" Sirius asked, not wanting to believe that his best friend was even thinking about this.

"Padfoot, sometimes you have to know when to fight. I'm not running from this one" James told him seriously, glancing at Remus's smiling expression. He left the Great Hall, walking straight to the infirmary.

"Miss Evans?" Madame Pomfrey said when he arrived, asking where Lily was. "She was released an hour ago. Is she not in her dorm?" the woman asked him.

James sighed, walking backwards and out of the infirmary to his dorm. She wasn't in their common room. She wasn't in her bedroom.

Where was she? He stood on the hall between their rooms, hands on his hips as he pondered the thought of where she might be. Fortunately, Sirius had given him back the Marauder's Map that morning.

He bounded to his room, quickly opening it, saying the words "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," and watching the ink spread across its pages. He looked all over for her, finally finding her dot. It was right beside his. He looked around the room, confused.

Looking back at the map, he noticed her dot was outside of the boundary line, like she was floating in midair. He turned to his window, now noticing that it was cracked open.

James walked to the window, seeing her figure standing against the stone wall, looking out at the forest and waning moon that loomed overhead. He opened the window quietly, stepping out onto the balcony.

"I see you healed well" he said suddenly.

She jumped, hearing his voice cut through the cold wind. "Oh, yes. Didn't take her long" she told him quietly, blushing as she looked down at his feet.

He stepped closer to her, "I'm sorry I didn't stay"

"Do you regret not staying?" she asked.

"No, but-" he started to say.

"Then don't apologize. I'm not a girl that needs explanations for every minute of the day" she said, giving him a weak smile.

He ran a hand through his hair nervously. "Right. I keep forgetting how independent you are"

She snorted, "How the hell could you forget that? It's only taken you six years to break down this wall" she said, shaking her head.

"Because of how vulnerable you get when you're around me" he told her softly, now standing beside her, leaning against the stone wall also.

She glared at him, "I'm not that vulnerable. You make me sound like a weakling."

He turned, facing her, studying her face. Reaching a hand up to her cheek, he caressed it softly, his warm hand sending a fire through her body. She leaned into his hand, closing her eyes, her hair falling over her face.

"Sometimes you are" he whispered to her.

He pulled his hand away from her, walking back towards the window then, leaving her unsteady. She became slightly off-balance, gripping onto the wall as he walked away. She became angry then, tired of his constant teasing, just because he knew he could.

"Why do you do that? Why, James? You're killing me!" she said agonizingly. "Gods, what do you want me to do? You want me to fall on the floor? Beg for forgiveness the rest of my life? James, I'm standing here, fighting for you! If I didn't want you so badly I…I, I wouldn't be on this balcony fighting for a chance!" she said helplessly to him.

She shook her head, her hands on her hips as she looked past him, towards the trees before continuing. "Gods, why don't you just bury me? Bury me and put me out of the misery of this selfish life…" she begged.

"I can't do that, Lily" he whispered.

"Why the hell not?" she asked loudly. "You don't want me, but yet you can't seem to be without me! Why can't you make up your fucking mind, James!" she yelled.

"Because I don't know what I want!" he yelled. She glared at him, her hands on her hips.

He ran a hand through his hair, "I know that I want you, I just don't know how I can be with you after what you did" he told her quietly.

She pressed her lips together, tapping her foot impatiently. After taking a deep breath, she started walking towards him, pushing past him. "Well, when you figure out how you can be with me, send me an owl" she said harshly as she stepped through the window past him.

He stared after her, watching her red hair flow delicately behind her. Why wouldn't his head let him forget?

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><p><strong>AN::: Thanks for the reviews! **

**I hope i'm not dragging it out or boring you guys...let me know if i am! **

**Please review! They're really helpful! :-)**


	12. Nothing Seemed to Change

**A/N::: hey guys, sorry I haven't updated in a few days... :-( **

**i hit a very small writer's block BUT after this chapter, it's going to pick up, I PROMISE! More drama, suspense, and a few more speed bumps...probably hit James over the head a couple more times too, lol... :-)**

**thanks for the reviews! Enjoy!**

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><p>Lily ignored James for the following week. Dodging glances in the halls and in their classes, staying in her room anytime she happened to be in the dorm. She hadn't attended any of the prefect meetings, and had paid a couple of 5th years to do her rounds for her. It wasn't that he was trying to talk to her, it was just that if he didn't want to be around her, she wasn't going to make it any harder.<p>

James was in agony. He was supposed to be mad at her, right? It was her fault they weren't speaking…wasn't it? Hadn't she been the one to break his heart? Shouldn't she be begging for his forgiveness, and not ignoring him as if he'd done something wrong?

"James…Prongs…Oi! Mate! You listening?" Sirius yelled at him at supper on the following Saturday.

James shook his head, bringing himself out of his daze, "Yeah. Sorry about that, mate" he said quietly.

"You were doing it again" Remus told him.

"Doing what?" James asked.

"Staring at Evans" Peter said quickly.

"No I wasn't!" James said, defending himself.

"Yeah, you were, mate" Sirius said, picking at his food.

James narrowed his eyes at him, "What's wrong with you? I've never known you to not eat"

Sirius shook his head. "It's nothing. Stupid headache" he said.

"As in headache, he means Riddle" Remus said quickly.

Sirius picked up his spoon, hurling at Remus's head. "Shut up. I'm tired of hearing her name" he said, rubbing his temples.

"No one's said her name. Must be in your head" James told him.

Sirius went to stand, closing his book and throwing his bag over his shoulder. "Yeah? Whatever, mate. I'm going. McGonagall gave me extra homework. See you" he said quickly, standing and leaving the Great Hall.

James stared after his best friend, curious at his behavior. He didn't think he'd seen Brii bothering Sirius, or even looking at him for that matter. Shrugging, he turned back to his food, pushing it around his plate.

Lily sat at the end of the long Gryffindor table, finding herself staring down the table at a flustered looking James. She watched Sirius storm out of the Hall, an angered look on his face. She sighed, looking back at James. He was pushing the food around his plate again, his hazel eyes reflecting sadness in them.

She watched him look up at Remus, laughing at whatever it was he'd said, then put his head back down, looking back at his plate. She wondered why he kept pushing the food around his plate instead of eating it. Surely he was hungry, he was a growing man after all.

Lily continued to stare at him as he stood from the table, gathering his books from the table and putting them in his bag. He walked past her, catching her eye as he left the Great Hall, heading towards Gryffindor Tower to study with the marauders.

He'd been going there a lot in the past week, opting to study there instead of in his own dorm. He didn't want to admit it, but he was scared. Scared of loving her. Scared to let himself trust her. But most of all, he was scared of loosing her.

Lily sat in her study clothes in their common room that night, glasses and all. It was something she hadn't done in the past week. She didn't know what would happen when he came in. She didn't know if he would even acknowledge her presence. But she would take her chances.

It was driving her mad, waiting on him to come in from Gryffindor Tower. She couldn't concentrate on her potions essay, tapping her quill lightly on the parchment paper. When the portrait hole finally opened, she jumped, startled by her own anticipation. She ran a hand through her hair, pushing her glasses up on her nose, attempting to act as normal as possible.

She could see him walking slowly into the room in her peripheral vision. He eyed her wearily, running a hand through his own hair.

James sighed, "Lily" he said, acknowledging her.

She wanted to turn her head, but she hesitated, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath. "James," she said quietly, hearing his footsteps behind her.

James didn't know what to say, stopping a few feet behind her. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing again. Turning, he started towards the stairs.

She heard his footsteps on the staircase. The feeling of him walking away from her, not even able to carry on a conversation with her, made her feel worthless. How long could he stay away? Was it really just a dream? Did she really mean nothing to him? A tear fell down her cheek. She needed some air.

James watched Lily abruptly stand from the couch, fully expecting her to start yelling at him for no apparent reason. She closed her book, throwing it in the couch. Grabbing her coat from the back of the armchair, she walked out of the portrait hole quickly.

Where was she going? Had she just been sitting there so that he would see her before she left out on a late night rendezvous?

James swallowed hard, anger welling up inside of him. Quickly he went to his room, grabbing his map and opening it. He watched her dot from the Dorm. She walked swiftly up to the Astronomy Tower. He continued to study it. No one else ever came. She was alone.

James stared at the map for another hour, his eyes drifting in and out of focus. There were no other students in the hall, no students going to meet her, she was simply alone in the Astronomy Tower.

Lily laid down on the roof. She'd learned how to get up there in her 5th year. Brii had bet her she couldn't get up there without killing herself. It wasn't a very steep roof, but one wrong move and you were gone.

It was a perfect night for star gazing, with half of the moon already gone and clear skies. She was glad she'd grabbed her coat, a chilly wind was blowing this high in the air. She stared up at the stars, thinking about how her life had come to this. Only a month ago she would have slapped herself silly at the thought of being in love with James Potter.

Wait…did she just say love?

She'd thought about it. But knew she really didn't know that much about him. What was his favorite color? His favorite quidditch team? What were his parents like? Did he listen to music?

But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that the things she kept questioning were the things that didn't necessarily make you love someone. You could have things in common with lots of people, but that doesn't mean you want to be with them.

"Lily?" someone said from below in the tower. Lily sat up quickly, too quickly, at the sound of James's voice. Her body started slipping on the shingles of the castle. Quickly, she turned her body over, trying to get a grip. Instead, she started falling off of the roof.

James heard a ruckus above him. He ran quickly to the railing, looking up at the roof. Lily finally grabbed a hold of the lip of the roof, dangling down in front of the railing, in front of James. She blushed.

"Hi" she said, embarrassed.

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Lily, what are you doing up there?" he asked slowly.

"Thought I saw…oh never mind" she said, not wanting to explain herself as she dangled midair. She glanced at James helplessly, realizing her legs were too short to reach the rail.

"Um…could you…" she hinted, swinging her leg at the rail.

"Midget" he muttered under his breath as he walked towards her.

"Vertically. Challenged" she told him, rolling her eyes as he grasped her legs.

"Whatever you say, Evans. You can let go now" he told her, clenching her legs tightly in his arms.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Lily, don't you trust me?" he said, looking up at her.

She pressed her lips together, "Do you trust me?" she said slowly, raising an eyebrow.

He sighed, looking down at the stone floor. Without thinking, Lily let go of the roof, swinging herself inside the tower. Immediately, James fell backwards onto the smooth stone, Lily's legs landing on his torso, her body landing beside his head.

He'd broken her fall this time, taking most of the damage himself. He released her legs, groaning as the pain in his head hit him. She sat up, sitting beside him as he also sat up. James rubbed the back of his head gingerly.

"Aren't you lucky? No blood" she told him.

"It's the Potter skin. It's tough" he told her.

"Mmm…right. If you say so" she said, pushing her falling glasses back on her nose.

"Are you ok?" he asked her quietly.

She was taken aback by his concern, swallowing hard. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. A bit dizzy, but fine. You?" she asked.

"Head's throbbing, but I think I'll live" he told her, smiling weakly up at her.

"You'd better live, Potter. I don't know what I'd be doing right now without you" she said quickly without realizing it. Her eyes became wide as soon as the words escaped her lips. "I mean, um…hanging from the roof, that is. I'd still be hanging from the roof…yeah" she said slowly. Her face had turned a bright shade of crimson, almost matching her hair. She looked down at her hands, fumbling with them.

"Awkward…" she said, rubbing her neck. She looked back at him, her brows furrowed, "So what are you doing up here?" she asked.

"What were you doing on the roof?" he asked.

"What? No. No, you're not turning the question on me. I was here first. You came up here, you yelled out my name" she told him. "So, why are you up here?" she asked again.

He ran a hand through his hair. "I was looking for you" he admitted.

"James, you made it pretty clear you didn't want to be with me" she said tiredly.

"I know" he said quietly.

She glared at him, "This isn't a game! I'm an actual person, you know! I have feelings! You can't just toss them around like a fucking quaffle!" she said.

"I know" he told her again.

"So what are you doing up here? Why were you looking for me?" she demanded, now standing up as she yelled.

James stood also, facing her. He ran a hand through his hair, again.

"Will you stop that?" she said suddenly.

"Stop what?" James asked, taken aback.

"Running your hand through your hair!" she said, frustrated with herself. It made him look so vulnerable, so much so that she wanted to pounce him every time he did it. She needed to control herself.

"Oooook…" James said, confused.

They stood in silence for a moment, both staring at the ground. James was the first to recover, grasping the confidence from the thick air to speak.

"Lily…I actually saw you leave the common room after I walked in. I…I thought…" he started to say.

"You thought I was meeting someone" she finished for him, crossing her arms on her chest.

"I did" he said quietly.

"James…I am not seeing anyone else. How could I when the only person I want to be with, repels me like I'm some sort of a…a troll! That doesn't exactly boost confidence, you know" she told him harshly.

"I don't think you're a troll" he said quietly.

"Well, that's a relief…" she said sarcastically. They stood awkwardly in silence again, neither of them knowing what to say.

Lily sighed, "Be honest, James. What's keeping you from being with me?" she asked quietly. He looked up from the floor into her green eyes.

She took a step closer to him, "What is it? Are you scared?" she said softly.

James swallowed hard, averting his eyes from hers as she stepped closer. "Absolutely terrified" he whispered. Lily closed the gap between them, reaching up to his face. As she leaned in to kiss him, he stopped her, taking a hold of her wrist.

He blinked, searching her face. "Wait" he whispered. "Just let me finish" he told her. She stepped back from him, watching him intensely.

"You terrify me, Lily. The thought of being in love with someone who not a month ago I despised more than anything in the world, terrifies me. I can't wrap my head around it. I don't understand how it happened. At first, I thought you'd drugged me. It sounded like something you would do, especially when I found out about the bet" he told her.

She almost laughed as she listened to his theories.

"But it's what's happened since I found out about the bet that's made me realize that you didn't drug me. That not only does the thought of loving you scare me, but the thought of loosing you scares me even more" he told her quietly.

Lily stared at him as he spoke, unsure of if he was telling the truth or if he just felt sorry for her.

James waited for a response, staring at the floor. "Please say something" he whispered.

"Don't lie to me just because you feel sorry for me. Or feel like you're hurting me in some way. I don't want your pity, James" she said quietly.

James snorted, "You think I would pity you after what you did to me?" he said, looking up from the floor.

"I don't know" she said quietly. "I don't know what to think anymore. We go back and forth, arguing over this, like we're ten years old and were fighting over who gets to sit in the front seat of the car or something" she told him, resting her hands on her hips. She shook her head, throwing her hands in the air, on top of her head, "You don't know what you want, James. We're back at that AGAIN! How can we move on from this if you don't know whether you want to be with me or watch me walk away?" she asked him.

"I know I don't want to watch you walk away," James said as he closed the gap between them, grasping her hands.

She gripped his hands back as he stared at her. "But you don't know if you want to be with me, or can be with me for that matter…" she said slowly. She stared back in his eyes, breathless. Leaning in, she kissed him slowly, capturing his lips softly. A moment later, she pulled away from his helpless lips, staring in his eyes once again.

"James…I can't wait forever" she whispered. Without a second glance, she let go of his hands, walking out of the Astronomy Tower. James stared after her, once again, watching her walk out of his life.

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><p><strong>AN::: Please review! **


	13. What if I Wanted To Fight

**A/N::: Ok, we're skipping a few months in this chapter...hope no one gets confused... :-) **

**Enjoy!**

**P.S. thanks for the reviews :-) i love you guys!**

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><p>James woke up the morning of February 1st to the sound of tapping on his window. He groaned. The winter sun shone brightly through the window, making him squint to see what the noise was. It was a small owl, carrying a large note in its beak.<p>

He opened the window, letting the struggling bird inside. Immediately, it perched itself on his dresser, dropping the note. James tore it open.

**Mr. Potter**  
>As of late, I have been considering the ideas you posed at the beginning of last term. You proposed an End of Year Ball, I like the idea, however, I would like to have a Spring Equinox Ball, celebrating the change of seasons. It has been a rather harsh winter, after all. Perhaps a Ball on the Equinox would bring good fortune to the school.<br>What do you think? I'd like to meet with you and Miss Evans to discuss the matter at 1 o'clock today in my study.

**Sincerely,  
>Albus Dumbledore <strong>

James sighed. He hadn't spoken to Lily about anything other than the prefects' round schedules in 108 days…it wasn't like he was keeping count or anything though.

Sitting the note back on his desk, he walked into the bathroom, intent on taking a long, hot shower. As he turned the water on, he saw Lily's shadow pass in front of the door, stopping in front of it as if she were listening.

He undressed, slipping into the shower, feeling the warm water wash over his body. There was a knock at the door.

He looked up, abruptly, trying to act normal. "What, Evans?" he asked.

She opened the door slightly, sticking her head in the door. "I need to brush my teeth, Potter," she told him in her now-usual cold tone. He didn't say anything, letting her get her toothbrush from the cup on the sink and start brushing her teeth.

"I received a letter from Dumbledore this morning," James said after a moment or two of silence.

Lily spat into the sink. "Ok" she said, bringing the brush to her teeth.

"He wants to meet us at 1 today…he wants to discuss us arranging a Ball," he said quickly.

Lily nearly choked on her toothpaste. Coughing, she barely got out a "What?" in her hoarse voice.

"A Ball, Evans. You know, like a d-"

"I know what the bloody fuck a Ball is!" she said quickly, startling him. Lily took a deep breath, "This was another one of your damned brilliant ideas, wasn't it?" she asked angrily.

"It might have been," James said nervously.

Lily stormed out of the bathroom, flailing her body on to the bed and screaming loudly into the pillow.

It wasn't that she didn't want James anymore, it was that she thought for sure he didn't want her. Each time he'd caught her staring at him, she never felt the longing in his eyes that she'd once felt. The longer time passed between them, the colder his eyes became.

She had tried to move on during Christmas break. The animalistic neighbor she'd once been obsessed with had moved back into town. She'd been overwhelmed with excitement at the time, thinking he was the perfect candidate to get her mind off of James. It didn't work. The entire time she was with him, all she could think about was James. She felt empty inside.

She'd also tried reverting herself back into the old Lily, making quips at James, being a smart ass. She'd even walked around the dorm naked one time, but he didn't find it as amusing as he did the first time.

Now, she walked solemnly up to Dumbledore's office, deep in thought. The thought of a Ball drove her insane. To have to organize such a kiss-ass event was horrifying. Sure, she had thrown her share of parties in the past, and they had been great. But, now, they just seemed ridiculous. She sighed, figuring she would have to avert to the old, fake Lily in order to pull this one off.

She said the password, riding the spiral staircase up to Dumbledore's office. James was already in there, talking animatedly to him.

"I think it's a great idea, Professor. We could do a winter theme, and at midnight, change it over to spring," James was suggesting.

"Ah, Miss Evans. Just in time," Dumbledore said as James finished his sentence.

Lily looked between them, "Hi, Professor. I don't know if you really need me. Potter seems to have everything all worked out," she said quickly, turning to leave the room.

"Nonsense! Please, join us! It's nice to have a woman's point of view on these things," Dumbledore said.

He drew Lily up a chair, making her sit down. She looked around the room reluctantly, sure that her point of view on a Ball was one far different from every other girl in the school.

"Now. What do you think about James's idea on the change in theme?" Dumbledore asked.

Lily glanced at James, "Yeah. Sure. Makes sense since it is on the Equinox" she said.

"Good, good. Now, entertainment. What do you think, Potter?" Dumbledore asked.

Lily sat at the meeting, only zoning in when she was asked a question. Once or twice she thought seriously about telling Dumbledore she quit and then leaving from the room, but she didn't.

"Evans…Evans!" James yelled.

"What?" she yelled back, unsure of why he was yelling at her.

"Are you going to sleep in Dumbledore's office?" he asked, standing over her.

She took a deep breath, looking around and noticing Dumbledore had left. She didn't ask where he'd went, knowing she'd probably told him bye without realizing it. She stood from the chair, pushing past James and walking out of the office quickly.

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><p>"You've got to be fucking kidding me…A Ball?" Brii said lazily at breakfast the next day.<p>

"I kid you not. A fucking Ball," Lily said, pushing her food around her plate.

"Why don't they just hang us from the Astronomy tower now? Save us from doing it ourselves?" Brii said, sitting her head in her hand.

"Well, that's just be too easy. You see, they would need to rip you limb for limb, burn you, and scatter the ashes. Otherwise, there would be no way of knowing if you were really dead," Sirius said, interjecting into their conversation.

"No one asked your opinion, Black," Brii said, glaring up at him. Sirius winked at her as he looked back, then continued walking.

Lily raised an eyebrow, "I take it you two are still becoming ravished beasts behind closed doors," she said, taking a sip of her water.

"Yeah, yeah it's rather nice actually" Brii said, tearing apart the piece of bread she was holding.

"You're such a whore," Lily said.

"No, no, I used to be. Now I just happened to get all of my pleasure from one man. Whom I hate very much, but the sex is still amazing," Brii explained. Lily laughed quietly, shaking her head.

"So this Ball…what are you in charge of?" Brii asked.

"Ugh, refreshments, lighting, and something else…I don't remember what it is though," Lily said.

"Lighting?" Brii asked.

"Yeah, like mood lighting. I'm thinking seriously about just creating a massive lightning storm below the ceiling though. Freak everyone out," Lily said.

"I would find it amusing," Brii said, shrugging her shoulders.

"As would I. I don't know what to do. We'll see. It's over a month away," Lily said, standing and putting her bag on her shoulder.

Lily walked into the Heads dorm later that night, throwing her bag lazily onto the floor. She fell into the couch, laying her head back on the pillow. Sighing, she stared at the ceiling. She didn't want to think about the Ball. The very mention of it gave her a headache. As she laid there, she felt her eyes becoming heavy, finally dozing off into a deep sleep.

She didn't realize how long she slept, waking up hours later to find a blanket over her, the fireplace roaring. She woke with a start, a searing pain going through her head as she sat up. She groaned, looking around her. Looking up the stairs, she saw James's door was open, then remembered it was full moon.

Just as she went to lay her head back down, she was startled again by the sound of the portrait door opening. She glanced towards it, seeing James walk in. He looked terrible. A large gash was bleeding over his left eye, claw marks raked his chest through the shirt he was wearing.

He pressed his lips together, sighing loudly as she stared at his wounds. Running a hand through his hair, he glanced up at her. He'd expected her to be asleep when he came in.

"Evans," he said.

"Potter," she managed to get out. "You're hurt."

"I'm fine. It's nothing," he told her, walking past the couch towards the stairs.

"I know what it is, Potter. You need to at least clean it," she told him.

He clenched his jaw tightly, closing his eyes. "Fine," he said, cursing himself for not being a better healer. He reluctantly turned around, walking back to the couch where she was summoning her healer kit and filling a bowl with warm water. He sat down beside her, avoiding her eyes.

"Take your glasses off," she told him. He sighed, taking his glasses off so she could clean his eye.

She rung out the cloth, placing it on his forehead.

He winced, pushing her arm away, "Ow! Damn woman!" he said, his face scrunched up in pain.

She glared at him, "You're such a big ass baby. It's just water" she said reaching the cloth up to his face again. He backed away again.

"Potter. You have to stay still" she demanded, trying to wipe his eye again. He backed away again. "Potter!" she yelled.

"It fucking hurts!" he yelled back at her.

She pressed her lips together tightly, glaring at him. "It. Is. WATER!" she told him firmly. "Am I going to have to hold you down in order to clean your damned forehead?" she asked.

He stopped moving, letting her wipe the dried blood from around his eyebrow. As she started wiping the actual cut, he shoved her arm away again. Lily bit back her tongue, reaching forward again. He pushed her away more forcefully this time. She threw the cloth at his face. Without his glasses, he was unable to block it. It hit him directly in the face.

She pressed her lips together in anger again, "If you don't want my damned help, I'll leave you be. See how well you clean your own fucking wound without your glasses," she told him starting to stand from the couch.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Evans, wait," he said as she started walking away. "I'll stay still. Please" he asked her.

She shook her head, taking in a deep breath as she sat back on the couch. She snatched the cloth from his hands, dipping it back into the hot water and ringing it out.

He winced as the hot rag touched his forehead softly. She gave him a death glare, daring him to move. Silently, she wiped his forehead, cleaning the wound. Finally, she got enough courage to speak.

"Tonight didn't go as planned?" she asked quietly.

"No. He didn't take his potion in time," James told her softly. She put the rag down on the table, picking up a cotton ball and bottle of peroxide. He eyed the large brown bottle.

"What is that?" he asked wearily.

"Peroxide. Muggles use it to clean any infection from a wound," she told him as she put some on the cotton ball.

"Is it going to hurt?" he asked, eyeing it.

She rolled her eyes, "Don't be such a pussy, Potter. Man up," she said, touching the cotton to his head.

James thought he would cry from the pain, but did not let himself. It stung, feeling like she'd stuck needles into his body. After a moment, the pain was gone.

"You mean to tell me you fought against a hot rag and not the damn peroxide?" she asked him, glaring.

"You called me a coward," he told her plainly.

She shook her head, reaching for the healing ointment on the table. After squeezing a small bit on the tip of her finger, she placed it on the cut, smoothing it out gently.

James couldn't see well without his glasses, but he could feel her soft hands on his forehead as she rubbed his head. The raw touch of her fingers electrified his skin. He swallowed hard. She was making circles with her finger lightly, rubbing the remaining crème in. Her eyes were concentrating hard on his forehead, allowing him to sneak glances at her serious face.

She looked tired, drained from the stress of the school. Her eyes did not have the glint of happiness in them they'd once had. The more he thought about that though, the more he realized the only time he'd ever seen that glint was the night before Halloween.

Lily reached over to the table once more, grabbing a small gauze pad and tape. She placed it on his head, taping it down so as to not get the hair from his brow in it.

"There. See, that didn't hurt much, did it?" she asked him, feeling like she was talking to a three-year old.

"I'm not a child, Evans," he told her, reaching up to his forehead.

She quirked an eyebrow, "Could have fooled me," she said under her breath as she gathered her things back into the kit.

He glared at her as he felt of his forehead. "Great, I look like Frankenstein."

She snorted, "I'm sure all the girls will still love you, Potter. Even if you do look like a troll," she told him, smirking.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence there, Evans. Now I'll never get a date to the Ball," he told her, putting his glasses back on.

"I wouldn't worry if I were you. I'm sure Moaning Myrtle is available," she told him smartly.

"Not even Myrtle would go out with someone as hideous as I now," he said, pretending to bow his head in shame.

Lily shook her head. "You're not hideous, Potter. Just scarred," she said quietly as she stood. "Perhaps you should have thought about that before getting in a fight with a werewolf."

"I don't exactly think about the future when helping a best friend, Evans," he said icily.

She rolled her eyes, turning back towards him with her hands on her hips. "You and your arrogance…It never ceases to baffle me," she told him.

"Wait…you're calling me arrogant because of where I was tonight?" he asked her incredulously.

"No, I'm calling you arrogant because you're boasting about where you were and about you having such great friends when you know-" she stopped herself, pressing her lips together and taking in a deep breath.

James stood, "When I know what, Evans?" he asked her loudly.

"When you know damn well I have only one friend, and you know how damn envious I am of both you and your friends!" she told him angrily.

He stared at her angered face, her red hair cascading over her shoulders. He narrowed his eyes in confusion. "I didn't realize…" he started to say.

"Oh don't give me that. We've had this discussion before," she said impatiently, turning away from him.

He grabbed her arm quickly, turning her about to face him. She glared up at him, wrenching her burning wrist from his arm. "Don't touch me," she said slowly, gritting her teeth.

James stared after her as she walked away from him and up the stairs, puzzled by her sudden change in character.

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><p>A Week Later...<p>

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><p>Lily woke up at the sound of someone pounding loudly on her door, yelling her name. She groaned. It was one of her biggest pet peeves, being woke up before she wanted to be. As she opened the door, she found James standing there, a piece of parchment in his hand.<p>

"What is this?" he asked angrily, holding the parchment up.

Lily squinted, her eyes not fully focused yet. "Looks like some type of schedule or list, why? What's got your knickers in a twist this morning?" she asked him groggily.

"Is this really what you planned on telling the house elves to make for the Ball?" he yelled. He looked back at the list, reading it off, "Ramen noodles? Canned sardines? And…what the HELL are snowball cakes? And twinkies?" James yelled.

Lily burst out laughing, shutting the door in his face. She leaned back on the door, laughing hysterically at the fake list she and Brii had made up for James to find, hoping it would send him over the edge.

It had worked.

James was pounding on the door again, yelling at her. "IS THIS ALL YOU THINK OF THE BALL? DOES IT REALLY MEAN THAT LITTLE TO YOU? YOU'RE A GIRL!" he yelled.

She shook her head as she continued to lean against the door. Finally, she opened it again, smirking at him.

"Potter. I may be a girl, but I'm also a girl that thinks the idea of a Ball is the most…pompous idea in history. They had them long ago in order for men to meet women and choose the girl he's going to marry. Now, they are simply fashion shows with dance contests that cost a ridiculous amount of money. All for what? So that people can get dressed up more than their usual garb and shag someone senseless at the end of the night? Only to end up either totally attached or regretting it the next morning," Lily said, her arms crossed across her chest. "So, to answer your question, yes, that is all I think of a stupid Ball. However, I have too much pride to serve something as ridiculous as an American, plastic-wrapped, sponge cake. You should know that by now," she said, slamming the door in his face once more.

James stared at the door after she slammed it in his face, thinking her speech had to be more ridiculous than the twinkie. "You've never had a problem with events that lead to shagging in the past," he yelled through the door.

Lily took a deep breath, closing her eyes and counting to ten. She was not going to pulverize his beautiful face. She would not let herself. Instead, she quickly made her way to the bathroom, taking her shower and getting dressed.

As she went down the stairs, she found James gathering his books from the desk. "How is your eye?" she asked, feeling that she needed to be the bigger person.

He did a double-take, staring at her. "Fine. Why do you ask?"

"Because I saw how deeply you were cut. Excuse me for being concerned, Potter," she said, pressing her lips together tightly and nodding at him before heading towards the portrait hole.

James sighed heavily, "I'm sorry, Evans. We just…I don't…" he couldn't think of what he needed to say. He ran a hand through his hair, "I haven't looked at my cut since you bandaged it," he admitted.

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head at him. "You do know you more than likely have an infection?" she asked, rounding on him.

"Yeah, I know, I just…I'm not that good with healing!" he said, frustrated.

She snorted, "Gods, you are such a damn child," she said, now in front of him. Without hesitation, she reached up to his face and snatched the bandage off.

"OW! FUCK!" he yelled, resisting the urge to punch her in the face.

"If you couldn't do it yourself, you should have came to me, you idiot! Now look!" she told him, hitting him over the head. "Sit down!" she demanded.

James groaned, sitting down at the desk, gripping his head tightly. She shook her head as she removed his glasses and summoned her healer kit again.

"I didn't come to you because I…" he started to say, unable to find the words.

"You what?" she asked.

"Nevermind," he said quietly.

"What? You think I was mad at you? Still crying in my sleep over you? Feeling awkward around you? What is it, Potter?" she asked. She actually was still crying in her sleep.

"I thought you might not want to be around me, or feel like I was using you," he told her quickly.

"Using you?" she asked, wiping his cut gently. "You should have done it then as part of your payback," she told him.

She wiped his head in silence, getting the small bit of infection from deep within it. She sighed, studying his face. "If your head looks like this, what does your other cut look like?" she asked, referring to his chest.

"It's fine," he said quickly, not knowing if he could control himself if her hands were on his chest.

She glared down at him, "I don't believe you. Did you clean it and put the ointment on it? A bandage? Something?" she asked.

"Well, I mean…soap and water," he told her, shrugging.

She closed her eyes tightly, frustrated with his ignorance. She sighed. "Potter, take your shirt off" she told him.

He glared at her. "Trying to get me naked, Evans?" he asked.

She closed her eyes again, "Gods, I've seen you naked enough times that if I needed to, I could just close my eyes and envision it!" she said, her cheeks turning a slight shade of pink. "Just take off your shirt so that I can look at the wound," she told him quickly, avoiding his eyes.

He quirked an eyebrow, "Demanding, much?" he mumbled, slipping his shirt over his head.

"Maybe if you weren't such a fucking child, I wouldn't have to be," she mumbled back, looking down at his chest.

Oh how she'd missed his body.

Her breath caught in her throat as he leaned back in the chair, avoiding her eyes. She blinked a few times to break the daze she was going into, concentrating now on the deep scratch mark.

"Potter, you didn't clean this at all," she told him quietly.

"Yes I did!" he replied, defending himself.

She tilted her head slightly, glaring at him. "No. No you didn't, stop lying" she said firmly. She shook her head at him, taking the rag and wiping the cuts gently. He winced.

"James…" she warned him. "I'm not going through that again. Hold still!" she asked of him.

James sat there as she cleaned his chest. Her delicate touch made his insides wriggle. He couldn't meet her eyes, the tension between the two of them like polar opposite magnets. The air was thick with it. He swallowed hard, looking down at the floor.

"How do you know so much about wounds?" he asked her quietly after a few moments of silence.

"Petunia and I used to play on the monkey bars when we were kids. Constantly falling off of them, scraping our knees, elbows…" she stopped wiping his skin as she remembered her childhood, smiling slightly. She shrugged, "Mum never had a hard time cleaning my wounds. With Petunia, Father and I had to hold her down as Mum cleaned them…she was such a whimpering baby…" she said, reflecting.

James snorted at her story.

Lily glared at him slyly. "Much like you I suppose," she told him.

He pressed his lips together at her retort. "So you know about them because you used to get them a lot?" he asked.

"Yes, but once I grew older, the scrapes turned to bruises and cuts…much harder to heal than a simple skin scrape," she told him.

He looked up at her now, "Why did you have so many bruises and cuts?" he asked.

She paused, taking a deep breath. "Who said I ever stopped having them?" she told him sadly. She reached for the ointment crème, dabbing it on his chest as he continued to stare at her. She shifted uncomfortably under his stare.

James stared at her as she gently rubbed the ointment on his chest into the cut. He was trying to work out why she still had bruises and cuts, did she give them to herself? What was going on with her? She was putting the gauze pad and tape on him now.

She patted his chest lightly, like a child. "There, all better," she said, giving him a weak smile and turning to put away her first aid kit.

"You sound like my mother, Evans" he told her, half smiling. He ran a hand through his hair as he sat there, watching her.

"Yes, well. One of us has to be the adult," she told him, raising an eyebrow.

"Why can't I be the adult! I'm an adult!" he told her proudly.

She sighed, "Oh what, are we playing 'House' now where you get to be the Daddy and I get to be the Mommy or something?" she said, rolling her eyes at him. As she put her things in the bag, she realized what she'd said, and why he was giving her an odd look.

"I mean, where one of us is the adult and one is the child, not the Mommy-Daddy-thing…" she said, cursing herself. She closed her eyes tightly, letting her red hair fall over her embarrassed face.

It was then that she heard something she hadn't expected. Laughter. James was laughing at her! She looked at his face through her hair.

"You're laughing at me? How can you…why are…oh I don't even want to know!" she said, throwing her hands in the air and starting to walk away from the desk.

James continued to laugh. "I'm sorry, Evans," he told her as he laughed. "It was just…you're…" he said.

She glared at him. "Oh, fuck you, Potter!" she said, frustrated with herself as she grabbed her bag from the couch.

James stood, still laughing slightly. He strode towards her, grabbing her arm and pulling her closely to him within a fraction of a second.

Lily's breath caught as she felt James whirl her around to him. Her body pressed against his tightly as he wrapped an arm around her waist. She couldn't breathe. This couldn't be happening. What was he trying to do to her? She could smell his intoxicating scent as she avoided his eyes, staring at the pulsating vein in his neck. She could feel his breath on her face. Her body trembled in his arms.

James continued to chuckle softly at her as he looked down at her vulnerable face. She closed her eyes, wishing she could stay like that forever, but knowing her heart couldn't take many more of his teases.

"James…don't," she whispered.

He sighed, taking his other hand and entangling it in her hair. "Why?" he asked.

She closed her eyes tightly, "Because I don't know if I'll be able to stop," she told him honestly.

* * *

><p><strong>:-)<strong>

**Please review!**


	14. What Are You Waiting For

The portrait hole opened just then, causing the two of them to let go of each other immediately. Brii raised an eyebrow, "I thought the two of you were back to hating each other?" she asked, looking between the two.

"I was just helping Potter with a wound, that's all," Lily said sadly, looking at the floor.

"Yes. I'm sure," Brii said sarcastically, then turned to James. "Aren't you late for something?" she asked him, trying to rush him out of the room.

"Oh, yeah, right," he said, running a hand through his hair. He quickly went back to the desk, slipping his shirt on and grabbing his bag before heading out of the door.

As soon as he left, Brii turned to Lily, her hands on her hips. Lily fell back into the couch, burying her head in her hands.

"Don't say a word…" Lily warned her.

"Fine, I won't say 'a word.' I will, however, ask what the bloody hell was just happening" Brii said.

Lily shook her head, "He's trying to kill me. I know it. He's literally trying to kill me," she said.

"He still won't forgive you?" Brii asked, sitting down in the armchair.

"I don't want him to forgive me. I haven't apologized. Well, I apologized for hurting him, but I don't regret what I did! Not in the least! It would never have happened otherwise! So why should he forgive me?" Lily told her.

"What's the problem then?" Brii asked.

"He doesn't trust me. And I don't think he feels as strongly for me as I do for him," Lily said sadly. "It feels one-sided."

"Didn't look too one-sided to me," Brii mumbled.

"I just…I feel like he only does things like that because he pities me. Like he can see the sadness in my face…Not because he wants to be with me," Lily told her softly.

"So ask," Brii told her.

"Ask what? Ask him point blank if he loves me?" Lily said a little louder. "No. No I'm not doing that. I'm not going to pressure him into being with me if its not what he wants," she explained. "I want him to want me because he can't eat, sleep, or breathe without me in his life…" Lily said slowly.

Brii raised an eyebrow at her, "You ever think that you want to much?" she asked.

Lily looked up at her. "At least I know what I want," she told her.

* * *

><p>"Potter…POTTER!" Lily yelled at him two mornings later, trying to wake him. He was asleep on the couch, half-naked. They were supposed to be going over entertainment options for the Ball that day.<p>

She tapped her foot impatiently on the floor, her hand on her hip as she stared at his sleeping figure. How could he continue to sleep while she yelled at him?

"POTTER! JAMES!" she yelled. She secretly wished she had a foghorn at that moment. Finally, she went around to the back of the couch, taking her wand out and picking the couch up with it, dumping him out on to the floor.

James woke with a start as he fell off of the couch, hitting his shoulder on the ground. He couldn't see, his glasses on the table beside the couch. Quickly, he stood to his knees, grabbing his glasses and putting them on. As he looked around the back of the couch, he saw an angry Lily standing there, wand in hand, glaring at him.

"Fuck, Evans! Couldn't you have just yelled at me or something?" he said, rubbing his shoulder.

"Yell…YELLED AT YOU? I'VE BEEN YELLING AT YOU FOR THE PAST FIVE MINUTES!" she said angrily. "Besides, wasn't it you who said 'Potter's have tough skin?'" she said, fuming. "I'm sure you'll be fine!"

He stared at her, confused. "Why are you so angry?" he asked suddenly.

She closed her eyes, breathing in deeply. "I am not angry, I am impatient," she told him.

"Oh right, another excuse from Miss Lily Evans," he said, rolling his eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean, Potter?" she asked, glaring at him. She couldn't keep her eyes off of his body.

"It means, you're full of excuses. You have one for everything. I think that's what you do half of the time you're sitting up in your room, making up excuses for every little detail of your life," he said as he stood.

"Yes well, at least I'm not a fucking child!" she said, thinking of anything to retort with. His chest rose and fell heavily as they fought. It was driving her mad. She wanted to reach out and throw him on to the couch.

"A child?" he said walking towards her. "You think I'm a child? Who's the one who…who…" he couldn't think of anything. He ran a hand through his hair.

She quirked an eyebrow. "Stumped, Potter?" she asked.

"Oh shut it, you're such a know-it-all," he told her.

"Don't even give me that! Is that all you can come up with?" she said as he stepped closer. She made herself stare at the wall behind him.

"And that! You and your high expectations!" he said, as if he'd uncovered something new about her.

Lily raised her eyebrows. "I have high expectations? Who was the one yelling the other morning about the food I had written down for the Ball?"

He pressed his lips together tightly. "That's not the point!" he told her. "And that was different!" he said, defending himself.

She smirked at him, tilting her head slightly. "Potter?" she said, lowering her voice.

He ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. "What?" he snapped, looking up at her green eyes.

"What were we fighting about again?" she asked, sighing heavily as she stared at him.

He stopped rubbing his neck, pausing to study her face. Finally, he took in a deep breath, burying his head in his hand as he rubbed his temples. "I have no idea," he said, throwing his hands in the air. "What did you wake me for?" he asked her, his voice now calm.

"The Ball entertainment. You said you wanted to go over it today," she said, looking at the floor.

"Oh. Right. Can I at least take a shower first?" he said, his hands sitting on his bare hips.

"Of course. You think I want to be around your smelly arse?" she told him, smiling slightly. He snorted, bounding up the stairs to his room.

Lily took in a deep breath, walking around to the front of the couch and falling into the cushions. She closed her eyes as she leaned her head back on the back pillow. James's scent still lingered on the pillows. As she sat there, taking in his scent, she remembered his touch. His hands roaming her body. His lips on hers.

The next thing she knew, her daze was being broke by James's hard footsteps coming down the stairs. She opened her eyes, sitting up on the couch and trying to collect herself. The last thing she needed was those visions in her head with him sitting beside her.

She glanced up at him as he came around the couch, sitting on the floor in his sweats and a tshirt. He looked up at her, realizing she hadn't said anything.

"Alright, Evans?" he asked her.

She blinked a few times, shaking her head. "Yeah, yeah, fine. Sorry," she told him. She reached around to the table, grabbing a sheet of parchment to write on for suggestions. "So. Entertainment," she said, tapping her quill on the parchment. "I say we hire a bunch of male strippers," she said, trying not to smile.

"That's disgusting, Evans," James said, smirking at her suggestion. "Only you would think of that."

"I never said we couldn't have female strippers. Perhaps a few poles…that'd be a party," she said tapping the quill on her chin.

"It's a school function, Evans…" he said slowly.

She pouted. "Oh, you're no fun, Potter," she told him.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "The guys always did tell me you threw a better party than I," he said quietly, looking up at her.

She smiled smugly. "So we'll be hiring the strippers then?" she said, nodding her head.

"No!" he told her firmly.

"Fine," she said pouting. "What do you suggest then?" she asked, crossing her arms on her chest.

"A live band," he said.

She quirked an eyebrow. "A live band? Like who?" she said.

"I don't know. I'd have to see who's available," he told her.

"Oh yeah, like you know any bands," she said, rolling her eyes.

"I have my connections," he told her firmly.

"Really? Who?" she asked again.

He snatched the parchment from her hands. "So, we agree on the live band then?" he asked.

"As long as you know what you're doing," she told him.

James went to stand, "Good."

She scrunched her face up in confusion as he stood. "Where are you going? What band do you know?" she asked, sitting up on the couch.

He turned back to her, walking backwards out of the portrait hole. "I guess you'll find out." he said, winking at her as he stepped out of the door.

She fell back on the couch. How much more of this could she take?

* * *

><p>"So how did he like the stripper idea?" Brii asked her at supper.<p>

"Hated it…the smug bastard hated it!" Lily told her, throwing her arms in the air.

"What? Didn't see that coming at all…" Brii said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Well I thought it would have been entertaining," Lily said. "Strippers, poles, and a lightning storm…It could have been art," Lily told her, fold her arms across her chest.

"Not still harping on about those strippers are you, Evans?" James said as he sat down at the table near her.

She stared at him. "What are you doing?" she asked him, leaning closer.

He looked around him. "I'm eating…" he said slowly, grabbing a muffin from the basket.

"No. I mean, what are you doing sitting with us? I thought you had some sort of reputation or something" she told him quietly.

"Oh you mean that thing you destroyed for yourself a few months back?" he asked her, raising an eyebrow.

She glared at him. "Go fuck yourself, Potter" she said, rolling her eyes.

"Haven't you learned a new comeback yet, Evans?" he asked, taking a bite of the muffin he was eating. "That one's a little worn out."

"I agree. We need to find you a new saying, Evans," Brii told her.

Lily looked between the two of them. "What are you two teaming up against me or something? Jeez…" she said, sitting her head in her hand.

"No, Evans. Don't worry…we aren't planning to kill you in your sleep…or at least I'm not. Not anytime soon. Potter might be," Brii said, turning to James. "If you do murder her, just blame it on me. I don't think your pretty ass would last a half of a day in Azkaban," she said as she stood from the table.

James shook his head, "And you think yours would?" he asked.

"Well, yeah," she said, shrugging. "See you guys," Brii said as she turned away from the table and headed out of the hall.

"That's your friend," James said.

"Something like that," Lily said, finishing her food.

James watched Lily push the rest of her food around her plate. "Not hungry?" he asked.

"Why are you suddenly interested in whether I'm hungry or not?" she asked, confused.

"It was just a question, Evans" he said.

"If you must know, I'm not feeling well. I think I'll go lie down. See you," she said quickly, avoiding his eyes as she stood and walked from the Great Hall.

James stared after her, confused by her sudden need to leave. He was trying to be nice, but he felt it was backfiring on him. Perhaps nice isn't what she wanted. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Hi James," someone said as they sat in front of him.

He looked up, finding who the voice was coming from. "Hello, Carrie," he said.

"So, you and Evans are putting together a Ball for the end of March?" she asked him.

"Yeah," he answered, taking a sip of his water.

"So are you two…" she said expectantly.

He raised an eyebrow at her, "What?"

"Together? Did you forgive her for what she did to you?" she asked.

"Why?" he asked.

"It's all over the school," Carrie said.

"What is?" he asked, leaning forward.

"That the two of you are secretly seeing each other," she said eagerly.

He snorted, "Not unless us sharing a dorm counts, Carrie. Who started that rumor?" he asked.

She shrugged. "How should I know?" she said, leaning forward. "So, you don't have a date to the Ball yet?" she asked.

"We haven't even announced the Ball yet, how would I have a date?" he asked her, shaking his head.

"Oh. Right. Well, just so you know, I don't have a date either" she told him, winking as she stood from the table.

James shook his head as he watched her walk off from the table. He pushed his food away from him, getting up from the table and walking out of the Hall to the Dorm.

Lily was laying on her bed, her glasses on as she read through the transfiguration essay she'd just finished. She looked up at the door as she heard James's footsteps coming up the stairs.

He stopped at her door, leaning on it. She raised an eyebrow at him, "What?" she asked.

"You won't believe what I was just told," he said.

"What? That you're sleeping with the Grey Lady?" she asked sarcastically.

He furrowed his brows in confusion. "How would I…never mind. No, that's not what I was told," he said ignoring her comment.

"So what were you told then?" she asked, mildly interested.

"That apparently it's going around the school that the two of us are having a 'secret affair,'" he said, raising his brows at her.

"Oh, well…you should have told them it is not us making all that damn noise in the empty classrooms, it is Black and Riddle. Only two people as angry and animalistic as them could make that much fucking noise," Lily said, laughing quietly.

James snorted, "Agreed. I still can't believe the two of them are actually sleeping together," he said, smiling at her.

She frowned slightly, "Why not?"

"I guess I never saw Sirius forgiving her. I mean, six months ago he wouldn't go any closer than ten feet from her," James said.

"I don't think their relationship is about whether he forgives her or not. I think it's strictly sex, and when the sex is that good…who cares about anything else?" she said, sighing heavily. An awkward silence passed between them. They caught each other's eyes for a brief moment before Lily turned back to her essay, clearing her throat.

"How's you head?" she asked.

"A lot better actually," he told her.

"And your chest?" she asked.

"Not as well, but it's healing," he said.

"Did you put the healing ointment on it?" she asked him, raising an eyebrow.

He groaned, "Yes, mother."

She smiled, turning back to her essay again. James watched her curiously. "What are you reading?" he asked.

"My transfiguration essay," she told him. "It's dead boring. I'd almost rather be cutting my wrists," she said nonchalantly.

James stared wide-eyed at her. She glanced up from the essay when he didn't say anything. She rolled her eyes, "You don't actually think I…seriously, Potter?" she asked him.

"Well, I didn't know after what you said the other day!" he said, defending himself.

"What did I say?" she asked.

"About the bruises and cuts never going away," he explained.

She swallowed hard, shaking her head. "No, no what I was talking about was something completely different. Don't worry your pretty little head with it. Might give you nightmares," she told him, smirking. "Besides, it hasn't happened since break," she told him as an afterthought, hoping he would give up the subject.

He walked over to the side of the bed, sitting down beside her. He stared at her, puzzled. "Evans…I know its none of my business, but if you're not doing it to yourself…who is?" he asked slowly, their conversation taking a serious turn.

"Don't worry about it, Potter. I told you its nothing," she said again, looking up at him. They stared in each other's eyes for a few moments, the tension between them nonexistent. She took a deep breath as he stared down at her, wishing he would take her in his arms.

He reached up to her face, moving a stray piece of hair from her face. "Whatever you say, Evans" he said, standing from the bed and leaving her room. She sat up on her elbows, staring after him, seeing the worried look on his face. Her face still burned from his touch. She couldn't tell him about the bruises and cuts. He'd think she was more a freak than he already thought. It wasn't her fault more than half of the guys she'd had relations with were into S&M…

* * *

><p><strong>AN::: thanks for the reviews!**

**I hope this chapter clears up a few things...although i know it was a little dry at some points...**

**Please review! :-)**


	15. You Say You Wanted More

**A/N::: Thanks for the reviews!**

**Enjoy :-)**

* * *

><p>Lily woke up the next day still in the clothes she'd worn the day before. Her door was still open, her essay still lying on her chest. She groaned as she sat up, stretching her arms out. She really had to use the bathroom, but she could hear James in the shower. She got up out of bed, going to the bathroom door and sticking her head in.<p>

"Potter, hurry up. I need to piss!" she told him groggily.

"So pee then," he told her.

"I am not taking a piss while you are in the shower!" she said firmly.

"Why?" he asked. "I do while you're in the shower."

"That's different! You don't have to sit on the toilet," she said rolling her eyes.

"If you say so. You're bladder on the line," he said as he washed his body.

Lily stood in the bathroom, fighting with herself. Finally, she decided to brush her teeth, hoping it would get her mind off of her other need. She watched him in the mirror, as she usually did. She knew it wasn't exactly the most healthy thing for her to be doing, but she couldn't help herself. He was just too enticing.

As James finished showering, she spat her mouthwash into the sink. He cut the water off, grabbing the towel from the rack and slipping it around his waist. He glanced at her as he pulled the door of the shower open.

She quickly averted her eyes as he stepped out of the shower, looking back to the sink. Without saying anything, he left from the bathroom, closing the door behind him. She sighed, leaning over the sink. It drove her crazy how comfortable, yet uneasy, the two of them were around each other.

After taking her own shower and getting dressed, Lily decided to take the day to finish the rest of her homework. She went downstairs, curling up on the floor in front of the fireplace with her books and parchment.

After a few hours of working continuously on her potions essay, she finally sat it down. She had a kink in her back. Sitting up, she stretched, arching her back as she sighed heavily. The portrait hole door opened.

"You won't believe what I was just told," Brii said as she fell down into the couch.

Lily raised an eyebrow at her, "That Potter and I are supposedly fucking like mad heathens?" she asked, referring to what James had said the night before.

Brii tilted her head sideways. "How'd you know?" she asked.

"Apparently, someone told Potter the same thing last night," Lily told her, turning back to her essay.

"And did he reject the very idea of the two of you having an affair by pulverizing the face of the person who told him?" Brii asked.

"Unfortunately not. I did think about it though." Lily told her. "Who told you?"

"I heard those girls you once called friends talking about it. Rather pathetic actually," Brii said.

"Every girl in this school is pathetic. Imagine how even more pathetic they'll become once we announce that stupid Ball," Lily said, rolling her eyes.

"I don't even want to think about it. They'll all be running around, trying to impress them with their endowments and supposed 'good personalities,'" Brii said.

Lily snorted, "All the guys will be nervously awaiting the correct girl to show interest in them instead of manning up and growing a pair of balls and just asking the girl out," she said.

"And imagine how many will end up going back to their dorm to have wild sex because they think that night is the best night of their life," Brii said sarcastically.

"Pathetic," Lily said.

"Pathetic," Brii agreed.

"What's pathetic?" James said as he came in the dorm.

Lily raised an eyebrow at him. "Every damn girl in this castle," she told him.

"Including yourselves?" he asked, walking around and sitting in the armchair.

Brii pressed her lips together thoughtfully. "In a different sense," she told him.

"How so?" he asked curiously.

"Well, neither of us will be throwing our bodies around for a date to the Ball," Brii said.

"Unlike the rest of the female population," Lily looked up at James, "I somewhat feel pity for you, Potter," she told him.

"Why's that?" he asked.

"Because…as soon as we announce the Ball, you're not going to have a free moment to yourself until it's over," Lily said, smirking.

"What are you talking about?" he asked curiously.

Brii laughed, "You seriously think all the girls are going to be flailing over Potter?" she asked Lily. "If they were smart, they'd show Lupin some attention. It's the mysterious ones who have the most to give," she said, winking at her.

"Agreed. Why have neither of us ever tried hunting that one down?" Lily asked her.

"Too delicate. Like a baby deer…you spook it once and its gone," Brii told her.

"Ok, ok. Can one of you please tell me what the fuck you're talking about?" James interjected. "Why won't I have a free moment to myself?" he asked.

"Every girl in the school's going to be throwing themselves at you, hoping you will ask them to that stupid fucking Ball of yours," Lily told him.

"That's ridiculous, Evans," he said, running a hand though his hair.

She raised a brow at him, "Is it?" she said smugly. It was going to be fun watching him squirm.

* * *

><p>They announced the ball on the 28th of February, giving the girls of Hogwarts exactly 21 days to prepare themselves, get dresses, and acquire dates. James had never seen them in such disarray.<p>

"Potter! What color is the Great Hall going to be decorated in?" one girl asked as he walked down the hall from his last class.

"We haven't-" he began to answer.

"James, what's the theme? Did someone say it was changing from winter to spring at midnight?" another girl asked him the opposite side of him.

"James! There you are! I've been meaning to ask you about the decorations! See, I don't want them to clash with my dress and…" another started telling him.

"Potter! What band are you going to have playing?" Judy asked him.

"James! Do you have a date yet? I'm still free!" Carrie said from beside Judy.

James picked up his pace, practically running away from the girls as their questions rang in his ears. As he reached the Head's Dorm, he quickly told the knight the password, slamming the door shut behind him.

Lily looked up from her position on the floor at James's panting figure as he leaned against the door. She smirked at him.

"Trouble in paradise, Potter?" she asked him, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm never leaving this dorm again," he said, staring at the ceiling as he caught his breath.

She snorted, "I told you," she said.

He looked at her, starting to walk towards the fireplace where she was. "What do they want?" he asked her tirelessly, flailing his body into the couch. Lily laughed at him.

"You think this is funny, don't you?" he asked her, sitting up on his elbows. She continued to laugh at him.

"What part of this is funny? I've been chased down every hallway today with girls yelling at me asking about the decorations, the lighting, the entertainment, if I thought their hair was going to clash with the colors were going to decorate with, and if I have a date yet!" he told her, burying his head in the nearest pillow.

Lily was now laughing so hard she fell backwards on the floor, grasping her chest. "I'm sorry, Potter….it's just….it's…." she tried saying as she laughed.

He pressed his lips together as he sat up on his elbows, watching her laugh. It was when she laughed that she was the most beautiful, her face lighting up, her hair carelessly falling around her face, that smile he had grown to appreciate spreading across her face. Her eyes had tears in them from laughing so hard. He stared at her, his face slowly forming into a smile as he ran a hand through his hair shyly.

Lily sat up on her knees, looking at James's sheepish smile on his face. She slowly stopped laughing, catching her breath. "Oh James, I'm sorry, it's just too funny…I told you this would happen," she told him.

"I didn't realize you meant I would be stampeded down the hall every fucking moment of the day!" he said, throwing his hands in the air.

"What did you think I meant?" she asked him, still chuckling. He was so cute when he was flustered.

He ran his hand through his hair again, sitting up on his arm as he turned towards her. "I don't know what I thought you meant," he said.

"You're a boy, James Potter. You thought I meant girls would be flashing you at every moment of the day and you also thought you'd be enjoying it," she told him, pressing her lips together.

"I did not!" he told her defensively.

She quirked an eyebrow at him as she picked up her essay again. "Of course you didn't" she said, shaking her head.

"What are you working on?" he asked her after a moment of silence.

She glanced up at him, "Why do you want to know?"

"Simple question, Evans," he said, taking the essay from her hands and laying back on the couch.

She sighed, "Potter. Please," she begged quietly.

"This is quite good, actually. I see now why you were chosen to be Head Girl," he told her as he read.

She sat up on her knees, snatching the paper from his hands. James winced, she'd given him a paper cut.

"Ow!" he said, immediately bringing his finger to his lips, sucking the blood from his hand.

Lily rolled her eyes, "You are such a fucking baby. What happened to that 'tough Potter skin?'" she asked him sarcastically as she sat back on her knees again.

"That only comes in handy when I fall," he told her.

She snorted, "Tell me, Potter, were you a moma's boy as a child?" she asked, glancing up at him.

He sat up slightly, "Who said I ever stopped being a moma's boy?"

"That explains a lot," she mumbled under her breath.

There was beating on the portrait door just then. Someone yelling from the other side. "James! James Potter! I need to talk to you! I can hear you talking! I know you're in there! Let me in!" a girl said from the other side.

It took everything Lily had not to burst out laughing at James's face. He was bewildered, his eyes wide in shock. He looked back at Lily. "Don't make a sound," he whispered, sitting up from the couch.

Another knock at the door. "James! I brought you food! I noticed you weren't at supper, thought you might be hungry!" another girl yelled.

James grabbed Lily's arm as he ran up the stairs. She stared at the back of his head, wondering what he was doing. "Potter! Potter!" she whispered as he pulled her up the stairs. "James! What are you doing?" she said a little louder.

He turned around towards her as they reached the top of the stairs. "If they break down the door, I didn't want them to kill you," he told her.

She shook her head, "Why not? One less girl for you to have to deal with..." she told him. "Nonetheless, thank you for your concern, Potter, but I think I could handle them," she said, wrenching her arm away from him and turning.

"No, wait," he said, grabbing her arm. He ran a hand through his hair as she looked at him expectantly. "I was hoping we could work on some of the arrangements for the Ball," he said.

"Why? So that when they all hound you about it tomorrow you'll be able to answer their questions?" she said, watching his face. He looked up at her shyly as he rubbed his neck. She took a deep breath. "Fine, whatever," she said, going into his room.

James followed her, watching her sit on his bed like it was her own. She sat her hands in her lap. "So, what was it you wanted to discuss?" she asked, looking around the room. James stared at her nonchalant figure sitting there, as if she was meant to be in his bed. For a moment, he thought seriously about taking her in his arms as he'd done so many months before, pushing her body back onto the bed and shagging her senseless. He stopped himself. Shaking the thought from his mind, he ran a hand through his hair, clearing his throat.

"Did you want to do the winter theme? Changing it over to spring at midnight?" he asked, pacing in front of his dresser.

"I thought that's what you wanted," she replied, studying his face.

"What I want and what is expected is two different things," he said quietly.

She furrowed her brows. "Are we still talking about the Ball?" she asked, leaning forward to see his face.

He glanced up from the floor, realizing he'd said that out loud. "Of course we are," he lied.

"Whatever you say, Potter," she said sadly, pushing the hair from her face. Sitting on his bed brought back many painful memories, the night they'd made love, the morning after when he'd softly kissed her, happily urging her to take a shower. He'd been so happy that morning. It almost brought a tear to her eye.

"Evans…Lily!" James said. "Are you listening?" he asked softly.

"What? Oh yeah, sure," she said quietly, breaking herself out of her daze.

"So what do you think?" he asked, knowing she wasn't listening.

"About what, James?" she asked tiredly, looking up at him.

"Lily, I could really use your help on this. My masculinity is on the line here," he told her.

She snorted, "What masculinity?" she asked him.

He glared slightly at her. "Come on, Evans, aren't you the least bit interested in this Ball?" he asked, sitting down on the side of the bed behind her.

"Not really, but-" she started to say.

"Could you pretend to be?" he begged of her.

She pressed her lips together, "Oh you mean since I used to pretend to be someone else entirely, you think this should be easy for me?" she asked turning around slightly and quirking an eyebrow.

He scooted over to the center of the bed, crossing his legs. "Yeah, something like that," he told her, smirking.

She sighed, turning her body slightly towards him. "I'll attempt to be interested," she said finally.

"Thank you!" he told her. "Alright, what kind of décor fits the 'winter' theme?" he asked.

She shrugged, "Blue, clear, white, ice sculptures…polar opposite of spring," she said simply.

"You think so?" he asked, wanting to hear her comparison.

"Of course, winter is harsh, cold, isolated… Spring brings in new beginnings, new life. Its full of warmth, but not too warm. Its like a whisper…barely audible above the roaring of the trees and flowers' screams as they beg to be let out of their cages," she said, staring off out the window in a daze.

James stared at her as she spoke. He'd never heard her speak like this ever before. She blushed, feeling his eyes on her face, staring at her intently. She tucked a stray hair behind her ear shyly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to get carried away," she said softly, glancing at him.

He swallowed hard, feeling the tension between them begin to rise again. "No…it sounds beautiful," he said, writing a few things down on the piece of parchment he had in front of him.

Lily sighed, feeling helpless as she sat there at his mercy. She closed her eyes tightly. "James, I have to finish my homework, I'm sorry," she said turning and starting to get up from his bed.

He furrowed his brows at her, "What?"

She stopped at the edge of the bed, glancing back at him. "I have to finish my homework…" she said slowly.

He leaned forward, shaking his head, "No, I mean, we…we're doing something…do you have to do it now?" he asked, hoping she wouldn't leave.

Lily took a deep breath, swallowing hard. She didn't know what it was, but she couldn't refuse him. She turned around towards him again, sitting on her knees this time. "Only because you asked nicely," she told him.

James's face broke into a smile as she turned around to him. He ran a hand through his hair, looking down at the sheet of parchment. "So, um…have you thought about the lighting?" he asked her, now avoiding her eyes.

"Somewhat. But I couldn't exactly think about that without a definite on the décor, could I?" she told him.

"Right…yeah…um…" he said slowly, thinking of something else they needed to go over.

"Have you acquired a band?" she asked him.

"Yes. Just waiting on Jared to get confirmation from their manager," he told her quickly.

"Jared? Of The Mindless Over Matter?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes, you know of them?" he asked, watching her face light up with excitement.

"Oh no, not at all," she said sarcastically, "they're only one of my favorite bands…"

James smirked at her, "Hopefully they're schedule will allow them to make it, if not, we may be stuck with a DJ." he told her.

She groaned, "Not a DJ, please, anything but that," she said.

"What do you care? You're not going anyway, are you?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

She thought a moment, "Yeah, I suppose you're right. Although, if Mindless Over Matter is playing, I will at least think about attending, even if I attend wearing only my pajamas," she told him.

He laughed, "And what pajamas would those be? The skimpy shorts and button-down or the nonexistent ones?" he asked.

"Oh Merlin, Potter…I hope you don't go around the school telling everyone what I wear around this dorm," she said, groaning.

"What would it matter if I did? Half of the guys have already seen you naked anyway," he said smugly.

"You're such a cocky bastard," she said, glaring slightly, unable to wipe the half smile from her own face.

"You love it," he told her without thinking.

"Again, a cocky bastard," she said, pushing the hair out of her face. Her cheeks turned a rosy color as she failed to deny it. She avoided his eyes.

"Anyway, you should be worry about how to fight off that mob in the morning. I think we have enough for tonight, don't you?" she said, looking down at the parchment.

He ran a hand through his hair nervously, "Yeah, yeah, you're right. I guess it is getting late," he said, also avoiding her eyes.

"Yeah. So, I'll just see you in the morning then," she told him, getting up from his bed.

"Right," he said breathlessly.

She walked to the door, turning back around and staring at him for a moment. "Night, James," she said softly, walking out of the room before he could reply. James stared after her. Why couldn't he just do what his entire body wanted him to do? Why couldn't he take her for his own? What was holding him back?

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><p><strong>AN::: Please review! **


	16. Do You Really Want

**A/N::: What do you guys think of this Ball thing? What do you want to see happen at it? More drama or resolution? **

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><p>James pulled his sweater close to him as he walked into the Great Hall for supper the next day. He didn't look at anyone as he walked between the tables, headed straight for where Remus was sitting in the middle of the table. He sat down quickly, ducking his head close to the table to avoid anyone.<p>

Remus stared at him, slightly puzzled. "Alright there, Prongs?" he asked.

"No…these girls…they're driving me mad…they won't leave me alone!" James told him quickly.

Remus snorted, "That's your problem? A bunch of girls are all vying for your attention?" he asked him.

"Moony, you don't understand…they-"

"Hi, James," a girl said as she sat beside him.

James exchanged glances with Remus. "Um, hi?" he said cautiously.

"My friends and I are throwing a small party in Ravenclaw tower tonight if you'd like to come. They'll be plenty of…entertainment. We'd love for you to join us," the girl said. "Oh, and Remus, you're invited also," she said, winking at them and getting up from the table.

James leaned in closer to Remus, "You see what I mean? They're-"

"Hi, James, Remus," another girl said as she walked up to the table. "Have either of you acquired dates to the Ball yet?" she asked.

"No, no we haven't," Remus answered for them. James glared at him.

"Well, if you're interested, I haven't gotten one either, and neither has my friend, Emma," she told them nervously.

"We'll keep that in mind, Sandra. But neither of us have really thought about who we want to take yet," Remus told her.

"Right. Well, you might want to get a move on it before all the good ones get gone," she said, walking away from the table.

Remus turned again to James, smirking at him. "You call this a problem, mate?"

"Yes! It's not just in here! It's when I'm in class, they pass me notes! When I'm walking down the hall, they all gather around me wanting to know every last detail about the Ball! I'm going to have to start wearing my invisibility cloak between classes!" James said, putting his head in his hands.

"Cheer up, mate. Why don't you just ask one of them so they'll leave you alone?" Sirius said as he approached the table.

James sighed, "It's not that simple," he said quietly.

"Why, because you want to ask Evans and just don't have the balls to do it?" Remus said, quirking an eyebrow.

"She's not going to the Ball, Moony. She despises the very idea of it," he told him.

"So ask someone else," Sirius said.

"I'll think about it. Until then, though, I'm seriously thinking about wearing the cloak…" James told them.

"If that's what you think you have to do," Remus said, shaking his head.

Lily looked up at the portrait hole late that night when it opened, finding a disheveled James standing there. She stared at him a moment. "Late night, Potter?" she asked, turning back to her homework.

"Fuck off, Evans," he said quietly, running a hand through his hair and heading up the stairs immediately.

She watched him, puzzled. He hadn't been acting like this lately. What was wrong? She gave him a few minutes to get upstairs, then followed him.

She knocked lightly on his cracked door, pushing on it slowly. "James?" she said cautiously.

She peaked her head inside his room, looking around. He was sitting on his bed, face buried in his hands with his knees pulled up to his chest.

"James?" she said a little louder.

He looked up at her, "What, Evans?" he asked, sighing loudly.

She ignored his tone, "Are you ok?" she asked, walking into the room.

"Do I look like I'm ok?" he asked angrily.

"Potter…" she stared to say.

"What?" he asked loudly.

"What. Is. Wrong. With. You?" she asked slowly.

He closed his eyes tightly, rubbing his face. "Nothing. Just frustrated," he said, a little calmer now.

She walked closer to the bed, sitting on the edge of it. "Girls still chasing you?" she asked him, smiling slightly.

"You have no idea. And they all think I want to take them to the Ball, or that I'm hiding some secret about it from them…they chase me in the hall, at dinner, in classes…I don't know what to do!" he said tirelessly.

She chuckled. "Perhaps you should just ask one of them so they'll quit hounding you," she told him. "Personally, I think it's rather fucking hilarious."

He looked up at her, "I bet you do. You love watching me become so damn flustered at such a seemingly simple problem," he said, glaring.

"No, I love that you thought it was going to be a simple problem, and found out that for once, something in your life is difficult as well as frustrating," she said, raising an eyebrow.

He ran a hand through his hair, throwing the random shirt that was lying on his bed at her face. "You're frustrating," he told her as he hurled the shirt.

She laughed softly, blocking the shirt from hitting her. "Me? Never…" she said sarcastically.

"Oh, you don't think you're frustrating?" he asked.

"Not in the least," she told him smugly, holding her head high as she stared at him.

James sighed heavily, shaking his head, "You have no idea how frustrating you are," he told her.

"How can you call me frustrating when you are even more frustrating than me?" she said.

"Me?" he said, pointing to himself.

"Yes, you!" she said accusingly. "You can't even decide on which girl you want to take to the stupid Ball!"

"Maybe I don't want to take any of them!" he told her defensively.

"Oh, so the Head Boy is just going to show up by his lonesome?" she asked him, folding her arms across her chest.

"What about you? You're not even going!" he said, turning the conversation to her.

"Why should I?" she asked.

"Because maybe you'd enjoy it!" he said loudly.

"Oh yeah, like I'd enjoy throwing myself around and dancing like a buffoon, just trying to embarrass myself while wearing a dress that I probably would hate and looking ridiculous in 10lbs of makeup and hairspray!" she yelled, throwing her hands in the air.

James ran a hand through his hair, taking in a deep breath. "If you say so, Evans," he said tiredly.

She watched his faltering face. "Sorry, I just…Dances, Balls…they really aren't my thing…" she told him quietly.

"They used to be," he told her, studying her face.

She fiddled with the sheets between her fingers. "Yeah, well, that was before I…" she started to say 'fell in love with you,' but she caught herself.

"Before you what?" he asked.

"Before you made me realize who I was, ok?" she told him, avoiding his eyes.

"I made you…" he said slowly.

"Yes, you did. But that's beside the point. It's not important," she said quickly, her cheeks becoming redder by the moment.

He ran a hand through his hair as he watched her hands fumble with his sheets. Her hair was hovering around her face, which made it impossible for him to get a read on her. "So what now?" he said after a few moments of silence.

She scrunched her face up in confusion as she looked up at his figure, leaning back on the pillows lazily. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what do we do now?" he said, staring at her.

She snorted, "You don't want my answer to that question," she said, glancing up at him.

"You know, you never answered my question the other day," he said suddenly.

"What question?" she asked, laying down on her side, propping herself up on her elbow.

"About your bruises," he said.

She groaned, "James, why can't you just let it be? Do you seriously think I'm doing it to myself?"

He shrugged, "Honestly?"

"Yes, honestly," she said.

"Well, I did have to save your ass from falling from the astronomy tower a few months back, and you were on the roof of that same tower a month later…do the math, Evans." he said.

She looked down at the bed again, embarrassed. "I guess it did look pretty bad, huh?" she said, nervously. "Why didn't you ask about them before?"

James shook his head, "Guess I never thought you would do that to yourself, especially when I still saw the fake Lily Evans in my head," he told her.

"And now?" she asked.

"Now, I'm not so sure," he told her, studying her face.

Lily looked up at the genuine expression of concern written on his face. She swallowed hard. "The night on the Astronomy Tower, I was sitting on the rail. Severus came up and started trying to feel me up, as usual, said he missed me. I told him no, started fighting him off, and I slipped and fell. I didn't try to commit suicide," she told him quickly.

"And the cuts and bruises?" he asked, leaning forward a little.

"Those are a little more complicated," she told him. "You have to promise not to judge me. You already think I'm a fucking freak," she said, glancing nervously up at him.

He raised a eyebrow at her impatiently, "Lily, just get on with it," he said.

She pressed her lips together. "Fine…I cant believe you're making me do this…" she took a deep breath. "The scrapes first turned into deep cuts the summer of my fifth year…I spent a lot of that summer at the neighbor's house. They had a son, he was older, twenty-three actually…We had sex…a lot of sex…"

"Going somewhere with this, Evans?" James said impatiently, folding his arms across his chest. He didn't realize he was going to have to hear about her sex life.

"Shut up and listen… " she said, taking another deep breath. "He wanted to show me some things he'd picked up while he was in Germany. Some…gadgets he had acquired…" she could feel the heat rising on her face as she talked about it. "At first, I was terrified every time he would use one, but then, they became exciting. Like the pain equaled the pleasure…After a while, it became something I craved, just as he craved it. When I came back to Hogwarts, I thought myself to be a freak, someone who didn't deserve happiness…so I hid behind a mask, seeking out the pleasure of men in secret. I never told any of them I liked the pain, but I never refused it either…" she admitted, avoiding his gaze completely.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Finally, Lily got the courage to speak again. "I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I'm the biggest whore in the school, and that I'm a freak, and that I was right, I don't deserve happiness," she said, closing her eyes tightly.

"I wasn't thinking that at all," he said. "I was actually trying to imagine you in a corset with a whip in your hand," he said, looking away from her thoughtfully.

She sat up on her knees, shoving him backwards, "Go ahead, laugh it up, Potter!" she said, smiling.

"You're the one with the fetish," he said, smirking at her.

"And you're making fun of it. Real mature," she said, shaking her head.

"I'm not making fun of it!" he told her, smiling.

"Oh really? Who's the one trying to imagine me in a corset with a whip?" she said, sitting her hands on her hips.

"Not that hard to imagine, actually" he said, running a hand through his hair.

She sat up again, shoving him back on the bed forcefully. Her hands pinned his arms down into the pillows as she stared into his eyes, inches from his face. James was taken aback, his heart beating madly in his chest.

"Still want to be making fun of me?" she asked him, her face serious.

He swallowed hard as he looked in her lustful green eyes. "What I want is something entirely different," he told her. The tension and heat in the room was becoming thick.

"You don't know what you want, James," she said, smirking as she strattled his hips. She could feel his body trembling nervously.

"I know what I want right now," he said firmly, his eyes never leaving hers. Her legs wrapped around him was sending his hormones into overdrive.

She leaned in closer, her words licking at his cheek. "And what would that be?" she asked him quietly. Her hair fell around his face, falling lightly on his chest as the two of their breaths became ragged. She hadn't felt this in control of her body in a while, it scared her slightly.

"James! James! Oi, mate! What are-oh fuck…" Sirius said as he bounded up the stairs and came to stand in James's doorway.

Lily let go of James's wrists, her body becoming limp, like she had failed at her nonexistent task. She sat back on his lap, slumping her head on to his chest. James glared at Sirius.

"Sor…Sorry, mate, Evans…what-" Sirius started to say again.

Lily took in a deep breath, looking up at James, then lightly sat up, stepping off of the bed. She walked towards the door, smacking Sirius over the head as hard as she could as she passed him in the doorway.

James clenched his fists tightly, glaring at Sirius. "You couldn't have waited until morning?" he said impatiently.

"Sorry, mate, I didn't know you'd be up here getting it on with Evans," Sirius said, stepping into the room.

"I wasn't…we weren't…it's complicated, ok? Just leave it" James said, burying his head in his hands.

Lily closed the door to her room. She wanted to throw something. She'd had all the confidence in the world back there and then had it taken away from her in a split second. She wanted to kill Sirius Black. She threw her body onto her bed, screaming into the pillow. Hadn't she just spilled all of her secrets to him? Why couldn't she catch a break?

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><p><strong>:-)<strong>

**Please review!**


	17. Couldnt Take This Anymore

**A/N::: Thank you sooooo much for the reviews everyone! **

**Keep the opinions on the Ball coming! **

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><p>Lily woke up the next morning with a headache. She rolled over, groaning into her pillow. Today was not going to be her day.<p>

After showering and getting dressed, she walked down to breakfast, the headache still throbbing in her head. She sat down at the far end of the table, away from the gossip and high-pitched laughter. She didn't even want to eat, feeling nauseous from the aching pain. She regretted going into the busy Hall as soon as she sat.

Lily took one look at the food on the table and instantly felt her stomach flip. She ran. Knocking over three first years, a fifth year, and an entire gaggle of girls who were poised at the entrance of the hall. She ran straight for the nearest bathroom, puking as soon as she entered the stall.

After her bathroom incident, she went to the infirmary, getting a note from Madame Pomfrey to send to her professors. There was no way she was going to class feeling like this.

She went back to her dorm, avoiding as many people as she could on the way. Once she reached her dorm, she closed the curtains on her window, shutting out every light source in the room. She laid on her bed, unable to fall asleep immediately. The throbbing pain in her head wouldn't let her. Finally, as she rolled over on her side, she fell asleep.

James went to his classes that day as he normally did, but with his cloak tucked neatly into his bag. After his last class of the day, Professor McGonagall pulled him aside.

"Potter, could I have a word with you?" she asked him.

"Yeah, sure, Professor," he said as he threw his bag over his shoulder.

She waited until the other students had left the class before addressing him. "Potter, have you talked to Miss Evans today?" she asked him.

"I haven't," he told her.

"I received a note from about her from Madame Pomfrey, saying she had a migraine and could not attend class today," she said, pacing in front of her desk. She turned to James. "I know you don't much care for her, but could you check on her? Make sure she is alright?" McGonagall asked him.

He ran a hand through his hair, "Yeah, of course, Professor," he told her.

"Good. Thank you, Potter. How is your work on the Ball coming?" she asked.

"Very well, thanks. We've almost got all the kinks worked out," he said.

"That's good to hear. I'm looking forward to it, and so is the Headmaster," she said.

"So am I, Professor," he said.

"Good. Well, go on then, Potter. I'll see you tomorrow," she said rushing him out of the room.

James walked to the dorm late that evening after going to Gryffindor Tower to do homework with the other Marauders. He got his invisibility cloak out as he stepped out of the portrait hole, putting it over his head as he walked to the Heads' Dorm.

After closing the door to the dorm behind him, he slipped off the clock, stuffing it back in his bag which he sat on the floor of the common room. He looked up to Lily's room finding her door closed. Slowly, he walked up the stairs, knocking lightly on the door. When she didn't respond, he pushed the door open, revealing a dark room, only lit up by the tiny crack in her curtains that had been pulled together.

As he stood in the door, he watched her sleep, the rising and falling of her chest, her red hair delicately falling over her eyes. She looked cold, but James knew it wasn't cold in her room. He walked into the bathroom, grabbing a cloth and wetting it with warm water.

Once he rung the cloth out, he walked back into her room, sitting down on the side of her bed. Gently, he touched the warm compress to her forehead.

Lily felt something wet touch her forehead. For a minute, she thought she was dreaming it, but then she realized how warm and soothing the wet touch was. She opened her eyes slightly, finding a shadow of James's face looking down at her. She moaned groggily, her head still hurting from the morning.

"James…what are you…" she started to ask him sleepily, putting her hand up to the wet cloth.

"Feeling any better?" he asked her.

"A little, my head still hurts though," she told him, closing her eyes again.

"McGonagall asked me to come and check on you," he told her, studying her face.

Her heart sank a little, "Right, so you're here because she sent you?" she stated.

"If I was only here because she sent me, I would have asked how you were and left, Evans. I wouldn't have made a hot compress for your forehead," he said impatiently.

Her hand touched his as he moved the cloth around on her forehead. He stared at her, a concerned look on his face. "Is it helping any?" he asked softly.

"Yes," she said, opening her eyes and looking up at him. "You don't have to be in here and baby-sit me, if you don't want to. It's just a migraine," she told him.

"I want to be sure you're ok," he told her quietly. "Besides, you fixed my cuts, why can't I help you with your migraine?" he asked.

She shifted her body, lying on her back now. "If that's what you want, Potter," she said, closing her eyes again.

"Oh, so I talked to Jared," James said, breaking the silence.

Lily's eyes lit up, "Really? And?" she asked eagerly.

James ran a hand through his hair nervously, "Well…he said…" he looked up at her with a sad face. "He said he didn't know what time they would get here that day for rehearsal, but that they were most definitely coming," he said, his face breaking into a smile.

Lily slapped his arm. "James Potter, you bastard! You made me think they weren't coming!" she said, sitting up on her knees and hitting him with the pillow over and over.

James laughed, "You have to admit, the look on your face was priceless," he told her.

"Well, I couldn't exactly see the look on my face, could I?" she said, sitting back on her knees. She groaned, falling back on her pillows. "Ugh…now I have to go to that damned Ball of yours…I have to get a dress…" She groaned again loudly before glancing up at him from her pillow, "Did you plan this? To make me go?" she asked.

James pondered the question a moment. "Not originally, but now it seems like a good idea," he said, smirking at her faltering expression.

She pressed her lips together tightly. "Yes, well, if I have to go, then Riddle has to go…" she said as she sat up and made to stand. "There's no way I'm getting all frou-frou-y and she isn't…" Lily added under her breath as she stood.

"Um…Evans? Where are you going?" James asked, watching her head towards the door.

"To find Riddle, why?" she said.

"It's already midnight…and you're supposed to be sick. Wouldn't look very well if you were sneaking around the castle in the middle of the night when you didn't attend classes today, would it?" James said, staring at her.

She sunk her head, turning around and heading back to the bed. "I hate you," she said as she fell on her stomach on the bed.

He chuckled quietly. "Well, that's nothing new," he said, running a hand through his hair.

She glanced up at his face. A sliver of his face was only visible from the shadow cast over it. "How's your cuts?" she asked him, thinking of anything to ask.

"Lily, they're the same as they were yesterday. Healing, but they'll be fine," he told her sheepishly.

She sat up on her elbows, yawning. He watched her, seeing how tired he thought she was. He stood. "I guess I should be going to my own room, you look pretty tired," he said.

"Actually, I'm not tired at all, but I'm sure you are," she told him.

"A little. My body feels like I've been run over by a truck" he said, stretching.

She stared at him, puzzled. "Why?"

"Well, without quidditch I don't get to stretch out my muscles as much anymore," he said. "Anyway, I'll see you in the morning," he told her, running a hand through his hair as he turned to exit the room.

She buried her head in the pillow again as he left the room. Tomorrow was going to be very interesting…

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><p>"YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT?" Brii yelled the next morning at breakfast.<p>

Lily smirked at her. "You have to go to the Ball with me. No if, ands, or buts. You're going. If I have to go, you have to go," she told her.

"You're fucking kidding me!" Brii said loudly, throwing her hands in the air. She sat up, looking up and down the table. "Where's Potter? I'm going to murder him with my bare fucking hands!" she said.

"Maybe it won't be too bad with Mindless Over Matter playing," Lily said, trying to convince herself as well as Brii.

"Ugh!" Brii said, groaning. "We have to buy dresses and shit?" she asked, playing in her food.

Lily pushed her hair from her face, "Unfortunately yes. The whole damned nine yards…" she said tiredly.

"Yes. A dress, makeup, your hair done…everything!" James said as he came up to the table, hearing their conversation.

"POTTER! YOU SMUG BASTARD!" Brii yelled, standing and rounding on him.

James threw his hands in the air defensively. "Hey! I'm not the one making you go! Talk to Evans!" he said.

"She's only going because you managed to get that band to play!" Brii told him.

"Doesn't matter, I'm not making anyone go," James said, sitting down at the table.

"UGH!" Brii yelled loudly. She turned to Lily, "I can't believe you're making me do this," she told her.

Lily stood up from the table. "Hogsmeade, this weekend. We're going and we're going to get fucking dresses. If I'm going to this thing, you're going with me, and we're both going to be the best damned looking females in the fucking room! Got it?" she yelled across the table.

Brii pressed her lips together, clenching her fists tightly. "Fine!" she yelled, grabbing her bag and walking away from the table, mumbling under her breath as she did so.

James glanced up at Lily, "Feeling better, I see, Evans," he said as he put eggs on his plate.

She sighed loudly, looking down at him, "Shut up, Potter," she said, walking away from the table. James smirked as she walked off, watching her hips sway.

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><p>"I still can't believe you're making me do this…" Brii said on Saturday. They were in the dress shop in Hogsmeade. It wasn't an official Hogsmeade weekend, so they had the store to themselves. The official Hogsmeade weekend was the next weekend.<p>

"I still can't believe I'm actually doing this…" Lily told her as she looked through a rack of dresses.

"I never understood the point behind sequins…sure, they look great if you're a dancer, but otherwise…when the hell are you ever underneath a spotlight for the light to bounce off of them?" Brii asked as she looked at a few dresses on the wall.

"Perhaps I'll ask for a spotlight for the Ball," Lily said, grabbing a black dress and holding it up to look at it better.

"And this," Brii said, holding up a gown with a feathered mermaid-style bottom on it. "What is the point of this? Unless you're a muggle and you're attending an award show, why the hell would you wear it? It's hideous!" she said, placing the champagne colored dress back on the wall.

"Can I help you girls with anything?" a saleswoman said as she approached them.

"Yes, you can find me a 'Get the hell away from us' in a size four, thanks," Lily told her, glaring. The saleswoman walked off, watching them the rest of the time they were in there.

Lily grabbed a few more dresses, three more black ones, a gold, two purple, and a green. Brii grabbed four black ones, a silver, and a purple. After, they went to the dressing rooms to try them on.

"I feel like I'm going to prom," Lily said dryly as she slipped on her first dress.

"Ugh, don't make me puke," Brii told her from the next dressing room.

Lily came out into the hall, looking in the mirror at the strapless black gown. Brii came out in the purple one.

"You look like a plum," Lily told her.

Brii snorted, "And you look like a gothic princess. Does that come with a tiara?" she asked her, smirking.

"Oh shut up…next!" Lily said, going back into the changing room. They tried on dress after dress, until finally the two of them reached their last selection. Lily put the dress on, staring at herself in the mirror.

"Evans, you coming out here, or what?" Brii yelled at her.

Lily walked out of the changing room cautiously, looking up at Brii. Brii raised an eyebrow at her. "Well, I'd fuck you in that dress," she told her.

Lily laughed. "Thank you, I think I'd fuck myself in this dress also," she said, looking in the mirror. She looked back at Brii's satin black dress, fitting her small curves to a tee.

Lily raised an eyebrow, "Look at you, Riddle. You clean up nicely," she told her. "Turn around, I want to see the back of this dress," she told her.

Brii rolled her eyes, spinning around once to show her the back of the dress. "Satisfied?" she asked Lily.

"Yes, very. Now let's buy these damned things and get the hell out of here. I need a drink," Lily told her.

They bought their dresses and headed over to the Hog's Head for a couple of drinks. After a few hours, however, a couple of drinks turned into two whole bottles of fire whiskey.

Lily stumbled into the Heads' Dorm, laughing madly at Brii, their dresses in long hanging bags in their hands.

"And that silver one you tried on! You looked like a fucking silver Christmas bell! All you needed was an actual bell wrapped around your neck and a chorus of 'silver bells' to follow you the whole night!" Lily told her, laughing wildly as she held onto the wall for support.

"Me? How about that…oh I don't even know what I was talking about!" Brii said, grabbing Lily's arm for support. "I'll see you tomorrow at breakfast, I have to go find Black," she told her.

"Yes, Riddle, please go fuck someone! For Merlin's sake! You deserve it for buying that dress!" Lily yelled after her as Brii exited the portrait hole.

Lily leaned on the door as it closed, catching her breath. She couldn't see straight in front of her, her vision slightly blurred from the amount of alcohol she'd consumed. She didn't realize her body falling onto the floor, nor did she feel the door being opened again until she'd fallen backwards into the hall.

She looked up at the figure standing above her, "Oh! Hullo, James!" she said happily, hiccups forming in her throat. "I was -hic-wonder-hic-ing if you were -hic- here," she said.

James sighed, reaching down and picking her up under her arms, bringing her to a standing position as the door closed behind him. "Evans…are you drunk?" he asked.

"What? -hic-Me? Drunk? N-hic-o…" she told him, her eyes unable to focus on his face.

James ran a hand through his hair, studying her face. "Come on, Lily. Time for bed, I think," he told her, picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder.

She tried hitting him with her fists, but she felt like they were simply flying in midair, never touching him. The next thing she knew, he was throwing her on her bed.

"Forceful tonight, Potter?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

He went to the bathroom, wetting a towel with cold water. He sat on the bed beside her, pressing the damp towel to her face, hoping it would revive her a little. "Have you eaten anything, Lily?" he asked her, ignoring the drunk expression on her face.

She tried to think, "I can't remember…" she told him. She looked down at her hands, now looking like a 5 year old child as she sat there pouting.

"Here, hold this on your face," he told her, getting up and walking through the bathroom to his room, returning a second later with chocolate.

"Ugh, chocolate? I think I'm going to puke…" she told him.

"Eat the chocolate," he told her firmly.

She pouted again, "Fine. You know I am a grown woman, James. I know how to handle being drunk," she told him.

"Really? And how have you handled it in the past? By going out and shagging someone that you'd never met before?" he asked her seriously.

She may have been drunk, but his words still hurt her. She looked down at her hands again, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out like that," he told her quickly.

"Yes you did. Don't apologize," she told him. "I'd rather you be honest with your opinion of me than lie to me," she said quietly, a tear rolling down her cheek.

He reached out to her when he heard her sniff, wiping the tear from her cheek. She pushed him away. "You don't get it, do you?" she said suddenly, looking up at him.

He furrowed his brows, searching her face. "Get what?"

She swallowed hard, "You don't get the fact that I've changed. I'm not that secretive whore anymore. I don't go out and shag random guys, and I don't want to. You don't get that since I've been around you, I've realized who I am and what I need to do to better myself. I'm still that cynical bitch that you always thought I was, but I've changed the other part of me. I'm not who I used to be. But for some reason, regardless of how much I seem to think I've changed, you can't see it! This is who I really am, James! What is it going to take for you to see me for me?" she said, the tears rolling freely down her cheeks now.

James watched her bury her head in her hands. He didn't know what to say. He reached out, pulling her close to him and wrapping his arms around her, stroking her hair as she cried into his chest.

Lily could feel his heartbeat as he held her. She couldn't fully comprehend everything going on around her, but she didn't care. His arms were wrapped around her tightly and she never wanted him to let go.

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><p><strong>AN::: Please review!**

**:-)**


	18. What If I Fell To The Floor

**A/N::: Thank you sooo much for the reviews! They're really making me write faster! :-)**

**Oh and with Mindless Over Matter, since it is a made-up band, i hope no one minds if i use a few 30 Seconds to Mars songs for the Ball...i know this is set in the 70s, and i didn't want to use an actual band from the present, sooo...yeah!**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>The throbbing in Lily's head woke her up the next morning. However, as she went to sit up, her body recognized the strong arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Her stomach knotted immediately as she tried to remember what happened. She looked down, making sure she still had on clothes.<p>

Sighing in relief, she saw that she still had on her clothes she'd worn to Hogsmeade with Brii. Flashes of memories came into her mind like a badly edited movie. She looked back down at James's arm wrapped around her and thought seriously about pinching herself. It had to be a dream. If it was a dream, she didn't want it to end. She relaxed her body, snuggling back into his chest.

James woke up, feeling Lily move beneath his arms. The scent of her shampoo still lingered in her hair, filling his nostrils. He took a deep breath, wondering whether she was simply moving in her sleep or actually awake.

She turned over, feeling him wake up. "Morning," she said, avoiding his eyes.

"Morning. How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Like my head was run over by the Express," she told him, reaching up to her head. "You didn't have to stay, you know," she said.

"Yes, well, it was sort of difficult not to when you wouldn't let go of me," he told her, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh…sorry…" she said, now completely embarrassed. "What else…did…I…do…" she asked slowly, unsure of whether she wanted to hear the answer.

He sat up on his elbow. "You don't remember anything?" he asked

"Bits and pieces, but not much after we left the Hog's Head," she admitted.

He ran a hand through his hair, "Well…it was nothing really," he told her.

She buried her head in the pillow, "Oh Merlin, what did I do?" she said in a muffled voice.

"You didn't do anything, it was what you said," he said.

She groaned, "What did I say?"

"Just something about I hadn't realized you'd changed…don't worry, you didn't embarrass yourself," he told her.

She groaned again, "Well, that's comforting," she said. She looked up at his face again, "Thank you," she sat up on her elbow, "for making sure I was ok, I mean," she said, feeling her face turn red.

"You would have done the same for me," he said, sitting up. "Come on, you need food," he said, standing up and reaching out for her.

"Ugh…I don't wanna!" she said groaning.

"Evans, you sound like a two year old. Get up," he demanded.

She reluctantly took his hands. He pulled her off of the bed forcefully, making her breath catch in her throat as she stood so closely in front of him. Pressing her lips together, she took her hands out of his, pushing past him and grabbing her coat as she walked out of her room.

James went to his room quickly, grabbing his sweatshirt and pulling it over his head before following her out of the dorm to breakfast.

When they walked into breakfast together, everyone stared at the pair. Lily didn't notice, she was still trying to work out what the hell was going on. Did he want her now? Why was he being so nice? She was so confused.

As she sat down at the table, she felt James sit beside her. She looked at him strangely.

"Do you have a fever?" she asked him.

He sighed, "Evans, you ask me if I'm sick every time I sit near you in here. Can't you just get used to the fact that maybe we're becoming friends and I want to?" he said quickly.

She swallowed hard, "Friends?" she whispered.

He glanced over to her, "Yeah, friends. Now, eat!" he urged her.

"I think I'm going to be sick," she said, starting to stand up from the table.

He pulled her back down. "You are not going to be sick. Of course, you might be if you don't eat something, so please, eat!" he told her firmly. She stared at her plate.

"Evans…" he warned her.

She took in a deep breath, "Fine," she said, picking up a piece of toast and putting it in her mouth.

"Someone is in control this morning," Brii said as she sat down in front of Lily.

Lily glared at her. "Shut up. It's your fault," she told her.

Brii snorted, "Oh no, don't blame this one on me. You're the one who said you needed a drink. I didn't tell you to drink so much," she told her.

"I drank as much as you!" Lily said defensively.

"Yes, and I happen to be able to hold my liquor better. You're a lightweight," Brii said, eating a blueberry muffin.

"Ugh! I despise the both of you!" Lily said, throwing the rest of the toast on her plate and turning to James. "Especially you!" she told him. "Telling me what to do like you're my father or something! Ugh! You're nothing but an insufferable, arrogant, ass!" she told him, her face turning red with frustration.

James snorted, "S'not what you said last night," he mumbled quietly.

Lily jerked her head around towards him, wide-eyed. "What was that, Potter?"

He smiled smugly at her, "You heard me," he said, reaching for his water and taking a sip of it.

She shoved her plate away from her, standing up abruptly, screaming a loud "UGH!" and leaving the Great Hall.

James turned to Brii, who was staring at him. "What?" he asked.

She snorted, "You have no idea what you're doing, do you?" she asked.

"What are you talking about, Riddle?" he asked.

"Evans is as delicate as an actual lily-flower when it comes to you. Don't fuck this up," she told him as she made to stand.

As she turned to walk away from the table, James yelled at her. "Hey, Riddle!" She turned, walking a few steps back towards him, raising an eyebrow as she did.

"How's that dress on her?" he asked.

Her lips turned up slightly as her expression went from impatient to smug. She chuckled silently, "You're going to cum your pants before you even touch her, Potter," she said smugly. She turned again, leaving the Great Hall. James ran a hand through his hair as he looked down at the food in front of him. This was going to be an interesting month.

After going down to the pitch with the marauders, he returned to his dorm, intending on finishing the rest of his transfiguration homework. First, he walked up to his room, needing a long shower. As he entered the bathroom, he heard the very loud music coming from Lily's room. He recognized the band, Mindless Over Matter. He undressed, humming along with the music and getting into the shower.

After he finished his shower and turned the water off, he heard that she was still listening to it loudly. It was one of his favorite songs by them called 'From Yesterday.' He wrapped the towel around his waist tightly, opening her door to see what she was doing.

She was laying in the middle of her bed, pencil in hand, drawing on a sheet of paper. He opened the door wider, watching her.

Lily didn't hear the bathroom door open as she drew tirelessly on the piece of parchment. She had the music blaring, blocking out any thoughts in her mind. She needed to clear her head. She needed to get it together.

It was only when she saw the light from the bathroom becoming brighter that she looked up towards the door, seeing James standing in the door wrapped in his towel.

"Come to seduce me with your godly body, James?" she asked, looking back down at the parchment.

"Not intentionally. I heard music," he told her.

She snorted, "Imagine that."

"What are you drawing?" he asked, stepping forward into her room.

"Oh, it's nothing. Just doodles," she told him, looking up to his face. She sat up on her knees, tucking the pencil over her ear. She looked down at her hands shyly, "I didn't mean to blow up on you at breakfast. I'm just not used to anyone truly interested in my well-being," she admitted.

"Who says I'm interested?" he asked her, now standing in front of the foot of her bed. He looked down, picking up the parchment she'd been drawing on. "You're right, this is nothing," he told her, smiling.

She shoved him backwards, taking the parchment from his hands as he stumbled back slightly, laughing. "Shut up!" she said defensively, a smile playing at her lips. James chuckled as he stepped forward again, reaching out for her.

"I know they're terrible! You don't have to-" she started saying, but her breath caught in her throat as he cupped her face, his lips pressing softly onto hers.

She didn't react instantly. It was so sudden, so soft, so abrupt…she wasn't even sure it was real. Quickly, she let go of her thoughts, letting her body respond. Her hand reached up behind his head, entangling itself in his wet hair. So much for clearing her head.

A moment later, she felt his lips leave hers, his forehead resting on her forehead lightly. He let go of her, stepping backwards and running a hand through his hair.

"I'm…I couldn't help…you're just so beautiful when you laugh, Evans," he told her nervously.

She was going to murder him. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes tightly as she tried to rid herself of the anger building up inside of her. She pushed her hair out of her face, looking towards him.

As she looked up at him, his body still wet from the shower, a flustered look on his face, she made a split-second decision. "To hell with this," she said, throwing herself off of the bed and pulling him around to her swiftly.

She grabbed the back of his head with force, pulling him down to her lips. After getting over his initial surprise, he pulled her waist closer to his wet body, feeling her relax beneath his fingertips. She grazed her hands over his chest, feeling the small droplets of water that still lingered on him. His hand found its way to the back of her neck, entangling in her hair and deepening their kiss.

****BANG****

The two of them pulled away from each other, looking towards the door. The noise was coming from downstairs. Lily groaned. She sunk her head, cursing whoever it was barging into their door with such force.

She took a deep breath, looking up now at the door. "I'm going to kill someone," she muttered, letting go of James and heading towards the landing outside of her room. James grabbed her hand, pulling her back to him. He pushed a stray hair away from her face.

"They'll go away," he whispered to her, leaning down once again to capture her mouth with his.

****BOOM****

They stopped kissing again. Lily didn't hesitate this time, letting go of James and heading out of the door to the stairs. She heard people talking downstairs as she walked swiftly down the stairs.

Once at the bottom, she found four girls standing near the entrance, the portrait of Sir Codogan lying on the floor behind them.

Lily was fuming. "What the FUCK do you think you're doing? Barging in here, ruining a school portrait! That's school property, you nimwits! Did you think about that when you were busting it down just to get the attention of Potter? DID YOU? And you fucking disturbed a very important…meeting we were having about the damned BALL all of you are pining over!" Lily yelled at them.

The four girls stopped talking abruptly, staring at Lily. "Sorry, Evans. We knocked, no one answered…" one of them said.

"Yeah, we even yelled a couple of times but no one came to the door," the blonde said.

Lily clenched her fists, closing her eyes tightly. "Get…Out…" she told them quietly, pointing to the door.

The girls exited quickly. Lily walked to the door after them, yelling at them. "AND DETENTIONS FOR ALL OF YOU!"

She pushed her hair back out of her face and took her wand from her pocket to reattach the painting to the wall.

"Everything alright, Lily?" James asked as he came around the corner, now fully dressed.

She glared at him, "No. I'm going to murder every girl in this fucking school if they pull that shit again," she told him angrily.

"Which bit? The bit where they barged down the portrait or the bit where they interrupted our 'meeting?'" he asked, his arms folded across his chest.

She took in a deep breath as she walked back into the dorm. "I don't have to answer that. The point is, is that not only are they driving you crazy, they're now driving me crazy! Before too long, they'll know the fucking password!" she said, throwing her arms in the air.

James watched her fury, his brows furrowing. "You're jealous," he stated.

She rounded on him, "WHAT?" she yelled in a high-pitched voice. "You don't even know what jealousy is, Potter!" she said, her fists clenched tightly at her side. "You've never had a girl that you cared enough about to be jealous over, so how can you stand there and call me jealous when you have never even felt it?" she yelled.

"How do you know that? How do you know which of my girlfriends I've really cared about enough to be jealous and which I haven't?" he asked her angrily.

"Really? Name them. Name which of the girls you've went out with that you've been jealous over," she told him, her arms crossed over her chest.

He ran a hand through his hair, pondering her question. Lily laughed sarcastically. "You can't think of a single one, can you?" she asked him. She rolled her eyes, turning and heading towards the stairs, mumbling under her breath. "Jealous, my ass."

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><p><strong>AN::: Please review! :-)**


	19. I'm Not Running From You

**A/N::: I love you guys! The reviews are ah-mazing! Thank you!**

**p.s...just to show my appreciation, please...enjoy :-)**

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><p>Lily walked into the Great Hall for supper three days later with a smug smile on her face. She and James's schedules had made it impossible for them to even see each other since Sunday, but now that the both of them had their transfiguration and potions essays turned in, they could breathe.<p>

"What are you so happy about?" Brii asked her as she sat in front of her.

Lily sighed happily, "Oh nothing, just so glad to not have any homework the rest of the week!" she said.

Brii glared at her, "Lucky bitch."

"Ha, you wish you were this good," Lily told her, grabbing a biscuit from the table.

"I would never wish to be you, Evans. You have wayyyy too many fucking problems," Brii told her.

Lily thought about it for a moment, "Yeah, you're right. Thanks for reminding me, cunt-face," she told her.

"You're welcome," Brii said, smiling smugly.

Lily rolled her eyes, shaking her head at Brii. Remus came up then, sitting down a few spaces down from Lily. "Hullo, Lupin," Lily said as he sat.

"Evans," he said, nodding to her. "How was your day?" he asked.

"Can't complain. Well, until now…" she said, looking back to Brii. "Stupid bitch," she said, glaring at her.

"Whore," Brii said, smiling.

Remus smirked. "Hand in all of your essays?" he asked Lily.

"Yeah, I did. Just handed in the last one to McGonagall," she told him.

"Too bad you're going to fail," James said as he walked up to the table.

Lily raised an eyebrow at him, "Potter. Haven't seen you in a few days. Still trying to find the answer to my question?" she asked him.

Brii scrunched her face up in confusion, "You two live together, how have you not seen each other?" she asked.

"Homework and rounds," Lily answered.

James nodded, agreeing with her. "Yeah, it's been crazy." he said, helping himself to the chicken in front of him. He turned to Lily, "And I have figured out the-"

"Hi James," someone said from behind him. Lily turned, seeing Carrie standing behind him. She quickly averted her head back around to the table, sitting her forehead in her palm. "Here we go again," she mumbled under her breath, exchanging glances with Brii.

James turned around also, "Hi…Carrie," he said cautiously.

"I was wondering if you had a date to the Ball yet," she asked him, her hands clasped together in front of her.

James ran a hand through his hair, "Um…I've been really busy, haven't really thought about it much to be honest," he told her.

"Oh…right…well…" her face was red now, "I'm still free, you know. I guess I'll see you later," she said, turning away from the table.

Lily turned towards James, shaking her head. She hit him on the back of the head forcefully. "Why don't you just ask one of them and get it over with?" she asked him as Carrie walked off.

He grabbed his head, "Because I haven't thought about it! Maybe I don't want to just ask someone random!" he said defensively.

She rolled her eyes at him, "Ugh, you're impossible, James," she told him. "That's all it would take, you know. Just ask one of them and they'd leave you alone…"

He eyed her, "I have eleven days, Lily. I'll find a date," he told her.

"Whatever you say, Po-" Lily started to say, cut off by someone behind her.

"Hello, Evans," a guy said. Lily turned, finding Ernie Houser standing behind her.

"Oh…hello, Houser. What brings you to the Gryffindor table?" she asked him.

"I was actually wondering if you'd acquired a date to the Ball yet," he asked her.

Lily could see Brii snickering at her out of the corner of her eye. She kicked her under the table before addressing Ernie. "Oh, I'm actually not even sure I'm going, Houser," she told him quickly.

"Well, if you change your mind, I'd love to have you as my date," he told her before walking away from the table.

Lily didn't want to turn around and see the look on Brii's face. She could hear her holding in the laughter. Reluctantly, she looked up, finding tears in Brii's eyes as she tried to hold it in.

She sighed, "Let it out, go ahead," Lily told her tiredly.

Brii burst with the most manic laugh any of them had ever heard. The tears rolled down her cheeks as she gasped for air, clenching her chest. Lily couldn't be mad at her, she would have the same reaction if some random guy had asked Brii to the Ball.

She shook her head, standing up from the table. "Well, while you all are having your fun laughing, I'm going up to the dorm to relax. See you lot later," she told them, catching James's eye as she turned to leave the Hall.

There was something odd in his eyes. He wasn't laughing like Remus and Brii, his expression almost…confused? Flustered? Angry? She couldn't be sure. The emotions of James Potter were now driving her to madness. She was sure of it.

When she finally reached the dorm, she flung herself onto the floor of the common room, lying on her back and staring up at the ceiling. She felt bored, yet free. She had no homework, no rounds, nothing. She looked up at James's room, very much wanting to go out on his balcony and lie there, looking up at the stars. But she didn't want to just barge into his room like that when he wasn't in there.

The portrait hole opened and closed then. She sat up, looking at the door curiously. She had heard it open, hadn't she? The next thing she knew, James was standing behind the armchair, looking at her. She jumped.

"Where the hell did you come from?" she asked, looking between him and the door.

"Magic," he told her, smirking.

She snorted, "Oh ha-ha, James. Very funny," she told him, now sitting up.

He smiled, running a hand through his hair. "What are you doing lying on the floor?" he asked curiously.

"Rather bored. I literally have nothing to do. And…I really wanted to lie on your balcony but I didn't want to just take over your room," she told him thoughtfully.

"You won't be taking it over. Come on," he told her, stretching out a hand for her to take. She took his hand, letting him pull her up the stairs eagerly into his room and out onto his balcony.

The night sky was already black, the moon new, absolute perfect star-gazing weather. As she went to sit down on the cold stone, James protested.

"Wait, wait!" he said, climbing back through the window for a split-second and returning with a thick quilt. He laid it down, then gestured for her to sit.

"Am I allowed to sit now?" she asked, smiling.

"Please," he said, gesturing.

She shook her head at him, lying down on the quilt and looking up at the stars. James didn't join her at first, going to the ledge and leaning over the stone railing. She stopped looking at the stars, averting her eyes to him, puzzled at the way he was looking out at the grounds.

"Aren't you going to join me?" she asked him, bending her knees awkwardly.

He glanced around at her, smiling slightly and running a hand through his hair. "Eventually. I was rather enjoying the breeze up here," he lied.

"Liar. What's wrong?" she asked, sitting up on her elbows.

He sighed. "I guess its just the stress of the Ball and making sure everything goes well. I can hardly concentrate on it for random girls asking me if 'this' is going to be done. Or if 'this' is going to be done…Or is I think the colors we're decorating in are going to clash with the color or their dress, or…" he turned towards her, leaning sideways on the stone, "you know some have even asked me who Mindless Over Matter is?" he told her.

Lily raised her brows in surprise, "What? You're joking!" she said.

"No, not at all," he told her, finally sitting down opposite her on the quilt.

She sat up, "It actually doesn't surprise me too much, some of them are quite…sheltered," she said smiling.

"Yeah, I suppose," he said, running a hand through his hair.

"What I still don't understand…and I know I ask you this almost every day…but, why don't you just ask one of them so at least the ones that are just hounding you to get a date will stop following you?" she asked cautiously.

"So you want me to ask Carrie?" he said, watching her expression.

"What? Carrie! You can't be serious!" she said quickly.

He chuckled softly, "Why not?"

"Oh please, she only wants you to ask her because she thinks it'll make me jealous," Lily told him, rolling her eyes.

James smiled, "Is it?"

She attempted to glare at him, "No. Of course not. It takes a lot more than that to make me jealous," she said firmly.

"Really? What would it take?" he asked.

She shook her head at him, "I thought we were looking at the stars tonight," she said, changing the subject.

"That's what you wanted to do, not me. And don't change the subject," he told her.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she told him, smiling as she laid back down.

He ran a hand through his hair again, smiling, "So what about you? Going to take Houser up on his offer?" he asked her.

"Gods no. I'd rather go with Peeves," she said, disgusted.

He laughed, "Don't let him hear that, he'll take you seriously."

"Yes, I know. I'd have to send him into 'the light,'" she said, glancing towards James.

He locked eyes with her, mirroring the small smile she had on her face. She sighed, turning back to the sky as he laid down opposite her.

"So what now, Evans?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" she asked him.

"We've discussed the Ball, our date plans, the band…what next?" he said.

"James," she said, glancing towards him.

"What?" he asked.

"Can't you just shut up for five minutes? Listen to the sounds of the earth for a change instead of your voice?" she asked him.

He chuckled softly, putting his hands underneath his head and relaxing. As they laid there in silence, he thought about the way he'd felt when he'd watched Houser ask Lily to the Ball. He wanted to hit him, stand up and tell him to find someone else because she was going to the dance with him…but he couldn't.

Suddenly, Lily sat up. "Ok. I'm bored," she informed him.

He smiled, his train of thought broken. Sitting up, he brought his knees to his chest. "Never thought that would happen," he said sarcastically.

"Shut up…I don't know what to do without homework besides sleep and read, and I'm too wired to sleep right now, and I don't much feel like reading," she told him.

He raised his eyebrows at her, "You don't feel like reading?"

"Surprisingly no," she answered. She thought for a moment. "It's too quiet," she said, reaching for her wand. Within seconds, her record player was zooming from her room towards them. She sat it down behind her, turning it on and playing songs from Mindless.

"You going to tell me how you came to know these guys?" she asked James as the first song started playing.

"My mom. She grew up with Jared's mom. He was always like a long-distance brother to me," he explained. "Sirius isn't fond of him at all, however," he added, smiling.

Lily scrunched her face up in confusion, "Really? Why?" she asked.

"I think he's jealous of the fact Jared gets more women than he does," he said, laughing quietly.

"It's no wonder why," she said under her breath.

James studied her face a moment. "And the real reason why you bought that dress comes out," he said.

She stared at him, puzzled. "What?" she asked, confused.

"You're going to try and seduce him aren't you?" he asked her.

Her eyes widened, "Who? Jared?" she asked him incredulously. "I like them for their music, James. The fact that they're all hot is just an added bonus…" she told him firmly.

"Right, if you say so," he told her, now avoiding her eyes.

She studied his face intently. "Now who's the jealous one…" she said, quirking an eyebrow.

He paused, in the middle of running his hand through his hair, now staring at her smug expression.

"Nothing to say, Potter?" she asked.

"I'm still thinking!" he said defensively.

She snorted, shaking her head. "You think too much, James. Just say the first thing that comes in your mind instead of trying to weight all the consequences out in your head," she told him, leaning forward.

"Yes, that would work until the two of us started fighting every two seconds again," he told her.

"Oh we fight every two minutes now. What's the difference?" she said, smiling.

"118 seconds," he told her.

"Smartass," she said, smirking.

"Carrot-top," he responded.

"Arrogant twat," she retorted.

"Red-tempered," he said, raising an eyebrow.

"Cunt," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Bitch," he said.

"Despicable scoundrel," she said, trying to keep the smile from growing on her face.

"Harlot," he said, smirking at her expression.

"Unruly, ignorant git," she called him.

"Ill-mannered, haughty temptress," he said.

She shook her head, attempting to glare at his smug expression. "Temptress?" she asked, referring to the name he'd called her.

He threw his hands in the air defensively. "Hey, I'm not the one with the whip and horse bit in their room," he said, quirking an eyebrow as he smirked evilly at her.

Her eyes became wide quickly, her face turning a bright shade of pink. She quirked an eyebrow at him. "Interested?" she asked, her lips curling up in the corners. The color drained from James's face, his smile faded.

Lily laughed, shaking her head. "You really are the cowardly lion," she told him, patting the side of his face gently.

He swallowed hard, running a hand through his hair. "It's not that," he told her.

She scrunched her face up in confusion. "I'm not judging you, James. Besides, I'm the one with the freak fetish, you're normal," she told him, avoiding his eyes.

"No, that's not what I meant. I meant it's not the objects or the pain that wearies me…" he told her.

She looked up at him, "Then what is it?" she said, confused.

He sighed, rubbing his neck nervously. "You," he admitted. "You scare the hell out of me," he said quietly, meeting her eyes.

She reached up to his face, leaning forward as her hand cupped his cheek gently. "There's nothing to be afraid of. You just have to let go," she said, her voice barely audible. She stared into his hazel eyes for a moment, trying to memorize the look in them before capturing his lips softly.

He kissed her back longingly, feeling the hairs on his arms rise from the chills running through his body. He reached out for her, his hand grasping her thigh while his other hand pulled her waist closer to him. She sat up on her knees, moving so that she was now strattling his hips.

Her hair cascaded over his face as they continued to kiss. He grasped her hips with his strong hands as she started kissing down his neck feverously. Swiftly, he slipped his hands under her sweater, lifting it up and above her head, tossing it behind him.

She felt his rough, cold fingertips on the bare skin of her torso. They sent shivers down her spine, making her moan softly as she sucked at his collarbone. She tugged at his shirt, pulling it off of him and throwing it behind him. He captured her lips again, cupping her face with both of his hands, entangling the tips of his fingers in his hair.

Her hips rocked against the throbbing of his erection through his jeans. She raked her nails on his abdomen, pushing her body closer to him. As her hands traveled lower, she felt the vibration of James's deep moan beneath her hands. His lips moved from her mouth to her jaw line, nibbling at her skin.

Quickly, she fumbled with the buckle of his jeans, finally unzipping them and letting his throbbing manhood out of its cage. The touch of her fingers on him made him moan audibly against her neck, letting go of all his reservations. His body yearned for her touch.

She grasped his erection, feeling it pulse beneath her fingers as she pumped up and down his shaft. James stopped kissing her, closing his eyes tightly. Before he could open them, he let out an involuntary gasp from his lips as he felt her mouth kiss the top of his penis. He opened his eyes quickly, seeing a cascade of red hair in his lap.

He wished he'd been leaning against the stone wall at that moment. He wanted to entangle his hands in her hair, but couldn't, for he had to use his hands to steady himself from falling backwards onto the quilt beneath him. Her tongue swirled around the tip, teasing him, her fingers still pumping slowly on his shaft.

James moaned, shifting his hips forward. She glanced up at him, catching his eyes as she deep-throated his aching manhood. He felt his eyes roll in to the back of his head, arching his hips forward in motion with her mouth. Her hands made their way up his torso, her fingers digging into his skin as she began to pump him slowly in her mouth.

He didn't know how much more his body was going to be able to handle. Taking one hand off of the quilt, he entangled it in her hair, grasping her hair as tightly as he could. Feeling his hand on her scalp, she began to pump faster, her body moving with her. Beneath her jeans, she could feel how wet she was, how much her body was in agony for him. But tonight wasn't about her, it was about him.

She dug her fingernails deeper into his skin, feeling his hand begin to tighten with every move she made. He moaned loudly, gasping as her nails dug into him. His hips arched faster and faster with her mouth, each time engulfing him just as deep as before.

Finally, James felt his body begin to tremble. She felt the pulsation in his erection start to become quicker. Within seconds he exploded into her mouth. He sighed heavily, releasing his hand from her head. She licked at his juices, kissing the top of his now limp dick before placing a trail of kisses up his chest.

When she finally reached his mouth, he cupped her cheek again, his fingertips dancing in her red locks. She stared at his vulnerable eyes, her lips curling up on each end.

"Still scared?" she whispered, smiling slightly.

"Absolutely terrified," he whispered breathlessly. He leaned in again, capturing her lips in another hard kiss.

Lily pulled back, laying her head on his chest as he held her on his lap. She knew no other man would make her feel the way he made her feel. And she hoped he felt the same.

* * *

><p>Lily couldn't stop smiling shyly the next morning. She tried to hide it by avoiding everyone's face, looking at the ground and walking straight to the Great Hall. But, when she sat down in front of Brii, there was no hiding it.<p>

Brii stared at her as she walked into the Great Hall, sitting down in front of her. She leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest. Lily noticed her stare, and the fact that she hadn't said anything yet.

She glanced up at Brii, "What?" Lily asked. Brii stared at her for another moment.

"Ok, Riddle, either spit it out or-" Lily started to say.

"Are you fucking Potter?" Brii asked.

Lily felt the water she had been drinking travel from her throat up through her nose and also her mouth, spewing all over the table. She started choking as she looked back at Brii's very serious expression.

Leaning down closer to the table, Lily furrowed her brows. "What? Who did…where-" she started saying.

"So that's a yes?" Brii asked.

Lily pressed her lips together firmly. "That's neither a yes or no!" she whispered irritably.

Brii's face broke into a smug smile as the doors of the Hall opened once more. She turned back to Lily. "Well…judging by the expression on his face, I'd say you did a pretty superlative job, Evans." she said, quirking an eyebrow at her.

Lily shook her head, placing it in her hand and smiling slightly as James and Sirius approached the table. "Do not say a word," Lily warned her quietly.

Brii shrugged, the smug expression still on her face as the two sat down near them at the table. "Morning, Potter, Black," Brii said.

James raised an eyebrow at her. "Cheery mood this morning, Riddle?" he asked her.

"Well, the day didn't look promising to begin with, but now…looks like its going…up," she said, quirking an eyebrow in Lily's direction. Lily bit her lip, unable to keep the corners of her lips from turning up slightly while she attempted to glare at Brii.

Sirius glanced across the table at Lily. "So, Evans. I hear Houser is taking you to the Ball next week," he said.

James choked on his orange juice, setting it down and looking between the three of them who were staring at him at that moment. "Went down the wrong pipe," he said hoarsely.

Brii glanced to Lily, "I see you're not the only one with a choking problem this morning," she mumbled. Lily stamped Brii's foot hard under the table.

Brii reached under the table, glaring at Lily, "Ow!stupidwhore," she mumbled, barely audible.

Lily quirked an eyebrow in her direction, "Cunt-faced-harlot," she mumbled back, her jaw clenched tightly. She turned back to address Sirius. "No, Black. I'm not going with Houser…Gods, no," Lily told him.

"So who are you going with?" he asked.

Lily looked around nervously. "Riddle. I'm taking Riddle. Otherwise she'll never go and I'll be made to sit through that entire night in the front row watching Mindless play by myself," she told him.

Brii groaned, "Ugh! You take all the fun out of everything," she told her.

"And you drain the life from everything you touch," Lily said, pressing her lips together.

Brii glared up at her, "Nymphomaniac."

Lily raised both of her eyebrows at this comment. "Tramp"

They heard James and Sirius laughing from beside them. "And what are you two trolls laughing at?" Brii asked them.

James grasped his chest, "Ah, that hurt, Riddle," he said, giving her a fake hurt expression.

"Tell it to someone that has a heart, Potter," she told him as she started to stand from the table.

Lily glanced at her, "Leaving so soon?" she asked.

"Yes. I feel the air becoming thick with hormones," she told her. She glanced at James, "Head's up, Potter."

James groaned, already knowing who was approaching him. Quickly, he looked to Sirius. "Ok, on three, we both make to stand and laugh loudly…1...2...-"

"Hi James," Carrie said as the two of them stood. Sirius laughed loudly…by himself. James never said three. He looked around, wondering why he was the only one doing a fake laugh. James shot him a tired look, shaking his head. Lily snorted.

"Hi…Carrie," James said, taking in a tired breath as he turned towards her.

"How was your night off? From homework, I mean," she asked, making small talk.

He heard Lily choking on her drink, again, behind him. He couldn't help but smile. "It was great. Thanks for asking," he told her. "And…and yours?" he asked, trying to be polite.

"Oh you know, the girls and I just talked more about the Ball. All of them have dates…all of my friends except me," she told him, now rocking back and forth on her heels.

"Oh, well, that's too bad. I'm sure you'll find someone," he told her quickly. He heard Lily shifting in her seat while Sirius started putting things back in his bag. James turned slightly, bending over to reach for his bag when he felt Carrie's hand on his arm.

"Right. James?" she asked, grasping his arm.

He sighed, "Yeah?"

"Would you like to go to the Ball with me?" she asked him.

Lily should have known better than to be drinking anything while she listened to the whole conversation, but she was attempting to look normal. Once again, she spit the drink out of her mouth with force, wetting all of the food in front of her. Sirius chuckled.

James heard Lily spew her drink all over the place as he comprehended what Carrie had just said. He scrunched his face up in confusion once more. "Um, Carrie? Wouldn't you rather go with someone who doesn't have so much responsibility that night and can actually enjoy it?" he said, trying to blow her off.

"No, I want to go with the sweetest, best looking guy in the school. I want to go with you," she told him, batting her eyes.

He rubbed his neck nervously, "I apologize, but I just haven't made up my mind yet on who I want to go with," he lied.

She smiled weakly. "Well," she said, leaning in and kissing his cheek, very close to the corner of his lips, "if you do decide you want to go on this ride," she said, kissing him on the other cheek. "you know where to find me," she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper.

"James, I have your bag whenever you finally decide to join Black and I in Charms," Lily said from behind him.

Abruptly, James turned away from Carrie. "What? Oh, right." he said, turning back to Carrie again. "I'll keep that in mind, Carrie. Have a good day," he told her, turning and jogging through the tables to catch up with Lily and Sirius.

Sirius smirked at him as he caught up. "Someone's having an eventful day," he said.

James shook his head, smiling. "An eventful month is more like it," he told him. He grabbed Lily by the wrist, forcefully whirling her around towards him.

"Trying to work out my darkest fantasies, Potter?" she asked him, feeling the strength of his hand on her wrist.

"Can I have my bag now?" he asked her, their bodies pressed together in the middle of the now empty hall. They were late for class.

"No," she told him.

"And why not?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her, smiling as he leaned down to her lips. She pressed her lips together, pushing him away from her gently. He opened his eyes, seeing the smug expression playing on her face.

She walked backwards from him, "Try washing your face first, then maybe you can have these," she held up his bag and pulled at her own shirt, "back." she told him smugly. She turned, walking away from him with Sirius.

"S'not what you said yesterday," he said loudly, standing in the hall with his hands in his pockets.

She turned around again, walking backwards. "That was before you had 'Carrie-germs' all over you," she told him, quirking an eyebrow.

He smiled, holding his hand up and flipping her off. She mirrored him, turning back around and walking the rest of the way to Charms with Sirius. Today was going great.

* * *

><p><strong>AN::: i really enjoyed writing this chapter...**

**:-)**

**Please review!**


	20. What Would You Do

**A/N::: LOVE the reviews! Thanks! :-)**

* * *

><p>Lily walked into the Heads' common room that night along with the marauders…minus Sirius. Apparently, he'd told them he wasn't feeling well and needed to go to the infirmary, but Lily knew better. He was with Brii.<p>

"I can't believe they all gave us another essay to have done by next Friday," she said, falling into the couch.

"I know. You realize we have ten days to pull together this damned Ball, right?" James said.

Lily groaned, "Gods, don't remind me," she told him, closing her eyes tightly as she leaned her head against the couch.

"On the brightside, Slughorn is only making us do a three-page essay," Remus said.

"You always try to see the supposed 'good' in everything, don't you Lupin? You're like your own cheerleader," Lily said, glaring at him as she undid the tie around her neck.

"I like cheerleaders," he responded.

She snorted, "And I bet they love you." she said. "So, you two found dates yet?" she asked Remus and Peter.

"I have…Don't think Wormtail has yet," Remus said.

"Judy Washington," Peter piped in.

Lily opened her eyes wide, staring at Peter. "You're taking Judy?" she asked incredulously. "Actually that makes complete sense. The two biggest gossipers in the school, brought together to wreak havoc on those among them," she said, laying out her thought process. She looked towards Remus, "Who're you taking?" she asked.

"Emma Thornberry," he told her.

"The Ravenclaw chaser?" James piped in.

Remus looked up from his homework. "Yeah, why?"

James shrugged, "No reason. She's got a hell of a right hook, I'd try to avoid upsetting her if at all possible," he suggested.

"I'll keep that in mind," Remus told him.

"Who are you going to take, Prongs?" Peter asked interestedly.

"Oh no, Wormtail. You're not going to ask me that and then go parading it around the school," James said, eyeing him over his glasses. "Besides, I still haven't decided. I might go rogue, who knows."

"Yeah, right. Like any girl in this castle will let you get away with that…they'll be lined up outside of the portrait hole five minutes before the Ball, just waiting on you to pick one of them," Lily said, not looking up from her essay.

"I'll take my chances. Besides, there's no way a girl would risk the chance of showing up there alone…" he told her.

"Maybe. But I still think they'll be lined up at the door the night of if you don't decide on someone," she said.

"Want to put a wager on that?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

She looked up from her studies. "Oh I never turn down a bet, Potter," she said, the corners of her lips turning up.

"Yes, I know," he said, smirking at her.

She pressed her lips together tightly. "Wager?" she asked, choosing to ignore his comment.

"10 galleons," he said firmly.

"10 galleons? Pretty confident, aren't you?" she said.

"Yeah, I am," he said.

"Deal," she said, reaching over and shaking his hand. She turned to Remus and Peter. "You two care to get in on this?" she asked them.

"I would. If Sirius was here, he most definitely would also," Remus said.

"And your wager, Moony?" James asked.

"I agree with Evans. 15 galleons that you will have girls lined up at the door waiting," Remus told him, quirking a brow.

James ran a hand through his hair, chuckling softly. "Whatever you say, Moony."

"Yeah, well, I'm actually supposed to meet Emma tonight, so I'll be going," Remus said, making to stand.

"Lupin's getting laid tonight…" Lily said under her breath.

Remus turned towards her as he stood. "I might be," he said confidently. He looked over at Peter. "Wormtail, you coming or are you going to sit in here and try to squeeze more gossip out of these two?"

Peter quickly got up from the floor. "I'm doing homework with Judy later. I should go too," he said.

James and Lily nodded. "Ok…see you guys," James said as the two left the room. As the portrait door closed, he looked up at Lily, looking back down at his parchment just as she glanced up at him.

She looked back down at her parchment, feeling his eyes on her just as she looked down. Without glancing up at him, she smirked. "What?" she asked him.

He shook his head, looking back down at his parchment. "Nothing," he told her.

"Come off it, James. Are you staring because you want to say something or because you just can't keep your eyes off of me?" she asked smugly.

He snorted. "Feeling narcissistic today, Evans?" he asked her.

"A bit, yeah," she said, glancing up from her homework.

James reached across the couch, grabbing her legs and sliding her forcefully towards him. Her parchment fell from her lap as he slid her, entwining his fingers together as he rested his arms around her waist.

"Someone's trying to gain control tonight," she said, quirking an eyebrow. He smiled cunningly, leaning into her and kissing her jaw lightly.

Lightly, she pushed him back, eyeing him wearily. "Did you wash your face?" she asked him, referring to the morning.

"Oh gods, Lily, you were serious?" he asked incredulously.

"Of course I was!" she said smiling. He groaned, his head drooping down. "Fine," he told her, getting up and heading up the stairs. She laughed silently, shaking her head at his frustration.

* * *

><p>Saturday, March 14th<p>

The entire castle was in an uproar on Saturday morning. All of the girls were eating their breakfast frantically, if they even ate at all, so that they could head into Hogsmeade and get to the dress shop first. After breakfast, there was hardly anyone left in the castle over the age of 15. However, when it came time for supper, it was a totally different story.

James walked with the Marauders from the quidditch pitch just as the sun started setting. Once they arrived in the hall outside of the Great Hall, the four of them could barely comprehend what was going on around them.

"Hey Black, my dress matches your eyes," a girl yelled at Sirius. Sirius looked between the other marauders, completely puzzled.

"Remus, your date doesn't have anything on me. Hufflepuffs do it better," a brunette said as she walked by them, winking. Remus became bewildered.

"Sirius, I'd love for you do help me with my dress next weekend…taking it off I mean," a taller 6th year told him as she passed.

"James, can't wait for you to see me out of my dress…oops, I mean in my dress…" another girl said, joining the gaggle of girls who were shouting at them.

"What the bloody fuck is going on?" Sirius asked them quietly.

James sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Hogsmeade. They all bought-"

"I'd love for you to run your hand through my hair, Potter," a blonde said, winking at him as she passed.

James shook his head, "They all got their dresses," he said quietly.

"Hi Sirius…my dress is going to look stunning lying on your floor," another said, smiling at him.

"Mates…this is scary…" Sirius said, looking around them, bewildered at the stares they were receiving as they walked into the Great Hall.

"And the bad part is we just got off the pitch…Pretty sure we all look quite disgusting at the moment," Remus said, walking cautiously through the isle.

"No kidding," James said under his breath.

"Hi James," a voice said as they began to walk beside him. He groaned, knowing that voice well by now.

"Hello, Carrie," he said, sighing heavily.

"I bought my dress today," she told him happily.

"You and every other girl attending," he said impatiently.

"It's red. I thought you should know so you could dress to match" she told him eagerly.

He scrunched his brows up at her assumption. "Why would I do that?" he asked.

"Well…it's usually custom for a couple to dress to match when attending a function together," she told him thoughtfully.

"Carrie, I haven't actually agreed to go to the Ball with you," he told her as he and the marauders reached empty seats at the table.

"You're not going with anyone else, are you?" she asked quickly.

"I told you…I haven't decided," he said impatiently, sitting down at the table.

She quickly sat down beside him. "Why not? James, the Ball is a week away! If you're going to ask someone, you should probably be doing it," she told him.

"Carrie…I don't need you telling me what I should be doing. If you're getting impatient waiting on me, you should probably find someone different," he said.

She pursed her lips, sighing heavily. "Maybe I will, maybe I won't," she said firmly. "But just so you know, my dress is red. I think you'd really like it," she said, leaning in closer to him. "Especially taking it off afterwards," she whispered in his ear. Abruptly, she stood from the table, walking away from him.

James turned back to the marauders, a bewildered look on his face. "I miss my cloak," he said helplessly, sitting his forehead in his hand.

"Why don't you just take her, Prongs? She's just going to keep begging," Sirius said from across the table. A biscuit came whirling from down the table, hitting Sirius on the forehead.

"What the-" he said, looking down the table.

"What the fuck, Black? I have money riding on this! Don't convince him to take that damn troll," Lily said smiling.

"What?" he asked her, confused.

Remus smiled, "We made a wager that because James is going to go by himself to the Ball, he's going to have girls lined up outside the Heads' dorm in their dresses 5 minutes before it begins, all waiting on him to choose one of them to go with."

James shook his head at them. "And I say they're being ridiculous."

"Fuck that, I'll put 15 galleons on it," Sirius said eagerly.

James reluctantly smiled at their enthusiasm, running a hand through his hair. "You guys are mad," he told them.

"And you're going to be broke," Lily said arrogantly as she walked by him, turning to give him a sultry look and flash him a smile before continuing out of the Hall. He sighed as he watched her leave.

"What are you getting out of that, mate?" Sirius asked James, seeing him watch Lily as she left the Hall.

James looked back at him. "What are you getting out of yours and Riddle's rendezvous?" he asked.

"Pain and pleasure, Prongs. Pain and pleasure," Sirius told him, leaning back coolly.

James smirked at him. "I'll drink to that," he told him, holding up his cup and clanking it with Sirius's.

When James finally made it to the dorm that night, he found himself exhausted, tired of hearing his own name and also tired of hearing girls' voices period. He hoped Lily didn't want to talk. It was late, so he didn't stop to sit by the fire, instead heading straight up the stairs to his room. He closed the door behind him, taking off his sweater and throwing himself onto his stomach on his bed.

*knock, knock, knock*

"James?" Lily said from the bathroom door.

He groaned. "Can my name be something else tonight, Evans?" he said into the bedspread.

She furrowed her brows in confusion. "What?"

He picked his head up slightly. "I said…can my name be something else tonight?" he repeated.

She snorted. "Tired of hearing your own name?" she asked him.

He turned over on his side, "Ugh, yes. I've heard it about a hundred times since supper along with depictions of what each girl's dress is going to look like on the floor of my room after the Ball…its maddening!" he told her tiredly.

"You know most guys would kill for the amount of attention you're getting right now," she said as she sat down on the bed.

He ran a hand through his hair. "I know. And last year I would have been loving it," he told her.

She tilted her head slightly as she looked down at him. "And now?"

"Now it's just annoying," he said, playing with the hem on her open white button-down.

She laughed quietly. "So what would you like your name to be tonight?" she asked him.

He propped his head up on the palm of his hand, thinking for a moment. "How about…Zeus?"

Lily snorted. "Zeus? No. You can't produce lightning, Potter. Sorry," she told him, laughing.

"What do you propose then?" he asked her.

"If you're going with the Greek gods, I would suggest Apollo…he was always my favorite at least," she told him, pushing her hair from her face.

He thought for a moment. "Apollo…hmm…I like it…And you? Who would you be if you were a goddess?" he asked her.

Lily looked down at the black bedspread, contemplating her choice. "I always liked Persephone. I guess I thought I could relate to the way she lived," she told him shyly.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, she's forced to live in the Underworld with Hades for ever so long during the year, where she hates it. Forced to live a lie," she told him.

"You're saying you hate it here?" he asked, puzzled.

"What? No! No, that's not what I meant at all. I meant she's forced to live a lie half of the year, and that's how I related to her. More than the others at least," Lily explained.

He sighed, "And here I was thinking it would be a fun conversation to pick names," he said under his breath.

She smiled, pushing his shoulder lightly. "Don't be mean. You asked," she told him.

"Mean? Please, Persephone. Don't pretend like those words came close to touching that iron-clad skin of yours," he told her, smiling.

She pressed her lips together tightly. "Well, Apollo, just because the sun does rise from your ass in the mornings doesn't mean you can do whatever the hell you want," she said, not even sure if it made sense.

"Oh, but can't I?" he said, a large sneaky grin growing on his lips.

She eyed him wearily. "James…" she said warningly.

He sat up, pouncing on her and pinning her down to the bed. "There's no one by that name here tonight, dear Queen of the Dead," he told her as he looked down at her eyes.

"Ooo…I like the sound of that…" she said in a raspy voice.

He grinned at her before capturing her lips forcefully. She didn't fight the grasp he had on her wrists, arching her body up to his, begging for more than just a make-out session. His lips moved from her mouth, nibbling at her jaw and placing kisses down her neck before stopping to suck at her collarbone.

She arched her back once more, moaning softly as she hoped he would get the idea. He did. Removing his hands from her wrists, he let her sit up slightly, wrenching off her button-down followed by her tank over her head. Swiftly, Lily scooted back up on his bed more.

He grasped her waist tightly, flinging her back onto the bed and kissing her hard again. As he bit at her neck again, his hands pried her bra loose. Slowly, he cupped her breasts in both hands, toying with her now erect nipples with his thumbs.

She gasped audibly as she felt him bite her neck, her body instantly covered in goosebumps. He kissed down her chest, taking one of her nipples into his mouth and sucking at it, removing his hand. Her eyes rolled back into her head as she felt his hands graze her midsection, making their way to the aching between her legs.

In one swift movement, he took her underwear off of her, tossing them to the floor. He grasped her inner thigh tightly, biting at her breasts at the same time. Delicately, his thumb grazed her folds, making her body tremor. She moaned loudly, "Mmmm….gods…James…please…" she begged him.

He smiled against her nipple. His long fingers toyed with her folds, as if trying to get to know them before delving deeper. Finally, she felt one begin to rub her clit, making her arch her body upwards, begging him again. Seconds later, as his thumb continued to rub her clit, he entered a finger inside her slowly.

Pumping ever so delicately, he entered his finger in and out of her, feeling her hips arch with him slightly. Lily felt her neck arch as she closed her eyes, wishing he would go faster. She then let out a gasp, immediately looking down between her legs.

James hoisted a leg over his shoulder to give him better clearance before he began to nibble at her bare clit. His fingers continued to delve deeper and harder inside of her as his tongue darted in and out of his mouth, licking at her folds.

She moaned loudly, grasping the bedspread. She felt him dig his nails into her buttocks as it held her leg in place over his shoulder. Her breathing quickened along with the pace of his fingers. She moaned again, "Please, James…Apollo, whoever the fuck you are tonight…" she said hoarsely.

He smiled again, now moving his fingers faster and faster, swirling his tongue then biting at her clit. She gripped the bed harder, feeling her knuckles turn white. Things were becoming unclear around her as her orgasm began, the neurons in her brain firing off one by one. Until suddenly, she gasped, letting out a final moan as her body allowed her to release.

James removed his fingers, darting his tongue into her then, tasting her juices. He looked up at her satisfied, very disheveled face looking back at him. He released her leg, now climbing back up to her face where he kissed her hard.

As he rolled over beside her on the bed, she stared up at the ceiling. "You are most definitely a god, James Potter," she told him breathlessly.

He looked over to her, smirking. "If I'm a god, you're definitely Queen of the Damned," he told her.

She snorted, "I suppose we made good choices on our names then," she said.

He sat up on his elbow, facing her. "I like to think so," he said, kissing her hard again.

* * *

><p>James had awoken early, slipping from beneath Lily's tired body and putting on a pair of sweats and his cotton hoodie before heading out of the dorm for a run. He had a lot on his mind, the Ball, homework, and the thing that confused him the most…Lily.<p>

He'd never before stopped and thought about his future, and what he wanted in it. He guessed one thing that scared him about being with her was how they came to be so close. They'd hated each other for so long, it seemed unreal, ridiculous even, for them to want to be together.

He never thought about his life after Hogwarts. He'd always been a spur of the moment kind of person, never in a relationship for a long amount of time, bored easily. The more he thought about why he avoided claiming her as his own, the more his mind became frantic.

He stopped jogging abruptly, a terrifying realization coming to his mind. He was avoiding it because if he did, he knew it could mean forever. Their love was strong enough to last that long. A commitment. Forever. It scared him senseless.

He was going to be sick.

He avoided her the rest of the day…and the next…and the next… He didn't know what he was doing anymore. He couldn't concentrate during class or on his homework. The other marauders were puzzled by his behavior, not able to figure out the sudden change in his manners. He couldn't eat. He hadn't slept in two days. He didn't know if he was nauseous at the thought of commitment or the fact that what he was doing could mean she'd never speak to him again.

"Mate, you haven't touched your food. What's wrong?" Sirius asked him at supper on Wednesday.

James sighed heavily. "Nothing, think I have some sort of virus," he said tiredly.

"And the fact that you're avoiding Evans…that a symptom of the virus also?" Remus asked him.

James glared at him. "What are you talking about, Moony?" he said, knowing full well what he was talking about.

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about, Prongs. You haven't looked at her in three days," Remus said.

"You're delusional, mate," James said, making to stand from the table.

"Hi James," Carrie said, approaching James as he walked away from the table.

He gave her a sideways glance. "Hi Carrie."

"You've been quiet lately, something wrong?" she asked him.

"No. No, I'm fine," he told her.

"Right. Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" she asked again.

"I said no, Carrie," he said again.

"Ok. Well, if you do, you know where my room is…" she said, still walking beside him as he exited the Great Hall. "Have you thought about my proposal anymore?" she asked.

"What?" he asked quickly.

"To the Ball. It's Saturday, you know," she said, pressuring him.

He sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, whatever, Carrie," he told her tiredly.

Her eyes became wide, "What? Really?"

He turned to face her. "Yeah, fine. I'll go with you," he told her, no trace of a smile on his face.

Her face lit up, however, as she hugged him excitedly. "Oh this is going to be great! Ahh!" she said in a high-pitched voice.

He rubbed his temples tiredly. "I'll go by the tower and get you around 8. And please, Carrie…don't make a huge deal of this," he begged of her.

"Oh! Of course not! Never!" she told him, a large smile on her face. "I'll see you then!" she said before turning around and practically running back to the Great Hall.

He sighed heavily again, running a hand through his hair as he proceeded slowly up to the dorm. He literally had no clue what he was doing anymore.

An hour or so passed as he sat on his bed, attempting to finish the charms essay that was due the next morning. He was failing miserably. Not only had he only written down three sentences, the sentences he'd written made no sense.

His body jumped though when the door to his room opened widely, Sirius stepping in with an angered look on his face.

"Carrie? You're actually taking that idiot?" Sirius asked slowly, his hand still on the doorknob.

James took in a deep breath. "Split-second decision. Besides, you guys were hounding me about picking someone," he told him.

"Well, yes…but HER?" Sirius yelled. "Not only have you just lost me 15 galleons, but you've picked the 2nd most gossipy girl in the school to take to this damned thing! She paraded the fact that she's going with you around the Great Hall like it should be on the cover of the fucking Daily Prophet!" he said.

James ran a hand through his hair. "What do you suggest I do? I'm not going to tell her I changed my mind," he said.

"Nothing, I guess. I just want to know why," Sirius said.

"I don't know…I guess…I don't know…" James said, looking down at the comforter.

"Right, I figured you didn't," Sirius said, shutting James's door as he left the room. James fell back on his head, groaning loudly. This was going to be hell.

A few hours later, he remembered he'd left his potions book downstairs. He walked down the stairs, his stomach knotting as he saw red hair on the couch. He just wanted to get his book and go back upstairs, try and avoid a fight.

He grabbed his book from the table. As he went to turn, however, he heard a sniff, seeing Lily frantically wipe the left side of her face. Was she crying? Cautiously, he stared at her for a moment. She sniffed again.

"Evans?" he said slowly from the end of the couch. Frantically, she wiped her face again, breathing in deeply. He continued to stare at her. "Are you…what…" he didn't know what to say.

"I'm fine, James. My nose is running and I think I have some ash from the fireplace in my eye. I'm fine," she told him quickly.

He ran a hand through his hair, trying to see her face, but he couldn't. Her hair had fallen on either side of her face. He sighed.

Lily couldn't believe her self. Another tear fell from her eye as she heard his footsteps head towards the stairs. She was in agony. What had she done to make him avoid her? Every second of the day she felt like her life was slipping away from her. He avoided her at all costs, not even giving her a second look. And she had no clue as to why he was doing it!

She was ashamed to ask him, scared that she might seem like she was desperate for his attention. But they'd been getting along so well, their relationship going in a direction that she'd been hoping for but never thought it would…what had gone wrong?

Quickly, she wiped her face again, taking a deep breath. "I hear you found a date to the Ball," she said, her voice still shaking.

He stopped walking, glancing back at her. "Yeah. Yeah, I did," he told her nervously.

"Good for you," she said quietly, swallowing hard, blinking back the tear that was threatening to fall.

"Did you hear about it at dinner?" he asked.

She looked up at him. "Yeah, yeah, she told me first actually. Then proceeded to skip up and down the isles between the tables like a 12 year old telling everyone else. Real catch she is," she told him quietly, not a drop of sarcasm in her voice.

"Real funny, Lily. I'm just taking her to the Ball, nothing else," he told her.

"You don't have to explain your decision to me, James. It's none of my business," she said, looking back down at her parchment. Her vision blurred as she did, the tears filling her eyes.

"I'm not…I didn't…never mind…" he said, frustrated with himself.

She pushed her hair from her face, glancing up at his back as he walked slowly to the stairs. She swallowed hard, staring at his figure. "James?"

He stopped on the bottom step, looking at her red, puffy face. "What?"

"Why her?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"She's been bugging me about it every day. I thought if I agreed it'd get her off my back and make her happy…" he said slowly.

"Right. Happy…" she said quietly, swallowing hard.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah…I'll see you in the morning, Lily," he told her nervously.

"If you even acknowledge my existence tomorrow…" she mumbled, looking back down at her parchment. The next few days were going to be agonizing.

* * *

><p><strong>AN::: Please review! **

**I know this chapter went kind of fast...we'll slow down a little in the next one...**

**:-)**


	21. I Am Finished With You

**A/N::: Hey guys! SO SORRY for the long wait! Thanks for sticking with it! You guys are AH-MAZING! :-)**

* * *

><p>"Evans, don't force me to embarrass you in front of the school…Eat," Brii urged her the next morning.<p>

"Why should I?" Lily said, staring at her blank plate.

Brii glared at her, reaching across the table and hitting her hard across the back of her head. "Wake the fuck up, would you? It's not the end of the world," she told her.

Lily rubbed her head, "That hurt, whore," she said hoarsely.

"Oh please…don't give me that. You thrive on pain. Perhaps that's why you're sitting here sulking instead of screaming at Potter." Brii concluded.

"I don't thrive on this kind of pain…" Lily whispered.

Brii stared at her, her arms folded across her chest. She sighed heavily. "Have you asked him why he isn't speaking to you?" she asked her.

"No…" Lily said quietly, avoiding her eyes.

"Then how the hell do you expect the two of you to ever start talking again? You think he's just going to up and decide to talk to you at the Ball? Or be forced to talk to you while you're decorating Saturday? Which, by the way, I refuse to help with," Brii told her.

"I don't know! I guess…I guess I'm hoping this whole week was nothing but a dream and I'll wake up any time now and discover that it's last Saturday, not Thursday…" Lily said, frustrated with herself.

"Did I not hit you hard enough a minute ago? This ISN'T a dream, Evans! Get a hold of yourself! Grow some balls and go ask him what the fuck his problem is!" Brii yelled at her, pointing towards the entrance.

Lily glanced up at her angered face. "You're right," she said.

"Damn right I am. One day you'll realize I'm always right," Brii said smugly.

Lily snorted, shaking her head. "You'd kill just to prove that you're right," she said.

Brii thought about it a moment, "Probably, yeah, but right now isn't about me. It's about you. And you need to march your petty ass up to your dorm or where ever the fuck he is, and demand to know what his problem is," she told her.

"For once you sound like a nagging girlfriend, Riddle," Lily said, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah, well, the situation calls for it. Besides, you can't seriously be thinking about throwing away what the two of you have…can you?" Brii said.

"What do we have? From what I can tell, I'm nothing to him. He keeps telling me he's fucking terrified of me! Terrified, Riddle! What am I supposed to do with that? Tell him I'm not going to hurt him and treat him like a baby? I can't do that…he's a grown ass man! I'm not going to treat him otherwise…" Lily told her.

"Good," Brii said, crossing her arms over her chest again. "So go do that," she said.

"Do what?" Lily asked tiredly.

"Treat him like a grown man," Brii said.

"I am," Lily said, taking a deep breath.

"I don't see you doing what I suggested…" Brii said slowly.

"That's because I'm not going to. I'm not going to go up to him and fight with him about who he's taking to the Ball. That's what SHE wants. I'm not going to ask him why he's avoiding me because, honestly, I'm too afraid of what the answer might be. I won't give him the satisfaction of knowing that the fact that he won't look at me is bothering me to the point that I can't eat, sleep, or even concentrate on anything. I've been through this one time already, and even though I don't know if I can handle it again…I will NOT let him take away how he's made me feel in the past few weeks…I won't let him take that away from me…" Lily explained, her eyes watering as her voice started to shake.

Brii stared at her. Lily blinked back the tears forming in her eyes, taking in a deep breath and looking around. She started to gather her books and stand from the table.

"Evans…sit your whining ass back down on that bench and eat a fucking piece of toast before I slap the red out of your hair…" Brii warned her as Lily started to stand.

Lily rolled her eyes, sitting back down miserably on the bench. "Stupid cunt," she mumbled, reaching for a piece of toast.

"Love-sick bitch," Brii mumbled back to her as she watched Lily make herself eat the toast. After Lily finished, she immediately went to stand.

"Sit back down. You're not leaving for at least 20 minutes," Brii said firmly.

"What? Why?" Lily asked.

"Because I know you're just going to go throw it up, now sit," Brii told her, glaring.

"I'm not bulimic, you know," Lily retorted, sitting back down.

"No, you're nauseous, you don't have an appetite, your chest hurts, and right now you feel like you're going to puke right on this table…am I wrong?" Brii asked.

"I hate you," Lily said, placing her head on the table.

"And I, you," Brii told her.

James watched the two of them fight from his seat down the table. He heard what she'd said, in fact the words were repeating in his head over and over. He watched her play in the food on her plate as Brii sat with her arms crossed over her chest, glaring at her.

He ran a hand through his hair, sitting his head in his hand. What was he doing? He was going to the ball with Carrie, someone he really didn't want to have to put up with all night, and he was inadvertently hurting Lily…something he hadn't realized he was doing. He groaned loudly into his hand. This was a disaster.

Lily stared at her parchment during Charms, not paying attention to anything Professor Flitwick was saying. She dipped her quill in her ink over and over, pretending to be copying down the notes, but really she was doodling on her page, drawing in the terrible way she did.

_You know your drawings are terrible - J_

Lily sat up a little as she read the note that had appeared on her desk. How the hell had that gotten there? And why could he write her notes but not speak to her? She didn't want to glance at his figure sitting behind her, so she attempted to brush it off, writing back.

_Yes, so you've told me -L_

_Then why do you continue to draw? -J_

…_Maybe I'm bored… -L_

_Right… -J_

_Did you have any other reason to send me a note other than insulting my drawing capabilities? -L_

_Have you had a chance to give the house elves the menu for the Ball yet? -J_

'Oh shit…' Lily thought to herself. She'd been so distracted by his abrupt behavior that she'd barely been able to do her homework, much less think about the stupid Ball.

_No. I'll have it to them by tonight. -L_

_Ok. Have you thought about lighting? Or are you working on that Saturday? -J_

_Saturday… Stop worrying… Your precious Ball will be perfect -L_

_I'm not worried. Just trying to finalize details -J_

_You worry about your part, I'll worry about mine. Besides, I think you have more to worry about than me with your date -L_

_What do you mean -J_

_You'll find out soon enough -L_

Before James could respond, he heard Flitwick dismiss the class. He gathered his books quickly, looking up at the back of Lily's figure as she threw her bag over her shoulder and started to walk out of the class.

"Evans!" he yelled after her. She continued walking out of the classroom, pushing the other students out of the way. He stared after her helplessly. Running a hand through his hair, he cursed himself. Why was he so afraid?

* * *

><p>Lily made her way back to the dorm later that night after a long visit to the kitchens. She felt like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. She felt high from all the sugar she'd just eaten. She reached the portrait of Sir Codogan, but instead of telling him the password, she kept walking to Gryffindor Tower to find Brii.<p>

As soon as she entered the Tower, it seemed everyone became quiet, all eyes turning to her. She ignored them, looking around the room to find Brii. Brii found her first.

"What are you lot staring at? She's your Head Girl, not a fucking two-headed alien," Brii said, getting up from her seat and walking towards where Lily was. "What are you doing in here?" Brii whispered to her.

"Came to find you, didn't realize I'd be causing hell to freeze over," Lily said through her gritted teeth. "Come on, let's go," Lily told her. They left, the rest of the dorm watching them leave. When they got into the hall, Brii hit Lily over the head.

"Ow! Fuck! What was that for?" Lily asked her.

"What are you doing? You know better than to go in there with all of them practically out to make your life miserable!" Brii said.

"Fine, next time I have a bag full of every food the house elves know how to make into bite size finger-foods, I won't come get you!" Lily said, holding up the bag of food in her hand.

Brii raised her brow, "Food?"

"Not just any food," Lily said, now smiling. "Specially made food for the Ball. AND…over half of it is chocolate," she told her. Brii snatched the bag from Lily's hands, carrying it the rest of the way to the Heads' Dorm.

"Try the treacle tart. It's literally to die for," Lily said as she threw her body onto the couch in the common room.

Brii reached into the bag as she sat down on the floor beside the fireplace. "How am I supposed to tell what's what? House elves don't know how to label shit?" she said.

"Fuck if I know," Lily told her. "So why do you say everyone is out to get me in the common room?" she asked.

Brii glanced at her. "Apparently someone started a rumor that you were trying to keep Potter from going to the Ball with the new Gryffindor Princess…" she told her slowly.

"What? That's ridiculous. He wants to go with her, why should I stop him?" Lily said.

"Dunno. You asked," Brii said, looking towards the portrait hole as it opened.

James strode in, looking between the two girls sitting in front of the fireplace. Lily looked down at her lap, avoiding his eyes.

"Riddle…Evans…" he said, walking closer to them.

"Think fast, Potter," Brii said, throwing a melted piece of chocolate towards him. He caught it, the chocolate instantly oozing in his fingers.

"Very nice, Riddle," he said, shaking his head. He turned to Lily. "Evans, did you get the menu to the house elves?" he asked her.

"Did I or did I not tell you not to worry about what I have to do? I've got it handled," she told him firmly, still avoiding looking at him.

"Fine. Dumbledore wants us to start decorating Saturday after lunch. Think you can handle that?" he said coldly.

She took a deep breath, hurt by his cold tone. "Of course," she said quietly.

He turned, heading upstairs and to his room. Lily grabbed the nearest pillow, burying her face in it and screaming as loudly as she could.

"You're pathetic," Brii said, snacking on a pumpkin tart.

"I know…I can't help it!" Lily told her weakly.

"You'd better not be this way Saturday, otherwise I'm going to be spending half the night slapping the piss out of you," Brii said.

"I'm not going to be in this mood Saturday. Mindless Over Matter is going to be here and there's no way James Potter is going to ruin that for me," Lily told her firmly.

"Good," Brii told her.

Lily stared into the fire, completely oblivious to the hazel-eyed, raven-haired man crouched on the loft between their bedroom doors, staring down at her figure.

* * *

><p>Lily stayed in her room all day on Friday, finishing up all of her homework and any last minute things she had left to write down for the ball. On Saturday, when she woke, she almost immediately wished she hadn't. The realization that the day of the Ball was upon her made her sick again.<p>

She ran to the bathroom, opening the lid of the toilet and puking. Every time she thought about putting on the dress later that day or having to face James while he was in Carrie's arms made her sick again.

Maybe should could make up an excuse, tell them she was sick, she couldn't go. And then miss Mindless Over Matter? No. She'd bought the dress, she'd made up her mind two weeks ago. She was a grown woman. She could handle this.

She walked back in her room, looking at the clock beside her bed. 11:32. Groaning, she walked to her closet, slipping on her most comfortable dark blue skinny jeans and a black hoodie. Her hair was a mess, but right now she didn't care. She was going to fix it later. She slipped on a grey beanie and her red canvas shoes before walking down the stairs and heading towards the Great Hall.

She didn't look up at the faces staring at her (as usual) in the hall. Taking her usual seat at the end of the table, she stared at her plate for a few minutes before making herself reach for the blueberry muffins.

"Good morning, Evans," someone said from behind her.

Lily didn't even turn around. "What the hell do you want, Judy?" she asked groggily.

"Carrie and I wanted to thank you for letting us share your dorm tonight to get ready in," Judy said smugly.

Lily stood, facing them immediately. "Like hell, you are," she told them, glaring.

"Oh but James already said we could. He didn't seem to think you'd mind. I mean, after all, his friends are getting ready there, its only fitting that their dates get ready there also," Carrie said, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Actually, that makes no sense at all, Carrie…" Lily told her, sneering. "And it's my dorm also, so he has to discuss things like that with me. And I say hell no," she said, raising an eyebrow at them.

"I think you're overruled in this case, Lily," Judy said.

Lily took a deep breath, shaking her head as she sat her hands on her hips. "Don't make me hit you again, bitch," she warned her lazily, turning to head towards the other end of the table.

"You wouldn't do it today," Judy said, almost laughing.

Lily turned back to her, "You want to make a bet on that?" she said walking back towards her.

"That's right, you love bets, don't you?" Carrie said, smiling smugly.

Lily pulled her fist back, ready to punch when she felt someone holding it back. A jolt was sent through her entire body, her wrist burning from his grasp. Turning to her right, she found James's hand wrapped tightly on her wrist. She glared at him, pushing him backwards as she wrenched her hand free of his burning grasp.

"Not today, Evans," he told her, staring deeply in her dark green eyes.

"Why the fuck not? Scared I might break Miss Perfect's nose? It's a good assumption, I probably would," she told him, returning the intense glare.

"Not…today…" he told her slowly.

She shook her head at him, a disgusted look on her face. "You're such a fucking coward, Potter," she told him, pushing past him and towards the double-doors of the Great Hall. She walked outside by the lake, taking in warmth of the bright sun on her face. She looked back at the castle, seeing some of the students now leaving the Great Hall and heading out toward the grounds to enjoy the sun until the Ball. She noticed someone running out from the Hall…running towards her…it was Remus.

"Lupin? Everything ok?" she asked him as approached her.

He stopped in front of her, doubling over to catch his breath. "Yeah, fine. We need you in the Hall to help with the décor. McGonagall's asking for you," he told her breathlessly.

"Did you really have to run to tell me this?" she asked him slowly.

He thought for a moment. "Well…I guess not…they told me to hurry," he explained.

"Right. Ok. I'll be there in a moment, you go on," she urged him. He nodded, running back up to the castle. She stared after him, taking in a deep breath before following him back up to the Great Hall.

Almost immediately, she was bombarded with questions about the décor from the prefects. She didn't know what to tell them. Honestly, James was in charge of most of the décor, especially that pertaining to the switchover from winter to spring. She couldn't even think for the people talking all at once around her.

"STOP!" she yelled at them, removing her hands from her ears. They all froze, staring at her. "Just shut up, ok?" she said, looking around at their faces. "I don't know anything about the décor. If you want to know about that, find Potter. All I'm in charge of is lighting, food, and security…got it?" she said loudly.

"Potter isn't here," someone said.

Lily clenched her fists tightly, swallowing hard. "Great…would someone like to tell me where the FUCK he is?" she said angrily.

"I'm right here," he said from behind her. She turned, rounding on him.

"And yet you have the nerve to tell me to be on time when you're not even here to give direction on YOUR FUCKING BALL!" she told him loudly.

He swallowed hard, staring at her blaring green eyes. He hadn't seen her this upset in a while. "Evans, I had to-" he started to say.

"If I may, James," a guy said, stepping out from behind him. Lily froze, awestruck at the person now standing in front of her. Her angry face faltered. Jared reached out to her, taking her hand in his. "Our apologies for making him late. They wouldn't let us through the entrance on our own, you see," he explained, kissing the top of her hand.

Lily blinked a few times, her breath coming back to her. "Right. Of…of…of course…Um…" she couldn't think straight. Mindless Over Matter was standing in front of her!

Jared smiled slightly. "I'm Jared," he said.

"Li…Lily," she managed to get out.

"Pleasure to meet you, Lily," he said, letting go of her hand and producing a lily-flower from his other hand. She smiled as he tucked it into her knit beanie.

James clenched his fists tightly, watching Jared swoon Lily. His entire body tensed as he watched her awestruck face. Swallowing hard, he tried to pretend like they needed to get to work.

"Alright, alright, Mr. Swag…" James said, pushing Jared's shoulder back slightly. "I'm sure Evans has work she needs to be doing, don't you, Lily?" he asked her.

"Hm, what?" Lily said breaking free of Jared's deep blue eyes and meeting James's intense hazel ones. For the first time in a week, a smile was brought to her face as she saw the jealousy reflecting back at her in his eyes.

"Whatever you say, Potter," she told him, smiling at Jared before walking away from them towards the Professors. James gave the prefects their instructions before turning his attention to the band.

He hit Jared on the back of the head, "What the hell mate?" he asked him.

Jared grabbed his head, "What? I was simply talking to a beautiful woman!" he told James. Jared watched James's frustrated expression as he figured out what he was so upset about. "So that's the Lily Evans, then?" Jared asked him as they walked towards where they were going to be setting up the stage.

James ran a hand through his hair, glancing towards Lily and sighing loudly. "Yeah. Yeah that's Lily," he told him.

"Oh, the girl that you were telling me about in the letters? That's her?" Edward, the drummer, asked.

James nodded. "Yeah," he said.

"And what…are you two not…" Jared started asking.

"No, we're not together," James said quickly.

"So what does it matter if I'm talking to her?" Jared asked him.

James pressed his lips together, glaring at him slightly. "Just because we're not together doesn't mean you can do what you do and get her into bed later," he explained.

Jared shook his head. "Mate, I wouldn't do that to you, you know that," he told James.

James sighed, running a hand through his hair again. "Right. I know. Sorry. I just…she just…she drives me insane," he said.

Jared crossed his arms over his chest. "Sounds like you don't know what you want, mate," he said, raising a brow at him. "Why the fuck aren't you two together?" he asked.

James pressed his lips together. "It's complicated," he told him, glancing over to where Lily was helping the Professors move the tables.

Lily worked with the Professors the afternoon on setting up the tables around the perimeter of the Great Hall while James worked on the stage and other décor with the rest of the prefects. When the band finally got onstage to do a sound check, Lily made her way to the stage to work on her lighting.

"Hello, Lily," Edward said from behind his drums as she walked on the stage.

She smiled, "Hello, Edward. It's great to meet you," she said, now over the fear of talking she'd had earlier.

"And you as well. I've heard some thing about you," he said.

"Things? Like what?" she asked, confused.

"Don't listen to my brother, sometimes he doesn't think before he speaks," Jared said, shooting Edward a warning glance.

Edward shrugged, shaking his head and then turning back to his drums. Jared sighed.

"I'm very excited that you all were free to do this. Otherwise there's no way I would be attending this thing tonight," Lily explained.

Jared strummed a few notes on his guitar. "Really? Why not?" he asked her.

"Dances aren't really my thing," she told him simply.

"Fair enough. If it makes you feel any better, none of us can dance for shit." he told her, smiling.

She snorted. "Thanks," she said, taking out her wand and pointing it to the candles. Almost immediately, she turned them into icicles, the ones above the stage turning into stage lights.

Jared looked up at the lights. "Icicles?" he asked.

"Yeah. With the stage lights moving, they'll bounce off of the icicles and create a pretty cool visual effect," she explained.

Jared nodded, "Very nice," he said, turning back to his guitar. "So, you and James?" he said casually.

"What about us?" she asked.

"Are you two…" he said slowly.

"It's complicated." she told him quickly. He chuckled. She scrunched up her face in confusion. "What?" she asked him.

"He said the same thing," he told her.

Lily sighed, "That sounds right," she told him. She glanced over at his confused face. "It's nothing. He just…I don't think he understands what he's doing to me," she tried explaining.

"What is he doing to you?" Jared asked.

"He's killing me," she said softly. Jared stared at her hurt expression for a moment.

"Oi, mate, you ready to go?" Daniel, the bassist, said from his right.

"Yeah, right. I'll see you tonight then, Lily?" Jared asked her.

She smiled. "Yeah, of course. I can't wait to hear you guys play," she told him.

He smiled at her, "Thanks. And, Lily?" he said as she turned to walk down the stairs of the stage.

"What?" she asked him.

"Don't give up on him," he told her.

She sighed. "I can't wait forever, Jared," she told him sadly.

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><p><strong>AN::: ok so maybe not the EXACT chapter you've been waiting so long for... but, next chapter is the drama, excitement, and suspense of the Ball! **

**Please review! :-)**


	22. I Fell Apart

**A/N:: Two chapters in one day? Is it possible for me to do three? ...maybe :-)**

**oh and btw, italics in this chapter are song lyrics that are playing in the background...just a little fyi so no one gets confused!**

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><p>Lily looked in the mirror at herself for the hundredth time. She was finished getting ready, now waiting for the common room downstairs to clear. James really had told Carrie and Judy they could get ready in the Heads' dorm.<p>

She was nervous. Antsy. Excited? Maybe. Her heart jumped as her door opened and closed quickly. Turning, she saw Brii leaning on the back of her closed door.

"It's a mad house down there. What the fuck was Potter playing at? Allowing those whining whores to get ready in here!" Brii said angrily.

"Why do you think I'm still in here?" Lily said quietly, looking back at the mirror again.

Brii glanced over at her. "Nervous, Evans?" she asked.

Lily swallowed hard. "Absolutely terrified," she whispered.

James looked at himself in the mirror one last time before walking out of his room and down the stairs where his date was waiting on him.

"James!" Carrie said as James reached the bottom stair. He sighed heavily as she grabbed his arms, kissing him on the cheek.

"Hi, Carrie," he said nonchalantly.

She stepped back, twirling in a circle to show off her dark purple strapless dress. "What do you think?" she asked happily.

He paid little attention to her, giving the automatic answer. "You look lovely," he told her.

She smiled. "Thank you. Shall we get going then?" she said to the rest of the party in the room. They all agreed, heading out of the dorm towards the Great Hall. James was the last to leave the room, taking one more glance up the stairs to Lily's room before shutting the portrait doorway.

"Do you think it's safe?" Brii whispered as they opened the door slightly.

Lily peered through the small crack. "I think they've all gone. Let's go," she said quietly. They descended from the room, walking quickly down the stairs and out of the portrait hole. The two of them ignored the other couples also walking to the Great Hall.

Lily's stomach was in knots. Nervously, she ran a hand through her hair, fluffing the bouncing curls as they reached the Great Hall. She took in deep breath, swallowing hard.

"This feels like déjà vu…" Lily said quietly.

"Our lives aren't ending tonight, Evans," Brii told her.

They rounded the corner, hearing the chatter of the students already in the Hall. Mindless wasn't scheduled to start until 10. Lily looked around the Hall as they walked in, seeing the finished decorations. James had made the whole room look like an ice palace. The walls were covered in dark blue velvet banners, four large ice sculptures depicting the different houses stood in the four corners of the room and the stage stood on the far end.

"Looks nice. You two did a good job," Brii said, looking around the room.

"It's beautiful," Lily whispered, smiling slightly.

James looked around the room, pretending to be listening to Carrie as she talked about the décor and the other girls around the room.

"James? James! Are you listening to me?" Carrie asked him urgently.

James took a swig of his drink, wishing it was alcoholic. "Yeah, of course," he told her tiredly, continuing to look around the room. Red hair caught his eye towards the entrance. He paused, looking around the couple standing in his way. His feet led him away from his companions, slowly walking around people to see her.

"James! James where are you going?" Carrie yelled after him.

He ignored her, continuing to watch the red hair move from the entrance towards the middle of the room. Just when he thought he would cross her path, she disappeared, vanishing before his eyes. He looked around the room helplessly, searching for her. He needed to see her.

"Find who you were looking for, mate?" Remus asked as he walked up beside him.

James ran a hand through his hair, "No. No, I didn't." he responded.

"She's at the bar," he told James.

James looked at his friend. "Who?"

"Evans," Remus replied, turning to walk away from him. "Oh, and Prongs?" he said.

"Yeah?" James asked.

"She's gorgeous, mate," Remus told him, pressing his lips together in an understanding manner.

James sighed, looking towards the bar. Quickly, he spotted her through the throngs of people between them. He swallowed hard, feeling his heart start to beat madly in his chest, butterflies fluttering in the pit of his stomach.

She stood, leaned up against the bar, pretending to laugh at a blonde-haired Ravenclaw's joke as he talked to her. The black v-neck spaghetti strap dress she had on was loose around her chest, yet fitting at her hips, giving her curves more definition. A sash tied around her hips, looping in the middle of her abdomen. The bottom of the satin dress flowed with her when she moved. His breath caught in his throat once more as she turned away from the guy she was talking to, revealing the back of her dress. The only thing on her back was the two small straps attached to the v-cut waist of it. He swallowed hard.

As she turned back around towards the guy talking to her, she felt eyes on her. She glanced to her left, immediately locking eyes with the pair of hazel ones staring at her 5 yards away. She smiled slightly, blushing and turning away from his gaze quickly. He looked too good in that suit for her to be staring at him for very long.

James stood there, debating with himself over whether to go say hi. Finally, he made up his mind, walking slowly towards her.

Lily told the Ravenclaw blonde she had to use the loo, lying so that she could talk to James. As she moved to walk towards him, she found that he was in fact moving towards her.

"Hi," James said as they reached each other.

"Hi," Lily said, taking in a deep breath. "You clean up very nicely, James. I like this look a lot," she said, smiling slightly.

He continued to stare at her longingly, making her uncomfortable. "Lily…you're…you're breathtakingly beautiful tonight," he told her softly.

Lily forgot about the rest of the people in the room, the only ones that mattered were them. "Thank you," she whispered, her cheeks now a bright shade of pink.

James reached up to her face, touching her pink cheek delicately. He shook his head, the look on his face puzzling. "How could I have be-" he started to say softly.

"Oh! James! There you are! I was wondering where you went," Carrie said as she grabbed James's shoulders tightly.

He removed his hand from Lily's cheek slowly, not breaking his gaze from her eyes. Lily swallowed hard, feeling the warmth of his touch leave her. She looked between him and Carrie, wondering what she was going to do next.

Lily glanced at Carrie. "Hello, Carrie. I'd forgotten how much your face resembled the wrinkles of a prune until now. The color of that dress really brings it out," she said.

James smirked, bringing his hand to his face to cover his smile. Carrie tensed, "You smug bit-" she started to say, bringing her hand up to slap Lily.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Brii said, grasping Carrie's wrist tightly. Carrie winced as Brii tightened her grip. "Unless you want to end up on your back like last time," Brii said through her teeth.

"That's enough, Riddle," James told her finally. Brii let her go harshly, making Carrie stumble slightly, rubbing her wrist. Carrie looked between them, then stormed off to find Judy.

"You didn't have to do that," James told Brii.

"I didn't see you stopping her," Brii told him, quirking an eyebrow.

James sighed as he looked her up and down. "You clean up nicely, Riddle. I guess its true that sirens are more beautiful in human form," he said.

Brii pressed her lips together, "Save your flattery for the pathetic ones that crave approval, Potter. I know how fuckable I look," she told him arrogantly before walking away from them.

Lily smiled, shaking her head as Brii walked away from them. James turned back to her. "That's your friend," he said, referring to Brii.

Lily nodded, "Something like that." She looked behind him, noticing Carrie and Judy both staring at them. Slowly, Lily walked closer to him, standing on her toes and kissing him lightly on the cheek. "Save a dance for me, Potter?" she asked him softly.

He swallowed hard, smelling the warm vanilla scent of her hair. "Anything," he whispered to her. She smiled, walking past him and towards the stage. Brii was leaning on the front of the stage lazily, looking around at the couples laughing and talking to each other.

"When did you say they were playing?" Brii asked.

"Any time now," Lily said, still smiling.

Brii looked around again. "Pathetic."

"Just as we predicted," Lily said.

"They'd better be fucking amazing, otherwise I'm turning you into a toad," Brii warned her.

"I wouldn't go that extreme, maybe a beautiful swan," a voice said from their right. The both of them turned, Lily's face breaking into a large smile while Brii's face completely faltered.

Edward smiled. "Hello Lily," he said. He turned to Brii. "And who's your friend?" he asked, reaching for Brii's hand.

"Edward, this is Brii. A very, very, single girl who is desperately looking for a good time," Lily said, cocking a brow as she smiled slyly.

Edward brought her hand to his lips, kissing it lightly. "Pleasure to meet you, Brii," he said, looking up at her. Lily smirked at Brii who was still trying to catch her breath. Finally, she managed a 'hello.'

"Looks like Edward's found himself a winner," Jared said as he walked up beside Lily, two drinks in hand. He handed one to Lily.

"Thank you. And yes, he has," she told him.

"Friend of yours?" he asked.

"Yes. Brii Riddle," she replied.

"She's very beautiful," he said, still looking at her.

"Yes, and she knows it very well. Don't waste the compliment," Lily told him, smiling.

Jared snorted. "Note taken. Anyway, we better be getting on stage before a riot starts. Have you seen James?" he asked.

"Yeah, saw him a few minutes ago. Doubt I see him again, though," she said sadly.

"Why's that?"

"The girl he brought, she's rather clingy. Highly doubt he gets a free minute the entire night," she explained.

He lifted her chin lightly, bringing her eyes to his. "Don't forget what I said earlier. He's a guy, Lily. He just needs a little push," he told her.

"If you say so," she told him sadly, not sure whether to believe him or not.

James watched the exchange between Lily and Jared from the table he was standing at with the marauders. His body tensed when Jared touched her face. He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. It was his fault that Jared was the one touching her face and not him.

"Alright there, mate?" Sirius asked from beside him.

"What? Oh, yeah, fine…" James replied, looking back up at Lily as Jared walked away and on the stage.

"What are you…who's…is that Ed? Edward talking to Brii?" Sirius asked, looking towards the stage like James.

James chuckled softly, glancing at Sirius. "Jealous, mate?"

Sirius furrowed his brows, "Not as jealous as you," he said.

"Don't know what you're talking about," James said quickly.

"Right. I'm sure you don't. You've only been staring at her the entire time she's been here," Sirius said.

"Can you blame me?" James asked.

"No. She looks amazing. Which begs the question…What the hell are you doing still standing here?" Sirius asked him.

James hung his head sadly. "I-"

"James! The band's about to go on! What'd you say their name was again?" Carrie asked as she walked up beside him excitedly.

"Mindless Over Matter," he told her tiredly.

The crowd started cheering as the band walked on to the stage. The three of them waved to the crowd, smiling happily. Jared grabbed the microphone.

"How the hell is everyone doing tonight?" he said loudly. The crowd jeered again. "Now, we're going to be doing a lot of our songs, but we're also going to be playing some cover songs that we think might get the party going. So…Are you lot ready to rock?" he asked them. Everyone screamed.

"No. I see about four people in here who are ready. I said, are you lot ready to start this party?" he said again. The crowd yelled louder. Edward clapped his drumsticks together, counting off the beat before they finally started playing.

Lily and Brii found themselves jumping like madwomen as Mindless played. They sang along with them, knowing all the lyrics to their songs. Once or twice they found themselves breaking up the couples trying to dance together behind them by jumping between them. After almost an hour of almost constant jumping and dancing, the two of them made their way to the bar, grabbing a drink.

"Evans, you look like you were just shagged by a werewolf," Brii told her as they reached a table.

Lily looked around, "Well, where's Lupin? I'll make it come true," she said, laughing.

"Oh Merlin, we have to get back out there. I'm afraid if we stop for too long we wont be able to start again!" Brii told her urgently.

Lily downed her drink. "Ok! Let's go!" she said, pointing to the dance floor.

"Having fun, Lily?" James said from behind her.

She turned quickly. "Oh! James, hi" she said. She'd been so consumed in the music, she'd almost forgotten about the rest of the Ball going on around her. She took a deep breath, "Yeah, yeah. Amazing. They're amazing," she said, referring to Mindless.

"I thought you'd like it," he said quietly. She watched his face as he rubbed his neck nervously.

"James, are you-" she started to ask him.

"Hi, Lily." a guy said from her left. She blinked, removing herself from James's gaze and looking to her left, finding the blonde Ravenclaw from earlier.

"Hi, Sean," she said, still glancing to James.

"I was wondering if I could have this dance," he asked her. She listened, noticing that Mindless was now playing their first slow song of the evening.

"Oh, um, yeah, sure," she said quickly, wanting to get it over with. She glanced again at James as Sean took her hand and brought her onto the dance floor. He stared after her, his gaze soon interrupted by Carrie tapping him on his shoulder.

"James? Come on, let's dance," she urged him.

He nodded, taking her hand and leading her on the floor close to where Lily and Sean were dancing. Lily had laid her head lazily on Sean's shoulder, not wanting to have to see his face as they danced. She wanted to be somewhere else. As she looked around at the couples dancing, humming along to the song, her eyes caught a pair of hazel ones not too far from her.

Her stomach squirmed as she stared at him longingly, listening to the lyrics of the song.

_No one inside…No alibi  
><em>_We faded faster than the speed of light  
><em>_Took our chance…crashed and burned…  
><em>_No we'll never ever learn_

James stared back at her, feeling the intensity of her gaze. It was as if she could see straight through him.

_We both could see, crystal clear  
><em>_That the inevitable end was near  
><em>_Made our choice, trial by fire  
><em>_To battle is the only way we feel…alive_

She swallowed hard, her eyes never wavering from his. They were the only ones in the room. She could see how much he wanted her in his eyes. Why couldn't he tell her that he wanted her as badly as she wanted him?

_So here we are, the witching hour  
><em>_The quickest tongue to divide and devour  
><em>_Divide and devour  
><em>_If I could end the quest for fire  
><em>_For truth, for love and my desire  
><em>_Myself...  
><em>_And I fell apart…but got back up again_

She listened as Jared sang passionately. Her stomach knotted, a lump rose in her throat. The intensity was overwhelming her. She drew a ragged breath, feeling a single tear fall down her cheek as she continued to stare at James intensely.

James wanted to run to her, take her in his arms and wipe the tear from her cheek, but his feet wouldn't move. He stared, helplessly, wishing to comfort her, to take away all of her fears, to give her every desire she'd ever had. She was shaking. Another tear fell from her green eyes.

_I fell apart  
><em>_I fell apart  
><em>_I fell apart_

She wanted Sean to let her go so that she could run to James's arms. But she didn't have the strength to move. She needed James.

_But got back up again…_

The song finished. Lily took in a deep breath, blinking back the tears as she broke away from Sean. After thanking him for the dance, she quickly walked away from him, avoiding his eyes and James's stare. She walked back up to the front of the stage where Brii was standing.

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><p><strong>AN::: Yes! Cliff-hanger! lol, i think i'll have the next chapter up in a few hours though, it was a tough decision where to stop this one...so i have a lot of the next chapter written already. **

**:-)**

**Please review!**

**btw, song is Alibi by 30 Seconds to Mars...look it up! (Are there any fellow echelon reading this? lol)**


	23. I Wanted to Break

**A/N::: Go to youtube and look up 30 Seconds to Mars 'The Kill' and listen to it when the lyrics in italics start in this chapter! :-)**

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><p>"You ok?" Brii asked her, seeing her red face.<p>

"What? Yeah, I'm fine," she told her quickly.

"Any requests, ladies?" Jared said as he crouched down in front of them, drinking from his bottle of water. He saw Lily's face. "Alright there, Lily?" he asked her.

She looked up at him, "Are you trying to kill me?" she asked him, her hands on her hips.

He smiled, "What? No idea what you're talking about," he said, winking at her before standing back up and taking the mic again.

"Alright you lot, one more song before we take a break and the theme changes from Winter to Spring! Any requests?" he asked the crowd.

As they played, Lily walked back to the bar, getting a drink. She was still zoned out, unsure of what had just happened. She felt a hand on her elbow, touching her delicately. She turned, seeing James standing there, the expression on his face almost as confused as hers.

He simply stared at her for a moment, unsure of what to say. "Lily…I…" he said softly, trying to make something up as he spoke.

The music stopped, the cheers from the crowd interrupting his chain of thought. Jared came bounding behind them, clapping James on the back. "Where have you been? I haven't seen you all night," Jared said to him.

James ran a hand through his hair. "I know, sorry mate," he said apologetically.

"It's ok. I heard your date was a handful, so I understand," Jared said.

James glanced at Lily. "You told him that?" he asked her.

She shrugged. "She is," she replied, looking around him. "Speak of the bitch," she mumbled.

"There you are, James," Carrie said, looking between him and Lily, then noticing Jared. "Oh! Aren't you going to introduce me?" she asked him.

James groaned. "Right. Carrie, Jared. Jared, Carrie," he said reluctantly.

Jared looked at her wearily. "Pleasure," he said shortly, turning to Lily. "Would you like to get some air?" he asked her.

"Please," Lily replied, glancing at James before following Jared outside into the courtyard. They walked in silence for a moment, heading towards the stone railing.

"He loves you, you know," Jared said suddenly.

Lily turned towards him abruptly. "What?" she asked.

"James. He loves you," he said again.

She shook her head. "What makes you say that?" she asked him.

"He's told me," he said simply, leaning over the rail.

"What he says in a letter and what he actually does are two different things," she said, turning towards him. "He doesn't know what he wants, Jared. How can he say he loves me?" she asked.

Jared sighed. "I know how frustrated you are, but don't give up on him. He'll figure it out," he said.

"I can't keep waiting on him. I've waited my entire life to find someone that actually makes me feel like he does, and I've waited five months already for him to realize or come to terms with the fact that he feels the same way about me that I feel about him! He's with me one minute and the next its like he's scared shitless! What am I supposed to do?" she said, pacing in a circle, frustrated with her emotions.

The crowds started cheering inside the castle. She could see James walking up the steps to the stage, standing in front of the microphone and addressing the crowd.

"I guess we'd better be getting inside," Jared said quietly.

"I suppose," she agreed. The two of them walked inside as the crowd started counting down the seconds to midnight. James had come down from the stage, standing in front of it, Carrie hanging on his arm.

"3...2...1!" the crowd chanted loudly, then cheering hysterically as the décor changed dramatically. Warmth filled the room. The statues in each corner changed from ice sculptures to ivy-covered stone. Flowers bloomed on the walls, the lighting becoming a warm amber color. Lily looked around, then looked towards the stage, smiling as her eyes met James's.

James smiled back at Lily, mesmerized by her expression. Before he could move his feet away from the stage though, he felt a forceful hand on his chin, pulling him around and capturing his lips.

Lily looked around at Jared, who was about to head towards the stage again.

"You coming back up to the front?" he asked her.

"Of course, where else would I be?" she asked him.

He smiled at her. "See you up there then," he said, turning to head towards the stage. He stopped abruptly.

Lily frowned, "I thought you were-"

"A few more minutes wouldn't hurt. Let's go get some more air, shall we?" he said quickly, clearly hiding something.

She furrowed her brows. "Jared, what are you-" she started to say, looking around him. Lily's heart sank. Her stomach plummeted to the floor. She was almost sure that her knees were going to give out on her at any moment. Her breath caught in her throat. She couldn't breathe. The agonizing pain of watching James kiss Carrie ran through her body…but she couldn't turn away. She stood there frozen, nauseous, shaking.

Jared quickly walked up to the stage, picking up his guitar and taking the microphone off of the stand. Abruptly, he knocked his water bottle over, spilling it on Carrie's dress. The two of them parted, Carrie looking at him with disgust. Jared shrugged, glaring at them before he turned to the crowd.

Lily didn't hear anything Jared said as he addressed the crowd of students. Her body was numb. Her ears were ringing. She could hear the sound of her own heartbeat loudly in her ears. It was over. This was it. He was over her. They would never be together.

She looked up, finding James's eyes through the crowd as Mindless started playing again. She shook her head at him before pushing past some of the students and going outside again. She could still hear the band playing as clearly outside as she could inside. A tear fell down her cheek as she realized what song it was.

_What if I wanted to break…  
>Laugh it all off in your face...<br>__What would you do?_

James watched her run out the door. He pushed Carrie away from him, ignoring her calls after him as he ran after Lily. He found her outside, pacing beside the stone railing. He walked towards her. "Lily?"

"What do you want, James?" she asked him. He grabbed her arm, whirling her around to face him.

"That wasn't what you think it was," he told her quickly, staring at her.

_What if I fell to the floor…  
>Couldn't take this anymore…<em>

"Then what was it?" she asked him, feeling her voice shake. She tried wrenching her arm free of him. "Don't touch me," she said quietly, glaring at him.

_What would you do…do…do…_

He wouldn't let go of her, pulling her toward him harshly. She fought him, finally wrenching free of his grasp and pushing him hard over and over, her fists hitting his chest.

_Come break me down…  
><em>_Bury me!  
>Bury me!<em>

"Lily stop! This is ridiculous! Stop fighting me!" he said loudly.

She froze, staring at him. "I'm not fighting you. I'm done fighting. There is no fight left in me!" she yelled.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"I'm talking about us, James." she told him."I'm talking about what we have. It's real. You know it's real. But I'm tired of it being a one-sided affair! I can't do this! You don't realize how much you're killing me!" she said helplessly.

_I am finished with you_

He stared at her, watching her eyes fill with the inevitable tears that were to come. "It's not one-sided, Lily…you know that!" he told her.

She snorted. "Really? Then why have you been ignoring me the past week? Why does it feel as if I'm the only one suffering here? The only one that can't even eat because I'm in agony over the fact that you're here with her," she said, pointing inside the castle. "Why am I the only one who can't sleep because images of us from last week are haunting my thoughts? Every fucking time I close my eyes, all I see is you!" she said hoarsely.

_You say you wanted more  
><em>_What are you waiting for?_

James ran a hand through his hair. "You think I don't want this? You think you're the only one in agony here? You think I just used you last week as some sort of a 'good time'?" he asked her incredulously.

_I'm not running from you_

"Do you want this?" she asked him simply.

He looked up, staring at her for a moment. "Yes," he answered quietly.

_Come break me down…bury me, bury me  
><em>_I am finished with you_

"If you want this, why do you keep pushing me away?" she asked, unsure if she wanted to know his answer.

He ran a hand through his hair, feeling more nervous than he'd ever felt in his life. "I'm terrified," he told her finally.

_You're killing me...  
>Killing me...<em>

"You keep saying that, James. When are you going to stop being a fucking coward and take a chance on something?" she said loudly, throwing her arms in the air as she glared at him.

_All I wanted was you…_

"I am not a coward!" he told her angrily, pointing a finger in her face.

_I tried to be someone else…  
>but nothing seemed to change<em>

She furrowed her brows, looking at him with disgust. "Yes you ARE!" she yelled, pushing him backwards. "If you weren't a coward, you'd be with me tonight instead of her! If you weren't a coward, you'd admit how you feel! You wouldn't care what anyone else thought! You wouldn't need approval of your every move!" she said, her arms flailing madly in the air. "Gods, James! Why won't you let me love you?" she begged.

_I know now...  
>this is who I really am inside<em>

Her entire body shook as she stared at him, waiting for his response.

"Because maybe what I'm scared of isn't you, or not anymore at least…" he said.

"What is it then?" she asked quickly, studying his face.

_Finally found myself  
><em>_Fighting for a chance_

"I LOVE YOU!" he yelled at her, his breath becoming ragged. "And it scares the fuck out of me! The fact that I've never loved someone like I love you scares me…And knowing that what we have is actually real and not just a teen fling is also terrifying!" he said loudly.

_THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM!_

Lily felt dizzy as the song slowed, building into the last chorus. She felt her breathing become ragged as she stared at James's flustered face. Her mind was still processing. He loved her? Was he joking? Wait. He was in love with her.

She couldn't breathe, her expression softening as the song started building again. Without thinking, she closed the gap between them, feeling one of his arms wrap around her waist tightly, the other grasping the back of her head as she reached up, capturing his lips just as the song broke into the last chorus. **(A/N: if you look up The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars and play it during this scene, it will make a lot more sense!)**

_Come break me down  
><em>_Bury me!  
>Bury me!<em>

They kissed frantically, each afraid to let go of the other. She pulled at his hair, tugging him closer to her. James moved his hand along the small of her bare back, pulling her hips closer to him. A sheet of parchment couldn't have fit between the two.

_I am finished with you…  
>You…<br>YOU!_

Lily pulled back to catch her breath. As she did so, she looked up at James's face, then did something he never expected. She slapped him hard across his cheek. He blinked, feeling the sting singe through his face.

"What the fuck was that for?" he asked her.

_Look in my eyes…  
>You're killing me!<br>Killing me…  
><em>_All I wanted was you!_

She sneered at him. "For making me think that you didn't want anything to do with me!" she said, pushing his chest. "For keeping me in agony for so fucking long!" she pushed his chest again. "I hate you, James Potter!" she said, now hitting his chest with her fists.

_Come…  
>Break me down…<br>__Break me down…_

"I hate you!" she said, now her voice becoming hoarse as she hit him again.

_Break me down!_

James grabbed her wrists, holding her steady. "I know," he told her softly. Letting go of her wrist, he moved a piece of hair from her face, then wiped a stray tear from her eye. She swallowed hard, her body trembling as he kissed her lips lightly, then brought her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her tightly. She laid her head on his chest, wondering how long the moment would last.

_What if I wanted to break…_

* * *

><p><strong>AN::: So...whatcha think?**

**I hope i'm not confusing anyone with these song lyrics thrown in there...**

**Next chapter up soon!**

**Please review! :-) Thanks! Love you guys!**


	24. Was It A Dream

"Where have you been? You missed their best song!" Brii said quietly to Lily as she walked back up to the front of the stage.

Lily glanced up at her, "It's a long story," she told her, sighing heavily.

Brii looked at her wearily. "If you say so."

"Come on, let's get a drink. You haven't left this stage all night," Lily said.

"Why should I leave the stage when the person I'm going to be fucking tonight is sitting behind that drumset?" Brii asked, quirking a brow.

Lily smirked, glancing back at Edward. She shook her head, "Come on, let's make him miss you a bit," she told her, grabbing her arm and leading her away from the stage. The two of them walked to the bar, getting a drink, then turning to look around at the other couples.

"So where were you?" Brii asked.

"What, are you writing a book?" Lily said.

"No, I just-" Brii started to say, cut short as the entire room turned towards the high-pitched screaming coming from behind them.

"You WHAT?" Carrie was yelling. "HOW COULD YOU? This was supposed to be OUR night!" she yelled.

James swallowed hard, pressing his lips together. "Carrie…I told you…there is no 'us.' I told you when I said I would take you tonight for you to NOT make a big deal of this! We're not together, nor will we ever be together!" he told her calmly.

"Yeah, well maybe you should have thought of that before you brought me tonight! Didn't the thought cross your mind that just maybe I thought you might like me?" she asked him.

"How the fuck could you get that impression? I've ignored you the entire night, I haven't listened to a damned thing you've said! I barely even looked at your dress!" he told her.

"Well, you know what? Fuck you James Potter! Fuck you!" Carrie yelled at him. She turned, walking briskly away from him. James turned towards the staring crowd, running a hand through his hair nervously.

"What are you lot staring at?" he said loudly. Everyone turned back to the band, who started playing again.

"Want to tell me what the hell you did?" Brii said, turning to Lily. She quirked an eyebrow at Lily as she tried to pretend she knew nothing.

"What?" Lily said in a high-pitched voice, bringing her drink to her lips and downing it in a large gulp while also mumbling words.

"What was that? Didn't catch it" Brii said, her hand on her hip.

Lily turned, grabbing another drink from the bar and doing the same thing over again, this time shrugging her shoulders and holding up her hand to Brii. Brii rolled her eyes, snatching the drink from Lily's hand.

"Spill," Brii said, pressing her lips together impatiently.

Lily groaned. "Fine. I saw Carrie kiss James and-"

"She did what? That whore!" Brii interrupted her.

"Brii. Shut up," Lily told her.

"Right. Continue," Brii said.

"and I got upset, and ran outside and he followed me and then I was yelling at him and somehow he came to the realization that he was in love with me an-"

"He…he-what?" Brii interrupted her again.

"Brii…" Lily warned her.

"Right. Shutting up," Brii said quickly.

"So he told me that and then we ended up kissing and…don't interrupt me again!" Lily said as she saw Brii start to say something. "And then I slapped him," she finished.

Brii furrowed her brows, confused. "Why did you slap him?" she asked.

"Because she's tired of waiting on me," James said as he walked up on their conversation.

Brii pressed her lips together. "Well, if you got nothing else right, you got that right. You're an ass, James Potter," she told him.

James smirked. "I'll take that as a compliment, Riddle," he told her. He turned to Lily, "How about that dance, Evans?" he asked her, extending a hand. She smiled lightly, taking his hand. She looked up towards the stage, seeing Jared take his guitar off of him and set it in its holster. Daniel picked up the acoustic guitar, putting it over his shoulders as Jared walked back to the microphone. He caught Lily's eye as James pulled her towards the stage on the dance floor. He smiled, winking at her as he grasped the microphone in his hand.

"I want to runnn….I want to hide…" Jared started singing. "I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside."

James turned, pulling Lily towards him, wrapping a arm around her waist.

"I wanna reach out…And touch the flame…where the streets have no name…" Jared continued. "I wanna feel the sunlight on my face. I see the dust-cloud disappear without a trace…"

Lily watched James's face, entwining her hands in his hair as they swayed together to Jared's voice. She couldn't wipe the small smile from her face, feeling her cheeks turning a shade of pink as he stared back at her.

"Where the streets have no name…Where the streets have nooo name…" Jared sang as the beat began to pick up. "Where the streets have no name."

Lily watched as James started mouthing the lyrics to her. The look of genuine happiness on his face made her heart skip.

"Were still building and burning down love…Burning down love!" James mouthed to her, swaying her body in large tilts. "And when I go there, I go there with you…"

"It's alllllll I can do…." Jared sang, running around the stage now, jumping.

Lily felt James dip her slowly, bringing her back up and twirling her around the floor. She couldn't help but laugh, every emotion in her body overwhelming her. She stared at him, wide-eyed at the fact that he was so different in that moment.

"The city's a flood, and our love turns to rust…we're beaten and blown by the wind, trampled in dust," Jared continued, still running around the stage. "I'll show you a place, high on a desert plain…where the streets have no name."

Lily looked up at the stage, Jared's jumping catching her eye. It was contagious. Without thinking, she also started jumping lightly, putting both of her arms in the air.

"Where the streets have no name! Were still building and burning down love" he sang.

Lily turned to James, mouthing to him. "Burning down love!"

"And when I go there, I go there with you…It's all I can do…" Jared sang, now jumping and clapping his hands in the air as Daniel took a guitar solo.

The feeling in the room was contagious. She turned back to James, who was laughing at her as she jumped, enjoying the music.

"Where the streets have no name…were still building and burning down love…Burning down love! And when I go there…I go there with you…It's allllllllllll I can dooo…." Jared sang.

The smile on Lily's face stayed there as James grabbed her waist, causing her to stop her jumping. He pulled her close to him, leaning down and resting his forehead on hers. She caught her breath, her chest filling with butterflies as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"It's all I can do…" Jared sang, the song coming to an end.

She stared up at James's hazel eyes, taking a deep breath as she saw in them what she'd longed for for so long. The look he'd given her the morning of Halloween. Smiling widely, she brought her lips up to his, kissing him gently. She didn't know how much happier she could get…

"I told you not to give up on him," Jared whispered in Lily's ear as the night ended. She was waiting on the room to clear out so she could return it back to normal before the morning.

Her face turned a slight shade of pink at his statement. She pressed her lips together, scrunching her face up at him. "Why do I get the feeling that you had a lot to do with this?" she said, quirking an eyebrow.

He immediately put his hands up defensively. "I will neither confirm nor deny having any part in the two of you resolving any said issues tonight," he told her, a smirk playing on his face.

She folded her arms across her chest, "I refuse to believe you had nothing to do with this," she told him.

"No idea what you're talking about," he told her innocently as he packed up his guitars. "To be quite honest, if it were up to me, you'd be snuggling with me in my bed tonight and not his," he told her, quirking a brow.

She snorted, "Let me guess, it's not up to you?" she asked, smiling.

"No. No it's not. So," he said, hoping off of the stage to face her. "I'll have to settle for a simple kiss on the cheek and a hug," he told her.

"A hug?" she asked him.

"Yes. I'm from Louisiana…it's what we do. Besides, I think I've earned one," he told her, smiling largely.

She smiled, shaking her head at him. "You and your damned voice, Jared Letaine. Now you're the one trying to kill me," she said as she hugged him. "Thank you," she told him quietly.

He pulled away from her slightly, staring at her for a moment before he started singing. "He's a stranger to some, and a vision to none. He can never get enough, get enough of the one," he started singing quietly. "For a fortune he'd quit, but it's hard to admit how it ends and begins…on his face is a map of the world," he finished singing.

She shook her head again, hugging him tightly and kissing his cheek. After a brief moment, she pulled away from him.

"Don't be a stranger, Lily. You can write, you know. Tell me if this jerk is treating you well," Jared told her as he watched James walk up behind her.

"Jerk? A bit harsh, don't you think?" James said, smiling at his friend.

"Not in the least," Jared said, smirking at him. James shook his head, walking up to Jared and giving him a brotherly hug.

"Thanks for playing, mate. You guys staying the night?" James asked him.

"Yeah, Dumbledore set us up in some Requirement Room?" Jared said tentatively. "Or something like that. I think Edward has other plans, however," he said, nodding towards where he and Brii were standing.

James ran a hand through his hair. "Sirius is not going to be happy about that," he said under his breath.

"He'll get over it," Jared said quickly. "Anyway, I'm going to head on up there, I'll see you guys in the morning," he told them.

"Right. See you, mate," James said. Jared turned, picking up his guitar and heading out of the Great Hall, Daniel not far behind him.

James sighed, turning to Lily. "Well, Evans, I believe everyone has cleared the Great Hall," he told her.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," she told him, smirking. "So what did you tell Carrie that made her go all 'I fucking hate you' on you?" she asked.

He shrugged, running a hand through his hair. "She asked me when I wanted to leave. I told her I wasn't leaving with her. When she asked why, I told her I was in love with you…and that I told you…And she proceeded to blow up on me," he explained.

"You know you deserved it, right?" she said.

"What?" he asked, not believing she was saying that.

"You deserved for your night to be miserable with her. You did ask her, after all…" Lily explained, turning away from him.

"So would you rather I be with her in some random classroom right now?" he asked her, a little frustrated by what she was saying.

"Only if that's where you want to be," she said, taking her wand and pointing it towards the candles above her.

James rounded on her, grabbing her waist harshly as he whirled her around, shoving her hard against the nearest speaker. Her breath caught in her throat as she stared up at his animalistic eyes. She swallowed hard.

"That's the last place I want to be," he told her quietly.

She searched his face as his body pushed her into the speaker harder. "Finally know what you want, Potter?" she asked him, feeling her chest rise and fall in sync with his.

He reached up to her face, moving a stray piece of hair from beside her eyes. He studied her face, his expression softening as he stared at her. "I never want to let you go," he whispered.

Her face turned a slight shade of pink as she smirked at him. "You're such a cheese ball, James," she told him, standing on her toes and kissing his lips softly.

He chuckled against her lips. "You love it," he told her.

She wrapped her hand around his neck, tugging on his hair. "I know what I love more," she whispered against his lips, kissing him hard. Their tongues fought for control as their kiss deepened. He grasped her hips tightly, pulling her closer into him. She could feel him grinding into her abdomen, his erection growing.

"Ahem…" someone said from a few feet away.

Lily immediately froze, opening her eyes and pulling away from James. She blushed furiously when she realized who it was. James turned, looking at the floor and running a hand through his hair nervously.

"Sorry, Professor," he told McGonagall quietly.

McGonagall pursed her lips, glaring at the pair. She folded her arms across her chest. "Well, as happy as I am to see the two of you getting along, this is hardly the place for you to be having a snogging session!" she told them quickly in her usual off-putting tone.

"We're sorry, Professor. Won't happen again," Lily told her, still avoiding her eyes.

"I'm sure it won't Miss Evans. I came to help the two of you put the Hall back in order," McGonagall said.

James sighed with relief, "Oh, right. Thank you Minnie," he told her.

"Yes, well, if the two of you are done, I think we should be doing that so the two of you can get some rest," she said quickly, turning and holding up her wand.

They finished an hour later. Lily's feet were killing her. As soon as she stepped foot in the dorm, she took her shoes off, casting them aside. She groaned as they walked up the stairs. "I can't wait to fall asleep…" she mumbled as she reached her door. "Goodnight, James," she said, yawning as she went to open her door.

James watched her, slightly puzzled. "Wait, where are you going?" he asked.

She turned, looking at him innocently. "To sleep…" she said slowly. "Why? Do you need something?" she asked, a smile playing on her lips.

He sighed, removing his bow-tie as he walked towards her slowly. "Yes, you see, these clothes are rather difficult to remove by myself…I might need some help…" he told her.

She snorted, "That's the best you could come up with?" she asked.

"It was a split-second thought!" he protested.

She smiled, shaking her head. "We'll work on that," she told him, grabbing his button-down shirt and pulling him to her lips again.

James pulled her into his bedroom as she undid each of the buttons on his shirt, tossing it to the ground in the hall. Her fingers raked over his chest as she let go of his lips, gasping for air.

His fingers found their way under the straps on her dress, delicately pulling them off of her one at a time, revealing her bare body beneath. Her knees hit the end of the bed, causing her to sit down on the bedspread, leaning back on her elbows as she waited for him to join her.

"Someone was a bad girl tonight," he said, seeing that she'd worn nothing beneath her dress.

"When am I ever good?" she asked him, smirking as she reached up to his standing body, capturing his lips again.

She fumbled with the buckle of his pants, pulling them down along with his boxers. As she released his aching erection, she immediately captured it with her fingers, rubbing along its sides. James groaned against her lips. Still sitting on the bed, she released his lips, bringing her mouth down to where her hands were stroking him.

She tickled the tip of him with her tongue, placing delicate kisses down his shaft before engulfing the whole of him in one swift movement. He groaned loudly. She felt his fingers entangle in her hair, gripping onto her scalp as she bobbled her head slowly.

Not wanting him to release to quickly, Lily stopped abruptly, looking up at his face as she raked her nails on his abdomen. James felt her stop, looking down at her vulnerable expression. She laid back on her elbows, inviting him in. He didn't hesitate, climbing down on the bed atop of her. His touch still sent electricity through her body, a sensation she hoped would never stop. As he kissed her hard, she felt his hand raking her abdomen, tickling her mound.

She groaned against his lips, arching her body towards him. She could feel his stiff erection teasing her clit as it barely made contact with her. Her eyes rolled back, her legs becoming anxious as her insides began to squirm.

"Please, James," she begged him.

He didn't give it a second thought before ramming into her body. She gasped with pleasure, relishing the feeling that she'd been longing for for so long. She bucked her hips with each of his long, slow thrusts, moving methodically with him. Her fingers grasped the bedspread beneath them as he quickened his pace.

James watched her face, her expressions making him thrust into her deeper and harder each time. He didn't know how much longer he was going to be able to last. The pleasure of finally letting himself have her was overwhelming. He began to feel her tighten around him. Her eyes rolled back as their breaths quickened. Her knuckles were white from grasping the sheets, her entire body squirming with delight as she reached her final point.

He continued to thrust, deeper, harder, faster, until finally she let out something between a scream and a gasp. Her breath caught in her throat as she released. James sighed audibly as he felt himself release also, his body tensing with pleasure. His arms gave out on him, his body falling atop of hers. Both trying to catch their breath as they laid there in silence, listening to the song that happened to be playing on Lily's record player.

James laid his head on her chest, listening to the sound of her heartbeat. She stroked his damp hair gently, exhausted, staring up at the ceiling. She smiled to herself as she looked down at James's tired body. She leaned down, kissing his forehead gently as he wrapped his arms over her waist gently.

If the rest of her life was like this, she'd never know what it was like to be unhappy again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN::: THANK YOU for the reviews! Yay, they're finally together! lol**

**So...this is the LAST chapter...**

**I know...sudden...but...it has to end sometime, and i just feel like this is a good place to end it :-/ I might write a few one-shots with their S&M adventures, so look for those in the future!**

**Anyway, I want to thank you guys SO MUCH for sticking with this fic, i really didn't know if readers would like it because it is different, but i'm so glad you did! Yall are AH-MAZING! Like, beyond amazing...really, you are! I've never received so much support for a fanfic before... THANK YOU! :-)**

**So, until next time...remember the infamous words of Lily and Brii...Never forget, never regret, and fuck all the rest :-)**

**THANK YOU!**

**Please review! :-)**


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